Our own sense of time, and Charlie Brown does missiles

Big little meeting today, I hear.

Small groups of the NBA office and union staff, perhaps as a prelude to Lunch With Billy And David tomorrow.

Yawn.

Anyway, I guess the most interesting thing is that we’re now down to some kind of time pressure to get things started on time for an early-October opening to camp and a Nov. 1 start to the regular season.

That’s, of course, the pressure point we’ve been talking about all summer and now is about the time a lot of us thought things would get truly serious.

But how much time, really, do they need between a settlement and the start of a regular season?

I’ve seen anywhere from five weeks to seven to get it all in, which threatens the start already but I’m not sure that’s at all necessary.

My timeline?

It’d be a week to sign guys in a free-agent frenzy, tops; and then they can open the training camps.

Give ‘em three days of two-a-day workouts (the same that was allowed under the old CBA), a day off to rest and then four days of one-a-day workouts.

Then let ‘em schedule a couple or three exhibition games in, say, a five day stretch, and give them three more days before Opening Night.

(Coaches will hate that compressed schedule; players and Grunts will rejoice)

Now, I’ve got the old abacas out here and it says seven plus three plus one plus four plus five plus three equals, um …

23.

Yeah, it equals 23!

(Math genius, I tell ya; a ruddy math genius)

So while there may be a sense of urgency today – and you can hear the bleating about this being doomsday in many regards – I think we’re a week or so away from that.

That said, if they walk out of the room today or tomorrow screaming about the intractability of the other side, we’re in trouble.

-

Life’s Rule No. 5,201

If the bald guy sitting next you in Starbucks starts singing along with Love Is All You Need at almost full voice, you are allowed to pour hot coffee over his head. In fact, you should be encouraged to do so.

It would get you the thanks of a grateful nation.

To say nothing of the untold appreciation of a worn out Grunt.

-

The Canadian Shield (remember that?) beats Puerto Rico last night to split the two final tune-ups before the women’s Olympic qualifier starts and now it’s off to Colombia to begin games Saturday.

Well, eventually, that is.

When I was chatting with Teresa Gabriele at practice last week, the small talk got around to the summer and the travel and where they were staying in Mississauga and the usual chit-chat.

When she told me they were being housed in a nice-ish hotel in Hazelville, I was razzing her about living the high life with cleaning service every day, cable TV and all the amenities; the women – and the men – have stayed in empty, barren dorm rooms a lot of summers.

Of course, I know it’s not the lap of luxury and just hearing about their travel today hammers that home.

How’s a 4 a.m. hotel departure in Puerto Rico for a flight to Fort Lauderdale where a three-hour layover awaits.

And then a long flight to Bogota, Colombia where they get sit around that bus garage, er, airport, for another six hours before they get to fly to Nieves, where the tournament’s going to be held.

Some travel, no?

It’s not like the NBA, that’s for sure, where the bus drives you to the tarmac under the wing of the plane, the flight’s never got a stop and the big issue sometimes is whether the chicken parm is tasty.

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It’s that time.

Mail.

Deepest thoughts. Probing questions. Congenial greetings.

Here, thank you.

-

List time

Irregulars know about me and TV, right? Like to watch – life’s really gotten in the way of late – and cop dramas, lawyer dramas, old sitcoms top the list.

Well, with some idle time wondering whether the Leaves could go through the eleventy-game pre-season with an unblemished record, I was longing for the olden days.

And thinking about …

Five Shows I Wish Were Still On TV

(With the proviso that they have to have been off the air for five years so The Sopranos doesn’t make the list ‘cause it’d be first)

Homicide, Life On The Street

I know, I know, it’s like The Wire Lite but, man, it was good. And there might not be The Wire if it weren’t for this show, which was gritty and cutting edge and very, very dark at times.

Oh, and it had Melissa Leo and some Irregulars know how I feel about that.

NYPD Blue

Now, that was a cop show. Even David Caruso was tolerable. Who didn’t love Sipowitz?

Oz

I remember talking to Rick Fox one year about the show while we were having dinner at Staples Centre and I offered the opinion that it was the darkest show on television and how the previous season had been wild.

He said something like “you ain’t seen nothing yet” and my eyes got wide.

“Really?”

“Yeah, how about a guy being sacrificed like Jesus on the floor of his cell?”

Dark. Very dark. But good.

Six Feet Under

Not sure how long a run it had but it was a pretty good show, no? Weird couples, odd premise – dysfunctional family-owned mortuary is the setting – and some very interesting storylines.

West Wing

Best.

Show.

Ever.

(Of the genre, that is)

Really. The writing was off-the-charts great, the acting top-notch, the cast filled with interesting people and storylines that we can all, in some way, relate to.

Now, I know there are other videos out there, that one I liked.

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So I’m thinking the absolute worst thing in sports is a two-out error in the bottom of the ninth of a six-run baseball game that prolongs the agony for everyone for about 11 minutes and makes it far more stressful writing with post-game quotes for an 11 p.m. deadline than it should be.

It’s even worse that a basketball team down seven with five seconds to go calling a timeout to set up an eight-point play.

But maybe that’s me.

Anyway, this little item wraps up my Seamhead Summer, I believe; am ceding control of the beat back to Griff to bring ‘em on home for the final eight games of the year.

It was a blast, actually.

Don’t think I embarrassed myself reprising a long-forgotten role, got to cover games at Fenway Park (underwhelming) and Yankee Stadium (gorgeous, huge) and saw some good baseball.

Major difference?

The pace, obviously, and the length of your Grunt Day (be at the park around 3 p.m. for a 7 p.m. start) and the amount of down time on the road.

At least with the basketball, you’ve usually got a morning shootaround to break up the monotony of a long morning; baseball days can drag.

The athletes?

Same old, actually. Good guys on the TOD, seem to have fun and enjoy each other’s company. I can see them growing quite well as a group, although I’m sure there’ll be some comings and goings over the winter months.

