It's quiet because it's supposed to be; and a little comedy gold

Wistful feeling?

We know the NBA schedule is coming out this afternoon – a teaser of all teasers – and here’s another point that may stick in your craw.

It’s what, July 19? Just checked and last year, it wasn’t until Aug. 10 that it came out because the league sat around and waited for the flurry of hugely significant free agent signings before talking to its “TV partners” to maximize the impact of The Decision and the like.

This year?

Not so much.

And that gets me to the point of this whole exercise, or item.

Aside from the first 10 days or so of July, this is supposed to be the downtime for the league so that fact that nothing’s going on shouldn’t bother too many people.

About now, even summer league is shut down, team executives generally go into hiding for a few weeks to catch their breath and outside of a few relatively inconsequential transactions, nothing much happens between the middle of July and the middle of September.

It’s when international events take care of providing some semblance of basketball news – this year it’s the Olympic qualifiers, last year it was the World Championship, next year it’s the London Games – but as for the NBA?

These are the start of the dog days so dog days it shall be.

And I think that goes for the two sides in the labour dispute.

As I said to an Irregular in the mail, it hasn’t even been three weeks, there’s nothing going on and nothing being lost except a dreary free agent class and summer league being cancelled so I don’t imagine anyone should truly be surprised that it’s quiet.

I fully expect that in the next 10 days or two weeks there will be some movement at least towards starting up negotiations again but there is no pressure on either side and maybe taking three weeks or a month to calm down, study things more seriously and then get back at it makes sense.

For you?

Sure, it sucks that we missed a week of free-agent signings but, really, that’s about it.

So it’s cool, take it easy, find some other things to and they’ll be back when they’re back.

At least this afternoon you can dissect a season and I guarantee some of you will go game-by-game and come up with the final record for the HOTH.

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Things I Hate, Vol. 2,301, 475

Waking up about 6, stumbling down the stairs, opening the front door to pick up the newspaper and feeling like you’ve walked into a blast furnace ‘cause it’s already about 130 per cent humidity.

At 6 in the freaking morning.

Those who know me know I’m not particularly built for the heat so that truly sucks.

-

I imagine most of you know that my tastes tend to run to things that are, um, older than some.

Movies: Rear Window, screen classics like Casablanca, Streetcar Named Desire (no, not just for the women’s name being screamed by Brando) and Godfather II

Music: Sinatra, please.

TV: Seinfeld, Magnum, too many others to mention.

Clothes: Oh, wait, that’s just a function of lack of style.

Well, anyway, we’re at the ballyard the other day, or talking about being at the ballyard the other day, or something like that.

Someone’s talking about how baseball lends itself to great cinematic comedy. Bull Durham’s in the conversation, so is Major League and a handful of others, too.

But then I’m thinking: Wait, you’re old. There’s far better comedy bits around baseball than that stuff, isn’t there?

Of course there is.

I’m not sure why, but it truly is a game that has a rich and storied past with yucks.

-

One out of the mail.

Q: With all the soccer news these past few weeks (thank you ladies), I was wondering where you think soccer is sitting in the brains of sports fans in this country? How about your brain? Raising? Same indifference?

With a lack of basketball this summer, and the Mother Ship obviously wanting to use your vast talents, any chance of a IGBT at a TFC game?

Have you ever been to a TFC game? Any desire? I think it can be quite fun, and ranks of one the best sporting experiences in Toronto (having not been this year yet).

John D, Toronto

A: It’s funny, I was just thinking about that the other day when I was somewhere and people were paying rapt attention to the COPA America early rounds; and others were dissecting the women’s World Cup semis.

Anyway, I think history has shown that high-level soccer stirs passions for the old country like few things do across this country. I know I pay somewhat close attention to things like Champions League or COPA America and am all over the World Cup every four years. And I think the overall awareness is increasing, in part because it seems to get more play in the mainstream media than it ever did. I can remember when about the only game you ever saw on TV over here was the FA Cup final and that was on tape delay.

Me? I’ve never been to a TFC game, have always wanted to do but it’s never quite worked out schedule-wise and I know Super Son has mentioned it a couple of times. Maybe this summer we’ll get there.

