Now what?

Pictures of ravaged, blackened lungs.

Videos of former smokers speaking from what used to be a fully formed face before cancer and tumors and surgeons took their toll.

I appropriately cringe, and for a fleeting moment recognize that this could happen to me.

I go on smoking. These hideous images have absolutely zero effect.

But now that I am trying to quit, I am confronted with a frustrating irony:

A grim testimonial of another kind is scaring me off the pill that was supposed to wean me from nicotine.

A recent article in New York Magazine featured a first-person account of a smoker who took this popular drug, called Chantix or Champix, and started spiraling into a depressed state that included suicidal thoughts. The writer cited a recent advisory issued by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration that it was aware of more than 30 suicides possibly linked to the drug made by Pfizer.

Lovely.

Now what?

That was my crutch, now broken. This drug was to be the silver bullet that would finally, once and for all, slay the habit.

I've tried Zyban, and it made me feel too up, too happy. Sleepless, and unsettled by a creepy perma-grin I noticed in the mirror, I dropped it.

I've tried the nicotine gum. That helped me lay off smokes for a year, the longest I've ever stayed quit.

I flagrantly abused the gum, chewing each piece for an hour until it took on the consistency of cement. My molars are nubs. (To help stop the disappearance of my back teeth, my dentist has ordered me to wear a protective mouth-guard -- it resembles a retainer -- so I don't grind teeth in my sleep. Out of pride and a sense of dignity appropriate for any 30-year-old, I don't wear it.)

So the gum is out.

What am I left with?

Cold turkey?

Oh God, this is going to suck.

And please don't show me images of tumors and black lungs that look like torched footballs. None of that magnanimous medical stuff adds up to an antidote for quitting cold.

Comments

[Kaeli A]

I praise you for your will to quit smoking. It's a hard habit to quit, and I speak from personal experience. I'm trying to quit too.
Regarding Chantix, a lot of SSRI's (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) also can cause suicidal ideation as well, and believe me, I'm on an SSRI. My doctor monitors me closely.
If you decide to go on to use Chantix, push your doctor to see you as much as possible. It seems like every med that involves depression or smoking cessation has nasty side effects. I wish you so much luck in quitting smoking. I'm trying to quit as well using nico-patches. I hope it works for me.

good luck

[Terrence Mitchell]

I quit smoking after smoking from the age of 18 to 39 using my own method... I was a 2 lrg packs a day man and designed my own way of quitting and did so... I find all these patches and drugs and silliness just ridiculous... if a person wants to quit they will quit... I am now 64 and haven't smoked in 25 years.
And I have my method of quitting available for free if anyone wants to try it. ( I put it on the back burner for years because I never had anyone else try it.. so don't really know if it will work for anyone else.) But suffice it to say it doesn't require any medications or outlay of money for aids to quit.
But first you have to actually WANT to quit.

[Karen]

Looks like you're just going to have to suck it up my friend. No matter what you have in your bag of tricks it's going to suck and be a true test of your willpower. Sounds like from your past attempts you've always been addicted and have never changed your mentality. I read Alan Carr's book 'The Easy Way to Stop Smoking'.

Easy... not exactly. I felt his book was really good though in changing one's mentality towards smoking. I kind of felt like the book was a bit hypnotic in that it repeats a lot of the same themes and by the end of the book the way I thought about smoking had changed. But then you have to bite the bullet and do it, quit. I'm sure everyone's telling you various ways to quit, but why not give this a try? What do you have to loose? Here's a link to his website. http://www.theeasywaytostopsmoking.com

Good luck. You can do it.

[Red]

With all due respect to your profession, I would not let the media reports, by themselves, scare you off Chantix. Talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits. While you are at it, why not also look into the Smokers Helpline 1-877-513-5333 or www.smokershelpline.ca ? You can call them when your support crowd is not available.
Good Luck!

[JT]

It will suck, but you're worth it.
It will make you feel nuts, irritable but it won't last forever. I swear, it stops. It's normal to feel this way.

Exercise, eat sugar free/fat free munchies, cook, paint, clean your home until is sparkles, inhale/exhale deeply, dance on a table, sing, cry, keep a private diary of how you're feeling, let it out, let it go. Do anything/everything except inhale on another cigarette for the rest of your life. Not once. Win!