Siiiiiiick!!

The track just wouldn't fit together the way I wanted, so I paused and looked at the train table, a hand on my hip.

Crash! Hudson flung his cars at the bridge I had just delicately constructed and ruined it. 

"Stop that!" I yelled and stamped my feet. "No!!!! Go away! Mommy is doing this. For you!!! No!!!! I just want to complete one damn task!!!"

Hudson stared at me imploringly, his blue eyes wide. Scarlett, who was whining a foot away from us, started to cry. 

It is day seven of the worst flu Hudson has ever had. I've been cooped up inside our house, alone with the two of them for most of the week and I am just about to lose my mind. 

"Miiiiiine," Hudson yelled at me. His two year-old possessiveness bursting through his sudden shock at my raised voice. 

I gritted my teeth, narrowed my eyes and stepped aside. 

Hudson goes to nursery school for many good reasons. There, he has toys aplenty to play with. He learns things, such as nice songs, how to share with peers etc...  Most importantly, he is not at the mercy of his mother's mood swings (and uncontrollable rage when he refuses to eat - for the fifth time this week - the grilled cheese he asks me to make), inability to share or ineptness at programming his activities.

Spending at least six hours away from me each day ensures that he not only becomes a fully enriched member of society, but it always spares my sanity and probably saves his life.

I love my children. So, so much. But it has been a tiring and frustrating week - to say the least.

Last Friday my small big boy came down with a croupy cough. By Monday he had a fever - it stayed until  7 this morning (Hallelujah! It's gone!), making it impossible for me to do anything, really, especially because his sister sensed something's been up and has not let me put her down. Not once. Not for 10 minutes.

The house is a mess - kitchen's a rockin' disaster and I keep finding presents hidden all over, such as decaying orange slices folded inside a Thomas book, booger-filled kleenexes in my underwear drawer and pointy toy truck parts under my pillow. 

Being so physically close to both my children for so long has made me do and say things I promised I wouldn't.

"if you don't drink your soup I'll have to take you to the hospital and they'll put tubes up your tushy" is what I resorted to several times this week when "drinking soup makes the evil germs go away!" and "orange juice fights the bad bugs" and "hey kid, will you drink coke?" all failed to get him to imbibe enough fluids to produce wet enough diapers.

(In a clever act of defiance last night he did actually drink a full cup of bath water and I let him do it.)

Having so little personal time this week has also made me less capable of filtering what comes out of my mouth:

I walked Hudson and his sister to the library yesterday - to get them to nap and pay a fine. The lady at the desk had a perfectly round pot belly beneath what looked like a pregnancy shirt. It had all sorts of small, tummy-enhancing bows on it.

"When are you due? I asked, instantly regretting that I opened my mouth.

"Me?" she asked. "I'm not pregnant."

"Oh," I said. "Sorry. My son is sick and I've been home with both kids. So, I apparently I have lost all my judgment. Sorry."

Because Hudson was sick this week we can no longer go to the library (I think this logic works, don't you?)...

Comments

[Jen]

My daughter was home sick the weekend before last. It is difficult to spend alone time with kids who aren't feeling well. You feel as if you have to come up with quality programming, all the time, and they are feeling miserable so it is a trying situation. I'm sorry. It is so good that you recognize the advantages of daycare and that it works for you. Hope everyone feels better soon!

[Amy C.]

Sleep deprivation, hormones, and sick kids-- a definite recipe for disaster! Been there! Done that! Said regrettable things too.