New parents' survival kit

I totally do not know how I got through eight straight years of changing little boys' bottoms without benefit of this particular innovation that recently showed up on Blogging Baby.

It's called the "Wee Block" and, when changing little Joshua, you are supposed to place it over the danger zone and "block" the chances that you will resemble someone at the wrong end of a squirt gun by the time it's all over.

Could someone please tell me who invents these things? I mean, do they really think that anyone who has endured the indignities of childbirth and its accompanying cascade of bodily fluids can't survive a harmless little shot of it from their baby?

Then there's this new product aimed at people so shockingly sleep-deprived that they can't figure out it's possible to stuff a couple of diapers and wipes into a Loblaws bag without being summoned by child protection authorities.

The latest hip gear? An iBaby stroller so you can walk your offspring and simultaneously tune them out by plugging in your headphones. The list goes on.

Expectant mothers and fathers, you are in need of serious help. There are a gazillion zealous retailers out there trying to pry open your wallet and separate you from all those hard-earned dollars that should be going into the college fund.

Every time you turn around another ridiculous product pops up that you simply do not need.

But fear not, we are here to help with our very own New Parents' Survival Kit. So please, all you folks out there who have gone through this already, send your suggestions now.

What would you put on the "must-have" list for baby's first year?

And don't stop there. What are the most overrated items that should go straight to the regifting bin?

Here are some of my top picks for the shopping list:

1) A rocking chair: This needs no explanation. Except to point out that, unlike many things at the baby store, you and your children will never outgrow it.

2) Lullaby Berceuse: This CD by Prairie singer Connie Kaldor will soothe the adults as much as the baby. It's Canadian, it's bilingual. And I still remember all the words. The most recent edition is in book stores accompanied by a lovely picture book and sells for about $20.

3) An infant carrier: The dad in our house loved the Snugli so much I could only get a turn when he was in the bathtub, or sleeping, or when I wrestled him to the ground. With Baby No. 4 I got hooked on the sling borrowed from a friend and wore it round the clock (though I don't know how the wee tot ever made it through the dinner hour without a dollop of spaghetti sauce landing on his head). Yes, I know, these days it's all about Baby Bjorn. Whatever.

4) Vaseline: It's no-nonsense. It works. It doesn't cost much, and it's all you need. How can you argue with this one? Buy a big tub at the drug store, slather it on with every fresh diaper and away you go.

5) A hand-knit baby blanket: If you are very lucky, someone in your circle knows how to knit and you can drop loud and repeated hints for one of these made specially for your little bundle. I am blessed with a talented mother-in-law, whose hand-knit babywear is enough to make anyone drool (and I mean the adults). Each of my newborns got one with a different pattern and spent their early months swaddled in it. (They all still have their blankets too, but I think I'm not allowed to tell you that.)

Here are some things you can live without:

1) A change table: As someone whose abode is best described as space-challenged, I promise you, you don't really have to buy one of these. A thick change pad on a dresser does just fine. Or the floor. Or the bed. But remember, I said A THICK CHANGE PAD. There's this rule of thumb that bad things happen when you think that, just this once, you can go without. And it's ugly.

2) A diaper bag: I have a bias here. Four babies, zero diaper bags. Yes, I know they are a fashion statement but these are just dumb. Use your knapsack.

3) Books that sing or talk or make any sounds whatsoever: Sorry. On behalf of purists everywhere: Books are for reading, out loud or to yourself. A microchip that buzzes or rings or says "moo" should not be part of the attraction. Plus they are annoying. So don't confuse the kid. As for pop-up books, well at least they're quiet, but the prose does not hold up once the flaps get ripped off and chewed up, which in my house was usually within about 10 days.

4) A nursing pillow: Okay, I admit it. I don't actually know what this is. But in the olden days, we all used plain ordinary pillows off the bed and as far as I can tell, no one was much worse for wear.

5) Scented baby lotions or body wash: Go ahead if you think you really need to invest in products that leave your baby smelling like an herb garden. Just remember this: babies don't stink very often and when they do, you need to do something about it. Besides, there's nothing better in the world than inhaling the scent of a newborn's head. So why would you want to mess with that?

Okay, your turn.

Comments

[Cin]

I totally agree about the baby sling (www.askdrsears.com) and the rocking chair.

I couldn't disagree more about the nursing pillow. It was a livesaver for the first three months, and is great help if your baby is a squirmer. (it can't slide off your lap.) Plus, and I'm gonna be honest here, I am large-chested, and we large women sometimes need a bit of extra baby-support, because we almost always have to support the breast with one hand during the first 3 to 6 months. The pillow helps keep the baby safely on your lap.

My can't live-without gear: a Chariot double stroller and an amauti (Inuit baby-carrying coat). I live in the Arctic, and both of these are wonderful for -30C weather.

