A new side effect

Perhaps most troubling of all the side effects of quitting smoking - first it was rage, then persistent agitation - is the one expressing itself very clearly on my left cheek.

A pimple.

A freaking pimple.

At 30 years old.

This is something I've not had to contend with for many years.

And during this past weekend it left me in all kinds of unfortunate social situations.

(If you're one of these malcontents that has been complaining my blog is whiny and overly dramatic, then stop reading already. It takes all kinds of triggers, silly and serious, whether a work crisis or social anxiety fueled by a skin nuisance, to scupper a legitimate quit attempt. Only in retrospect - that is, if I stay quit - will most of them seem silly.)

At my favourite coffee shop:

"Could I please get a large, light-roast coffee to go? And could you leave some room for cream, please, and not look at my face?"

At the grocery store:
"Um, I know I'm a grown man with a pimple, but could I get this bread sliced?"

At the car wash:
"How much for a regular car wash?" I asked the cashier. "And will your guys vacuum out my face, er, I mean, my trunk?"

Okay, so these things were never said. But I heard them in my nervous little head. And they were probably being communicated to the barista and bakery guy and cashier by the throbbing semaphore on my face.

Comments

[kate]

Way to go! You're totally there. I'm on day 7, now. But still kicking. It's getting easier.

[HMB]

Regarding the RAGE...

i was prepared for RAGE. i knew that IRRITABILITY would surface - why wouldn't it?? i'm an easily irritated person at the best of times. smoking tamped that down, of course; i knew I was likely to EXPLODE at the smallest thing when i quit smoking.

Strangely enough, that hasn't happened yet. i SMILE at people when i'm out in public (secretly craving a smoke at the same time) - I hold doors for people, i say 'hello' and 'thank you'... but when i get home, some kind of weird GRIEF hits me - it started on Day 3 and went non-stop through day 6. Crying. Sobbing, crying, whining, curling-up-in-bed painful episodes of grief. i wasn't expecting that AT ALL. i have no idea where it's coming from or why. and the weirdest thing is that when i come out of those short episodes, i'm just FINE! Everything's good, i'm looking forward to my next activity, people slap me on the back with the Congratulations.

i just was not prepared for the sadness and grief that i would feel when i quit. i was totally blind-sided by that. that in itself triggered cravings that the inhaler couldn't overcome; i am a stress-smoker. high stress = NEED CIGARETTE.

what could be higher stress than trying to quit smoking?

[yomama69]

hi my friend,
i too have quit smoking (since new year's) and can vouch for all the ill effects that you are feeling. i've had a sore throat for almost two months, a nasty case of the "f-you's" and "i hate my life", and yes....pimples! added bonus: alcoholism. i warn you now...stay off the booze, addictions have a funny way of mutating. whenever i crave cigs I visit hardcore lung cancer sites and consider the enormous damage of continued puffing. i'm about a decade older than you and this does manage to wield a lot of power, in a way that it didn't when i was younger. the only thing that prevents me from lighting up is an overactive, hypochondriacal imagination and a generalized faith that i blindly repeat as a mantra... "this too shall pass". so i really have no mature wisdom to impart and at the same have managed to regain the worst aspects of my youth: excessive drinking and bad skin. hmmm.... maybe that's why i smoked in the first place. having said that though, i think that one is always in a position to think about where one is at in one's life and no matter how self-indulgent it seems, forums like these help to raise those questions. so please carry on... with the blog and your quit. i know that i will.

[Camille]

Pimples suck (says a sufferer of adult acne).

Just pop the thing and slap some alcohol on it and get on with quitting smoking.

You're doing great.

[Amanda]

Hi David,

I have not smoked 3 packs a day for 30 years, I have not tried to quit 4,962 times [try 1 pack every 2-3 days, definitely 1-2 packs/day while in university, for about 6 years] and people older than my 23 years always say "you're not really THAT addicted." YOU WANNA BET!?!?! Come talk to me when I haven't had a smoke for 3 hours, then we'll see who's not addicted...

I must say that the timing of your blog strikes me as eerie, if not perhaps an omen. I have been having those thoughts of quitting again, which are always then closely accompanied by feelings of sheer terror. Why am I scared? Well, I have some reasons, perhaps because on a previous attempt to quit [1 month...on zyban, which I am ashamed to admit] my allergy attacks almost sent me to hospital, twice, because I could not breathe. Even thinking about quitting makes me hyperventilate...taking up smoking again put a stop to that...how's that for irony?

Besides that though, I, like you, know what it is like to be smoke free, it seemed almost instantly last time I quit that I woke up in the morning and didn't feel like complete garbage. THAT is ABSOLUTELY my motivation to quit...odd as it may be.

