Media moderacy versus going cold turkey

There's an unusual kind of experiment going on in one grade 6 classroom in Toronto, where Bart Simpson, American Idol, instant messaging and the latest Xbox game were once fodder for daily chatter.

The kids are unplugging.

That's right, as this story today explains, the 11 and 12-year-olds recently signed a media manifesto that means no email, web surfing, TV, DVDs, videogames or GameBoy on school nights. Parents are on board, hoping the move will make way for more free play, reading and exercise. The teacher behind the move says he's already seeing more space in the kids' heads to pause, exercise their creativity and reflect on schoolwork.

Imagine that. Five days a week free of joysticks, blaring sitcoms and sibling spats over computer time. Respite from the 24/7 media blitz that leaves so many parents feeling powerless and frustrated.

But is a ban, or partial ban, the way to go? Or do you prefer a more moderate approach? Tell us your views about household media management for kids and teens.

When teens need wheels

All the seatbelt laws, licence restrictions and speed limits in the world won't protect us from the grim reality that teenagers and automobiles can be a dangerous and sometimes fatal mix.

Motor vehicle accidents are by far the leading cause of death among youth. Experts on driver education and road safety say that inexperience, speed, driver distraction and failure to wear seatbelts often play a role.

This week brought another tragic reminder of how in the blink of an eye on a highway, life as we know it can shatter into pieces for entire communities.

Five teenage boys from the same high school in the Collingwood area died last Friday when the SUV in which they were travelling crossed into the oncoming lane of traffic and was broadsided by a cargo van.

The community is reeling, with thousands turning out for their funerals this week. And another Ontario highway is marked by a jarring monument of flowers, photos and handwritten prayers.

There are no easy solutions to the sobering statistics about teens and automobile deaths, particularly when driving is a way of life for so many who live in suburbs and small towns.

But we want to hear your thoughts – especially teens' – on the topic of small town and suburban car culture. Tell us how important driving is to your everyday life, for transportation to school, sports, parties or other activities. What attitudes do you see among teenage drivers? Tell us about the lure of the car. And what are the rules or safety precautions in your house?

Post using the Comments link below.

Guess who's playing the odds

A few years ago when poker chips and decks of cards started appearing on teenage Christmas lists alongside the latest videogame, there were more than a few middle-aged sighs of relief. Hallelujah, they're off the PlayStation! Could it be that face time is making a comeback?

Those delighted by the re-emergence of games that don't involve joysticks, and conversations that aren't conducted by fingertip were happy to look the other way as the kids - primarily teenage boys - dropped a loonie here and a toonie there on Friday night poker.

But as the Star reported today, one organization is warning that parents shouldn't be too quick to avert their gaze. A survey of 15 to 17-year-olds by the Responsible Gaming Council suggests we should be tuned into what adolescents are up to at the card table - and in sports pools, online betting or with scratch tickets.

The study concluded that the gambling mentality is pervasive among youth, with one in three actively gambling. You can read the full report here.

And while only a small fraction of the 2,140 surveyed - 1.3 per cent - could be classified as having a gambling problem, there were signs that a little more prevention, education and parental vigilence may be in order. Worth noting:

• Kids who had taken part in Internet gambling say they spent significant amounts of money and time doing so, which puts them at higher risk. The council says much of prevention should be aimed at online betting.
• While most teens said they gamble for entertainment, a large number said other incentives included a need for money and to win back losses.
• Thirteen per cent of those who play poker said they sometimes spend more money on it than they can afford.
• Higher rates of problem gambling happened among adolescents who said their parents weren't aware they gambled.

Read enough reports these days and it feels as if there's a potential hazard lurking beneath everything kids get up to. Prevention generally follows the same theme: pay attention, stay informed and keep on talking with your teen. Which can be daunting, exhausting and often difficult. But nevertheless our job.

X-tra doting parents

Just when you thought procreation couldn't get any more high-pitched and anxiety-making than the boomers made it, along comes this story. Generation X parents, it seems, have taken things up another notch and "are willing to pay whatever it takes to be the best parents possible."

"That means, in part, hiring others to do everything from chores to specialized jobs, so mom and dad can spend more time with baby."

