Unhinged

So, um, no one told me rage was a major side effect of quitting smoking.

I am not doing so well.

At times, unhinged, you might say.

The other day - this was three days after my last cigarette - this is what happened, I am ashamed to report:

Driving in Yorkville.

Below the speed limit.

There are dirty snowbanks and illegally parked cars, both of which conspire to leave little room for driving and little to no ability to see what's coming at you from the left or right.

As I am approaching a crosswalk, a woman walks out from behind a parked van, setting foot on the street - not even on the crosswalk but five feet away from it - as I am driving past.

She starts wildly flapping her arms, and I can tell she is trying to tell me I have done something wrong.

What I see in my unstable state is someone who feels she should be able to cross the street whenever she wants, and that the rest of the world should anticipate it.

To me, the look on her face says: "How dare there be moving cars when I want to cross the street!"

She is dressed in cashmere and high-heel boots that have her wobbling like a drunk. Most of her face looks pinched with Botox, and the rest of it is covered by huge sunglasses.

So, instead of ignoring her, I punch the brakes - blocking her path - roll down the window, and bark: "What the #^&$ is your problem?"

"It's a crosswalk," she says.

"I can see that," I say, my voice increasing in volume with each word. "So why didn't you press the button over there that lights up the crosswalk signs?"

Now I am yelling.

"THAT'S

HOW

CROSSWALKS

WORK!"

Amazingly, she says, "There's no button."

I scream, "Yes there is. Look. Look right behind you."

Still in denial she says, "There is no button!"

"What are you, $%^&#*& stupid?" I bark.

The woman totters on, leaving me red in the face, enraged at her arrogance.

I roll down the window even more, so I can lean out, take a deep breath and scream:

"A$%^#&E!

Then I notice everyone on the street has stopped walking. They are all looking at me.

A few seconds later, I figure out that I have totally lost it.

But hey, after quitting cold Thursday, I still haven't had a cigarette.

Comments

[Red]

Yeah, it's hell, but hopefully it will help to know that it's going to last a fixed amount of time. Talk to your doctor, this is one of the things that nicotine replacement (eg: patch) is supposed to help with.

I just got a tip from a friend that may help you (and others) she just celebrated her first anniversary as a non-smoker. She had bet various friends that she could last a year and is now collecting. It was a great incentive for her: "The more bets I made the less attractive the first cig looked. I kept asking myself if I would pay $200 for a drag."

[thordora]

I quit while pregnant. Rage isn't the half of it.

[Joan]

I don't even smoke and I've had days like that...what does that tell you about me?

Seriously though, at least you're turning the hellish nightmare of quitting into something hysterical for the rest of us to read. Good for you! Good luck as you continue to quit. And frankly, let's face it...she probably deserved it anyway. Don't feel too bad about losing your shit.

[Bill Harmer]

I smoked 50 a day, unfiltered. I quit cold turkey before patches and gum. About 3 months into my ordeal my wife asked, "Why did you quit smoking?" "For my health," I replied. "Well," she said, "You'd better start again for your health or I'm going to kill you." I didn't and that was 30 years ago. Hang tough, it's worth it. I have since run a dozen marathons and that feeling is better than smoking.

[Tor]

Honestly, I would recommend doing it the hypnotherapy way. I have had 4 friends and my sister do it, and it all worked with no psychological problems.

You follow the instructions your hypnotherapist gives you, you go it, get hypnotized, he gives you some valium for the physical effects, and presto, you're free.

I wouldn't be writing this here with such support if I didn't have so many people in my life who had benefited.

[cynthia]

good luck! Have you heard of the quit smoking book by allen carr? A teacher at work stopped cold after years and years of trying on his own.

I'm thinking of buying it for my guy, tho' if it turns him into a raging lunatic perhaps it's not a good idea?

Looks like carr's giving a seminar in TO on the 24th, for $$$$.

[Maria Elena Alvarez]

Hang in there! No one said it was easy.
I quit last Thanksgiving and it was a success! I have been nicotine free for 4 months now. I simply enjoyed the last one driving on the highway, did not buy anymore cigarrettes, instead I bought a lot of regular gum to keep my mouth busy, I could tno stand the nicorete as it burns my tongue!! I did try to smoke at a Chistmas party but after a drag I wanted to vomit & I washed my mouth like 12 times the next day. So now I can say I have guts & this time it is for good! It is a stinky expensive vice, people that smoke stink, their mouths stink, your lungs are black, and you are more likely to have a heart disease or a stroke! Now I can finally breathe deeply & feel the fresh air in my lungs!!! It is awesome!!!!!!!