Wonder how much free agency I’m going to have to do? Boss? Got any ideas?

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All over the map and that could become a usual thing

Ok, what now?

EuroBasket? Done.

Raptors? Almost dead quiet.

Women? Will have one week of Olympic qualification but it doesn’t start until Saturday.

NBA? Until they start cancelling games or settling labour tiffs, yawn.

Hmm.

What now?

Guess we’ll just muddle along with other sports and some other stuff – and you know we love other stuff more than almost anything – and try to figure it out as we go.

Sound good?

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But first, HOTH news!!!!

Sort of.

I hear there’s a report out there that says Bryan’s all done the interviewing process for the new guy – and there is still no title associated with any front office job – and it’s down to four guys.

Yes, same four guys who’ve been talked about for months – Kevin Pritchard, Dennis Lindsay, Jeff Bower and Ed Stefanski – but before you go breaking down the pros and cons of each, consider this:

The process isn’t over, there’s more work to be done, a few more calls to be made and nothing is imminent.

Could very well be that one of those four comes on board in some capacity since their names have been kicking around since about July but the search/interview/due diligence process is not quite complete.

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Glad I was at the ball park late last night, I was able to avoid the sound of car horns honking on the parade up Yonge Street.

Leaves 4, Ottawas 2.

Cup Fever is upon us!

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I notice there were a couple of signings in the NBL yesterday out in Halifax, one that made me chuckle.

The Rainmen got Rodney Buford under contract and soon as I saw it, I remembered what has to be the last time I wrote Buford’s name.

That was when he was with the Miami Heat eons ago, landed on the team charter at Pearson for a game, was caught with an illegal substance stashed in his sock – not sure if was one of those drug-sniffing dogs or just some alert Customs officer who noticed a bulge – but he was denied entry into the country and sent back home.

I’m not saying he’s a bad guy or anything but I hope he understands what he can and can’t import now that he’s going to be coming and going with more frequency.

Sometimes athletes just confound me. Not sure if they think they’re above the law or if they just don’t know the laws but whatever it is, there are those among them who don’t seem to have a scintilla of common sense.

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No, I didn’t see the DWTS debut, TOD got in the way on my penultimate night at the ball yard but the reports on Metta World Peace are, um, not good.

As someone said after his, er, performance:

End. The. Lockout. Now.

Seems he was less than stellar in many ways and the last thing the NBA – or the union – probably wants is to have him out there representing them at this point.

Anyway, hope it gets to On Demand soon so I can see it first hand.

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Speaking of …

(And I presume this sparks some debate among Irregulars)

Q: The stars are converging, and Metta World Peace is going dancing! So, does that tweak your level of interest in DWTS this season? Can you pinpoint your interest in dance for your loyal readers, Mr. Smith – are you a refined tango artiste and fox trotter, perhaps? Would you have a Hoofers Top Five or two to offer up – as in, maybe, your top five all-time dance movies? Your top five all-time favourite dancers?

Thanks, Doug!

David M, Ottawa

A: My original DWTS interest was more in the car-wreck kind of way. Then I figured if you had to watch reality TV – since it’s so pervasive it impossible to avoid – that would be the show to watch.

I have no dance skills whatsoever, I can appreciate the skill and work that goes into it but I’m far more of a Stool Dancer than anything.

But, if you asked for a list, I’d go old school and give you:

Fred Astaire

Gene Kelly

Ginger Rogers

And …

Cyd Charisse

Yes, Cyd.

Anyway, am sure there are others I’ve forgotten and have a feeling some of you will let me know.

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Speaking of the penultimate night at the ballyard – my Seamhead Season comes to a close this evening – wasn’t that bottom of the 10th about a perfect example of each team doing just about everything right and a tough break ending it.

And it’s one of the things that’s great about that, and any, game.

Jays get the lead-off guy on and correctly don’t bunt Thames because it’ll take the bat out of Bautista’s hands and Thames singles off a tough lefty, no mean feat for the lefty-hitting rookie.

Angels get Bautista to hit a pretty much tailor made double play but before you can say “man on third, two out” the kid bobbles the throw at second and its runners on the corners and one out.

Angels bring a fifth infielder in because Downs throws nothing but groundballs and the likelihood of a sac fly is remote.

Lind does just what the Angels want, he his a sharp grounder to first, McCoy takes off on contact and when he should have been dead to rights at the plate, the throw – from the outfielder who was brought into fill an infield gap – is up the line and game’s over.

Great inning, couple of smart moves on both sides that don’t work out and it goes to show you: Sometimes all the coaching strategy in the world doesn’t matter if players can’t make plays.

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Early Olympic favourites and a TV-movie conundrum

So, Spain.

No big surprise that they won the European championship for the second successive time – they were silver medalists four years ago at home, too – and now the question arises:

Think they can beat the USA at the London Gams.

Sure, we’re just under a year out and no one knows for sure who’ll end up playing for either country but the prospects of a Spain-USA gold medal Olympic game – reprising the brilliant game in Beijing in 2008 – is truly enticing.

Spain has become – without doubt – the second most powerful basketball nation on Earth, surpassing Argentina and, in the distant past, Yugoslavia.

Every time I ask Jose Calderon why that’s happened, why a soccer-playing nation has become so adept at basketball, he tells me the same thing.

It’s a confluence of timing – who saw a group so spectacular arriving in its prime at the same time? – and an interest in the game among young Spaniards that grew out of the original Dream Team’s dominance at the 1992 Barcelona Olympics.

At that stage, kids in Spain were truly turned on to the game, it had been part of the sporting landscape but it got a huge boost in popularity among youngsters in the early- to mid-1990s, a boost that helped create the talent pool that led the formation of this current dominant, deep team.

(Yes, it is truly too bad that, say, Canada didn’t capitalize on that same phenomenon, I blame the Tall Foreheads at Canada Basketball at the time).

Anyway, if Spain returns the same team, and there’s no indication they won’t, I can absolutely see them being a legitimate challenger to whatever group the Americans come up with.