IGBT? Not sure it works but it might be worth a try and, as you’ll read in a second, we’re trying to find stuff to do.

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Speaking of …

Oh yeah, scheduling change.

They spun the Wheel O’ Beats around the office yesterday and, as it turns out, the foray to be Golf Boy out in Vancouver has been changed.

I am now going to be Baseball Boy tomorrow night (yes, we’ll try an IGBT so tell your friends, Sunday was a slowish day) and deal with whatever else comes up the rest of the week.

Yes, I’ll miss the golf but a day at the ball park isn’t a bad replacement.

-

Mighty Rockies X, Vanquished Opponents X minus 1.

One game left in the regular season to set up our playoff rotation.

Just in case you were wondering.

-

 

 

Comments

[Brad B.]

Doug, you really should try and get to a TFC game. Mariner and Winter just gutted the roster and signed a bunch of new players in the last two weeks, so we're pretty much looking at a whole new team. The supporters are the most vocal fans in Toronto bar none.

[Normiyuki Haga]

Hey Doug, I can't use my TFC tickets tomorrow (Weds evening) and was going to give them to my brother. But he's used most of mine this year so if you want them they are yours for you and superson. Just send me an email where I can send them to. Assuming that since I have to put an email address here to post a comment you know where to reach me.

Blogger's note: A truly generous and much appreciated offer but I'll be down the road covering the Jays. Thanks, though.

[Josh]

Dang, was really pulling for you to get the Canadian Open beat Doug. I was really looking forward to seeing some Doug Smith covered Golf. Now THAT would be worth reading...twice.

Blogger's note: Ah, it's old hat. Did it last year and somehow readers didn't revolt.

[Lorie]

Hi Doug!
Thanks for the classic "Who's on First" routine. Here's a little something by the one and only George Carlin. It's not as old, but just as much as classic. Cheers! Chilly ones, hopefully!!! :)
http://youtu.be/om_yq4L3M_I

[J]

I truly feel for you Doug. I get all sorts of uncomfortable starting at ~70 F (yes, 70), and with the heat we've been having, I can't think, can't move, and all around can't function. I'll take winter over summer any day.

[GameBreaker]

Hey, Doug. Check these out. Remember these stories. This is a list compiled in 2006, so it's a little old. But very funny and memorable times. Overall, though, quite embarrassing. Our franchise has really taken some negatives over our little time in the NBA. Enjoy:

50 Most Dubious Raptors Moments

#50 BJ Armstrong Refuses To Report
#49 Raptors Sign Rick Brunson
#48 John Salmons Backs Out of Deal
#47 Naismith Cup
#46 Eric Williams Demands Trade
#45 Grunwald Addresses Fans
#44 Antonio Davis Wants Out
#43 Raptors Make Playoffs Without VC
#42 Raptors Debut... at SkyDome
#41 Raptors Finally Hire Sam Mitchell
#40 Lenny Wilkens Sets Loss Record
#39 Sam Mitchell Assaults Players
#38 Superfan Leaks VC Trade Demand
#37 Zo Paid $9 Million To Win Championship
#36 Raptors Win Draft Lottery, Pick 2nd
#35 Damon Stoudamire Traded
#34 "New Era" Marketing Campaign
#33 Veterans Revolt Against Butch Carter
#32 Alvin Williams Traded... Not!
#31 Rafer Alston Threatens to Quit
#30 Kevin O'Neill Fired
#29 Mo Taylor Backs Out Of Deal
#28 Raptors Sign Vincenzo Esposito
#27 Oak Insults Canadians
#26 Fans Campaign To Oust Dick Peddie
#25 Raptors Re-Sign "The Fat O"
#24 Aleksander Radojevic
#23 Oak Picks Pre-game Fights
#22 Chris Whitney Gets Cut
#21 Darrel Walker Clashes With Tracy McGrady
#20 John Wallace Speaks Out On NBA Lockout (Ummmmmm)
#19 Raptors Sign Hakeem Olajuwon
#18 McGrady Leaves
#17 Nate Huffman Sues Raptors
#16 Raptors vs Hawks
#15 Raptors Outbid Themselves For Yogi
#14 Brendan Malone Fired
#13 The Nelly Concert
#12 Raptors Lose To Maccabi
#11 BJ Tyler Retires
#10 Isiah Bolts
#9 Vince Carter Graduates
#8 Master P Auditions For Raptors
#7 Chris Childs Forgets The Score
#6 Rafael Araujo Drafted
#5 Fans Want Ed O'Bannon
#4 Kobe ***** Slaps Entire Raptor Team
#3 Butch Carter Self-Destructs
#2 Vince Carter Traded
#1 Raptors Selected As Team Name

