My kid is a genius. I, however, am an idiot.

As per usual, I was late. 

Sophie the Giraffe was half falling out of The Bucket and the diaper bag was creeping off my shoulder and inching toward my elbow when I scurried into the auditorium where the mom and baby aerobics class was already in session.

I set to work quickly, preparing Huds for some tummy time with toys so I could get my jump on. That's when I felt a small pair of hands on my shoulder and breath on my neck. 

A cute little boy named Camden was using me as a post. As soon as he stood up, he sat back down, giggled and crawled away. Rather, he speed-crawled away with the sprite and nimbleness of an olympic gymnast.

"Sorry," his mom said, rushing over. 

"No worries," I said, initiating the polite conversation all new mom's partake in during classes. 

"He's very cute. How old is he?"

I fully expected her to tell me that Camden was nine or 10 months old.

"He's seven months," Camden's mom said.

S-e-v-e-n-m-o-n-t-h-s.... SEVEN?! Only seven? I sputtered. "Wow. Seven months?! Seven months and he crawls like that. Wow." 

Envy. 

Obviously, Hudson is a brilliant genius who, like 99 per cent of the kids I know and care about, is undeniably ahead of the curve, exceptionally bright and developmentally advanced (he is also practically perfect in every way). 

But, uhm, it certainly doesn't look like my almost-six-month-old son will be ready for Vancouver 2010 by next month.

"So, was he crawling like that at 6 months?" I asked with caution in my voice, praying Camden's mom would say something like, 'oh, no, don't be silly. He was doing exactly what your son is doing at exactly the same age!' 

But she didn't.

"Well," she said. "He was crawling at five months and trying to stand by six."

Well, you AND your son SUCK! ..... okay, I didn't actually say that. Or mean it. But after that conversation my whole body tingled with a mix of jealousy and shame. 

Seeing someone else's child whose abilities clearly exceed that of my own son - for the time being - was tough to take. I want to believe that my kid is the sweetest, smartest and the most agile.

I love Hudson with greater depth every day and more affection than I ever thought I could muster.. How dare I want him to be different? How could I even think of comparing him to someone else? 

Even discussing stuff like this - or making developmental comparisons - is a major no-no in the mom world, a topic of conversation covered in the unwritten, seldom discussed rules of mom-friending. Bragging about one's child is strictly off limits (for the record, Camden's mom was not violating the code, I was. I asked).

But it can be the toy elephant in many playrooms.

Sure I steal glances of other kids to see if they're "ahead" or "behind" Huds. I'm not proud of this, but I certainly do compare my son to others to see if he's progressing normally or fast enough. I do it even though I know damn well that each kid is an individual who will develop on his or her own schedule. 

At his or her own rate. 

And how advanced children are at six months of age certainly does not predict what kind of person they will eventually become.   

Still, I came home that night and whined to Ted.

"But why isn't Hudson the fastest?!" I said, in a very unattractive nasal-y voice. "You're smart, I'm not too much of an idiot, shouldn't our kid be a pole vaulting math-lete already?? Shouldn't he be mentally rotating objects, cracking quadratic equations and balancing basket balls on his pinky???"

 

Ted stared at me. He did not turn green. Not a flash or jealousy wrinkled his eyes. 

"I'm proud of my son," he said. "What do I care what anyone else's kid does?"

Ya know, Ted's right (for once!). 

Comments

[B. Reynolds]

Ted is right, absolutely. And we, as parents, face lots of pressure to put our kids ahead of the pack almost from the time they come out of the package.

I fought hard to resist the temptation to push my kids into "gifted" programs, since most of the families I knew who had done that were stressed out all the time. Now, I have two gloriously average, happy kids. They do well at what they like, and have to work at some of the rest, but there are no tears over homework or dance lessons, and - compared with my own childhood - that's a gift.

Be gentle with yourself. He's just wee yet.

[LoveReadingComments]

Hard not to compare; I think all moms go through this. There is a certain smugness though, isn't there, in the voices of the mothers with children who are physically progressing a little quicker than the norm? He-he-he.