Remember Beijing? The gold medal game was in doubt until the final minute and remains, to me, one of the top seven or eight game I’ve ever seen.

With four more years of experience and playing together, and with so many of this year’s team still in their primes, to overlook Spain in London is folly.

The Americans, if they can get their best players, would have to be favourites today; but the gap is much smaller than many think.

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Not sure how many of you saw this but stopped out to see the women before they took off for Puerto Rico (exhibition games) and Colombia (Olympic qualifier) and here was the end product.

I’ve been saying this for a couple of years now but the women stand a better chance of (a) being in the Olympics and (b) doing something when they’re there than the men. They have a better team, in comparison to their competition, and the reason is simple:

There are more Canadian women playing at the highest level of European basketball than there are men and that competition stands them in far better spread.

Spain, Russia, Turkey, all good leagues, all with Canadians in prominent roles and what it’s done is deepen the talent pool at, comparatively, the highest level.

I’m not sure if the women can get the one Olympic berth available at this tournament – Brazil can be formidable – but I have no doubt they’ll be in the final tournament next summer.

And with another year of top-notch competition, who knows how that’ll turn out.

If you need to get up to speed on what they’ve been doing, or what they are doing, Kim Smith reminds that she keeps a pretty impressive blog going at the Canada Basketball site.

If you click here, you can read it and, yes, I can handle the competition.

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Okay, so Super Brother and a crony and I are standing around the saloon the other night and, because we’re us, all of a sudden the conversation goes off on a tangent.

And it left me trying to figure this out:

Is this better?

Or is this?

You can imagine the affinity I felt for Oscar Madison – there was a point in time when I was, you know, him – and it’s hard for me to pick one.

Me? I take the movie, with the admission I’ve never seen Neil Simon’s play on the stage.

You?

And is this the best TV-show-to-come-from-a-movie ever?

I’d have to say so.

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So, ran into the former head coach of the HOTH while visiting the peninsula the other day – that Starbucks on the Lane is like the meeting place for all the cool kids – and it seems the NBA’s keeping him kind of busy.

There’s this camp in Australia that includes the top 17-year-olds from Australia, New Zealand, China and Korea and apparently Jay and Alex English are serving as part of the coaching staff.

Not a bad gig, eh? Not only keeps their hand in on-court coaching, it’s kind of cool travel and the networking with other coaches can’t be a bad thing, either.

-

Man, did the Emmy’s suck, or what?

Sure, it was nice to see some clips and wins for Modern Family – a great, great show – and there were some wacky clothes (although nothing really out there, it seemed to me) but other than that?

Boring.

And hands up everyone who felt cheated when Charlie Sheen took the high road?

-

Kind of cool that we know almost three-quarters of the field for the Olympics, at least for the men.

We’ve got Great Britain and the USA as automatic qualifiers and Tunisia, Argentina, Brazil, Australia, Spain and France have earned berths.

All that’s left to do is determine the Asian representative – I think the smart money is on China – and then sit back and see what three countries come out of next year’s final qualification event.

For that one, Nigeria, Angola, New Zealand, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Venezuela, Russia, Macedonia, Lithuania and Greece already in with another two to come from Asia.

The interesting thing is going to be where that tournament is played. FIBA is likely to simply open bids with the biggest cheque winning the day and if I had to guess right now, I’d say we’re in Russia.

Most likely will be in Europe to lead into the London Games, and since Lithuania just hosted EuroBasket and Greece had the final qualifier four years ago, looks like Russia by default.

What I’d like to see, though, is Macedonia host it; that’d be a nice road trip for someone.

-

 

 

The end of the weekend mail, as usual

A good weekend, people.

A very good weekend.

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Q: Hello Doug, baseball question.

The better pitching duo: Halladay and Lee or R. Johnson and Schilling? If not one of these, who would you say is the best starting duo?

RA M, Charlottetown

A: I guess since you’re doing Halladay-Lee vs. Johnson-Schilling you’re not talking about the same era.

So, if that’s the case I’ll see you Koufax-Drysdale and end the conversation. And I’m sure other Irregulars will do things like Spahn and Sain (and pray for rain) and so many others I can’t think of them.

But, if it’s just the two you mentioned, I want Halladay and Lee; but I really want Koufax and Drysdale.

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Q: Hey Doug, In all your years on the beat, has anyone ever offered you any type of inducement (cash, favours, what have you) to write (or not write) something? And if so, with as much detail as you feel you can use, can you tell us what happened?

Lee Z, Ottawa

A: Never happened, actually. Not in all my years have I been offered a legitimate inducement either way. Sure, guys have joked “you’re not going to write that, are you?” and then I do.

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Q: Greetings oh scribe. A thought came to me the other day and I'm curious about the plausibility of this idea rather than the probability. Given that the players are already participating in non-sanctioned basketball games, the inability of NBA teams to have direct contact with the players, and that contractual restrictions "preventing someone from making a living" could be challenged in a court of law I ask this: could a current NBA player play football in the NFL? After all, Lebron was an all-state wide receiver once upon a time. I can think of a few teams that could use slot-back with a fearsome leap or quick safety in a cover-2 defense.

Mike D, Oshawa

A: Since their contracts at not technically in place, there’s no reason – except common sense and the concern about career-ending injury – to preclude them from doing that.

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Q: Let's make this tough on you, top 5 coolest (outside of the game) Raptors, and the bottom 5 Raps. Coaches included in the discussion.

Bruce M, Winnipeg

A: I need to put it this way: The players are generally 20 to 30 years younger than I am, we have diametrically different backgrounds and views on the world and the level of “things in common” is non-existent. So I’m not sure of, and certainly not interested in, what they do outside the game. That said, I know Julian Wright’s a budding music producer and that’s cool; Oak was an accomplished chef and that’s cool and Acie Earl dabbled in music and that’s kind of neat. But we never really discussed it much.