A Chariot seals up tight and keeps the kids warm and out of the wind. It also has honkin' huge wheels.

An amauti is a coat with a large baby pocket built into the back and a huge hood. Baby goes in the pocket, directly touching your back. A rope around your waist keeps him in place. You pull the hood up over baby and you, and voila! Baby is warm and safe, and mommy knows it, because she can feel him breathing against her back. In warmer weather, baby's head can peek out of the back of the hood.

I put my babies in a hat, mitts, booties and a sweater over their sleepers, and pop them in. Even at -40C, they're sweating.

[Lucy]

A swing was my saviour for my colicky first-born who was averse to sleeping. We couldn't flush the toilet two floors away without her waking up in misery. However, I am not even sure they make swings anymore, or if they're still legal. But my daughter spent a lot of time catching up on her sleep in her swing and I was eternally grateful for it. Same goes with Jolly Jumpers. Both my kids loved them and laughed uproariously the whole time they were in them. Again, I am not even sure they make them anymore. But I am quite certain it had something to do with my son walking on his nine-month birthday -- he had the legs of an athlete from all the jumping.

p.s. Is that baby at the top of your post not the cutest baby ever?

[Danigirl]

I agree wholeheartedly about the rocking chair, the snugli (I have a homemade sling that worked even better as my large babies became large toddlers), and I switched from a diaper bag to a backpack when my youngest was about two months old. SO much more practical!

I used regular pillows for nursing my first, but did find that a nursing pillow was better for my second. There's more to them, and they give better support, IMHO. In fact, I had one upstairs and one downstairs, just so I didn't have to haul them around with me.

The bouncy chair was a lifesaver for us, and later the exersaucer. Especially for subsequent-to-first babies, when you no longer have the option of just holding baby all day long. I also never regretted paying $100 for a wooden cradle to put at our bedside when the boys were fresh. (I kept my youngest in it until I had to pry him out with a shoe-horn around 8 months old.) And I adored the baby-backpack carrier a friend loaned to us - I'd've bought one if I didn't get a free loaner.

The one thing I always sneered at? A wipes-warmer. (Of course, I never had anybody wipe my bits with a cold wipe in February, either, so maybe there is merit?)

[Rebecca]

Love, love, love my nursing pillow! My carpal tunnel syndrome was still crippling for weeks after my daughter's birth so it the pillow helped me support her. Plus it's been pressed into use since as a cuddly place for her to sleep on the couch.

As for my diaper bag, it's an accessory as much as it is a place to carry my kid's stuff. It's not cutesy; in fact, I'd carry it as a bag even w/o the baby!

My absolute MUST HAVE is my Avent Asis breast pump. Pumping has enabled me to leave my 3-month old for more than 2 hours at a time and that is required in order to keep my sanity.

I've also appreciated my WIPES WARMER. I mean, how would you like having a cold wet washcloth wiped against your tush at all hours of the day or night? Next time you visit the washroom at 2 am, use a cold wipe and you'll be wide awake and fairly unhappy. Now imagine the same for a newborn...

Other must-haves would be:
- Penaten to prevent diaper rash
- my BabyTrekker for being able to leave the stroller at home
- a great cloth diaper service, like Comfy Cotton
- my Bravado nursing bras
- FitMom's Post-Natal workout DVD for working out with baby at home
- Dr Jack Newman's All Purpose Nipple Ointment for those sore, cracked nipples
- Robeez shoes guarantee that your baby's socks will stay on
- And you can never have enough bibs, especially for a pukey kid like mine!

What I could do without?

- stuffed animals
- the vibrating chair that needs to be disassembled in order to change the battery
- baby hooded towels - real towels are more absorbant
- baby bathtubs - most are designed for a slightly reclined position, meaning water only pools around the baby's diaper area, leaving the rest of them dry AND cold

[Antonia Z.]

I've never had a baby and now never will but I am weirdly addicted to this blog, Andrea. Congrats!

[Paul]

What would I put on the "must-have" list for baby's first year?

People. Lots and lots of caring, available and committed people.

Grandparents. Siblings. Neighbors. Cousins. Uncles. Aunts.

Forget all the 'stuff', the only thing of any use to first time parents (or repeat offenders) is support. I would have gladly traded every 'cute' or 'useful' gift; every holiday-time cheque; every mailed collection of 'helpful' clippings from parenting magazines for regular, reliable and respectful involvement from family.

[Sue]

Hi Andrea!

Congratulations on your wonderful blog!