Apparently, sleep doulas, "baby whisperers," lactation consultants, gourmet takeout meals, classes from parenting centres that charge fees and sell lots of hip products, and mom and baby yoga are mainstays of the modern parent.

Or, should we say, a certain segment of Gen Xers. Clearly, somebody's keeping all those businesses going. But can the majority really afford sleep doulas at $35 an hour or six weeks of parenting classes for $225?

According to the Coalition for Women's Equality, there are a lot of new mothers out there who aren't exactly flush with cash. (Thanks to Ann Douglas for recently flagging their site on her The Mother of All Blogs).

The coalition notes that maternity and parental benefits are enshrined in federal law:

However, almost one out of every two new mothers is not eligible for EI benefits, either because we are already providing full-time care for other children, we are self-employed or we have not worked enough hours to qualify. And when women do qualify, the benefits that we receive can be low. Benefits amount to only 55% of insurable earnings. Often, minimum wage earners cannot afford to take maternity leave, to which we are entitled in law.

There are also plenty of families in which one parent has taken time off for a few years and who are scraping by on one income.

That said, the trend described among Gen X superparents is worth noting for several reasons. Chief among them, I believe, is it reflects the feeling parents have - and which really took hold with the boomers - that they are increasingly on their own when it comes to childrearing.

Our social policies are not child-friendly. Think childcare, supports for poor and working class families, and the environment to name a few. Extended families are spread out and much less involved than in previous generations. Communities don't collectively raise kids anymore. Children often travel across the city to play sports or go to school. You're lucky if you know your neighbours. At the same time, the pressure on kids to excel and compete as early as possible is stultifying.

So it's all up to parents to look out for their own, give their kids a leg-up. I guess it makes sense that those who can afford it will invest all they can to be available and engaged.

What do you think is causing the current boom in baby-related services and products? Gen X parents, what's your philosophy?

Kids in distress deserve better

The following also appears in the Life Section of today's Toronto Star, as part of a regular monthly column.

Prime Minister Stephen Harper grabbed headlines not long ago with a $2.6 million pledge to study wait times for pediatric surgery. While the move was dismissed as a photo-op and a "drop in the bucket" by a few provinces, it's hard to criticize.

Who would argue that children needing heart operations, cancer treatment, neurology and dental procedures shouldn't get prompt treatment?

What's frustrating is that while Harper and other political leaders are eager to fight for the spotlight over health care issues, especially when kids are involved, they continue to overlook many of the most needy – children with mental health problems. Kids who are depressed, anxious, explosive or suicidal and whose parents are desperate for some help, some strategies and some hope.

There are several reasons these growing numbers of troubled kids are so often left out of the health care conversation.

Mental illness is an uncomfortable topic, especially where kids are concerned. It's fraught with shame and confusion for parents anguished over why they can't fix it and feeling blamed. It's not easy to talk about a school-age kid who has scary meltdowns, or gets into fights at school or is afraid to go out of the house. It's hard to speak up about a teen who keeps running away or smokes too much pot.

The causes are complex. There are no quick-fix solutions.

As Greg Lubimiv, executive director of the Phoenix Centre for Children and Families in the Ottawa Valley, said recently, "Children's mental health is the most neglected piece of the health care system."

But it's something we need to talk about. Because just like cancer and heart problems, mental illness and addiction can be fatal. They can lead to suicide – which happens to be the second leading cause of death among people under 25, behind car accidents.

There is always huge public and media outcry over youth homicide these days, but eerie silence on the many more youth suicides that occur each year.

In 2003, the latest year for which Statistics Canada figures are available, 26 young people under age 25 were killed by guns in Ontario. More than five times that number – 131 – died as a result of suicide.

In 2005, Toronto's infamous "summer of the gun," prompted loud calls for action and community debate. In that entire year, 25 young people in the city were killed by firearms, according to Toronto Star statistics.

If there's one thing mental health researchers agree on, it's that most mental illnesses are treatable, but that early intervention is critical. And that's where the important issue of wait times comes in.

There are many risks when help is delayed: a distressed child self-medicates and becomes dependent on drugs or alcohol; a child with a behaviour disorder becomes a teenage criminal; kids who can't focus drop out of school; friends disappear. Parents burn out, stressed and frightened siblings are in turn put at risk.