I exercise already, I enjoy running and being active and ya, smoking makes it a bit harder and I feel guilty everytime I walk out of the Y and reach for that much needed smoke...perhaps I will add that to my little "motivations" list. "Smoking after working out is really stupid!" or something like that.

Reading your blog and all the support from ex-smokers has definitely given me hope. It seems to me that it is harder for people around my age to quit because we do not have people around us who been through it. I am the social outcast when hanging out with friends and it's time to light up. I don't want to be a social outcast anymore, but I know it is going to be SO hard...and maybe...that's really why I am scared.

You CAN do this David and so can I. I have those same self-doubt feelings, "I don't think I am strong enough" has become my standard response to people lecturing me about quitting. But your blog has urged me to solidify my motivations and maybe that will give me strength. I will, perhaps on a usual smoking break here at work, put my list down on paper. I am getting there but I know I have to get myself mentally set to quit before I go forward.

Good luck to you! You are truly a brave person and by the sounds of it, you are on the right path. I think all these emotions are normal, including fear. Perhaps we should both look at it as a true test of character.

Thank You.

[bill]

Have been quit since January 1 2003. smoked for 35 + years.
Used the patch for a couple of weeks and www.quitnet.com as support.
(have you had the gas attacks yet)

you can do it!
as we say @ quitnet
KTQ

[Nettie]

Wow! You're closing in on the end of the second week. You're my hero. Congratulations! I went through my 73rd (roughly speaking) unsuccessful attempt in mid-January (I've been trying for 25+ years). I lasted 3 days and caved for no good reason other than I was driving past a Mac's and in a moment of weakness, I pulled in and bought a pack. Oops. Your blog and the multitude of supportive comments have convinced me to try it again. Short term pain, long term gain, right? Thanks! Let's get through this suffering together and with any luck, one of us will win that car!

[Matt]

I would suggest you consider listening to Wayne Dyer's audio (and other speakers of the same nature), specifically 'Change your life living the wisdom of the Tao - Do The Tao Now'. Listen, learn, be at peace. After years of 'trying' to quit, i just quit, easily. And I am no spiritual, positive thinking freak either. I just started to change the way I think about things and perceive things, and almost everything in my life has become easy, and natural, including quiting smoking. It will help with the 'nervousness' about your pimple too! ;)

[Mark]

Hi. I've been following your quest since it began. Pimples, eh? That didn't happen to me; but the inside of my mouth feels like I burned it on a hot pizza. Once commenter has noted to beware of turning one addiction (nicotine) into another (booze). Trust me, that has been the cause of repeated failures in the past to quit. So watch it. One thing that will make it easier is that your tolerance for alcohol drops when you quit. Apparently, the nicotine constricts the blood vessels in the intestines, reducing uptake. Massive hangover anyone? Keep it up, I feel like we are doing this together.

[Tabitha]

Hello,
I stumbled across this blog while browsing the net trying to remind myself of all of the reasons I decided to quit smoking in the first place. I am 32 years old, smoked since I was 17, and, for the third time, quit smoking 3 weeks ago (Feb 4th, 2008). I have been doing well up until last weekend when I was out with friends; I was drinking heavily and got into a rageful argument with a friend of 13 years with whom I have never even had a small disagreement.
Right now, she is so hurt by the things that were said, she will not talk to me, and I, ashamed and embarrassed, feel like smoking again. However, reading about your experiences in this blog have been helpful. I will not smoke today.
Thank you and good luck on your journey.

[Amy]

I have successfully quit smoking for 20 months. Here are two websites that will save your life:

http://www.stopsmokingcenter.net/

http://www.acne.org/

[Donna]

Hi David ..

First of all Congratulations for hanging in there!!
Secondly, try that hypnotherapy. I'm dying to know if it works.

Keep it up!!

Donna

[Elizabeth]

Hey David,

I am turning 40 soon, never thought I'd quit. Smoked 3 in the morning before leaving for work. Went on Champix in December. Whereas Zyban had made me depressed if not unstable after 21 days, Champix has released me from the deathgrip of cigs. It's a miracle drug and I am only on a half dose, because the evening pill gave me whackjob dreams. But even on a half dose, I am a new woman.

Life without cigarettes is possible!

[Kate]

to HMB...

I know exactly what you mean, about the rage and tears stuff. There's this feeling like you're grieving or something, honestly, it feels like your dog just died. Loss. Of cigarettes I guess. Really bizarre. But %$#@ you, Imperial Tobacco, I am going to WIN this one.

[quitting smoking]

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