Beware of feeling too good

It's not the stressful event - a knock-down, drag-out fight with my editor, or a very public blunder in one of my news stories, or an expensive fender-bender - I am worried about.

It's the good things, and good times, that have ended previous quit attempts and will threaten this one, too. I just know it.

When I am feeling sentimental or victorious, my addiction tells me it's okay to have a smoke.

Treat yourself. You can have just one. Right?

That's what I thought a few years back, while I was having one of the best days of my career.

I was working for a small daily newspaper in southwest Mississippi.

I loved it down there. Especially the music.

I had become a big fan of a record label called Fat Possum Records.

One of the blues musicians who recorded with Fat Possum was playing in a nearby town. His name is Robert Cage. I went, saw him sitting and strumming for about an hour. The next day, I did some research and saw no one had written about him yet. So I called him up and asked for an interview.

Two days later, I was sitting on the stoop of a ramshackle juke joint, in the middle of the Mississippi woods, drinking beer, while this guy played song after song - for me. In between songs, he ruminated, in his guttural voice, on the history and future of blues music.

I couldn't believe where I was, or what I was doing. It felt surreal.

Then he pulled out a pack of smokes, opened it and offered one to me.

How could I resist?

(At that point, I had quit for a year.)

That one cigarette became another, and then another, and I smoked steadily until the middle of last month, when I quit and started this blog.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, for the sake of my health:

Let's hope nothing great happens.

Comments

[Alex]

I just quit. It's frustrating and I'm still at the early, self loathing, doubtful stage, but I just read your entire blog...every post.

I read the star.com every day, sometimes I check it 10 times a day- usually a great opportunity for a smoke!

But, while I was still smoking, I was never even tempted to read your blog. It's on every page, even on fark.com, for fark's sake! Funny how the denial thing works-if I don't read this guy's blog about quitting, I won't have to face the utter stupidity of smoking, and the helplessness, hard work, frustration and fear involved in quitting.

I asked a suspected smoker for a light recently, and his response was 'I used to smoke, but then I grew up'. Ouch. That one stuck in my mind. As have the recent stupid.ca tv ads. The cereal one is particularly, um, tasty...

I really hope I can do it...keep it up,
A new daily reader

[Kate]

OMG I know...getting engaged derailed my last attempt to quit. It's like you have a happy occasion and you want to ensure you can enjoy it to the fullest, and the only way to do that is to smoke! It's ridiculous really.

[Karl]

Just wanted to say I enjoy your blog.. I've had problems with addiction in the past (not necessarily nicotine) and it's interesting to find the withdrawal symptoms similar between various vices.. keep up the good work and maybe one day I'll be clean too. It boils down to this - if you want to smoke to enhance a good feeling while making yourself feel guilty, then it's no longer a good feeling, is it?