I can't say it any better than children's mental health advocate Susan Hess did in a crie de coeur that appeared in this paper more than three years ago.

"Tell a 7-year-old who gets expelled for `significant aggression and defiance' that he has to hold on for six months," she wrote.

"Tell a 10-year-old who cries constantly and says he wants to die that he has to sit tight for a year.

"Tell a 15-year-old who slits her wrists to shape up because there is no service available, period, until she comes closer to death."

Sadly, not much has changed since Hess wrote those words, despite efforts by her and many others to put the issue on the public agenda.

Hess remembers when her own daughter, during tormented years awaiting professional help, would trash her room, scream obscenities and threaten her family, only to collapse in a heap of bewildered remorse.

When she finally got help, life turned around for everyone. As head of the support group Parents for Children's Mental Health, Hess continues to share those memories because she knows many families are enduring similar trauma.

Ontario is starting to respond. In November, the province released a policy framework for children's mental health that focuses on the need for early intervention and co-ordinated care among families, teachers, community agencies and physicians.

But how quickly that will translate into more timely and accessible services for kids and youth remains to be seen. Funding has hardly budged in the past 15 years, despite the backlog of kids needing help.

Even then, money can only do so much.

Just as there are no quick fixes for most kids, there are none for the world they're being raised in. Modern childhood can be a pressure cooker of hectic schedules, technology and media overload, time-crunched parents, environmental worries and a shortage of community supports. Like second-hand smoke, this stress affects children. And addressing it at a personal, community and policy level is a big part of prevention.

At the very least, we must start by including children's mental health in the political dialogue and making it a priority. It's about time.

This week until Thursday, Health Canada is inviting the public to weigh in on plans to create a Canadian Mental Health Commission, and what its mandate and priorities should be.

To get help or become an advocate, visit the following online:

• The Ontario support group Parents for Children's Mental Health
• Children's Mental Health Ontario, which has facts, research and a list of children's mental health centres in the province
• The Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) website includes sections on children's mental health and "Mental Health and High School"
• Youth Suicide Prevention has sections for parents, professionals and teens
• Youth at Risk of Suicide
• The Mood Disorders Association of Ontario has a section on Youth and Family
• Sites aimed at youth include: Kids Help Phone, Mind Your Mind and CMHA's "My Life - it's cool to talk about it"

Share your thoughts and experiences by using the Comments link below.

It's not as easy as Just Say No

It was the media that finally lured me back to this blogging space after a prolonged hiatus. Or, I should say, media violence. That was a big topic this week in the press. And one I'm sure you'll want to weigh in on.

It wasn't the initial story that got me annoyed. A coalition of teachers, parents, academics and police want more legislation to limit kids' exposure to TV guns and corpses and all those nasty pimp and ho utterances by rap stars.

But my hackles rose with the predictable tsk-tsking that followed, including suggestions that really, if parents just did their jobs and took responsibility, there wouldn't be a problem. Unplug the TV, they scolded. Pay attention to what your kids are doing!

Right.

Never mind that an entire industry selling sex and violence as entertainment has infiltrated every corner of our kids' lives from dawn until dusk, on billboards, radio waves and websites. Talk all you want about building a fence and barring the doors and unplugging, but it will still seep into your house like poison gas.

Here's my take published in today's Star - as a concerned mother who didn't know when I gave birth that technology cop would one day be part of my job description. And who is oh-so-tired of feeling like society at large just doesn't support the values so many of us want to instill in our kids.

I don't care about all the arguments over whether violent media leads to violent behaviour. We may never know for sure. And it's a moot point anyway. Because why should that be the only incentive to curb the peddling of violence as entertainment? Even if there's no proven causal relationship, are we supposed to just shrug off the fact that many kids spend hours watching murder and mayhem and auto theft or committing it in the virtual world, and say it's okay?

I'll never forget the afternoon I went into a nearby Internet cafe to interview an employee for a story. It was one of those first sunny days of spring, when the streets are full of strollers and cyclists. I descended the stairs to the basement to see several dozen pre-teens and adolescents glued to computer screens, firing virtual guns at virtual enemies. Some had been there for hours. Chances are they'll all grow up fine. But I can't help thinking something was wrong with that picture.

Are you concerned about media violence and its impact on kids? How do you monitor the media in your house?