Remembering my dad's parenting

Tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of my dad's passing. It happened on a Friday night, two days after he'd collapsed in a sushi restaurant, a result of hemorrhagic stroke linked to fourth-stage lung and brain cancer. He was a non-smoker and a marathon runner. We were mystified and devastated and heartbroken.

When I came back from Calgary, my place of birth, a little more than a week after he died, the holidays were in full swing. It all seemed so crass. Strings of Christmas lights on our neighbour's houses assaulted my eyes. The holiday music in stores - not to mention the sequined party dresses - offended me deeply. But I put on my big-girl shoes and marched back to work, ever-productive first-born daughter that I am.

I shared on this blog the words I wrote for his celebration of life.

Today I'm thinking about the aspects of his parenting that I want to emulate. The way he encouraged our curiosity (see cow eyeball anecdote), answered all our questions, taught me to be brave in the dark. The way he'd walk along the top of the white wooden fence that corralled the horses and say, "Can YOU do this? Come on, try it!" The way he encouraged us to laugh without embarrassment and aspire to anything, and how he'd patiently explain our math homework. I happily remember his endurance for living-room gymnastics. The way he could recall a few lyrics from every song he'd heard (a useless but fun party trick I have somehow inherited), and how he'd sing them to make us laugh when we were taking things too seriously. The way his own parents had taught him to dance or even drink a cup of coffee (which he hated) to be polite, just because they were important social skills. His love of getting elbow-deep in chocolate cheesecake batter, or making traditional Norwegian lefsa before Christmas with his wife and four sisters.

He loved to hear about the funny things Cameron would say. He never got a chance to know Alister, now two, in his new-talking stage, but he would have adored hearing him ask about a day-time moon and say, "I go moon now?"

Maybe someday, kiddo, he would have said. Maybe someday.

Cute kid quote of the day

"I hope Santa doesn't get the H1N1." - Cameron, age six

Parenting tip of the day

This comes from psychologist and parenting author Alyson Schafer.

It's been on my mind for a few weeks since she mentioned it on Twitter.

Schafer said that children have "mirror neurons" - wee synapses in the brain that read the emotions and stresses on our faces, and sort of take them on as their own.

It's something I've been trying to think about in my interactions with the kids. I've had mixed success, of course: I don't know many things that are harder work or more patience-trying than some of those long evenings with the kids. But I've been trying to repeat the phrase "mirror neurons" in my head when I'm responding to a meltdown or a complete refusal of dinner. Sometimes those two words help me to realize my forehead is all crumpled up in consternation. Lots of times I forget and respond more emotionally than I should.

Maybe I'll write the words "mirror neurons" as a message to myself on the kitchen blackboard, next to the grocery lists and phone messages. Because it's pretty much as important as remembering to pick up a bag of milk.

Yesterday's tip.

Previous tips.

Parenting tip of the day

Picky eater? One of my boys is like that, too.

Registered nutritionist Lianne Phillipson-Webb of Sprout Right, shared a great tip when we were chatting at the Babytime show.

When you're making a fruit smoothie, try this veggie sneak: Throw in a handful of baby spinach leaves. Pulverized by your blender, the offending greens disappear, particularly with a mix of colour-rich fruits such as blueberries and raspberries.

My 2-year-old has not been noticing that his "Lightning McQueen" novelty glass contains spinach-enhanced smoothie each morning. If you're able to get your child to drink a smoothie, take advantage of the opportunity for covert nourishment!

Here are some more nutrition tips from Lianne.

Read yesterday's "tip of the day."

Not sure how to make a smoothie? Check out the Star's recipe data bank.

Please share your parenting tips and tricks by commenting on this post.

Parenting tip of the day

Here's a school-lunch cheat you might like to copy on a hurried morning.

When I'm in a local bakery, I've been grabbing a stuffed croissant as an occasional sandwich boredom buster for my son in Grade One.

It's admittedly a bit of a treat because of the high fat content (though Cameron is so skinny he has a little 6-year-old six pack), but there's goat cheese, spinach and roasted red pepper inside. Pickier eaters might prefer ham and cheese, or even the variety stuffed with a sausage, which kind of makes it like a big, portable hot dog.

I've been picking these up about once a week. The cost is around $2.50.

What are your lunch-box secrets?

