Toddler drink-spiking aside, keep going to restaurants!

Two disconcerting cases where a toddler was inadvertently served alcohol in U.S. chain restaurants have emerged in the last week.

Reaction was strong on Twitter yesterday and it got me thinking: For heaven's sake, let's not shy away from taking our kids to restaurants just because this happened. Because you get tired of making dinner every night. Because the terrorists would win if we stayed cooped up inside eating leftover mac-and-cheese. And because we need to expose our children to restaurants early so they know how not to be beasts in same.

Don't get me wrong. It is completely unacceptable that two babes were boozed at Applebees and The Olive Garden. How did sangria end up in a cup with a lid? I suspect it could have something to do with factory-like chain restaurants, harried staff, and similar-looking jugs of orange juice and sangria. Who knows?

I do feel pretty sure of this, though: When you opt to take your kid to a small, neighbourhood restaurant where there's attentive service and things are a little less mechanized, you can likely be a little more confident that junior's juice is vodka free.

 
This is Cam being spoiled to death on a recent (not too) sick day

So please, keep going out. Try someplace new. Maybe even somewhere with proper tableclothes or no kids' menu. It'll be okay.

 

Why full-day kindergarten is a good idea

Today Ontario's ministry of education announced that more than 800 schools will have full-day kindergarten by the fall of 2011.

In phase two of the province's new early-learning initiative, more than 200 additional schools will offer the program, on top of the 600 to provide full-day kindergarten this coming school year.

You can find a complete list of the new schools to offer the program in 2011 here.

I've been answering questions on twitter today about why I think this program is great. I'll outline a few of them briefly here:

1) Quality education before the primary grades is a great equalizer. It helps put kids whose parents can't afford top-quality daycare, preschool programs or attentive nannies on the same playing field with those whose can. And it helps level things out between kids raised by single parents juggling two jobs with those from families that can afford to keep one parent at home.

Charles Pascal, co-author of the report upon which the program is modeled, points out that one third of children enter Grade 1 without the necessary skills. Assuring that all children have the same access to a stimulating and nurturing environment for two years before their primary years is the best way to address this.

2) It helps lower the burden of childcare costs on families. Yes, we choose to have children, but our economic system doesn't do much to assist with the cost of raising a flock of future tax payers. Progressive governments do more to support growing families than ours does (Sweden? The Netherlands? Quebec?!), and without their economies crumbling. Some will argue that many single-income households simply go without fancy clothes and vacations to afford to keep one parent at home. But when you're a single parent with only the choice to work or go on welfare, that's simply unfathomable. And even for those who live well, well above the threshold of working poverty, it's not easy to raise a family on one income in a city with an average house price of $446,593. Particularly one where infant child care can run up to $1800 a month, and childcare for the hours outside a "half-day" kindergarten can easily reach $1,000 a month.)

3) "Half-day" kindergarten is not a half-day. It's 2.5 hours. That's not even a terribly long playdate. The logistics of providing childcare for the hours outside of the morning or afternoon program are a nightmare. Who with a job outside of the home can easily dash to the school at 11:30 a.m.? Or to daycare at lunchtime and then to school in the afternoon? There is limited selection among daycares that provide transportation to and from school, and sometimes that leads to "choosing" sub-par, unlicensed care. Busing these tiny kids to and from their daycares is also not an easy thing to carry out, or a fantastically good idea (what if you lose a few?). And where alternating full days are offered instead of half days, it's not only difficult to find childcare that will take your child Tuesday and Thursday of one week and Monday, Wednesday, Friday of the next, but it can be discombobulating for the small child who wakes up each morning and asks where they're going that day.

There's lots more to discuss about the merits of full-day learning. You can read more on our Early Learning page.

An experiment in pack parenting

Last night was an exciting one at our house. That's because our dear friends, the Smyths, moved in with us.

The main floor of Kelly and Colin's house is being renovated for a reality TV show (I don't believe I'm allowed to say which one just yet!), and that meant their family of five - including Ella, 6, Nolan, 4, and Carson, 2, plus golden retriever puppy, Marlowe - needed to be out of the space.

