Don't lecture me

Yesterday I wrote about my search for famous people who have quit smoking and remained relevant.

I was curious. I needed inspiration.

What a freaking mistake.

"What the hell do you need a 'hero' for?" a reader demanded to know. "Stop being a drama queen."

Umm, okay.

"If living isn't enough motivation for you," he continued, "then you're screwed."

If living was enough motivation, I wouldn't have started smoking in the first place. My decision to smoke was short-sighted. My effort to quit -- only a week old but still successful, by the way -- is similarly short-sighted. I cannot see the finish line. I can only get through each hour, one hour at a time. That's just how I am going to quit. Telling me simply that I will live longer isn't going to magically cure me of cravings and self-doubt and all the other crap that comes with an addiction.

Call me weak-willed. Tell me I am grasping at silly gimmicks. I don't care. Anything that works, as long as it doesn't involve murder or crystal meth, is good enough for me.

As I said when I started this blog, I don't care if I quit gracefully. I just want to quit.

There's a reason I quit last week. That's when my wife was scheduled to leave the city to teach at a university in Vermont for three months. I knew I would be alone and free to indulge in what was sure to be a self-centred and generally unsavory span of several weeks.

I am drinking cheap beer. My last two dinners were from the drive-thru window at McDonald's.

I frequently get up and pace when the addiction worm starts crawling under my skin.

I scowl and mutter at people on television, especially the American news anchor who calls himself "Mr. Independent."

I play free Orbitz video games online, like eight-ball and mini putt, sometimes for hours, my jaw slack and eyes rheumy.

I am not angry that readers disagree with something I write. I welcome comments and criticism. I want your stories and tips on how to quit successfully, and in future blog posts I will write about some of these.

But please don't tell me I am a drama queen. I just can't take it. I think I might stop writing this blog, then quit the Star and then start smoking again.

Omigod.

Comments

[Lisa]

Thank you so much for that little bit of sarcasm. I am being completely honest when I say it was deserved!
I am quitting also, was actually doing pretty good from Dec 26 up to last week, than I broke down.... The only thing that is making me reaffirm that I do need to follow through with quitting is the jack arses who seem to think it's so dang easy... Yah, thats my venting... FYI if you break down and have even 1 puff you will regret it, the cravings get even worse (so do the mood swings) Beware, it is not fun for anyone around you, although considering I'm usually a doormat, I'm kinda enjoying this attitude thing. :)

[Lise Lapalme]

Keep up the good fight! I quit (Cold Turkey) 3 years ago in January. It's hard, but gets a lot better. I can honestly say that I did not cheat. What helped me was that I brought carrot sticks with me mostly everywhere I went. Another thing that really helped me was that I knew exactly how many days that I quit so I would announce to my friends and family "today is day 23" etc... Then people would always come up to me and ask how many days have I quit. This blog will help you tremendously because people are reading it and you wouldn't want to disappoint them by telling them you cheated or started again.

Good luck! You can do it! Don't cheat because then you're cheating yourself...

Lise

[Rick]

David;

I just read your comment, you really can beat this. I think someone said that after 2 weeks the desire starts to ebb. You are half way there don't stop. Honestly I used the patch and followed the directions to the letter and it worked. I have been smoke free for 5 years. I was a 2 to 3 pack a day smoker.

Try to do things that will keep your hands and mind busy. If you can do that then you will not be focused on the "urge". I will be reading your blog with interest to seem if you can keep going. You didn't mention if your wife was a smoker, I would bet she isn't and if that is the case she will extremely gratefull that she does not have to kiss a "smokers mouth".

If you need something to keep you busy and if you smoked in the house, take a cloth and some windex and wipe off the galss on a picture. If the cloth comes off with a bit of yeloow then you have a whole house to tidy up before she gets back. Just a thought to help you keep busy.

[J.]

