Big contest, little prize and the winner in Argentina

So, does Canada stand a chance?

A puncher’s chance, maybe. But it’d have to be some wild knockout punch to earn them a spot this week in next year’s Olympics.

The FIBA Americas Olympic qualifying tournament starts today – and that’s an unwieldy name, isn’t it? – with two London berths on the line and 10 countries chasing them.

How’s it going to play out?

Gold: Argentina.

You know when they won this? They won it the day the country beat out Canada and Brazil for the right to host it.

Sure, they have far and away the best talent but I’m not sure all that talent plays if they’d have to travel this summer. But they don’t, so they win.

But that’s not the race; the real race is to see who gets the other automatic bid and what three countries get to live for another summer with Olympic dreams intact.

Besides, if they don’t win, there’ll be some reason they have to make the results null and void and hold it again until they do.

Silver: Brazil.

Veterans, solid players, guys who have been around forever and a rich history of success. Can’t beat Argentina when it counts, though.

Other qualifiers: Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Canada.

Seems kind of obvious, doesn’t it? Three solid teams and a lot of drop off – or so it would seem – to the other five contenders. But, I tell you, Canada is in tough. Venezuela’s good, teams you think of as minnows --- like Uruguay or Cuba or Paraguay – are capable of winning games and if Canada takes anyone lightly, they’re dead.

And if they don’t make it, it is a catastrophe, to put it mildly.

If this program wants to grow, and continue the growth it’s had since about 2008, it has to make it at least to next summer’s last-chance tournament to keep up some momentum, keep awareness at a high level and be seen as some sort of validation for young kids coming up.

There is incredible pressure on the coaching and staff and players to get it done, it’ll be interesting to see how they react.

-

Okay, we tried this before, last year at the worlds, actually.

We need a name for Canadian basketball teams.

You’ve got the Tall Blacks out of New Zealand, the Boomers out of Australia, I’m sure there are all kinds of nicknames for European teams – I’d say Azzurri for the Italians but I think that’s reserved for the footballers – and every American senior team seems to be named after some kind of riff on Dream Team.

Canada?

Nothing.

Now, I’m not sure trite and predictable are going to work: No Tall Maples, Mighty Leaves, Canadian Shield (ooh, wait, Canadian Shield isn’t too bad), or something like Prairie Dogs (whatever they are).

Now, we need something that’s adaptable to men and women, doesn’t have to be exact but it should be close. You’ve got the Opals to go with Boomers, for instance, and that’s a bit of a stretch.

I’ll give you a day or two to come up with something; I’ll put my thinking cap on and try to find three or four and by the end of the week, I think we’ll come up with the definitive name.

Now, this is exclusive to the hoops, although if we get something perfect maybe we can make the pucks and the soccer and the rugby and whatever come around to our way of thinking.

What’s the winner get?

Well, nothing, actually. But I promise to use it repeatedly here so that’s worth something, right?

That, plus the knowledge that the provided a service to our country.

Oh, and my thanks for making it easy on me.

I also reserve the right to come up with my own and claim ownership of the whole thing because, when it comes right down to it, it’s all about me.

-

We’ve got all kinds of reasons to pay attention the Euros, right?

Jonas. Jose. Andrea. Great games.

Well, one more:

Omar Cook plays for Montenegro! With apparently far too much time on my hands, was flipping through EuroBasket stuff yesterday and was astounded to learn a New York-born ex-Rpator somehow got became a citizen of Montenegro and will play at the worlds.

Guess he’s Chris Kaman-lite or something.

-

Now, all I know about Nancy Grace is that when I see her on TV I change the channel faster than I ever have so I think you know how I’ll feel about her on DWTS.

Hope she falls down.

But on this list of contestants for next year, I don’t see an early favourite.

In fact, there are some people I’ve never heard of.

Who do you like?

-

You know, over the course of a life, or even a few months, you read about some despicable actions that make you fear for the future of civilization as we know it.

This is the single most absurd thing I’ve heard of in I can’t tell you how long. Two goofy kids of privilege sue their mom – with idiot dad acting as their lawyer – for bad parenting because she sent a birthday card without a cheque and made them put their seatbelts on when they were seven?

Honestly, I know the Americans are a litigious society beyond all acceptable norms – remember the idiot who sued McDonald’s because the coffee he spilled on himself was too hot? – but this takes the cake.

They need to take that father and his two ingrate kids, figure out how much money they wasted in court costs and legal fees, divide it by the absolute minimum hourly wage in that state and make them do that many hours of community service, perhaps picking up garbage in parks or just walking around wearing signboards that say: “I am an idiot and you should mock me until the day I die.”

(Oh, Super Son? If you’re reading this we don’t cotton to this kind of stupidity in Canada too well. In case you were thinking of something, that is)

-

All right, another day in the Falls, coffee in the morning, a stool at night and I’ll try not to slip into a barrel and go for a ride.

-

 

Comments

[Mike D.]

@Mike kovacs, you may well be right on the coffee temperatures (I still break into a sweat remembering a walk back to my office from Starbuck's, carrying an overheated and overfilled black coffee as if I were part of the bomb disposal squad) but there's no doubt that the US spurs more lunatic lawsuits than anywhere else in the world. It will continue until the US court system can get its collective head away from the guiding principles that (i) anything bad that happens to anyone must be the fault of someone else, and (ii) anything bad can be made good again with enough money.

With respect to a team name, the best I could come up with was the Big Beavers. I predict that I won't end up fighting with Doug over the ownership.