I have a small one-bedroom suite in my basement, bunk beds in Cameron's room and an extra cot, so we're all squeezing in for one epic playdate/sleepover.

Kelly and I met at a Fitmom prenatal yoga class when we were both expecting our first babies. And, along with our other dearest mommy friend, Lori, and her family, we've been sharing childcare, dinners, martinis, tea, sympathy and life's ups and downs. In short, our kids are growing up together, and so are we.

Here's a photo of the gang (the boys on the ends are Lori's Jake, (left) and Davis, who are not staying with us, but this gives you the idea anyway):

We're comfortable telling either others' two-year-old's to "get down from there." We know who likes their spaghetti with sauce and who likes it with just Parmesan cheese. It's not uncommon for us to have a pack of kids in pajamas watching a movie while we try to sip a little wine and eat some dinner while it's still hot warm.

This period is interesting to me in a couple of ways:

First, it's an experiment in what I like to call "pack parenting." (Maybe the phrase that will come to mind for you is that old cliché we use but don't really live: "It takes a village.") In pack parenting, whatever moms or dads are around work together to give everyone attention and move all the kids through routines of meals, outings, bedtime, whatever, invoking an "Everyone behind the yellow line!/Everyone clear their plate!/Everyone brush their teeth!" kind of group think. Any parent who has struggled through the "arsenic hour" feeling depleted and outnumbered knows how much easier that it is when there's another adult around. So these three-weeks-and-a-bit will be, I think, both chaotic and supportive.

Secondly, much of the world lives this way. The nuclear family is really a very modern idea. It's quite a western luxury to have four walls and a roof for just us. And as a person who lives many time zones away from extended family, I've often thought that perhaps multi-generational households have it right, with more people on hand to stir the soup, read a story or supervise bath.

Already there have been some memorable moments! While Kelly and Colin were schlepping things over from their place last night, I was supervising dinner. Everyone got along famously but there was a wee tussle over a stool between the two-year-olds. I caught one child by the footie pajama'd ankles just inches from doing a head plant, but entirely unfazed and still chewing a meatball. The puppy arrived later in the evening and skidded around the hardwood sniffing things and ecstatically wagging her tail before finding some blackboard chalk to chew. And this morning Carson "helped" me mix the orange juice, adding a little soapy dishwater for good measure when I turned my head to make the smoothie.

I'm sure I'll be chronicling a lot of this here and on Twitter, but meanwhile, there are some other things you'll probably want to check out today:

Humour columnist Vinay Menon's take on the CBC documentary Hyper Parent and Coddled Kids, which airs tonight at 9 p.m.

Kris Rushowy's fascinating story on innovative programs that use exercise to help at-risk children pay attention and stay on their best behaviour.

Ann Douglas's thought-provoking take on iPhone Apps for parents and kids.

Susan Delacourt's exclusive interview about daycare with former Prime Minister Paul Martin.

Trish Crawford's interesting article on the link between preschool aggression and bullying, plus the bullying victims who have launched a website to help bullied youth.

Daycare should not be a partisan issue

Why must child care be so divisive?

Michael Ignatieff announced yesterday that - no matter what the cost - a national childcare program would become reality under a government led by him. 

Not surprisingly, partisan gloves immediately came off. On one side, Liberal supporters happy to hear the news. On the other, the expected conservative accusations that the initiative is too expensive, too ambitious and not supportive of the traditional family where one parent stays home to look after the children. "You had 'em, YOU look after 'em," is the basic message.

What I think gets lost here is the notion that children themselves are citizens. There are always the predictable daycare naysayers who speak of kids as though they are a luxury consumer product. "If you cannot afford children, don't have them. Don't expect me to pay for your bad family planning," espoused one such commenter on Susan Delacourt's story. 

While there's a cogent argument to be made that there's a worldwide population crisis (though my own take is that we have a more urgent over-consumption crisis in the developed world), Canada does not have that sort of population problem. In fact, we are not replacing ourselves fast enough, not even when immigration is factored in. The boomers and seniors complaining that a universal child-care program is "20 years too late," and that the money would be better spent on the medical and old-age security costs associated with an aging population, are incredibly myopic.

The children in daycare now are the very ones whose income taxes will support the "Me Generation" when they are elderly.

