Potty Training is Crap

According to babycenter, my kid is so ready to potty train: 

Dry for two hour periods, like during naps: Yes!

Dislikes feeling of being in dirty diapers: Yes!

Demonstrates desire for independence: Yes! Yes! Yes!

So, why do I want to crawl under the rock of parental failure and rethink my entire existence as someone's mother?

In the week since we began our "elimination" odyssey we've crashed into the pee-soaked valley of potty despair too many times to count and Hudson, forlorn, is mostly back in diapers.

"Then he's not ready," a friend said, when I presented her with my dilemma.

The dilemma: I AM SO READY for him to potty train. I do not want to change one more sloppy, oozy man-poo seeping from my toddler's gauzy undergarments.

"He IS ready," I said. "He understands!! I AM READY."

I made the decision to toss the diapers last week when my boy, not one to suffer in silence (just like his mother), was in the bath, wailing and kicking and wincing from the pain of a diaper rash. 

"Sweetheart, love," I said in my tenderest tone, "it's time to wear big boy underwear so the bad bacterias in your stinky poo don't eat away at your small tushy."

He looked up at me with pain in his blue eyes and said, "okay, mommy, no more diapers."

Score! I thought to myself.

The two of us were almost giddy - me because mission "stink-be-gone" was about to commence and he because the "bigboyunderwear" had a crane on it! And for five minutes, my boy was almost cooperative. He only ran away from me four times while I put on his new underpants!

The euphoria didn't last long. 

Whereas Hudson usually has dry diapers overnight, he had soaked his pants twice before falling asleep and (he did actually wake up dry) let a stream of yellow spray wild and free onto my marital bed when he greeted Ted and me in the morning.

By noon, he had wet himself twice and refused to pee in the teeny toilet at school while also refusing to wear a diaper.

"Mommy said there are no diapers for three year olds," he told the teacher, when she tried to put one on for naptime. "Your mommy said you could wear one for nap," she told him. His answer: "Daddy told me there are no diapers for three year olds."

Clever and true.

In the days since, there have been fits and starts. More fits than starts. And, I've twice broken the cardinal rule: don't yell or get angry at your kid during this process.

That is almost impossible. 

On Saturday, at my parents' house, after lots of talk about putting his pee in the potty when he feels it coming, of how staying dry is the better way, of how he'll get smarties if he goes, a toy if he does it a couple of times, a pony if he wants one, I tried to take him to the bathroom.

He hadn't peed for a whole 30 minutes and I knew we were tempting fate. "Let's run to the potty quick!" I said.

"No," he whined. "I don't want to."

"Why? Come on!" I begged.

"NOOOOO."

Grrrr. "Hudson stop it! You have to!" He went limp when I tried to lift him and threw a tantrum. "Why are you doing this to ME?" I shouted.

Perhaps this isn't about me? It is, however, a milestone: the first of many power struggles to come, I'll bet.

Now it's Thursday. Since last week I have spent about $100 on big boy underpants (seems we need 600 pairs to train in), laundry detergent, extra pants he can pull up and down all by himself, socks and an additional pair of shoes (because pee goes down that far, the teachers tell me). 

And, I walk around with a giant plastic bag filled with smarties (one for him, two for me).  For now, we only wear big boy underpants at home and he gets a treat every 10 or 15 minutes if he's dry.

"I'm dry!" he gleefully shouts. 

"It's only been 30 seconds since your last chocolate," I say dryly. 

"I'm dry!"

Our journey continues.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Dana F]

We used he M&M's to great effect. I bought the mini baking ones so he wasn't getting too much and he didn't notice the size difference. I also used my IPad. We'd take him in and keep him content with you tube videos on the Ipad and follow up with a chocolate. He still has the occasional accident but he's pretty much fully trained.

[Mo]

I know what you mean. My son is 2.5, and according to the internet he is "ready". We tired. he would sit on the potty and read stories, say he was trying to push the pee out, but nothing. So after 10. 15. 30 minutes sitting in the bathroom, we would give up and come back in a few minutes. Seconds later, while playing, he would stand up and shout "I'm peeing!" all over my carpets! all over my couch! Potty training fail! I gave up after one day, declaring him not ready, and we'll try again in a few weeks. It's a tough one to go thru, mostly for the moms ;) Hang in there, he'll get it eventually.

[GY]

We tried training my 2.5 year old at Christmas which ended in mostly screaming (hers) and tears (mine). After two days I gave up and tried again in March with success! I was the one doing the potty dance. As my doctor pointed out, most kids don't go to college wearing a diaper, they all get it eventually.

[Julie]

My son was almost 3 and a half when he was finally potty-trained. I've been trying on and off for a year. The only thing that worked with him was to let him bottom naked. He had no remorse peeing or pooping in his underpants (he thought they were just bad diapers) and he was insensitive to treats but he didn't want to do it on the floor. After a few days it was done... Sometimes it takes time to find the little thing that will change their mind. Good luck.

[Farveh]

It was interesting to read your post. It took back to the time when I couldn't wait any longer to see my daughter in underpants. She was the first child, so I was excited to rush everything and see her "growing" fast ... so it was me who became obsessed with all the milestones. She said good bye to diaper when she turned 2. Now that I reflect back (she's 6 now) I feel I worked too hard for things that nature would have taken care of anyway. I can see how I will be more easy going with my second one.

[Merla]

Seriously - look up 3 day toilet training by Lori someone. It totally worked for me & friends. It is a serious effort for 3 days (I actually took time off work), but it worked like a charm for my two and a half year old.

[le jec]

Hi, very good!

[Bailey]

I have just gone through the exact same trial with my 3+ year old... I thought I was going to lose my mind with the whole potty training process. I have all different kinds of underwear for my son....cars, toy story, batman, superman, and then finally learned that he wanted underwear like daddy (boxer-briefs)...which has finally been the solution we have been looking for. $100 dollars of underwear later....we have a winner!!

And don't feel bad....I broke the cardinal rule of potty training too, it set us back about a week. But luckily kids a resilient, and a whole lot of "i love you's" and "great job handsome'S" make them forget about Crazy mom who got mad when I had an accident on the babysitter's couch!

They call it an accident for a reason....I just need to keep remembering that :D