Our must-haves were:
- baby sling (we love our Canadian Heart to Heart [http://www.heart2heart.on.ca/])
- electric breast-pump (good so dads can share the overnight feeds and let moms get some sleep)
- dimmer switch in the wee one's room
- baby gate (we love this one by The First Years because it is truly "hands-free" and swings both ways [http://www.babyage.com/products/3600_the_first_years_the_first_years_hands_free_gate.htm])
- vibrating baby rocking chair (has a longer usable period of time than baby-swings as it can be used by toddlers on their own) [http://www.toysrus.ca/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=10051&catalogId=10052&langId=-1&productId=15207]

We don't have:
- a change table
- a diaper bag

Unfortunately, it's not just "expectant mothers and fathers" to whom the "zealous retailers" are trying to "separate you from all those hard-earned dollars that should be going into the college fund." It gets nutty in the baby-safety department to. (See T.O. Mama's wonderful entry "Buying Piece of Mind" regarding "Bumper Bonnets," "Cushioned Sof' Knee Protectors," and "Toilet Paper Locks." [http://tomama.blogs.com/mubar/2005/05/buying_peace_of.html])

[Mary]

Oh, I haven't had to think about new babies in many many years. But for me some must haves were:
both a baby sling and a babytrekker http://www.babytrekker.com/ (hey, its a true made in Canada product). The trekker hands down, is the best carrier around.

I'm indifferent on a baby swing - it was a nice place to put a baby that hates laying down, and you can't always hold the baby. All of my kids liked the exersaucer (known as either baby jail or the command chair), because I have kids that loved being vertical.

A high quality breast pump for moms going back to work. I never pumped at night. It was easier to take the baby to bed than any alternative. On this note, I'd recommend a bed rail, so the baby can sleep securely between Mom and the bed rail.

I'll agree with earlier posters - Robbeez shoes, my Chariot stroller (2 other Canadian products), Bravado nursing bras. I however loved hooded baby towels (IKEA has nice ones).

For a diaper bag, I like either a diaper bag knapsack for longer outings, or just a large fanny pack (what do you need to carry beside a diaper, some wipes and a change of clothes in case of a blow out) for trips to the mall.

Things I had and got rid of after my first child because I never used them.

1. baby bath tub (it's easier to shower with baby, or take the baby in the tub with you. Naked babies are awfully slippery.)

2. regular strollers - either I carried my babies or used the chariot outside.

3. a change table. IKEA has (or had, I haven't needed one in years) a nice plastic mat that could be used on the floor/bed etc.

4. a crib.

[thordora]

After two kids, I have to say I actually kinda lusted after the wipes warmer each time, since it would have been preferable to sticking the wipes down my bra to warm them. I couldn't imagine having my butt wiped by a cold cloth at 3am in February.

-Couldn't live without my slings either, especially the first 2 months. SOOOO much easier on the bus, and they inspire plenty of conversation in public!
-Desitin diaper creme. REEKS to high heaven, but totally works!
-Absorbant pads-Someone told me I'd never use them before I had my first. HA! So that's one of my gifts to a friend having her first. They have saved many a carpet.
-Hospital Receiving Blankets. Forget the fiddly ones with cute ducks that people buy you. You can't swaddle a kitten with those. We stole a couple from the hospital with our first, and they're great. These are also being donated to a new mom in a month.

Couldn't agree more on the change table and diaper bag. My knapsack from college is STILL serving, as I try to convince a friend she doesn't need the giant diaper bag. I found it such a huge LIE that I needed to cart around all that junk. 2 diapers, wipes and a change of clothes.

[Dianne]

As a mother and a writer, I'm glad to see another mother blog Andrea. I agree with most of your recommendations. I used a baby carrier alot so I'll defend the $140 price tag of the Baby Bjorn. No other carrier I tried was as comfortable. As for scented soap...too much for baby's delicate(and sometimes eczema-prone skin). However, I did use my nursing pillow regularly, and it did double duty as a back rest for baby when she was learning to sit up. And because I didn't want to put out my back, I used a change table..after 3053 diaper changes it gets kinda sore bending over baby on the floor or bed.

[D.J. Allen]

I raised five many moons ago and found Ivory Snow (pure soap) indispensible along with a vinegar rinse to all clothes and bedding in the laundry helped prevent rashes. I used Allenbury's baby soap for the first three months with success and no rashes. Also, every mom needs to know that baby loves music and a radio tuned to classical turned on low in the nursery near the crib at all times helped me. Children aren't as disturbed by noise as they grow older. And I got out of the habit of tiptoeing around when baby slept. My youngest will be 25 tomorrow and none of the five have sleep problems. Two had ADHD but they slept well once they nodded off. A colicky baby is difficult to adjust to and parents need some good gripe water or whatever your doctor recommends. Make sure you get some relief yourself. :)

[Barbara]

My four are all school-age, so I've given away all my "stuff," but IF I were to have another baby, the only item I couldn't live without would be the baby-backpack-carrier-thing. We all loved that, and it worked for shopping, hiking, vacuuming with a colicky baby, etc. Now that it's over, I'm grateful for all the time they spent right next to my body, bonding. No regrets there.