I will say this: The most interesting people associated with the team – for life’s accomplishments and what they did – were all coaches and front office types.

That’d be Wayne Embry, who ran teams and businesses; Alex English, who does poetry and acting; John McClendon, who was a legend and Hall of Famer for his basketball background; Sam Mitchell, who’d entertain you on any number of topics if you had the time; and Isiah Thomas, whose background was terribly interesting.

As for the bottom five: I presume their were dozens and dozens of kids who did nothing but play basketball and video games, to pick out five does a disservice to the other 50 or so.

-

Q: Doug how about your list of your top 5 people named Elvis!?

Mike K, London

A: Man, this got to be a tough one.

I’m going to give you Costello, Presley, Stojko and Grbac and I’m sure anyone you ask would probably rattle those off just as quickly as I did.

But, since I didn’t know an Elvis growing up, which would have been a rather obtuse but legitimate fifth, and because I can’t remember ever watching Elvis Andrus play baseball, I’m going with a kid I read about in a New Yorker or Vanity Fair piece on his troubled dad.

Elvis Polanski.

And since I remember doing an Elvis Costello thing here not too long ago ..

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Q: Hi Doug: Since you are officially a seamhead, what's your opinion on MLB's MVP award - can/should it go to a pitcher?

Thanks!

Tim H, Windsor

A: I’m sure – or at least hope – that you saw the vigorous debate this week between Griff and Cathal on that very question. (Click on their names if you didn’t).

Now, I can certainly see the argument that the Cy Young Award is the de facto pitcher’s MVP award, I have to say that if a pitcher is deserving of the MVP, too, he should get it and if he was the runaway best, I’d have no problem casting that vote and no problem accepting on as the winner.

(Full disclosure: I’ve never had a major league baseball ballot of any kind, was an BBWAA member a year or two in the early 90s but not long enough to vote).

But here’s the other thing that neither of them addressed: Since there’s no first-year Cy Young Award, can the kid Nova from the Yankees be a pitcher who wins Rookie of the Year? I’d say yes.

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Q: Hello Doug! Can we do a bit of haute cuisine? Since your Something Of A Seamhead, why don't we talk that staple of ballparks everywhere, the Hot Dog. While I prefer my chocolate unfettered with nuts 'n gooey stuff, I love my Hot Dogs Excessively Topped. Chili, sauerkraut, onions, jalapenos, coleslaw, mayo, relish, salsa, bacon (duh!!!) and any type of cheese that's handy. The dog's the base and you just let your imagination go wild with the toppings is how I roll. So, how about you? Like hotdogs? Like 'em plain, jazzed up or impossibly teeteringly loaded? And are you picky about your buns? Cheers!

Lorie P, London

A: I have to preface this by saying I’m far more a hot Italian sausage guy than a hot dog guy but …

If you were to sprinkle some aged cheddar and some Dijon mustard on the top and maybe run a thin strip of chili along the top, I’d be quite fine with that, actually. Enough toppings without losing the main course.

Buns? Not toasted but something substantial that won’t fall apart under the weigh of it all. Oh, and NO WHOLE WHEAT. I believe my body would rebel.

The start of the weekend mail includes an old ditty

Well played, kids.

Lots of good stuff here and a few goodies left over for the morning.

But since it’s a Niagara Falls day and an afternoon with nothing on the agenda, here’s one last shot to get some more for tomrrow.

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Q: Hey MoonDougie! Pardon the surfer talk but I've been really enjoying all the great old tunes you've been spinning in the blog this summer, and sometimes the good vibes linger. Those of us of a certain age grew up with some happening music, eh?

So, as a person who was there When It All Began (Rock 'n Roll, not Life As We Know It) I thought you might help decide a decades-long debate I've been having with my sisters. Before The Boss and after The King, there were The Bobby's. And what we can't agree on is this: Vee (The Night Has 1,000 Eyes - and, Doug, you absolutely MUST check out its accompanying unintentionally hilarious video!), Vinton (Blue Velvet - the song, NOT the movie!), Darin (Mack The Knife), Rydell (Volare!) or Curtola (Fortune Teller): Who Was 60's Best Bobby? If you do well with this one (as in agree with me!) maybe we can call on your wisdom for another music disagreement: Which band was the Best Girl Group Of The 60's? :)

Lorie P, London

A: You may find this hard to believe but there have been moments – fueled by the company, the mood, the dinner, the intoxicants – that I have been known to stand around a kitchen or a barbecue late at night and warble.

And I will fully admit while I have no discernible warbling skills (although I will also admit and point out that at that point on those nights it does not matter a lick), I will say that little sounds as good as a solid rendition of Mack The Knife.

Darin.

Hope I picked right.

Girl bands? 1960s? Has to be The Supremes, doesn’t it?

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Q: Not a question, but a comment about Hakas. Apparently the Aussies in particular have spent years trying to figure out how they should respond to the Haka. One time they stood with their backs to the ceremony. Really pissed off the Kiwis which is not a good thing to do since they are so good to start with. The result was not pretty so they went back to just standing and watching.

Bruce C, Brisbane

A: As it should; it’s a sign of respect, I believe, to stand and watch. If you’re concerned that looking at it will have deleterious effect on performance, you probably should be on the field/court in the first place.

And, with all due respect, I’d far rather see the Haka one time than listen to incessant Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi.

(My ears bled at the Sydney Olympics. Really. Well, not really).

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Q: Any further word from Leo since his departure from the National team? Future coaching aspirations? Upcoming gigs? Reflections?

Lyn I, London

A: None, haven’t spoken to him and I’d presume he’s taking a nice long break to decompress. But I don’t see coaching in his future, I presume he’ll continue his broadcasting career. Coaching was, in many ways, a labour of love and not a means to an end.

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Q: Who would be in your Top 10 of NBA players that came from European leagues and where do you think the Raptors rookie might fit in the list?