Inspiration:

1. You will no longer smell awful.
2. You will save about $10.00 per day.
3. You will be able to feel healthier day to day(something you can better appreciate when it happens).
4. You will not be one of the one in two smokers that suffer a slow and painful death by COPD (like my brother is now in the process of doing).
5. You will get back the 2 or so hours each day that you spend going outside for a smoke.
6. You will have increased blood supply to your extremities (all of them, if you know what I mean).
7. You will have the satisfaction of overcoming a serious addiction.
8. You will join the ranks of the socially acceptable.

How to do it:

I had to combine patches, gum, acupuncture and hypnosis, try more than once, and forever consider my self an addict to tobacco to quit. I am so glad I did, but even now, 8 or so years later, even with my brother increasingly ill, I think about having just one smoke. Then I take a big breath and am thankful I can.

Good luck.

[Kristina]

When I quit last May I had a mantra that helped me through: "the only thing a cigarette gives me is want of another cigarette." I didn't gain one pound and I haven't smoked since. You can do it.

[Jon]

You should check out quitnet.com, a great site with plenty of good advice and many people going through exactly the same thing as you. I was smoking a pack and a half a day when I quit cold turkey and four and a half years later I'm still smoke free.

[Lisa]

Quiting smoking sucks, I know, I admit I have a habbit of quiting! Obviously I know I shouldn't smoke but I really like smoking. I rationalize that its okay because I don't smoke too much, usually about 7 a day but I really depend on those 7 smokes a day. I truly think that everyone has their own personal "vice", for some it is drinking, some drugs, some shopping, some exercising and some smoking. I also acknowledge that smokers tend to associate themselves with other smokers, hence making it harder to quit. I've gone the road of being able to socially smoke, take my advise, that does not work, all too soon you fall back into your old habbit full time. Right now I am quiting again, this is just my second day of not smoking only this time I have my husband quiting as well, great, too angry people in the same house! I have heard it is harder to quit smoking than herion, I believe that. I don't have a perfect solution for you to make it easier for you, the fact is it sucks not smoking when you want one. I've also heard once a smoker, always a smoker, I truly believe it will be years before I can see someone smoking and not want one. I think it must just take such huge personal will power and maybe one day I/you will feel great personal satisfaction for not letting it rule my/your life anymore.
Good luck, take care

[amanda]

I just want to say im not a "blog reader" but the fact that you were blogging about quitting smoking intrigued me because i am trying to quit smoking too. Your blog was short, simple, straight to the point and funny. Keep writing about your success/failures of quitting and ill keep reading :)

[Roger]

Hey there,

Like a fool I did quit on New Year's Day. But for some unknown reason, through all of my rages (even when to a Dr. to ask him for something to make me less angry - he didn't accomodate, lol), I am still partnered, only put on 10 pounds and like a cold, I've even forgotten I did smoke.

Hang tight!

[Christine Zielinski]

Dear David. I enjoyed reading your journal about quitting smoking. I think it's very brave of you to publicize your journey into the most frustrating and difficult time of anyone's life who attempts to quit.

I am 58 years of age, and have quit so many times, I can't count. Once, I quit for three years. Somehow, someway I started again. Just one with my brother, I believe that's how it started. Then, just one with a drink. It didn't take that long before I was right back at it again fulltime. I am sure you are aware of and have also experienced similar falls in quitting. The method that has helped me the most has been the patches.

All in all, though I just want to say that quitting even for a short time, or sporadically is still a success. I agree with the hour by hour. After a time as you know, one stops thinking about having a cigarette less and less. Dissasociating events that go with the habit happens over time. You are only 30 years of age. If you can stay quit now, and I believe it's a great time to do it when your wife is not around and your marriage will remain intact. (smiles)

My words of encouragement are, go for it and never turn back. You be the one to show all of your readers that you can do it. God knows we all need inspiration.

Good luck and don't give up.

