I'll take a union card too, please

Lucky for Roxanne Toussaint that mothers haven't yet been declared an essential service.

The London, Ont., single mother of three went on strike this week and is currently residing in a tent on her front lawn until her kids - ages 14, 10 and 8 - promise to start picking up the mess in the house and pitching in with chores.

"There are days when I want to rip my hair out and run down the street naked," Toussaint, who goes to school, works part-time and is fed up with being the family slave, told the London Free Press.

Don't you know the feeling?

You just never know when one too many unfolded T-shirts piled up on the bedroom floor or frying pans piled in the sink or shoes flung across the front threshold will put you over the edge. When will it bloody occur to the adolescents who take 30 steps around the empty recycling bins on the sidewalk that hey, maybe they should consider picking them up and piling them on the porch?

Toussaint isn't the first despairing parent to resort to extreme measures. Eighteen months ago, a Florida couple did exactly the same thing, camping out on their front lawn with signs that said "Parents on Strike" and "Seeking Cooperation and Respect!"

I've never met a parent yet who didn't feel like driving on down the I-75 to honk their approval. If there's one thing that unites us these days, it's the dilemma of "how come my kids never help out!"

I think there are a few reasons, and most of them, I'm afraid, come back to the grownups:

1) We're too tired and short of time to bother to show them how. Oh yeah, we know about teaching a man to fish and all that. But anyone who has tried to show an eight-year-old how to make their own PB and J, or match up the socks, or sweep the kitchen knows it takes waaaay longer to teach than do. Sometimes it takes all the patience you can muster to watch a kid step into the dustpile 14 times before it finally gets into the dustpan. Or use seven knives and muck up two metres of countertop to spread the peanut butter. But that's the way they learn.

2) We've created a child-centred universe: We chauffeur them around, arrange their playdates, hover over their homework and prize ourselves on "democratic" parenting. And then we're somehow surprised they grow up with the idea everything should be done for them.

3) The "can't you just pay someone" mindset. This is a culture where increasingly, the time-crunched families who can afford it pay people to walk the dog, clean the house, do the landscaping, pick the decor colours and coach us on how to parent. Used to be that doing chores was part of the daily routine, no questions asked and no big deal about it.

But fellow parents, try not to despair. It's never too late to put the kids to work. If they're too young to be immersed in adolescent sloth and rebellion, you can still make time to show them the ropes. And if they're already in their teens, well, you can always try harnessing their own formidable powers of self-centredness. When I stopped doing laundry a few years ago and posted a list of instructions above the machine, it was only a matter of hours before self-interest - i.e. no more clean jeans in the drawer - inspired a formerly "helpless" middle schooler to master the difference between Javex and Spray'n Wash.

So, how do you get your kids to do chores?

Comments

[smileymamaT]

When we have a "chore-day" at my house, it's usually a Saturday because everyone is (usually) there. I write up a list and designate jobs to the 8, 10, and 13 year old. If they ask "How do I do that?," I'll show them briefly. When doing these chores they have to initial next to the chore and when their lists are done they put them on the kitchen table to be checked. It works pretty well. During the week, I don't go too heavy on housework because I want them to have time for homework, supper, and to play. But on the weekends, they know that it's going to be like this.."If you want to (go to Friend's house/ play video game/ watch movie/ etc), first you have to (pick up those/clean up that/put away that) stack or clothes, Barbie city, etc. It's not a bad system....-T

[ufoquiltingqueen]

I'm way behind on this issue. I'd be happy if I could consistently (and that's the key word here), get them to simply tidy up theiw own stuff after their own snack.
I do find, like the smileymamaT said, that it helps to have a "job time", where everyone is doing jobs, not just them.
Another thing that "works" (ie. reminds me & them what their chores are) is a list. I have a list for Fall/Spring, Winter, & summer vacation. Everyone has "jobs" that are really just routine things like have breakfast, brush teeth, homework in school bag, but also individual chores, like clean the bathroom sinks, vacuum the main floor, tidy the shoes (for my youngest).
Consistency is the key, and I have found I'm not very good at it - with myself or them. I've never been the best housekeeper, so that makes it doubly hard to tesch/convince them.
I have to keep trying though, some day their wives are going to curse me! Since I'm going to be a mother-in-law 3 times over, that's a daunting prospect!

[stockgirl]

It has definitely been a learning process for us when it comes to doling out chores but after about a year of experimenting with different techniques I finally found out what works best for us. Our kids are 13 and 11. I create a monthly "Chore Chart" that is posted on our fridge and there are chores (vacuuming, empty dishwasher, etc.) that have a monetary value and other that are expected to be completed without payment (clean bedroom, feed cat/dog, clean own bathroom, etc.). When a chore is completed the date is recorded on the chart and they are paid every Friday. If they want to buy that "I just have to have it" item they know they have to get up and do something - just like in real life! If the non-monetary items are not completed then they can expect a "no" when I'm asked if I can drive them to a friends/use the computer/rent a movie etc.

[Barbara]

In this area, as in most others, it helps to establish a routine. We just had our big family meeting and established the schedule for everything we don't want to have to nag about--chores, homework, bedtimes, piano practice, showers...as well as video game times, family night...the good stuff. Monday to Thursday we have set times for dinner, homework, bedtimes. We don't allow video games or MSN on school nights and limited TV (we really want them to have time to play outside or read.) They can "pig out" on that stuff on the weekend, within reason. Each kid has one job that needs to be done before dinner - they had some input in selecting these. The 11-year-old gets to either walk or play with the dog for at least 15 minutes. The 12-year-old gets to set the table, neatly. The 8-year-old gets to refill the pets' water bowl. The 15-year-old gets to unload the dishwasher the nights he doesn't have soccer. From Monday to Thursday, each kid has a night they are responsible for most of the kitchen cleanup after dinner (we help. Homework time is right after dinner (they don't get too much homework here). They are all expected to empty out their backpacks each day (we have designated spots for the lunch bags, planners, and homework books) and tidy their room on Saturdays (to the point that they can vacuum it themself). Other chores, such as garbage, feed dog, take out recycling, etc, I assign to whoever, trying to be fair in the job distribution of the day. Some jobs I will pay for, i.e. weeding, vacuuming, dusting, getting clothes off the line (MY jobs), depending on who is trying to earn extra money at the moment. They each have their own laundry hamper, which we do once a week. I put their folded laundry in a basket, and they are expected to put it away (right away!). The oldest did his own laundry for a while, as I was bugging him too much about keeping it off the floor. Now he's decided it's easier to have me do the laundry and just keep it hung up, rather than have to do it himself. I've tried charts before, but it's more work for me to keep up with them. This kind of routine that's the same all the time really works for us.