David S, Toronto

A: I’m guessing you’re talking solely about guys who played in European leagues or who were born there, right? Not fully “international” players? That leaves out Olajuwon, Mutombo and Yao, right? Or even Nash?

Anyway, in no particular order, I’d say a Top 10 of Dirk Nowitzki, Drazen Petrovic, Arvydas Sabonis, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, Peja Stojakovic, Vlade Divac, Sarunas Marciulionis, Toni Kukoc, Detlef Schrempf we’d be okay, right?

Valanciunas? Why don’t we let him at least take part in one NBA practice a year from now before we start thinking about that? Heck, why don’t we let him turn 20 first? He might be No. 1, he might be No. 1,001.

Deal?

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Q: Hey Doug. What would a hard cap mean for the NBA? For example, what would happen to the big three? How would it affect the Raptors? Would the Association become a little more evenly competitive?

Jeremiah M, Toronto

A: That’s the unanswerable question, I’m afraid and in a lot of ways, even speculating is silly. Will current deals be grandfathered, allowing the Heat to stay together? If they have to move one guy to meet a hard cap what can they do other than just give someone away with no salary coming back? If it happens – and that remains a big “if” – I can see few, if any, fully guaranteed contracts and an absolute free-for-all of player movement the minute a new CBA is signed. That’d be cool.

As for the long-term implications: I can see a little bit more parity but I can also imagine teams will still make stupid deals, they’ll just be easier to get out of.

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Q: Hey Doug. Let me chime in with a baseball question, since I've been following baseball quite a bit since our cable provider enriched our programme with ESPN America lately. Now this may sound like a silly and/or unimportant question, but you're certainly the one who can answer it.

What does the home base umpire yell when a strike is thrown?! Is there a customary phrase or is it whatever, as long as it is clear that the pitch was a strike? When watching games, I've been able to hear (at least that's what I think I heard) everything from "One!" to something resembling "Harrrr!" or "Oooomph!" Thanks for clearing that up for me.

Keep up the excellent work.

P.S. Your prediction of Spain beating Slovenia by 15?! That's cold Doug, very cold. Completely true but cold nonetheless. Rasho wouldn't be impressed...;)

RK, Maribor

A: I’m not sure if they’re passing gas, or a kidney stone, or screaming at their friends in the stands but most of the time, it’s entirely incomprehensible and changes from one ump to the next; as do the right hand motions that are supposed to indicate called strikes. But as long as they grunt or scream something, pitchers and hitters figure it out.

Yeah, pained me to pick that large a deficit for The Rashos but seems I was close.

Special time, special day, special ice cream dishes; we have it all

Yeah, we are all over the map today, what with no real basketball news to impart, or care a lot about.

-

Remember back in the day when I had an affinity for the Red Sox?

Well, after all the hell they put me through until 2004 – and I’m talking decades of heartbreak – I’m kind of gleeful at watching what they’re doing right now.

Once seemingly a lock for the post-season, as a wild card if not the division champ, they’re lead on Tampa’s down to three games and they have three against the Rays this week. Seeing how they were swept in Tampa last weekend and drilled at Fenway last night, I bet the collars are tight.

Now, Griff details some recent collapses here but he doesn’t go far enough back for a Red Sox fan and last night’s game got me thinking about the greatest folds of all time, the Bucky Effing Dent Game that finished the 1978 AL East season.

Anyway, more on that when the Sox do fold up but the whoie process of collapsing is rather cool, no?

And one of the best parts about baseball: The races and the possibility for outright collapses over the stretch of a month or even a couple of weeks.

You don’t get it in the NBA – most playoff spots are solidified by about March – and you don’t get it in the football, although there have been last-weekend games that have provided drama. You don’t get it much in the hockey, although one final game can be kind of exciting for a team chasing the eighth playoff spot, and I’m not even sure if MLS has playoffs.

But in baseball?

There are often slow, painful, hurtful collapses that are the stuff legends are made of. It’s what makes September so good around the game.

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Hey!

Know what I found in Hazelville?

A traffic circle!

Right by Square One on one of those streets whose name I don’t know and I’ve driven through it a few times and have never once seen an accident or any measure of carnage.

Yet.

Wonder if they got the idea from my lament of their demise here a while ago? Probably.

We have some power here.

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Sure, you can watch this morning’s EuroBasket semifinals if you like, but we already know who the winners are, right?

It’s written right here.

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If you spend enough time in cars driving to and fro and listening to the radio you find out all kinds of tidbits that you can use that will perhaps bring joy to Irregulars.

Happy birthday, B.B. King.

And now I wish I was at his joint at the top of Beale Street in Memphis, sitting in the balcony upstairs eating barbecue and listening to music; it’s about the best thing about a road trip there.

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An early glimpse at some of the mail; you gotta love Irregulars:

Q: Doug, Stephen Colbert has a signature Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavour, and he donates the profits to charity. AmeriCone Dream is vanilla ice cream with fudge covered waffle cone pieces and a caramel swirl. If you were to get a signature flavour, what would it be called, what would be in it and what charity would you give the profits to (or would you just donate them to the irregulars?)?

Lee Z, Ottawa

A: I think it should be Irregulars, no? You deserve capitalization.

Well, isn’t this a challenge.

First off, it’s served in a pint – plastic or glass, depending on the establishment.

And if was a nice healthy helping of chocolate and vanilla swirl soft ice cream topped with a few M and Ms and a fair amount of cracked Oreo cookies with a swirl of whipped cream to finish it off, that’d probably work for me.

How about A Grunt’s Delight?

Profits? Well, I don’t think Stumpy’s opened the Home For Indigent Sportswriters yet so I’m thinking Canadian Cancer Society would be a good, legit beneficiary.

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I can remember, late last season, standing in front of the scorer’s table before yet another ho-hum, play out the string HOTH game talking to an NBA referee friend of mine.

Of course, the impending labour doom was among the topics, besides travel and family, and the guys says to me:

“We don’t have a contract. We’ll be locked out as long as the players.”