Here's what I'd like the ask the commenters who use the phrases "my money," "my paycheque" and "my taxes" as if there had been a going-out-of-business sale at the Fraser Institute: Just because you're done with raising kids (or didn't have them), do you think people aren't going to continue to have babies? Are we simply going to wind civilization down here to coincide with your slow, pharmacologically-enhanced demise?

No, not everyone who has children can afford them. Teen pregnancy may be down thanks to public health campaigns and better access to birth control, but there are plenty of other ways to wind up with both kids and a small bank account. Fleeing a place of less fortunate birth, for instance (should kids from Haiti not be entitled to a licensed daycare spot?). Becoming the victim of spousal abuse, or simply being left by the other parent to fend on one income. Not having a higher education and a chance at a professional salary. Getting pregnant in the middle of a higher education and not being willing - because of religious conviction or other deeply-held personal beliefs - to consider termination as an option. Becoming ill or disabled.

None of these circumstances (or, I'd argue, any decision made by any parent) removes the right of a child to quality care in the critical preschool years. If you're not clear on the connection between good early years and successful adult outcomes, read the Pascal Report for starters. And while you're at it, ask an average middle class family in Quebec about the difference $7-a-day daycare has made in terms of the stress - even on double-income, professional couples - of providing for a family.

To put it in terms that tunnel-finished, free-marketeers can understand, there is a demand for childcare spaces that far outstrips supply. Witness: two-year wait lists for licensed daycare spots and longer wait-lists yet for coveted after-school programs.

So keep in mind that while you're busy spewing your disapproval of federally-funded childcare into commenting fields on articles, there are low-income parents dropping their children off at unlicensed basement daycares where they will sit in front of the television with no one to sing to them, read to them, or engage them in a little finger painting.

And furthermore, access to good quality childcare does nothing to threaten the right of families to choose to have one parent look after the children at home. A daycare space does not remove a stay-at-home mom space.

A national daycare program is a good idea. And it's a good idea no matter who thought of it, and no matter what political party manages to make it happen.

Parenting tip of the day - Make like a daycare

I arrived a few minutes early for the holiday concert at Cameron's after-school program the other day. Sitting in the Grade 1 and 2 room while we waited, again I found myself marvelling at the wisdom of early childhood educators and how much we can steal from them for our parenting.

First, there's the incredible organization of a daycare room - toys tidily sorted in labelled boxes that the children somehow obediently return to their correct places. (This, I think, is largely because the teachers insist that one activity is put away completely before another is started.)

But the thing that really makes my jaw drop about daycare? The crowd control.

Cameron's charismatic teacher, Daniella, has an incredible "call and response" thing going on with her students. If they're not quite following instructions, she shouts out in friendly sing-song, "Nobody's LIS-TEN-ING." The kids then reply, "Ooh, aah, sssshhhhhh!" complete with actions.

Getting ready to leave the room for the gym, she called out, "WHAT DO I NEED?" to which the kids responded, "A straight, quiet line." "DO I SEE ONE?" she continued. "No!"

Given my sometimes dismal ability to get the kids out the door on time, I'm thinking I need to try this. (No word yet on whether it works on spouses. If you find out, let me know.)

Today's top news stories for parents

There is lots of education news on the site today that you won't want to miss.

1. Our top story is on Ontario's plan to complete an overhaul of school curriculum. Education minister Kathleen Wynne says the move is a response to years of complaint from both educators and parents that the curriculum is bogged down with a staggering number of "expectations." The idea will be to take the focus off of cramming in "coverage" of these prescribed areas and onto deepening understanding and developing research and reasoning skills. That could mean fewer details on the War of 1812, and more context on how and why wars happen. There is a passionate discussion happening in the comments right now. Please read and add your thoughts.

2. Demonstrating what this sort of learning could look like, we've got a profile of a classroom where the teacher spends less time going through curriculum checklists and more on big-picture thinking. She also keeps keeps the students active and on their feet to keep them engaged.