[Mike D.]

Wait a minute, wait a minute..... We're well-known for our courtesy and our peacekeeping role, we prefer to cut a deal than to sue....what about the Canadian Compromises?

I promise I'll stop now.

[The J]

DWTS - It's all about Ron Artest, er, sorry, I mean Metta World Peace. I just hope the judges don't go too hard on him. They have seen the Malace at the Palace right?

Canada Hoops Name - The True North, The Frost, The Huskies (someone might as well use that name), The Toques, The Biebers. Sorry, I think I went one too far.

[Peter]

How about just "The Canucks"

[Gary M. Mugford]

Doug,

The Northern Lights, Mounties, Northmen, Polar Bears, The Next Generation and Podium Owners are all probably out for one reason or another. So, I offer up... The Red Berets.

GM

[john]

How about "Seal Bashers"?

[Sam Rook]

Maple Leaves not available? It's both appropriate and also grammatically correct!

[Lorie]

With a nod to our national animal (beaver) and an iconic symbol: The Dam Maple Leaves (And honestly, this was not at ALL inspired by those Losers-On-Iceskates. Really.)

I'd like to promise I'll stop now, but the prize is too alluring. There is a prize, right? What's that you say? That was Lunch with Doug FORD??? Ahh, crap.

[Ray Ray]

The Redmen?

[doug]

we luv are beer...so how about the "Brewski's", or the "Mad Hoppers" or "the Brown Bottle Battlers"......

[Rob]

Canada's soccer teams are occasionally referred to internationally as the Voyageurs. Let's make better use of that - it's bilingual and references history spanning all of Canada.

[Boko]

I second the motion of 'The J': Huskies is the only name mentioned so far that resonates. Historical significance. Cool moniker. Fabulous image.

[JW]

I hope the result of this contest is less embarrassing then the last contest held in this country to name a basketball team...hmm, what popular teen movies are out right now to give us some inspiration? Has to be Rise of the Planet of the Apes right?
Well since I don't want to go down the same road as the Raptors, I'll play around with Lorie's idea a bit and suggest "The Rocketless Reds" for the same reasons she mentioned.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/basketball/matt-bonner-still-waiting-for-canadian-citizenship/article2147171/

[Lorie]

@Boko: "Fabulous image", indeed! Now maybe it's my imagination conspiring with those great Old Spice commercials (And not the ones with Fabio: that other dude) but I'm growing more and more fond of the 'Husky Vogageurs' possibilities. (Admittedly this might not be so great for the womens' program, though.)

[Nick M]

Canada is well known for its timber and there are several name variations that could be made for hockey, soccer, etc... But for basketball I would suggest the 'Tallwoods'.

And... @DaveB, 'Double-Doubles' is a fine name and coffee, but in reference to our National Team wouldn't 'Regulars' be more apropo?

[doug]

well Brazil wasn't very impressive...the score isn't indicative of the game as there were garbage points at the end...as Venezuela was up 5 with 6 minutes left, all these games can be seen on the net...and it's easy to watch them on your big screen tv, just get a vga to hdmi cable for $5 at your local computer store...and watch them on your tv..

http://www.firstrowsports.eu/sport/basketball.html

[Terry]

What about The Red and White?
It's simple, national, unisex and lends itself to be rhymed with other words in song or chant. Let me know what you think.

Terry

[JT's Hoopsblog]

How about the "Ice Men" or the " Snow Ballers"
Here's another one: the Hoop Puckers

[SheikYurbouti]

What could represent the spirit we want from our basketball team more than The Canadian Vimy Ridge

[Mike kovacs]

I am by no means defending lunatic lawsuits. My eyes were, however, opened when I watched the documentary. Please see the following that outlines the actual true story and evidence:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hot_coffee_lawsuit

[D-Mac Ottawa]

Hey Doug,
I see the Red Rocket's bid to become a certified Canuck is even getting some attention south of the border now: http://probasketballtalk.nbcsports.com/2011/08/30/matt-bonner-really-wants-to-be-a-canadian-citizen/related/.
The way this thing is dragging on just seems ridiculous. It didn't take me that long to get landed immigration status 20 years ago, and I wasn't nearly as hooked in as Mr. Bonner. Is there something, anything at all, we could be doing at the ground troops level to help the guy out? I'd bet there are several thousand of us who'd be willing to send a letter or an email somewhere, put in a good word for the guy, if we knew it was going anywhere that might do a bit of good.
Can you, or your Mother Star brethren, hook us up? Cheers.

[The J]

Hmm.. Some one said something about Timber, and I still like Huskies, or even wolves. Let's put some ideas together, how about the TimberWolves?

Why do I know have the sudden urge to punch myself in the face?

[Andrew Gregg]

Hi Doug:

I think the best place to find a name is to reach back into the heritage of the national team and call them The Pasquales.

AG, Toronto

[Lake Simcoe]

Temperature, temperature, temperature...

I have a drink that the ingredients blend well only with boiling water. Otherwise its just like powder + water (and taste like mud).
So those who drink only hot coffee really know something.

[Adam Noack]

The Northern Pikes (royalties may need to be paid to some 80s Rockers)
Canada-saurus-rex (oh what the Raptors could have been)
Canadian Weaponry (I claim Winnipeg's hockey team could have been called this)
Canadian Chinooks (breeze may sound too soft)
Canadian Winter (Hey because if you scan survive that, you can survive a lot)

I like the aforementioned "Shield" or "Huskies" myself