[Heather]

B. Reynolds, I applaud your choice to make the decision that was right for your children, rather than pushing them into the gifted program. My personal opinion is that the program is pretty broken, and I would be very, very wary of placing a child in it, having gone through it myself.

[SuzanneG]

I think its natural for all parents to compare their kids, I have an almost 1 year old girl who just learned to clap...while all her little friends were clapping months ago...although, my daughter is the only one walking. Apparently kids will learn in one area... then switch to another, she finally switched from the learning to walk, to the learning to clap. All kids are different, just enjoy it while they are little.. they grow up so fast, and enjoy mat leave, I have to go back to work on Monday :(

[Adrienne C]

Crawling at 6 or even 7 months is pretty rare so no worries about Hudson being behind. Many babies never crawl but if they do they tend to figure it out somewhere between 9-10 months. My son looked like he'd get the hang of it around 7.5 months but he got frustrated when he couldn't figure out how to move his limbs. He gave it up for about a month and then tried again at 9 months and started crawling everywhere. Enjoy the days where he's less mobile. Once he moves, trying to have a shower, load the dishwasher or get out the door become more challenging!

[Jen F]

As a "fellow" mom once told me whilst I was mentally comparing my non-crawling 9.5 month old to her crawling barely turned 6 month old...at some point, they are all going to walk, talk, go to the toilet and have a full set of teeth.

[TorontoMommy]

Urrrghh!! Stop comparing to other babies!! Your son is perfectly healthy and happy, so don't worry. He will crawl, walk, sit up, etc. Mine has almost a full mouth of teeth and he's 6 months now and other mommy's hate me for that. I'm like "whatever". So I want him to have more hair, big deal. Enjoy these times and don't compare to other children. Frustrates me beyond belief!

[T Freeman]

I am a mother of three, and I have at one point or another compared all three of them either with each other or another child. It is a natural part of parenting to worry about your childs development. Comparison, whether admitted or not, comes along with the territory.

[WestEndGirl]

Ha! Wait another few months till that kid really takes off and his mom can't even take a pee without strapping him into his high chair; meanwhile you get a few more months of knowing your kid is exactly where you put him. Then in a few more months your kid will be ransacking your house regularly too...

PS My guy didn't even sit up till he was 10 months, but he was walking at 12 months. Because my daughter started walking at 9 months and I knew what I was in for I really didn't mind his later start at all ;) Really just enjoy every minute of it, they change so quickly - don't waste time stressing or comparing.

[majianlin]

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Listing of the best pregnancy books to read during each week of your pregnancy

[MrsG]

You hit the nail on the head here, sort of.

In the midst of my post-partum-induced anxiety, I used to fuss and worry that my baby wasn't progressing the fastest, doing the most, etc., until I gave myself a shake one day and decided that I would no longer play the Baby Olympics game with my friends. By the time they're four - a mere three years from now - ALL of our children will be walking, running, talking, eating, using the toilet, clapping, jumping, and all that other good stuff. Ultimately, what does it matter WHEN they started doing each thing? Every kid is different, just like every adult is different. They do things in their own time, completely unaware of the pressures we feel as mothers for them to do these things according to some imagined timeline.

Live in the moment. ENJOY the fact that your otherwise healthy 14 month old isn't walking yet. The mother whose 9 month old is already walking has suffered the inevitable anxiety of patching boo-boos from all those mishaps. Soon enough all those milestones will be reached, only to be replaced by new ones.

Learn now to respect your baby as a distinct person, separate from you, who does everything when it is uniquely right for him - not for you.

[get pregnant]

Yeah, Ted is right. What he said is really how us parents need to think. All should really do is focus on our kids and help them go further in their growth. I know plenty of kids who ended up walking at 10 months. I though well aint that nice.. My son started walking at 12 months but I didn't think about how others beat him to the task. Our kids are special and have those special traits that are uncompareable to other kids.