3. We also have an update on all-day kindergarten. While the Toronto District School Board and Toronto Catholic District School Boards have asked for extra time to sort out which schools will offer full-day kindergarten in the fall of 2010, Sudbury is the furthest ahead when it comes to actually implementing the program. And attached we've got lists of schools tentatively slated to have all-day kindergarten in Halton Public, Peel Public and Peel Catholic boards. Remember you can be sure not to miss a story on the Pascal report and the implementation of all-day learning by bookmarking our Early Learning page.

4. And if you've got a teenager interested in a career in criminology or law enforcement (or even if you're simply a CSI fan), check out this story on Humber College's new forensic lab, dubbed the CSI classroom.

5. Also, a bill was passed Monday that formalizes school board's responsibility for student achievement, but critics say it should have done more to prevent conflict-of-interest violations, like those that have plagued the Toronto Catholic board in recent years.

Lots to keep up with. Have a great Tuesday!

Parenting when you're sick

You bend over to pick up a toy, and your sinuses throb. Every 20 seconds, you cough like a 70-year-old smoker. When you kneel to zip up your kid's coat, you feel faint.

Welcome to Sick Day: the Parent Edition.

Between daycare germs and the pandemic flu year, it's hard to imagine any parent will come through this season without spending at least a few days parenting under the influence of Mr. Nasty McViruspants. More often than not, you may be looking after sick children while you struggle to resurrect your crumbling immune system.

With some sort of nasty chest cold or mild flu knocking out everyone in our house - including the caregiver - I found myself alone with my youngest coughing, feverish boy on a day I could barely get out of bed this week. When our babysitter called in sick, I wondered how I'd possible look after him.

But we made it through with cups of hot chocolate and a morning viewing of the movie "Cars."

How do you manage to look after your children when you're under the weather? Please share your tips.

Here are some pointers from the Public Health Agency of Canada on how to look after someone who has the flu.

And here's a list of frequently asked questions on the H1N1 flu, including tips for getting through this germiest of seasons.

Find everything you need to know on our H1N1 page.

Today's top news stories for parents

Today is a bit of a big day on the H1N1 story. Sadly, a 13-year-old boy has been confirmed to have succumbed to complications of swine flu.

If you're wondering where to find a clinic in your area, go to our swine flu page and look under "Swine flu Info Links" on the left. Absenteeism from H1N1 is now on the rise in Ontario schools, which is an important indicator of influenza spread.

We've also got an update for pregnant moms. Canada will import 200,000 adjuvant-free H1N1 shots from Australia, rather than wait for our version to make it through our regulatory system. Pregnant women are four times as likely to develop severe complications from swine flu.

Other major news stories you'll want to read:

The 10 least nutritious breakfast cereals Note, they're all the type marketed to kids.

Teenagers at risk for heart disease are on the rise. A two-decade study of teens in the Niagara region of Ontario found that the number with risk factors for heart disease - obesity and high cholesterol - had risen to 21 per cent of all kids in Grade 9.

Price tag for all-day kindergarten rises by $500 million The Ontario government has decided to ignore the Pascal Report's suggestion of using early childhood educators to round out the kindergarten day, and instead put teacher's in charge for the full day. Follow this story on our Early Learning page.

School boards' backers blast 'achievement reform'  They say a bill that would amend the Ontario Education Act would limit the powers of school boards to set education priorities, making those second-fiddle to standardized test results.

New column on women's issues Former environment reporter Catherine Porter has launched a new column. Today she share a little about the juggle between motherhood and work.

A couple of things from yesterday when I was off sick:

Disney will be refunding money to Canadians who purchased Baby Einstein DVDs. That's because it turned out to be such a crock that any form of screen time is good for baby brain development. Talk about a fall from the mom-preneur pedestal for creator Julie Aigner-Clark.

Curriculum examines what puts kids on the street York University has developed lessons plans - including gritty skits performed by students - aimed at busting stereotypes and misconceptions about homelessness.

Some fun diversions:

Parentcentral's Halloween Guide

Fun-filled family events for this week

The Star's Halloween page

Today's top news stories for parents

Among the most-read topics on thestar.com right now is single-sex classrooms. Toronto District School Board education director Chris Spence said earlier this week his new academic plan will include a raft of initiatives aimed at addressing the unique learning needs of boys, including more single-sex classrooms.