[Kat]

I quit 12 weeks ago...and you are so right about not being a drama queen. Anyone who quits knows that the first week or so is filled with rage, emotional instability, sleepless nights, and an intense need to do something with your hands (I ended up organizing the closets in my apartment and mending clothes that didn't really need mending. I learned my lesson the last time I quit that food is not a good replacement for smoking). Breaking free of the physical addiction is one thing, but man, it's the psychological addiction that's the real tough one. Becoming a non-smoker actually changes your identity, and that's kinda difficult to deal with. Sure, I feel a million times better now that I quit (I no longer feel chest pains when I run---did I mention I'm only 28?), but I would still love someone to tell me that smoking is NOT bad for me and it will NOT lead to many disgusting diseases. However, since that's not going to happen, I have to struggle through the cravings every time I eat a big meal, have a drink, hang out with friends, procrastinate from doing work, walk around, etc.

So to everyone who thinks that David is being overly-dramatic: piss-off. Quitting sucks. Period. But remember one thing, when you REALLY quit, you only have to go through this BS once. Good luck!!

[Quit in 1973]

I admire the fact that you are quitting. This is one thing you will be able to point to and definitely say that you did something really smart. When I quit I carried my smokes with me all the time so it was either shit or get off the pot. This was before nicarette which I would use now . I smoked two packs a day. I still dream of smoking from time to time. In my dreams I can quit anytime and have only one or two cigarettes. I had a drink anytime I wanted a smoke so I was drunk for a month. Eat and drink what you want . you have earned it. You will have lots of time to sober up and lose weight. you might have to get a whole new set of friends too.

[Pat Dixon]

You hope you might someday be famous or make a difference -- well I'm sure that's exactly what you're doing in this process. And don't forget -- once on the internet, all that you say will be out there 'in the ether' forever, so you will long 'make a difference' to people.

I quit smoking, finally, at 36, having tried about five times unsuccessfully -- mostly because I kept giving in and having "just one". So the last time, I committed to never having another puff, and I never have. I also committed to not becoming one of those obnoxious 'holier than thou' types just because I gave up smoking. And I still don't feel holier than anyone!

The first time I gave it up, I put on ten pounds in ten days! So I said, to hell with this, I'm smoking! I also felt that I couldn't be creative if I didn't smoke, and so on. Eventually, I believed that I was one of those types who would never be able to quit. Never say never.

I think you will succeed because you have 'the right attitude' -- i.e. you acknowledge that it isn't easy; you know that you have to just plod along, from one hour to the next, until the craving becomes less and less, which it will. Meanwhile, you can focus on other things, develop another side of yourself -- how about for instance learning something about gourmet cooking: surprise your wife by having learned how to cook, say, three great gourmet meals. If you focus on learning about food and food preparation, this might also minimize any tendency to get fat because of the 'oral gratification' thing.
You could also take up yoga or speed-walking -- just anything, in short, that you could focus on, be creative with, etc. -- as opposed to passively watching TV for example. Google any subjects you've ever been curious about -- follow the search... You get my drift :-)
Good luck, and thanks for sharing!

[christine burnett]

Your biggest problem is that you are looking for a silver bullet. There aren't any. You either want to quit, or you don't. Expecting it to be easy is delusional. Until you acknowledge and accept that it is going to be hard and painful, I doubt you will succeed. Meantime, if the worst thing Zyban did was make you too happy.......? sounds like you are just making excuses, and ran out of story ideas for your editor, so you thought you'd pretend to quit. True?

[smoky smokerson]

i'm reading this blog with so much interest because i am a smoker with no intentions of quitting. :) I LIKE TO SMOKE. when i no longer enjoy it, i will put the effort in quitting. until then, i'm going to keep on smoking because it is a pleasure.

life is short, whether you smoke or not. my mother died a terrible, horrible death at 39 of cancer. she NEVER smoked. she rarely drank. she ate well and took good care of herself. none of these healthy lifestyle choices helped her in the end. she died, she died young, and it sucked.

on the flip side, many others have lived long, smoky lives. fair? of course not. but it's the truth.

having said all that, my point is, death is gonna get all of us. sometimes it's too soon, sometimes it's too late. sometimes it's quick and easy, often it is long and painful. we cannot predict when the reaper will come for us, healthy or not, smoker or non smoker.

in closing, in my opinion, the only reason to quit is because YOU DON'T WANT TO SMOKE ANYMORE. to quit only to cheat the inevitability of death is an exercise in futility.