Or not.

The refs got a new five-year deal yesterday, which shows the league is capable of reaching labour peace, and they can breathe a bit easier.

And we won’t have to worry about The Replacements any more.

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Things that should absolutely not be allowed:

Super Son playing Ice, Ice Baby on the computer while having breakfast at 7 a.m.

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Hey, check this out.

You know that the only thing I don’t know about fashion is that I don’t know anything about fashion, right?

Well, I have mentioned in the past that the Big Fella, Kevin Willis, is a bit of a fashionista, right? He’s been designing clothes for years, I know more than a few Raptors coaches have received ties from his line that they’ve worn on game nights.

Well, Kevin has his own show at New York’s Fashion Week this week.

Pretty cool, no?

A Kevin story, and I love Kevin to death.

The Big Fella had a bit a problem remembering our names, it would seem. For about four years, we’d see him and say hello every single day and we’d almost always be wearing credentials with our names emblazoned upon them, really hard to miss.

Well, I’m not sure I once heard him use any of our names, we were always: Big Fella.

Last year, I think it was, I ran into him at a game in Atlanta, where he lives. Big hug, handshake, glad to see each other, he looks at me and says:

“How’ve you been, Doug?”

Almost did a spit take with my coffee.

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More mail?

If you’ve got some, I’ll take it.

Here, thanks.

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No, I haven’t mentioned the two NBA meetings yesterday – union members in Vegas, owners in Dallas – because, shockingly, both sides emerged to say they were united in their stands and everything was okay.

Yawn.

One thing I wonder, though.

My Man Asch was tweeting about Michael Jordan being at the owners’ gathering and I wonder how he’d react if a star player, say a Kobe Bryant, came out during a particularly contentious period of negotiations and told Jordan that if he wouldn’t agree to player demands that he should sell his team.

You know, like Michael did to Abe Pollin a few years back.

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Most dominant pro athlete of the era and a little bomp in your life

I remember one night in New Jersey, back when the Nets played in that dump at the Meadowlands.

We’re looking for celebrities in the audience (hahahahahaha, it’s the freaking Meadowland!) and one of the guys says, ‘hey, there’s Mariano Rivera over there in the front row.’

Now, that gets me craning my neck and looking all around because I’m not entirely sure what he looks like in civilian attire and it’s got to be probably 10 years ago and he’s just a good young pitcher.

Well, we finally spot him and I’m like “wow, he’s tiny” because my world is basketball and all other pro athletes pale in comparison.

But who knew that he’d become – and I say this with great conviction – the single most dominant North American pro athlete of my time?

This is timely because Rivera is about to pass Trevor Hoffman as the all-time saves leader in major league baseball; Rivera got No. 600 late the other night in Seattle, Hoffman finished with 601 and no one else is even close.

Rivera?

A freak.

A stud.

Most dominant single athlete in any pro sport that I can think of right now.

Sure, Roger Federer was brilliant but so was Sampras in the time Rivera was doing his stuff.

Tiger Woods? Seemed to be the greatest ever until, well, until you know what happened.

The pucks? Crosby’s great but how long has he been around?

Jordan, Kobe, Shaq? All great, not question about it, none lasted all that long, although Kobe’s got some years ahead of him.

Rivera?

Seventeen seasons, I think it is, and he’s an automatic now as he was seven years ago and might be as automatic in three years as he is today.

I know the argument is that he only has to work an inning every two days out of three or something like that but, really, name me someone as good for as long? Don’t know that you can.

I don’t know anything about major league pitching but everyone who steps into the batter’s box against him knows what’s coming and has for a decade and he still gets ‘em out.

Incredible, no?

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It doesn’t bother me one bit that Glen Rice and Sarah Palin had a one night stand (Is that still what they call it? Or is it a “hookup?”)

What bothers me is that Sarah Palin was a sports reporter when it happened. Not sure why but that just rankles me.

I don’t like rankled.

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This from the department of Don’t Get Too High When Things Go Well, Don’t Get Too Down When Things Go Poorly.

I know there were those among you ready to lionize young Jonas Valanciunas after his play in EuroBasket early in the tournament and he certainly had some good games and moments.

Well, he wasn’t all that good Wednesday in what has to go down as one of the greatest upsets in that tournament’s history.

The kid had more turnovers (5) than points (3) and also had three fouls in a rather underwhelming performance.

Of course, he wasn’t Darius Songalia-esque and I’m wonder if after that fateful turnovers whether or not they’ll revoke Songalia’s citizenship.

Anyway, Valanciunas is what he is: A 19-year-old kid in his first senior international tournament figuring it all out on the fly. Every report I got from people who’s opinion I trust and who have seen him live is that he’s very good, highly-skilled, plays with an enthusiasm that can be infectious.

But he is a kid and kids will have bad days.

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Hey, who does this Loewen kid think he is? Hobbs?

Two-run single in eighth to pull out a come-from-behind win on the road against a pretty good reliever?

Not bad at all.

And I tell you, no matter what their record ends up being (and I’m afraid to go back to April to see what I said it’d be) the TOD has been one pretty good story all year, no?

Lawrie nee Hobbs.

Loewen.

Bautista.

Pitching woes.

Babe Arencibia The Slugger.

Snider.

Trades.

Call ups.

Not bad for a so-so team more about the future than the present.

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Okay, this is the last of the “food mail” file I didn’t get to last weekend.

Q: Mr. Smith. Rice Chex, especially after a 30-year absence from Canada.

Okay, how about best bed time snack? Anything that doesn’t get you up two hours later?

Who put the bomp in the bomp shoo bomp shoo bomp? Who was that man?

Man, I hope the Raptors get back soon!

Bob E, Kanata

A: Hmm, best bed time snack?

I suppose if I say chicken wings and Stella someone’s going to get mad at me, right?

Okay, so let me think what would be Nos. 2-5.

