Time crunched. What are you going to do about it?

Earlier this week I shared that I'd hit a bit of a parenting wall. Experiencing the "giving fatigue" that so many of us face, I was feeling tired and in need of a little immediate gratification to balance all the one-way street work of raising a family.

As a newly-single parent, some of this stems from not having another adult with whom to share the day. But some of it is just middle-of-the-road parental burn-out.

It was interesting timing given that the very next day The Canadian Index of Wellbeing released findings that 20 per cent of Canadians experience a high level of what they call "time crunch" compared to just 16 per cent in1992. The effects of this time poverty are particularly acute for women, the study found, with 23 per cent of women feeling time pressure compared to 17 per cent of men.

I've got a lot more to say about the causes of our clock-based angst, and will share more on this later. But I hope that, if nothing else, readers took away from the survey results some comfort that they're not alone. There is no failure on your part to weave time-management magic out of your Filofax or Google calendar. There simply aren't enough hours in the day. The only answer is to make choices. Sometimes you can get to all your kids' many extra-curricular activities or all of your PTA meetings. Sometimes you've got to play hooky and lock yourself in the bathroom with a cup of tea (or possibly something stronger).

So on Monday I vowed that I'd do something restorative each day this week. Here's how it's gone so far.

Monday I left the office on time, made something quick for the kids to eat for dinner and practised a bit of benign neglect as they worked out their Lego squabbles on their own (this despite hearing things like "Listen up, cry-eypants," coming from the basement). Later I handed off the kids and found solace with two close friends over a sushi roll and cocktail. Just having someone else make me some dinner lifted me out of a pretty deep funk.

Tuesday I took a walk at lunchtime, failed to get my kids' birthday party invitations because I got distracted by pretty things at the mall and went to BootyCampFitness.

Wednesday I asked my co-parent for an extra day of childcare and hit a movie screening and a media party. Even danced a bit and got a henna tattoo. Silly huh? My kids were kind of impressed.

Thursday. I guess that's today. Well, after work, I'll be getting acupuncture for my chronic shoulder knots (sound familiar?) and then, after dinner with the kids, head to bootcamp again.

I'm grateful that I have someone else to share the load, even if he's not really mine anymore. I know not everyone else has that, certainly not most single mothers. Whatever your circumstances, I hope you can do something to treat yourself well this week, too. Sometimes it just starts with an internal cry of "uncle!" for us to make the psychic leap that things are too much.

It's no admission of defeat. Instead, it's a springboard to a happier existence. And that can only mean happier kids.

What NOT to do when your friend is going through a separation or divorce

When someone in your circle is going through a separation or divorce, it's not always clear how to help or what to say. Here are some "dos" and "don'ts" to make that a little easier.

DON'T act like you know what your friend needs. You don't want to foist a night of dancing on someone who just wants to disappear for a while, and nor should you assume your friend wants to be left alone.

DO ask how best you can help. Everyone who goes through a major life event like the loss of a marriage is going to experience it differently. Your friend may want distraction or quiet walks in the woods or a pair of boxing gloves or a van to carry stuff to goodwill.

DON'T ask "Was it mutual?" or "What happened?!" If you don't already know, you're not close enough to ask. Besides there are no tidy talking points to cover this raw, nuanced territory.

DO make yourself available to chat about the separation if your friend seems to want to share.

DON'T presume you're helping by offering a playdate. Your friend may not want to be without his or her children and may already be missing them when they're in the care of the other parent. Or it could be that by taking the child who is old enough for playdates, you're removing a playmate for the younger, higher-needs child, and a source of conversation and happy interaction for your friend.

DO ask what kind of childcare is really needed, and be open to having siblings over, too. Or ask if you can time a playdate with a younger child's nap.

DON'T assume your friend will feel awkward in a room full of couples. Couples are the world your friend knows, and being suddenly locked out of the circle is very hurtful. He or she is likely grappling with a staggering loss of social status and you contribute to the isolation of single parents when you don't extend the invitation.

DO make your friend welcome, but not obligated, to bring another person of either sex to the party or outing.

DON'T assume a single-parent can't get or afford a babysitter. Your friend may have off-duty nights when the other parent is looking after the children. And in fact, it's possible he or she out-earns you. Not every divorced parent is financially strapped. Maybe your pal has wildly under-spent on entertainment and eating out since finding himself at loose ends!

DO make sure you give your friend the opportunity to decline rather than assume he or she won't want to participate or be able to make it happen. Even if she can't come the first time, be sure to keep asking. Maybe next time that teenaged neighbour or kind aunt will be available.

DON'T waffle on an invitation. When your friend invites you to do something, don't leave them hanging and waiting to see if you get a better offer. Likely she's learning to set things up in advance to avoid loneliness and keep things fun for the kids. And you don't want your friend to feel like the person you call only when your spouse is out of town.

DO what you can to clear your schedule when your friend musters the courage to ask friends to help him or her blow off steam or tackle an emotional closet clean-out. 

DON'T gossip. There isn't anybody that's going to help, or anyone that's going to entertain for more than a minute.

DO be humble. Your friend never dreamed he or she would be in such a position, and you may find yourself there one day, too.