Today's must reads for parents

Do you own a Maclaren stroller? If so, you need to know about a massive recall of about a million Maclaren umbrella strollers. It's kind of a gruesome story, but in the United States, 12 children have had fingers amputated after getting them stuck in the hinges of the strollers. The distributor there is offering to send parents a special hinge-pad cover to make the stroller safe. Meanwhile, Health Canada is trying to reach the manufacturer in Hong Kong to determine if the strollers sold in Canada also have the same defect. Read more to get the list of affected models, including Volo, Triumph and others.

Here are some other developing news stories parents won't want to miss:

A Catholic school board trustee is offering a "bootcamp" for new trustees to outline appropriate expensing habits, among other things. This follows a spending scandal at the Toronto Catholic School Board that involved trustees charging taxpayers for everything from Dairy Queen treats to holidays.

There are 172 Ontario schools slated for closure due to declining enrolment.Yesterday the advocacy group People for Education suggested the empty school should be used to accommodate all-day learning or turned into child and family resource centres.

Academic Pandemic: Does flu get worse on the day of the test? Education reporter Kristin Rushowy looks at whether schools are sending students home at the first sound of cough or sniffle, and whether kids are taking advantage.

In other H1N1 news, parents may be interested to learn the latest on hospital board members and other VIPs who say they are entitled to their pandemic vaccine shots before children five years of age or more. Better news, Ontario received some new swine flu vaccine yesterday, but clinics haven't been extended to any additional groups, including school-aged children. Here's where you can find the latest on vaccine clinic hours.

Downtown Toronto could become a child-free zone Developers showed up at city hall last week to oppose a regulation that would require them to make at least 10 per cent of new condo units family-sized.

A program to help young single moms graduate high school will soon be out of funding. Catherine Porter explores the unique program in her new column.

Check out our latest on the Santa Claus parade!

Parenting when you're sick

You bend over to pick up a toy, and your sinuses throb. Every 20 seconds, you cough like a 70-year-old smoker. When you kneel to zip up your kid's coat, you feel faint.

Welcome to Sick Day: the Parent Edition.

Between daycare germs and the pandemic flu year, it's hard to imagine any parent will come through this season without spending at least a few days parenting under the influence of Mr. Nasty McViruspants. More often than not, you may be looking after sick children while you struggle to resurrect your crumbling immune system.

With some sort of nasty chest cold or mild flu knocking out everyone in our house - including the caregiver - I found myself alone with my youngest coughing, feverish boy on a day I could barely get out of bed this week. When our babysitter called in sick, I wondered how I'd possible look after him.

But we made it through with cups of hot chocolate and a morning viewing of the movie "Cars."

How do you manage to look after your children when you're under the weather? Please share your tips.

Here are some pointers from the Public Health Agency of Canada on how to look after someone who has the flu.

And here's a list of frequently asked questions on the H1N1 flu, including tips for getting through this germiest of seasons.

Find everything you need to know on our H1N1 page.

The first day of school

By now you've heard enough about our back-to-school prep and some of the associated angst. So I'll let the photos do most of the sharing about Cameron's highly-anticipated first day of Grade 1.

We have a tradition of having chocolate-chip pancakes on the first day of school, established at the start of Junior and Senior Kindergarten. (Truthfully, we find a lot of occasions special enough to warrant chocolate-chip pancakes. But there are toothbrushes and fruit smoothies and things like that to ensure our nourishment and good standing with the Children's Aid Society.)

Cameron was feeling pretty good.

After only the most minor of tensions over elusive Tupperware lids, we got out of the door at 8:30 with just enough time for the annual picture out front.

We made the walk with our neighbours -- Cameron's best buddy and his parents -- with plenty of assurances that our boys will see lots of each other, even though they aren't in the same class this year. Getting reacquainted with the playground equipment helped.

As did catching up with pals on the schoolyard.

After he knew his teacher had been apprised of his peanut allergy, he was feeling pretty confident.

And looked like this as his class marched into the school.

Now it's time for me to go pick him up and find out how things went.

Be sure you don't miss our latest education news:

No more pencils, lots more fun

Enrolment up at Africentric school

Classroom flu fight

P.S. Even though he wasn't going back to anything other than story time  at the library, Alister got a back-to-school shirt, too.

Cameron quote of the day

Cam: "You know Lego Lando Calrissian?"

Me: "Yes...?"

Cam: "Well, he comes in this set, with these other guys, you know the guys on the motorbike things that fly?"