I don’t mind a wee bit of chocolate, actually. A small pack of M and Ms from the gift shop at various Marriott properties is a bit of a tradition.

And if there’s a chocolate chip cookie or two around, they don’t last long.

Other than that? I’m not going with wings and Stella; but a nacho and a Yeungling’s been known to work.

Oh yeah, to your other question ...

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Reports I’m hearing from Lithuania are that Jose Calderon had a wee ankle issue late in the romp over Slovenia but has been cleared to play in the semis.

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Back to the mail.

I could use more, please. Long Niagara day today and need something to do this afternoon.

Here, thank you.

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Okay, how many basketball fans do you think are scouring the interweb today to find out about Macedonia, which is becoming the greatest EuroBasket story I can remember in a long, long time.

Seriously, I can’t tell you how hard it would have been to beat Lithuania in Lithuania with so much at stake and the fact they did it has to rank right up there among the greatest upsets in tournament history.

And I do have to offer a word of thanks to all the zealous Irregulars out there for not asking at any time in this tournament whether or not the HOTH should sign Bo McCalebb.

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A bad day at the talks but big days ahead

Okay, well, guess the NBA labour talks could have gone better, no?

Short synopsis:

They are close on the money, are miles apart on the soft vs. hard cap aspect of how that money gets distributed to the players and now both sides are retreating to significant meetings today.

The owners are in Dallas and the players are massing in Vegas with David Stern and Billy Hunter ready to fill them in on just where everything stands.

And where is that?

Well, no one knows for sure since the rhetoric got turned up big time and as one NBA guy once warned me: “When they start ripping each other publicly, it’s time to make sure your BS detector is on high.”

Really, all the stuff that was said yesterday, from Hunter talking about half a season likely to be lost to Stern poo-pooing the notion the owners haven’t changed their demands since June, was little more than backlash at the fact nothing got accomplished in the room.

I still say we’ll wake up one day and a deal will be done – the players will lose because they always lose – but I do think the start of training camp and a bit, maybe all, the exhibition season will be lost and to that I say, ‘hooray!’

The one thing I’m getting increasingly bored with though, and it happens in every sports negotiation in any game, is the talk. I don’t want to hear how intractable the other side is, I don’t want to hear doom and gloom and I don’t even want to hear rhetoric about the parameters of a deal being close.

I want them now that we know where they are to invoke a cone of silence, tell us when it’s over so we can get on with our lives. And the over-riding sense I’m getting from the general populace is that fans feel the same way.

Yawn. Do a deal. Don’t talk ‘til it’s done.

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Hey, you saloon owners!

Everyone – EVERYONE – who manages your joint at any time of any day needs to know where everything – EVERYTHING – is on the television dial.

Print ‘em out a schedule overnight or give them a weekly guide or do what you have to do. Just get them prepared each day.

There is nothing more frustrating than showing up knowing there’s a particular game on that a lot of people are interested in and having the staff offer nothing but blank stares when asked to switch a TV or two because they don’t know where it is.

Can we make that happen, please?

All in the name of customer service.

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Canada 25, Tonga 20

And glorious rugby victory is ours. No, I didn’t stay up which wasn’t a bad idea since the 6 a.m. alarm comes early and I wouldn’t be sure what I was seeing anyway.

Not entirely up on my rugby but I have a feeling I might learn a bit over the next little while.

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There was one interesting quote that came after the NBA talks ended yesterday, from Maurice Evans I believe was.

He was asked about “defections” of union members to Europe now that there’s a cloud over the training camp, exhibition games and the start of the regular season and he said, yes, he figured there would be.

Not a chance.

First off, a lot if not all European teams are about to start or have started training camps and there simply aren’t a lot of jobs available. There are limits everywhere on the number of non-Europeans allowed on any team and many of them are filled by guys with history with those franchises. The work simply isn’t there.

Neither is the money and unless they are the worst financial manager in the history of the world and are currently flat broke and unable to make ends meet, I don’t think there are too many NBA guys who’ll end up playing for the salaries offered.

As I said when the whole “let’s go play in Europe” talk began, I cannot imagine 20 NBA guys – and less than 10 who could be considered front-line players – ending up in Europe and out of a total of about 450 players, that’s hardly significant.

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Speaking of Canada-Tonga …

Q: Hi Doug. I'm a Canadian living in Auckland, New Zealand. The Rugby World Cup has started here and Canada is slated to play the Mighty All-Blacks in a couple weeks time.

The All-Blacks do the Haka before each game which has to be the coolest pre-match ritual in all of sport. Can you think of any others?

Ryan G, Auckland, N.Z.

A: Well, I know Fiji does something called the Cibi, if memory serves, but it’s not nearly as well known as the Haka and, trust me, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Sean Marks and the Tall Blacks do it.

Don’t have video of him but I did find this, which even includes an explanation of what you’re seeing:

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Well, I’m told one of the Raptors bigwigs is doing his homework.

According to a spy, there was a Dwane Casey sighting at the EuroBasket thing over in Lithuania.

Now, I know Dwane won’t, and isn’t able to, talk to either Jose Calderon or Jonas Valanciunas, the two Raptors still going over there but he will get a chance to see them in game situations to get an idea of what skills they have.

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I’m sitting on a stool in Niagara (Hi, Mick and Angelo’s!) watching TOD go down to ignominious defeat when I see Thames make a great catch along the wall in left, trot in, hand the ball to a serviceman in uniform and the serviceman turns around and hands to an urchin one row back who’s grinning from ear to ear and that kind of made the game good.

Great moment.

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Mail?

Yes, we shall begin the process, let all your innermost thoughts pour out when you click here and write.

Thanks.

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What's this? Some basketball stuff? Sure, but some cartoons, too

Yes, we have Raptors and NBA stuff in here, just for change.

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Think you have to give DeMar DeRozan some credit.

The kid’s been staying really busy, it would appear, playing basketball and working out this summer and letting everyone know how badly he wants to get the NBA season going.

