Is pregnancy beautiful?

"Don't have your baby right here!"

"Oh my god, your water better not break in this office!"

"You look like you're about to pop!"

What? I'm a pregnant woman - not some ticking time bomb! And, as I've been told by many many preggos there is no gushy Hollywood water breaking scene either. Time doesn't stand still and I won't leak in a pitifully embarrassing display on a friend's thousand dollar Manolos.

Public misperception is yet another reason I don't particularly find pregnancy beautiful.

A very articulate reader submitted a comment to one of my blogs, noting she'd like me to talk more about the nicer, more beautiful side of pregnancy.

Well, I have found this nearly 10-month experience to be fascinating, eye-opening, jarring, a bit gross at times and utterly miraculous. It's amazing how one human body can create another human body, brain, kidney, personality, life, out of so little. It is baffling to note how my body has changed so rapidly to accommodate a tiny creature who will one day contemplate life, the universe and its own existence. And when the fetus started communicating with kicks and squirms - well that just made it completely worth it.

But I certainly have not found pregnancy beautiful.

It's been difficult. Abusive to my sense of vanity. Hard on my energy levels and motivation at times. Irritating, nerve wracking, painful, debilitating, emotionally draining. Life changing. And until I became pregnant myself I had no idea the yuckier sides even existed.

None of my friends ever told me about the bad stuff. They just kind of suffered in silence. It's tough to spend an entire night throwing up, peeing repeatedly, sleeping sitting up near the end (because lying down with a seven pound fetus squishing your lungs just isn't comfortable) and then be expected to perform superbly the next day at work.

It's been rough, for me, to contemplate taking a year away from a job, which I love. And it's frightening to think I'll have to reforge part of my identity.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting it's okay to whine through the entire experience (although I do love to complain and fancy myself quite good at it as evidenced by my blogs) or stay home and feel sorry for yourself. I certainly haven't done that. In fact, I plan to work up until a few days before my due date.

And I don't believe in taking anything lying down!

But, I felt very alone at the start of my pregnancy because I didn't realize something so common could be so hard. So why sugar coat it?

It was my choice to have a child. And I'm tremendously excited for the end result of this pregnancy. That's what will be beautiful: my baby.  

Comments

[doulamona]

You are right..... so true, its not all beautiful, at times it's downright difficult. I guess so many things that are worthwhile in life are like that. I think that the reason that we of the female species are the ones who carry a baby for 9/10 months is because we are strong. Can you imagine a man doing this? Every family would have one child. It's all worth it though. You'll see.

[one mom]

There actually CAN be a gushy waterbreaking "movie-type" scene. Three pregnancies == went like this ==
First pregnancy - visiting parents, having rhythmic "cramps" and mom pointed out that since I was overdue and watching the clock on a regular basis was likely in labour. Didn't think it was, because it wasn't too painful, but six hours later had a beautiful baby girl - my water broke on its own in the hospital.
Second pregnancy - based on experience knew I was in labour,(one day early this time) took the time to shower before going to the hospital in the middle of the night, about five hours later had another beautiful baby - they broke my water at the hospital.
Third pregnancy - week overdue - out for a "last mom and little girls lunch" before the new baby arrived, did a little grocery shopping, went out to the car, lifted the girls out of the cart, and SPLASH, my water broke IN THE PARKING LOT of the plaza. Drove home, (5 minute drive), called my husband to come home from work (20 minute wait), dropped the kids off at my parent's house (20 minute drive), and about three and a half hours after my water broke, welcomed another beautiful baby girl into our family. Did not have a bloody show (that I saw) with any of them.
So there are my three experiences with labour and the breaking of the waters .... Just a little note -one of my daughters informed me that she was not going to ever have a baby if she had to "leak like that"!!

[Chantelle]

My sister, ever the romantic, wanted to know if pregnancey was "magical like they say it is." I said that it sure is.. if we're talking the blood sacrifice and howling at the moon kind of magic. I wasn't visited once by Tinkerbell, Sabrina, or even Hermione. I did feel posessed by Voldemort a couple of times though, like Quirrel was in The Sorcerer's Stone. Maybe that's what she meant.

[KC]

Everyone's experience is so different though, and rarely comparable from woman to woman (and from one child to another, so I've heard). I've been so lucky over the last 32 weeks of my pregnancy, feeling so good you'd probably want to slap me....

[Samantha]

Well said, Michele.

The "pregnancy is a beautiful, wonderful time" misconception really did more harm than good for me. the first 4 months I found myself feeling very alone and sad about how much I wasnt enjoying this supposedly magical time... especially after we began to spread the word and I felt like I was expected to slap on a smile and discuss this "magicalness" with others.

Once I finally came to terms (not long after I stumbled across your honest and hilarious blog) with the fact that I wasn’t the only person out there that felt pregnancy was actually a somewhat unpleasant, often frustrating, emotional and incredibly bizarre experience, and that it was OK to feel that way, was I able to really embrace the situation, and start to enjoy (parts of) being pregnant.

I've made a point of being frank with my non-pregnant friends that Pregnancy is not what you see in the movies or on TV; Its way less magical, more gross and much more exhausting.

I am able to follow up that warning with an honest smile and tell them just how exciting it is to know in a few short months I'll get to meet the little guy growing inside me, and that part will certainly be magical... er.. well, after the birth part.

[LK]

I recently discovered your blog and love your postings - very funny and honest. I have a two year old son and remember being pregnant and everyone warning me about the pain of labour. It's like people get 'scare-mile rewards' for terrorizing pregnant women. I wanted to let you know that my labour was 20 hours, only about 1 hour of it was painful (and even then, not that bad). Best of luck on your delivery - I'm sure it won't be as bad as you expect :)

[Peg]

Michele--

Best of luck through delivery, but are your readers going to have some notice of the big event? Not to invade your privacy too much, but are there plans for a short blog post by someone at the Star to let us know of the Lentil's arrival and your move into motherhood?

[betty24twelve]

I wasn't a fan of being pregnant either, yet I did it twice. Actually, five times if you count the three miscarriages, which took more of a toll on my body than did carrying two babies to term. (That's another unpleasant part of pregnancy that people often feel uncomfortable discussing; however, it's still there.)

Would I do it all again if I knew I was going to have another child who was as wonderful as the two I have now? Absolutely, unequivocally yes.

You're reaching the finish line. Keep your eyes on the prize (er, baby).

[michele henry]

I love these comments...
To KC, I'm thrilled you feel great!! I begrudge no one for having an easy pregnancy!! I'm jealous, in fact!

To Samantha, I appreciate your honesty too!
And, to Doulamama and Betty24Twelve I probably will do this again... so help me!

Assorted comments:
Men could never do this! Good lord no! They're wimps!
And One Mom, I'm kinda into drama - so a Hollywood scene like yours wouldn't be all that bad! Your daughter sounds adorable!