[GameBreaker]

the link for that list is: http://theflagrancy.typepad.com/the_flagrancy/2006/11/dubious_raptor__2.html

[DerekS]

Morning Doug,
Had a suggestion for a list idea - last year you were kind enough to give me a great restaurant recommendation for when I was in Phoenix to see a game (probably the best pizza place I've been to in years). I live in the GTA, but don't get into the city that frequently (except to see Raps games for the most part). Could you give a list of some of the best restaurants you'd recommend downtown (in particular - reasonably close to the ACC)? Maybe suggest best pizza place, best sports bar, best "fine dining"? Much appreciated.

[D-Mac Ottawa]

@J, Totally with you on the "can't think, can't move, and all around can't function" front! I'll take minus 33 over plus 33 any and every time. It's ridiculously easy to dress for the cold and never be, you know, cold. (Of course, golf, tennis and frisbee are bit more challenging, but that's another story.)
Dealing with the heat is not only impossible, other than avoiding the great outdoors altogether and hiding in AC hangouts like everyone in Texas, Arizona, Nevada pretty much all year round, it's really not all that healthy. And it makes a guy downright ornery.
Of, course being quarter English, quarter Irish, quarter Danish, quarter Norwegian may have something to do with it... what season do you think I was built for?! In fact, I'm never more energized than just before it snows (I can always tell ahead of time; no, really), or when I'm up in the mountains, where the air is clean and fresh even on a hot day. (I actually loved summer when I lived in Wyoming for a few years!)
But this time of year, down here in the flats? Can't think, can't move, all around can't function... Cheers. And keep cool!

[sam]

@D-Mac and @J
"It's not the Heat, It's the Humidity" That old chestnut has been getting a lot of air play in Central Ontario...Hot is Hot and some times it's too darn hot! I've thanked the guy or gal that invented air conditioning everynigh heading out to the deck in the evening to enjoy a beverage or 2 and look at what's left of my lawn and the wilting greenery of my Black eye Susans. Some Rain sure would be nice and some NBA news as well

[The J]

Gamebreaker - Great list. I have a feeling, if you brought it up to date you could have another 50.

Some Examples:
-Mo Pete kicked out of game for smacking VC
-Lose to VC on last second 3
-Lose to VC on last second alley-oop
-Lose to VC in the playoffs
-Fire Mitchell
-Hire Triano
-Fire Triano
-Fans Chant "MVP" for Bosh
-Sign Kapono
-Win Free Agency, sign Hedo
-"Ball"
-Win Draft, pick Bargnani
-Toronto Huskies
-Make big splash in 2010 free agency, give big contract to...Amir Johnson
-"I do the hard stuff"
-TJ's Injury
-Garbo's injury
-The Matt Barnes signing that doesn't even workout
-The Chandler/Diaw trade
-Roko, WIll Solomon and Marcus Banks backcourts
-The J.O. trade
-The J.O. to Miami as an expiring contract that will give Miami enough space to sign you best player
-Losing your best player and only getting back a trade exception you barely even use
-5th place fighting for 4th around all-star break, miss play-offs

I am sure I've missed a ton. Hopefully JV works out so I don't have to add:
-"Draft player who can't even play for another season"

[Lorie]

Guys! You missed "The Demise of The Streak"! And who can forget (try though we may) when "Vanilla Ice Reprises That Mediocrity Known as His Career To 'Perform' at Halftime"? And this complaining about the heat??? Give it a rest (admittedly under a tree in some shade today); don't you remember last December? 100cm of snow? Couldn't get to work for 3 days?....hmmmm never mind. :) But seriously, try to dress for the weather. I was just out and saw guys in long-sleeved shirts, long pants, SOCKS with their shoes all looking mighty wilted. The women? We're sensibly outfitted in sundresses, strappy sandals looking cool and pretty. C'mon fellas! Bare those arms and legs! Just make sure your shirt reaches past the waistbank of your shorts, please.

