What's the protocol?!

So there I was on my hands and knees exercising my fully developed pincer grasp by trying to pick up tiny pieces of rejected food out of my mother-in-law's dining room carpet.

"Oh screw it," I finally muttered to myself, after I fell on my face while scraping up some potato pancake that got gnashed into the broadloom. "She'll never see this."

We - Huds, Ted and I - were at my MIL's house for a Hanukkah party (T'is the season!) and the Boy was sitting in a rickety metal high chair his dad used as an infant, being his baby-messy self by drooling, spitting and throwing food over the side (he's obviously experimenting with gravity and such). 

At home, when we're alone, I encourage this kind of filthy behaviour (eat with your hands! play with your food! It's all in the interest of encouraging him to become independent). But, when we're out it makes me hot around the neck and a bit nervous - mainly because I don't really know whether to laugh or whip out a portable dust buster.

What's the protocol? 

I've been asking myself this question a lot lately - especially in potentially germy situations.

On a recent play-date, Huds, who has quite the oral fixation, stuffed a pillow and several of his friend Ben's toys into his mouth before I could ask his mom if we could share.

"Oh god, sorry," I said sheepishly, offering to disinfect everything immediately. Should I carry a bottle of Fantastik? 

And what happens when Huds has a runny nose, which is all the time (he got one recently from licking a toy previously licked by a random little boy)?

"Should we take him to the party?" I asked Ted the night before we were to celebrate a friend's birthday. "I don't know," Ted said. "I'm not sure. Is he contagious?"

There are so many instances where I just don't know what's right and in fumbling to cope I've probably come off looking like a dimwit, bad mother, inconsiderate slob, careless illness-spreader.

And the whole H1N1 quasi epidemic has made me socially awkward.

"He's not sick, I swear," is something I say unconsciously now, like a verbal tick if Huds coughs or sneezes in public, which he does often even though he's generally healthy. 

I have a love hate relationship with germs: while I'm anxious about tending to a sick kid, compulsive hand washing around the baby and always steering him clear of sick people and goobery kids is dumb, I think, because he's got to develop an immune system!

Thank heavens I'm not alone - even if I still don't have any of the answers I'm seeking. 

Natasha, another mom, is a kindred spirit. Hudson was sitting in her son's Bumbo eating his "tasty foods" a little while ago when out of his nose came a sound - combination rusty engine starting up and water blowing from the lid of a killer whale. 

"He's not sick, I swear," I said. 

"Well, we are," Natasha said, of she and her two sons, "so, don't worry about it."

Comments

[Talia]

Five words: Floor Topper Disposable Mess Mats! You've probably seen them around, but if not, they are disposable plastic mats with a sticky underside that you put down under the kid's high chair when in public places to catch the debris. Has saved me many a self-conscious carpet scraping at MIL's :)

[jessicahaney@hotmail.com]

Ah, you can't win and there is no sense worrying about it. I took my normal, healthy, smiley 10 month old to a Christmas party last weekend and within a half an hour of being there, he had gone bright red, sweaty and threw up all over the host's beige chair. (Had blueberries for a snack just before leaving the house. Figures.)

From the people who didn't have kids, we got the look of "how could you bring that poor child to a party if he's sick?" From all the other parents, we got the sympathetic knowing looks of "how could you have known he was going to get sick? It happens so quickly and out of the blue" and they all shot up to help us clean. The host (who now had purple vomit on her chair) just shrugged and said "my kids have all thrown up on the same seat. No worries. It'll clean."

If you kept your kid home at every single sniffle or weird poop in the first year, you may never leave the house. Tis the season....for holidays AND colds etc... so my rule is bad cold or fever, stay home. Sniffles gauge accordingly. Kids will be kids and they will eat each other's toys and spread their germy fingers everywhere and to try and fight it is like banging your head against a wall. This is also how one builds immunity, so there really is no reason to feel bad or fret. Just do the best you can with some common sense.

Anyone with kids has been there. Food on the floor, runny noses, germs, etc... at home or at someone else's place are just par for the course. For those that would judge you.... why bother hanging with them anyway?

[Laura]

I don't have kids (yet) but enjoy reading your blog. It's interesting to read from your perspective and I've certainly seen the normal messy, snotty, germy situations you describe. Right now my husband and I don't really have a kid-friendly home and we try not to host our friends with kids unless we can all sit on the deck -- where all the smashed up jello, blueberries & animal crackers can be hosed down (and the kids too). Otherwise, we can just barely handle one couple with kids indoors - this year a 3.5 year old guest was just too excited about some DVDs we had he just started to pee in our leather club chair!

So... if you're invited some where, I don't think you need to worry - but you may notice fewer invites from people like us! Until we one day have little kids and your child is grown up and you can then shun us...

[LoveReadingComments]

My friends and I tell each other if our kids are sick (or exhibiting symptoms) and the other parent decides if it is still ok to play. We also let each other know if we are sick, or have cold symptoms. When other kids come over, I hide toys that are hard to clean. If you are toy sharing outside of a house (bringing your own toys) I think it is polite to ask if your child can play with them too.
The food thing---all people know kids make a mess, but yes, it still causes stress at other people's houses. My mother-in-law is bending over with every spill, and I say, "I'll clean it up when he is done. No need bending over for every piece."
Building an immune system by catching colds is a myth. The only proven thing to build immune systems in chidren is if they eat their own snot. Pick away, children!:)

[Emily]

Why is it kid's get sick inside of 20 minutes? And why, a day later do they recover in the blink of an eye? My ds has been sent to the ER for turning blue from coughing in an hour and his chest has cleared the next day, cough free. Their little bodies get sick and recover so quickly, it's a rollercoaster.

[carla]

Building an immune system by catching colds is a myth. The only proven thing to build immune systems in chidren is if they eat their own snot.
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