[JT]

The darkest hour is just before dawn.
Keep on truckin'!

[Paul Knight]

I quit smoking a month ago now in the morning instead of smoking I stuff myself with eggs bacon toast and a big mug of tea.
I have felt very sick for the month, the worst being the coughing. At times I couldn't really breathe.
I can now smell things again. I dont know if this is a good or bad thing!
Feeling better each day plus not seeing all that money going up in smoke.

[Kelli Fox]

Hang in there. I didn't read all of Allen Carr's book when I quit six years ago, just enough to get the gist. There's not enough nicorette or zyban in the world to make this easy. The only way to quit smoking is to not smoke. It really, really sucks for a while and then one day it doesn't and you're done. It's the greatest gift you could ever give to yourself and the people who love you.

[Jessica]

Kudos to you for writing a journal it is therapy in itself! I quit smoking 2 weeks ago after 3453653 attempts and every day that I don't smoke I record a new reason why I shouldn't start up again. Good luck to you!
P.S. I also entered the Driven To Quit contest I am stoked on potentially winning a Toyota Prius haha!

[megabytes]

I remember reading some alternative health philosophy thing about the lungs controlling the emotions. So when you smoke, to tamp down the rage/ sorrow/ elation... Quitting means that you have to learn to suppress these to socially acceptable levels in a new way. After I quit I did all these relaxation exercises, but the visualization that worked best was "chain smoking in my head". Good luck, and don't worry - the crying jags don't last too long....

[Mark Donaldson]

Can I ever relate! I would be sitting at my desk working and find myself in a towering rage....for NOTHING!!! Twenty minutes later, I'd be on the verge of weeping, again for nothing. Hang in there, it'll all be worth it. Signing off on the road to recovery, Mark.

[Nancy]

Oh, the rage. I remember it well, when trying to quit cold turkey. I was a monster. At one point, my sister, still a smoker herself, grabbed her pack of cigarettes and THREW them at me, with instructions to "HAVE ONE!!!"

I quit for good 4.5 years ago. Two packs a day for 30 years. I finally quit using Zyban and the patch together. Not only did I quit for good, I didn't become a raging monster. The Zyban (aka Wellbutrin) kept me sane and calm. The patch fed my addiction. The whole thing went so well, I got huge compliments from everybody, remarking how calm and pleasant I was, considering I was going through withdrawal.

And now, I can't stand being anywhere near smoke. It reeks!! I can smell when a smoker has been in my general area half an hour ago! The trail of stink just lingers. I can smell when a smoker's been in an elevator 20 minutes previously. I can't be in the home of a smoker, because the stink hits me like a ton of bricks.

And now people laugh at me, because of how I react to the smell of what I used to stink of!!

There are lots of quit-smoking aids out there. You don't have to suffer the rage!! Talk to your doctor!! And good luck! Keep with it! It's so worth it!

[geoff]

David, I have news for you, the rage lasts quite a while. I used the patch when I quit, and for about a month after my last treatment I found I was constantly irritable - and it was the dumbest things that would set me off, (I forgot to pick up more coffee - KABOOM!!! someone left the top off of the toothpaste - KABOOM!!!, things like that).

My brother-in-law asked how I was doing at Christmas dinner; I had to admit that I was angry almost all the time.
But like all withdrawal symptoms this too has passed - Today I don't even think about smoking (well, not to often anyways).

Don't give up, don’t get discouraged - food tastes so much better now, I'm saving a whack of money, and my clothes don't stink.

[Ron Filsinger]

Back in the 60's a guy from Nashville Tenn. by the name of Gary Paxton penned a few songs, well known to most. Alley Oop Oop, One eyed-one-horned,pink&purple people eater. A song that Gary also wrote but not so famous was : " You ain't Smokin' them Cigarettes, Baby, they're Smokin' You."
If you can find the lyrics, I think you'll think twice about quitting.