Me: "You mean from 'Return of the Jedi?'"

Cam: "Yes! Well, he comes with those guys, in this set, and IT'S ONLY AVAILABLE AT TOYS 'R' US!"

Me: "Where did you hear that?"

Cam: "I read it in a Lego magaZINE...?"

Some comments on all-day learning

Earlier this week I shared my concern about teachers standing in the way of proposed all-day learning in Ontario elementary schools.

Today social justice reporter Laurie Monsebraaten has a positive update on the early learning front - Education Minister Kathleen Wynne says the province DOES support the idea of integrated education and childcare.

Some of the commenters had very interesting things to say, so I'm going to share those with you here:

"S. Morgan" made a very good point about having the physical space to accommodate childcare, particularly for kindergarten students:

Please be sure that you are representing the thoughts of actual individual teachers, not the unions that represent them. The opinions of individuals are not necessarily the same as the party line. The one huge concern over full day kindergarten, and the creation of education hubs is the space! Where will we put the children? In a school with 6 classes of half-day kindergarten children, you currently need 3 rooms. If they stay all day, you need 6! The government would have to invest millions to enlarge existing school buildings and the current daycare centres would be boarded up.

Certainly, bricks and mortar are huge factors here. While it seems fairly achievable that before- and after-school programs for grade-school students could be housed in current classrooms, gym facilities, cafeterias and play yards, it is potentially very tricky to figure out what to do with double the kindergartners.

However, the expectation is that it WILL take time to roll out the program at all schools where there is demand. It will take creativity and juggling and out-of-the box thinking. But it's also important to note that it likely won't be quite a doubling of kindergarten kids. Some will still have stay-at-home parents, grandparents or other caregivers that their families prefer to use.

When we look at how universal childcare supports families in countries elsewhere in the world, it's reasonable to expect that the program will become quite popular (in fact, we only need to look at Quebec's $7-a-day childcare to see that). Here's what "Secondina" had to say (clever alias, by the way):

I am a Canadian expat living abroad for over 14 years now. I live in Italy. I have two small children and no family living close by. We have a school system identical to the one proposed and I must say that it is by far the best situation one could hope for in my situation. My children are in Kindergarten (my 3 yr old) and in 1st grade. We take them to school in the morning at 8-8.15 and pick them up between 5-5.30. We pay a minimal cost of approx 400 Euros each per year for pre- and post-school programs and would be lost and financially inhibited without them. My children get hot lunches served from a school catering service and are cared for throughout the day, which allows me to work serenely and not worry about them being picked up by a baby sitter or neighbour and taken to daycare or sitting in front of someone's TV for hours!

I can relate to "Secondina" because I also have no family nearby to help with pick-ups and drop-offs, and there are many thousands of us in the same boat here in Toronto. "M. Lucic" concurred the proposed program would be a huge weight off:

What a great idea. Not only do the kids get early stimulus and education but the parents would get piece of mind knowing that their child is in a safe learning environment, and you don't have to worry about mid-day transportation to and from school and daycare. If this had been available when my kids were young I would have gladly paid a fee for such a program. Government will always find reasons to tax us at least this one would be worth the expense.

Predictably, there are always those who think programs like this are nanny-state interference. That children are some kind of extravagant lifestyle choice for which parents should shoulder all expenses. And that (snore) the only moral choice is for one parent to stay at home to look after the children. "Not amused" says:

Let's call it what it is: daycare, not education. It's an extra half day of play time so mom and dad don't have to spend a couple of years paying for daycare or spending time with preschoolers. But its also $500 million out of the pockets of the taxpayers, so there are other reasons to consider this kind of thing very carefully.

I could respond to this but I'd rather share the words of commenter "M. Alton:"

Note to "Not amused" I am on the board of a not-for-profit daycare, which is exceptional in its delivery of not only good, safe care, with playtime, but also education. Housed in a public school, almost all of the children graduate to grade 1 knowing addition, subtraction, and, if not reading, then the alphabet and how words fit together. I am always surprised at not only the under-estimation of children's abilities but the disdain that the public-school teachers in our school give our ECE educated staff. By properly instituting early education in caring environments we could give all kids a better start. We could relieve the most incredible stress on parents - knowing that our children are safe - while we work, which, please, most of us need to do. The 500 million out of the pockets of taxpayers is much better spent educating our children than the billions spent bailing out auto manufacturers.