[OwenMeany1]

David,
“Don’t lecture me.”
It is now 5:30 pm. And I have sadly managed to have another 5 fixes bringing my total so far for the day up to 10.
Your comment of “Don’t lecture me,” got me thinking....

I also have been lectured about smoking for 30 years, all my smoking life, from total strangers, friends, lovers, physicians, and family. It hasn’t done a thing to help.
If you added up the amount of lectures I have received in my life and multiplied them by 1000 it wouldn’t come anywhere close to the amount of lectures I have given myself.

I shouldn’t smoke, it is killing me.

I have an endless lecture on why I shouldn’t smoke going on in my head, it has become a part of my inner dialogue.

My self lectures are not kind.

With all those lectures I have also made endless promises to myself; I will quite at the beginning of the month, next week, tomorrow, after this pack, after this last one....
Then the self lecture results in endless broken promises to myself adding up, making my promise to be able to breathe freely empty words. I am overtaken and feel like a failure and dissapointment.

Nothing is sadder than broken promises.

I am so angry, I don’t even remember my when I made the decision to start to smoke.
It was so long ago. Did I actually decide?
No one ever asked me, I never asked myself, I was 14 did I really choose a life of nicotine addiction?
If I could go back and ask myself, knowing where I am today what would be the answer.

Currently living with the anger, disappointed, and frustration, the result of years of self lectures and broken promises.

Please don't quit, if you can keep the promise and get your addiction under control, perhaps one day soon I will stop this madness in my head and overcome my nicotine addiction.

How is that for drama?

[Jane]

"I cannot see the finish line". reminds me of a conversation between Peter Gzowski and Carol Shields, about a year or two before she died, before he died too. She told him that starting a book was like starting out from one side of the continent in a car, driving to the other coast, at night. She can only see what her headlights reveal of the road ahead, but she just has faith that she will get to the other side of the continent, just keeps driving. I didn't know she was dying then, nor Peter. It really touched the chord, about writing, but also when I read your words 'I cannot see the finish line', thought you could relate.
To switch gears a bit, the dreams are common whether you are on one of those anti-smoking drugs or cold turkey. part of the withdrawal, and part of it is your body/brain protecting you - the angst goes on while you sleep, and you are spared some of it while harmlessly asleep because you have to shut it off while awake. When the dreams stop, you're getting past it. (but...years and years after I kicked it, for a while I thought I was smoking again, every time I dreamed. I kept dreaming - again - about sneaking a smoke, just like during the first months after cold turkey. Couldn't remember that I was dreaming, so got to have the guilt, and then got to have the relief on awaking!! maybe it never does retire.)
Keep on writing. you'll learn what it is as you go.

[kate]

60 hours for me now...with no nicotine. I know, this is not fun. And there is nothing more aggravating right now than criticism and advice from holier than thou never-were-smokers who haven't the faintest clue how hard this is, or how...uh...emotionally volatile the quitter's mood is. There needs to be a sign around my neck, "Harass deprived nicotine addict at your own peril."
Stay strong.

[chris McRae]

Keep it up, it gets easier!!
I used hypnotherapy, and have quit for a month, thus paying my $300 fee, right?

Good Luck.

[Grahame]

hello dave.
I used to smoke 30 a day and last year on 15th August I stopped. It was easy. No withdrawl symptoms. If you want me to tell you how please email me.

[Jenn]

I wanted to reply to the earlier post about those who had quit and were actually more successful, interesting etc.

When I started thinking about quitting, I did that same google search, looking for not so much role models, but some proof that one can quit and still have an edge.

I had an equally hard time finding people. Searching google also limits results to really famous people, which isn't necessarily a good indicator of greatness.

Nevertheless, I did notice that Jon Stewart of The Daily Show quit smoking a while back. He fits the mould of someone who is more successful, still interesting, very relevant with edge and without smoking. He often says that he used to smoke a lot, but quit, with difficulty, but is happy now.

I think of him sometimes when the urge arises.