There's been strong reaction to this notion, both for and against. If you want to read what people are saying, check out the comments on School plan calls for boys-only classes and Boys-only school 'issue of choice,' not segregation, director says.

I'm pretty new to being a school parent, so I'm not quite sure where I stand on this. But I've been raising my two boys long enough to get the idea. There is a unique exuberance in boys. Many are not big on sitting still. Based on the number of times I say, "Two bum cheeks on your chair," or "Belly button facing the table," over the course of dinner, I can appreciate the job it is to get a dozen or more boys to sit at desks completing worksheets for long stretches. For her latest story in this series, Louis Brown takes us into a school with sex-segregated classes to see how it works. What do you think?

Here are the other major stories you're going to want to read today:

Students to protest police role in schools  A student's arrest at Toronto's Northern Secondary School, which made the rounds on YouTube, has become a point of controversy between those for and against having police and students under the same roof.

A hospital clerk has been fired after turning away a mother and her 7-year-old son The Mexican refugee family was refused help at Humber River Regional Hospital even though the boy had suffered a head injury.

The new bill to protect nannies includes jail time. Legislation introduced yesterday, following a Star investigation, includes a maximum fine of $50,000 and a year in jail for those caught charging a fee for work in Ontario.

Some fun stuff not to miss:

Michelle Obama performed 142 swivels of a hula-hoop at a healthy kids fair yesterday. How many can you do? Vegetable gardening...hula hooping...how are we ever going to keep up?

Love Joe Fresh? Here's some budget fashion inspiration. A photo gallery of Joe Fresh spring 2010 fashion from Toronto Fashion Week.

Ann Douglas's round-up of baby naming tools and advice on naming your baby Check it out, and make sure you subscribe to the RSS feed for The Mother of All Parenting Blogs while you're at it.

How to stylishly declutter your kids' art There's some good advice here on sorting the masterpieces from the, um, non-keepers.

The pop culture influences on this year's Halloween costumes. Learn about this year's best-selling costumes, and find all kinds of other tools on our Halloween Guide.

UPDATED: Today's top news stories for parents

Boys learn differently. That's something I'm just starting to sort out as a relatively new "school parent."

My first son is in Grade 1, so I've only been supervising homework and helping him prepare for spelling tests for just a few weeks. But already I have a pretty clear picture why the Toronto District School Board's new education director is introducing a raft of initiatives aimed at addressing the unique learning style of boys.

I very much underestimated the ants-in-pants factor, for one thing. He'll be doing a worksheet and will just randomly fall of the chair - likely because he's been leaning it so far in one direction or the other. "Boys thrive in environments that are hands-on and where there's opportunity to move around," says Chris Spence, an educator and former CFL-er who is now the TDSB's new education director.

Education reporters Louise Brown and Kris Rushowy have the whole story in, Schools plan calls for boys-only classes. Let us know what you think by commenting on this blog.

Other important news stories for today:

Where to get your H1N1 shot. Toronto Public Health has named 10 sites where flu vaccines will be available, in anticipation of starting the program in early November. It's worth taking a look now to find one on the list that's close to your home. It may be that individual family practices will not be administering the vaccine.

Michael Ignatieff makes daycare a key campaign plank. This is an interesting development in light of the Pascal Report on early learning that the Ontario government is now sitting on, apparently contemplating how to implement in part or whole. We have a whole page dedicated to Early Learning, so please check it out.

Exploited nannies win fee battle. Thanks to a Star investigation, legislation will be introduced today that makes it illegal for anyone to charge a fee to domestic workers hoping to find work in Ontario.

H1N1 turns up at turkey farm. The important thing for parents to note here is that this incident posed no risk to Ontario's food system. The turkey you had at Thanksgiving was fine, and you'd be perfectly safe - though not perfectly sane, perhaps! - if you choose to roast another one this weekend. These were breeder turkeys used for their eggs, and even if they weren't, such viruses would be killed during the cooking process.

Sperm donor passes on heart defect to 9 of his 24 children. Yes, I said 24. This story sheds new light on the need for rigorous screening of donors.

Fun diversions:

Halloween Guide

Researchers identify giant new spider species

Games