[past all that]

Another endorsement for the babytrekker. My back was toast in a regular style carrier when my son was only 10 lbs, but I carried both of my sons in the babytrekker until their legs got so long that I was getting kicked in the thigh with each step (about 18 months). You can also use a trekker on your back, if prefer not having your precious bundle between you and whatever you're cooking or chopping with a sharp knife.

[mike]

A baby wipe warmer? Hoo boy, things certainly have improved in the 14 years since my last child was an infant. Speaking from a father's point of view, who helped out in night time feedings (every other night!)the thing that I couldn't do without is the microwave. First born (and this is many years ago) - heat bottle up in pot of boiling water. The longest 4 -5 minutes of your life with a crying babe in your arms at 2 am. Second born - 30 seconds in the micro wave. Priceless.

[melanie]

can't live without: sling, baby trekker (still using it with my 3.5 yr old and 1 month old baby, nursing pillow,pajamas with one zipper only the whole way from foot to crotch,jolly jumper ,arms reach co-sleeper and...a change table! But because i have it in the btrm. am i the only one that uses facecloths to wash my baby instead of wipes?i can't imagine using wipes at home?best would be large counter beside the sink, which is what i had first time around. Best new product? bamboo diapers-way more absorbant. available at bummis. never used a diaper bag either!

[Barbara West, RN and mother of 4]

If I could do things over I'd honestly send the hubby home and pay for a doula (Professional Labor Support).

Once baby came home, the following I couldn't imagine being without:
1) a maya wrap, www.mayawrap.com, durable safe sling that can be used from infant through pre-school, up to 45 lbs. Carries child on front, hip, or back. Vertical, horizontal, or splay-legged.
2) Dr. Smith's Diaper Ointment - absolutely fabulous stuff (the only thing I could use when my oldest had a staph infection on her bottom as an infant, at least until the antibiotics cleared it up).
3) Large receiving blankets (30" by 30" minimum) for swaddling - I promise they WILL get used to it, and it will become a calming agent if you swaddle regularly and have more of a stubborn nature than your child. Remember YOU are the boss!
4)Good Breastpump with car lighter power adaptor if you are breastfeeding. I personally recommend the Medela Pump in Style, it will pay for itself in less than a year and are very durable - mine it 9 years old and working for the 4th time.
5) Peppermint Oil, a drop mixed with formula or breastmilk here and there helps treat gas pain naturally and prevent colic. Also helped to numb my babies gums during teething.

Things I greatly appreciate but could live without:
1) Breastfeeding pillow - great for propping up baby while awake or sleeping as well as breastfeeding.
2) Bumbo baby seat - who needs a highchair
3) Rocking Chair - I love mine but sometimes space prohibits
4) Baby Changing Table - Very Convenient and MUCH easier on the back!
5) Swing - 3 of my 4 loved it. Every minute they spend content in the swing is another minute you have to accomplish everything else you can't do with a munchkin in your arms.
6) bottle nipple holder for dishwasher by Munchkin - really convenient and works well.
7) Diaper service if you use cloth diapers. VERY convenient.
8) Baby monitor - nice, especially if you are wanting to be outside and baby is asleep inside. Otherwise, have to leave the party periodically to check on baby.

Crap I've bought and wish I'd saved my money instead.
1) Baby bottle warmer - unless the fluid is room temperature to begin with it doesn't work right and you still need to test on your inner arm, so what's the point.
2) Baby wipe warmer - I prefer to use baby washcloths dampened with warm water, there's less chance for skin irritation or allergies, and they're always a nice temperature. Easy to use, and reuse, easy to wash, and MUCH easier on the budget!
3) Baby Baths - Baby stayed COLD and IRRITATED. Much easier and more pleasant for baby and parent to just bathe baby in shower myself.
4) Johnnie-Jump-Up Doorframe jumper - my oldest gave herself a mild concussion with vigorous bouncing and bashing into the doorframe. (We were using a standard size doorway, OOPS)
5) NUBY anything(nipples, sippy cups, straw cups, etc) They are too difficult to use for the child, so kids with teeth bite holes into the product, thus negating the "spill-proof" aspect. The bottle nipples might not leak through the actual nipple, but they run like a collander through the 'vents' around the edge.
6) Noisy Toys - I'd rather play music, and my kids would too.
7) The Diaper Bag - I keep 2 diapers, onesie, small package of hypoallergenic wipes, and a folded plastic grocery bag in my purse.
8) Hooded Baby towels - they are extremely thin and not very useful. A nice fluffy towel gets baby dry faster and more warmly.

Hope this Helps! GOOD LUCK - and Rebecca, the babies are worth it!