[Mo]

Hang in there - three years ago, I was a 40 cigarette a day junkie smoker, never quit for even one day from age 15 to age 45, and then I quit. The biggest trick is simply not to have a cigarette. Keep on not having a cigarette, and eventually you stop desiring it. Also, try spending the cigarette money on something else. I went out the week I quit smoking and bought a nice Subaru. The loan payment worked out to almost exactly the cost of smoking - $100 a week. So if I were to start smoking again, I would not be able to afford to keep the lovely car as well as buy the smokes. It helped!

[Carla]

‘You either want to quit, or you don't. Expecting it to be easy is delusional. Until you acknowledge and accept that it is going to be hard and painful, I doubt you will succeed.’ -- christine burnett

While I agree that one has to want to quit for the attempt to work, I don’t agree that one has to accept that it’s going to be hard and painful to quit.

Before I tried it, I assumed it would be hard and painful to quit because that’s what people always said. But it was neither hard nor painful for me, and I was a 20-year pack-a-day smoker. I did nothing more complicated than this: 1. I decided I finally wanted to quit (after years of wanting to want to quit!), 2. I started on the nicotine patch system, 3. I read Allan Carr’s book. I have not had the urge to smoke since. Not once. That was six years ago. And, believe it or not, I actually enjoyed those weeks on the patch because my delight at the ease of quitting was such a pleasant surprise after 20 years of hearing about how hard it would be to quit.

Based on my own experience, I don’t think that “quitting is gonna be hard as hell” needs to be accepted as gospel. Better to go in with an open mind.

[Vanessa]

Hi Dave,
I was thinking about yesterday's blog, where you wanted names of famous people especially writers, who had quit and gone on to have inspiring heroic lives.

Well, I am not famous (yet!) or a hero (except to my dog), but I did quit (Aug 18th 1999) while trying to finish a Master's degree that required a thesis. I was scared that I couldn't do it, because writing was so intricately linked to smoking after decades of habit. Fortunately I found the QuitSmokingSupport.com folks and they talked ("typed") me through the worst of it. I realised that if I could type for hours online with them, I could probably do the same with the thesis (32,578 good enough words.) After that, I went on to do a PhD which required a zillion million words over five years (this may say something about post-quit delusional thinking).

It is certainly possible to write after quitting, though the transition period can be pretty hairy. What worked for me was Wellbutrin and chewing on cinnamon sticks (which Hildegard von Bingen says "cures inner slime")!

[Glen L]

Hello David,
Good luck with the non-smoking.
Uhh, inspiration...let me see.
Its hard, so if you do quit, its a big accomplishment, sounds lame but its true.
Anybody who says its easy is a bull----ter.
If you go back to smoking, you did quit, even for just a day.
Every time you try to quit, its not failure, its practice for quitting.
Some tips for quitting before you quit...
Don't smoke in the house.
Try to smoke in the same place and put the butts in a large can, like a 1.2L juice can, don't empty it, just get more cans.
It doesn't take long to see what happens.
Tips for the day you quit.
Don't do it at New Year's. (Its nice if that's your 6 mos anniversary!)
Try to make it a no stress day, sleep all day if you have to.
You just want to rid the body of the nicotine, a few days after that its habit.
Put the money aside everyday, translate it into something of value - 3 monthes is a flat screen tv.
Use anything to trick yourself, don't listen to bull----ters.
If you stumble, get up and keep going, no reason to beat yourself up.
I've quit for about 5 years now.
I tried to quit several times before, longest was 3 years.
I've stumbled and you just keep going.
Good luck

[Laurie]

David:
Keep up the good work. Bye nicotine monster. Remember....no more slavery to having to go through life systematically destroying your own body and paying through the nose for the privilege.
There is a quick read by Allen Carr "Easy way to Stop Smoking". It has some very useful information on changing our thinking about smoking. It is only $10 and can picked up at most book stores. A handy resource to have around.

[Jamie Browning]

No one wants to be a quitter.
So tell yourself that you've stopped smoking, rather than that you are quitting.