[D-Mac Ottawa]

@Lorie, a guy can only take off so much, legally, and then you're still hotter than snot. Besides, I don't look so great in a sundress.
100 cm of snow, you say? Can't get to work for 3 days? Now you're talkin', kid! Bring it on! Cheers and beers.
P.S. Milt Palacio has to have a spot somewhere on that list, doesn't he?

[Keith]

As far as baseball comedies there was one called "KIll the Umpire" with William Bendix.

[Jovan]

HA! Doug, looks like the wheel-o-beats has saved you from a week of getting wet in Rainy Vancouver. Maybe you should thank the Beat-Gods for that one.

[The J]

How could I have forgotten the streak!!! Does it still exist or did Dallas already overtake it? Not enough to win a championship, they have to take the only thing we had going for us. Speaking of which I suppose I should have mentioned Peja's tenure as a Raptor and our donation to Dallas for the cause.

I guess for Doug's sake I should have added a line about fans booing the team for not getting pizza, but that one has always been a surprisingly sore spot around these parts.

[doug]

I love the heat for one simple reason...no fight for a starting time at any golf course....show up and off you go, 1 o'clock-2 o'clock are like gold...you know for lists here's a idea, you know how george did the "opposite" that one show, opposite George...you should do reverse lists instead of best of lists do worse of lists...such as tv shows and not shows that are here today and gone tomorrow but shows that somehow keep going....my top 3 are How I Met Your Mother, I know no one that likes it and the few times I have watched I don't even come close to laughing, then there is the new Hawaii-Five-O, not only utterly terrible but it just is a insult to the original, then last but not least are any of the C.S.I.'s where people think police departments have all this computer equipment, glass screens that superimpose images etc and get back DNA the next day, oh and no lawyers, just cops getting confessions from accused, no wonder many in America were up in arms over the Casey Anthony verdict, hello you need to actually have facts,evidence and a case...life isn't C.S.I.....now on to authors, movies etc...see the opposite list...the George List so to speak...

[Mike D.]

Could be worse, Doug. They might spin the Wheel O' Beets and assign you to cover some agricultural stories. Of course, even that cloud has a silver lining because it might put you in the running for the coveted Silver Sow Award.....

Blogger's note: I'd put it in my office, the one with the taped-off walls

[saatuk]

Blogger's note: I'd put it in my office, the one with the taped-off walls

Right beside Bailey!

Blogger's note: Of course!!!

[doug]

here is some info on Cory Joseph..joining the National team as many were wodering where the 2 new guys were, and Thompson says he plans on playing for Canada in the future...

http://basketballbuzz.ca/international/spurs-cory-joseph-to-play-for-canadas-senior-mens-basketball-national-team/

[Christa]

Doug - thank you for posting "Who's on First?". First time I've ever seen the whole thing and it's absolutely timeless!!

[Lorie]

And don't forget the prestigious Copper Cob Award! You just knew beneathe that bowtied and bandaged exterior there lurked the heart of a tiger. Well, perhaps an egret. The absolute best character on that show about the station with "More Music and Les Nessman". Doug, perhaps a fun list for you to do this summer would be Favorite Reporters Featured on TV Sitcoms?

Blogger's note: Absolutely.

[Lake Simcoe]

Please stop insulting Pat Riley (and D. Wade). If not JO, they will get other means to clear their cap space. They will get whatever they want, there is no place for BC & Raps.

Blogger's note: Um, ok

[Mike D.]

Doug, re the post from @Lake Simcoe: I think this is the first time I've seen you chastised by a body of water.

[Lake Simcoe]

I was just repeating what our beat grunt "chastised" before.

Somebody seems to infer that if BC kept JO, Raps would have enough cap space last season and gotcha!...Big 3 in Toronto!!!

Blogger's note: Um, ok