Fetuses are painful.
At the start of this pregnancy my husband Ted came home one day and told me that some fetuses - at some point in our evolutionary past - would kick the crap out of their moms-to-be from the inside.
A portion of these mothers - thousands of years ago, of course - died from internal injuries inflicted by their overzealous hulk-like progeny-to-be, my husband said, to my dismay. Those babies didn't end up in our current gene pool, Ted assured me however, because neither they, nor their moms, survived the ordeal.
Well, I feel like some of those aberrant genetics sneaked into modern times.
What's worse than the strong fetal kicks of month seven? The painful stretches and knee and elbow rolls of months eight and nine! The baby limbs might look cute already - squished inside my belly - but they sure feel lethal!
And I swear the baby has decided to use my bladder as a pin cushion undoubtedly to free its tiny hands while it practices kitting a sweater!!
"I'm finished," I told my Ob/Gyn the other day.
"Congratulations," he said. "Now sign this."
As I inked my signature on documents giving the hospital permission to care for me during labour, the doc explained that the baby hadn't dropped yet and I probably wasn't as finished as I would like to be.
Right then and there I made a decision: I just might be one of those moms who is always telling her kids how much she suffered during labour.
"Eat your broccoli little so and so," I will say with a pleasant smile. "I suffered for you my darling and the least you can do for your poor mother who suffered through the pain and agony of pregnancy so that you could be alive today to even so much as look at broccoli, is to eat your green vegetables."
Hi Michelle,
I truly enjoy your wit and candor, but I must confess that I find your blog tipping the complaints scale too much, and reading several of your posts in a row (I am in my first trimester) has left me feeling somewhat, er, deflated.
I would love to read a post by you that reveals some of the more beautiful things about your pregnancy.
I am not sure if other readers feel the same way, but as someone with a publicized forum to write about your pregnancy adventures, it would be great if you were able to offer a few more positive insights ... it can't be all bad!
My best wishes to you!
Posted by: Seven Weeks | March 27, 2009 at 07:46 AM
Dear Seven Weeks: It really isn't that bad. Wait until your third trimester, when things really get going. I had it lucky in the first two (no nauseau and lots of energy). Best part of being pregnant was my glowing skin, beautiful hair and super long and strong nails. Once I started feeling my little guy inside me, it became amazing. Yes, your body does take a beating. Not being able to bend over, swollen ankles, constricted breathing, etc. I think Michelle's blog is enlightening and truthful to her experiences! Not everyone has a perfect or a terrible pregnancy. We're all different. Just keep an open mind and go with the flow.
Posted by: Mom to Be in Toronto | March 27, 2009 at 10:28 AM
Well today is my due date and I can't believe I've been following your story throughout my entire pregnancy and now here it is - the due date. It seems as though it will come and go with narry a peep from the fetus. I stayed at home from work today and wish I hadn't. I'm bored out of my tree. Two or three posts prior to this one you were willing your child to stay in there until its due date because you have projects to finish. I did the same, but now that it is here I really wish it would come out so I could meet it and also to finally have some heartburn and frequent urination relief!
Posted by: oakfern | March 27, 2009 at 02:32 PM
Yes! I do love to whine and complain. And, if I do say so myself I'm quite good at it. And it's true, the third trimester - even the second - aren't that bad.
Many of my friends who don't have children have said the same as you: that my views on pregnancy make them not want to do it.
But I have a hard time believing anything I say will stop them if they choose one day to become biological parents.
There are lots of wonderful reasons to be pregnant. I find the road interesting and fascinating and funny.
But for me, the most positive thing about pregnancy is the end result, not the journey.
Thank you for your comment! I've responded to it again in another post: is pregnancy beautiful?
Best wishes!
Posted by: michele henry | March 27, 2009 at 05:42 PM
Mom to be!
When I wrote that post, I truly wanted the time to my due date. And it's true, when I stay home from work I go crazy with boredom.
But I'm with you. Enough already of the heartburn and the constant peeing! And if we're off from the job, the baby should have the courtesy to show up! Children!
Posted by: michele henry | March 27, 2009 at 05:44 PM