Another bit of terminology - my dentist's assistant recently said to me "I didn't know you were a smoker".

Well, I didn't know I was either. I didn't think of myself as "a smoker" even though I smoked. Saying someone is a smoker makes it sound like an occupation. It weirded me out.

I also just stopped smoking again a few weeks ago. For maybe the 10th time. Each time I stop I am at least able to get rid of another trigger, i.e. the smoke that has to go along with a cup of coffee, the smoke after sex, the smoke(s) you need during a session of creative writing.

Also, I've always found that the emotional addiction is the hardest one to fight. The brain plays such interesting tricks on you!
Even when the physical addiction has passed, and the habitual addiction is tamed there is still that whiny voice in your head that says "but why can't I smoke - other people get to smoke! I'm upset about something today. A smoke would make it all better." and so on.

So I've been saying out loud to myself "I used to smoke, but I stopped". and "I used to be a smoker, but I'm not anymore"

And my massage therapist, after only 1 week, said she could no longer smell it coming out of my pores! Holy who-knew-just-how-stinky-it-could-be, Batman!

Hang in there and don't forget, even if you do start again you have at least given your body a break (even if it's been at the expense of your brain, LOL) Good luck! I hope to make it myself this time too.

[Holly]

Hi David
I quit smoking 80 days ago and I still spend all day every day not smoking. It takes all my concentration to refrain from smoking. I also have not slept more than 2 hours in a row since I quit. The good news is I have not gained any weight either, since I've been hyper-vigilant about not eating. I don't know how other people manage this, but I think it would be easier to kick almost any other chemical dependency.

[Leah]

I read earlier in your posts that you were very short-sighted. I had the same problem while I was trying to quit. I always thought of it as... "Ok, sure! I'll quit smoking. And then once I do, I can celebrate with a nice, long smoke."

I literally couldn't even picture myself without a cigarette. But the funny thing is, now, if ever I DO picture myself with a cigarette, I see a complete tool. Because really, that's what I've found smokers are and what I was. Tools. Complacent and whiney, stubborn, manipulative (both of others and themselves) - tools.

Here's something that helped with my short-sightedness and continues to help me quit smoking.

In just 20 minutes - Blood pressure and pulse return to normal
In just 8 hrs - Nicotine and carbon monoxide levels in blood reduce by half. Oxygen levels return to normal.
In just 24 hrs - Carbon monoxide will be eliminated from the body. Lungs start to clear out mucous and other smoking debris.
In only 48 hrs - There is no nicotine left in the body (although cravings continue). Ability to taste and smell is greatly improved.
In only 72 hrs - Breathing becomes easier. Bronchial tubes begin to relax and energy levels increase.
After 2-12 weeks - Circulation improves
After 3 - 9 months - Coughs, wheezing and breathing problems improve as lung functions are increased by up to 10%
After 5 yrs. - Risk of heart attack falls to about half that of a smoker.
And after 10 yrs. - Risk of lung cancer falls to about half that of a smoker. Risk of heart attack falls to the same as someone who has never smoked!

It's important to be hard on yourself. Don't take any bullshit, ever. Especially from yourself.
Good luck!

[aa]

christy turlington is a famous person who has quit.

[Marlene]

Anthony Bourdain. Quit when his daughter was born.
I am reading this with interest, as I've just had another failed attempt at quitting. I tried the Champix, but it sort of turned me into a zombie. All I wanted to do was sleep. I suppose, if I'd been on a desert island somewhere, with no daily responsibilities, I could have slept my way through the quit. I've read Allan Carr's book and it's a good one, for at least helping you to relate to how the mind works. The physical addiction in theory, is broken after three days. After that, it's all mind games. One of the things he says that makes sense is that, if this were a true addiction, you couldn't sleep at night without getting up to have one, or go on a plane or anywhere else that is non smoking. Now, I tend to avoid non smoking places whenever possible, but sometimes it just isn't and since my mind knows I can't smoke, it doesn't seem to torment me during those times.

I'll be giving this another shot in a couple of weeks, but it won't be on Champix. Good luck!