He showed up at one of those amateur summer leagues in LA, was part of some LA-Washington exhibition game that was more show than anything and now he’s in Vegas at one of the more interesting summer endeavours that NBA players have undertaken and maybe the most series.

Impact Gym, the Vegas spot where a gaggle of NBAers work out in the summer, is running what can best be described as a Lockout League this week.

There are a few dozen NBA guys out there playing games that will likely be more organized and more intense than anything they’d get in a park or an amateur street league and it’s as good as any workout they’d normally get with their teammates when they started heading back to their winter homes in mid-September.

DeRozan’s the only Raptor I can see on any of the rosters – they are rather, um, fluid though as some guys are joining later and some leaving early – but it does speak well of him that he’s there.

You know me and summer leagues, right? I think the usual Vegas one, with rookies and wannabes, is a gigantic waste of time but this one, as they go, isn’t too horrible.

It’s real NBA guys against real NBA guys and a good late-summer run.

And it’s good that DeRozan decided to take part; I would have liked to read that Ed Davis and Jerryd Bayless were there but you can’t have everything.

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I’m sure you all raced here this morning to see what was in the paper basketball-wise and saw the setup stuff for the Euro quarter-finals, right?

(It’s here if you didn’t)

And you can imagine how tempted I was to pick Spurs by 12 in every game but I didn’t really want to deal with the calls from perplexed copy editors.

Sometimes, worlds should collide, as the one and only George Costanza once said.

Anyway, if I’m right – and how in the world you’d think I could be wrong is beyond me – it would set up the one game I’ve wanted to see since the tournament began:

Spain-Lithuania in Lithuania with a berth in the London Olympics on the line. Sadly – and this truly sucks – I fear the only way I’d be able to watch it is on an a computer and not from a stool.

Too bad.

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Hey, look what I found in the files, a leftover.

Q: You need questions, I got questions. Well, at least one.

Since you did favourite breakfast cereals, how about best things in lunches as a school-aged kid?

T H, Windsor

A: You mean besides deciding as a high schooler whether or not you’d take the class immediately after lunch off to keep playing pinball?

I’m going way back here but when I used to go home at lunch back in the day, it was always a treat when Mom would be making grilled cheese sandwiches with sweet pickles on the side, something about them was just really, really good.

Oh, and she used to fire up a mean fried egg sandwich with a little bit of ketchup for some tang.

Now, and this is a tad weird, but I recall wanting to get home because when I was a very little tyke Jeopardy used to be on at lunch and if you could catch Double and Final Jeopardy, that’d be cool. If not, there was always the Flintstones.

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So, in one of my incarnations, as you know, I do a wee bit of gridiron stuff, at least that’s what I’m supposed to do.

Well, it also means I have to watch some games every now and then and while prone on the couch at Casa Doug on Monday, I have to say I grew increasingly impressed with that Brady fellow of the New Englands.

He’s got to be the best quarterback in the league, no?

I’d probably rank them Brady, Aaron Rodgers and I kinda like that Brees guy down in New Orleans.

Now, I will be calling on the expertise of Irregulars over the course of the season for some inside NFL knowledge to use as my own but after what Brady did to the Dolphins (sorry, Coach Steve) can’t see any reason not to think he’s the best in the game.

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Speaking of those lunches at home, did any of you have the eternal debate.

(No, not Betty or Wilma)

Was this the better theme song?

Or this?

Me, I’m all about the old stuff and take Fred over George any day of the week.

You?

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I see by all reports that Rick Adelman has taken the coaching gig in Minnesota and I’m wondering about it, actually.

But all accounts, it runs counter to everything he wants, which according to everyone I talk to is a veteran team with a chance to win in a warmer, most westerly location than the twin cities.

But I guess a $5 million annual stipend will make a guy do things that run counter to popular opinion; I wish him luck. That’s a bad, young team in a powerful conference that would seem to be years and years away from being a legitimate contender – and even only if the GM doesn’t screw it up any more – and I wonder when the frustration level reaches the breaking point.

There was, however, one interesting point raised in the twitterverse last night – I believe first by my good and learned friend S. Aschburner:

Why would the Timberwolves, not known for their financial largesse, bestow such riches on a coach now when there’s nothing for him to do because of the lockout. It’s not like Adelman had a lot of other options – the Minnesota gig was the only one left out there to take – so why wouldn’t everyone wait at least a couple of weeks.

Is it that the Timberwolves and Minny owner Glen Taylor – who is strongly tied to the labour talks – know something might be looking good on that front?

Pollyanna-ish? Sure but why not think that way.

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Who you got in Canada-Tonga tomorrow at the rugby World Cup?

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Hoops, snacks and a boy with a funny name; we've got it all

So we’ve got half the field set for the 2012 Olympic men’s basketball tournament and it underscores the big point: There aren’t enough teams in it for it to be considered the most significant tournament on the planet.

So far we’ve got Britain (hosts), the United States (world champions) along with Brazil and Argentina (FIBA Americas), Australia (FIBA Oceania) and Tunisia (FIBA Africa).

There’ll be two more from the European championships, one from the Asia championships and three from next year’s final qualifier, wherever it’s held.

Now, I understand that the Olympics are truly a global event and probably too big for their own good right now but until they expand the tournament to at least 16 teams, and 18 or 20 would be even better, it’s going to be second to the world championships and maybe even third behind the worlds and EuroBasket for true basketball fans.

I’ve talked to a lot of players over the years who share that opinion, they realize the basketball – men and women – tend to get lost in the Olympics, where the tournaments truly are lost in the spectacle that is the Games.

I know FIBA has made a proposal to the IOC to increase the number of teams without increasing the length of the tournaments and until that idea gets the blessing of the big shots at the Olympics, it’s still going to be worlds, EuroBasket and the Olympics in everyone’s pecking order.

Speaking of …

You saw that Argentina did the expected, rallied late and beat Brazil to win the FIBA Americas tournament, right? If there was a dead solid lock in any basketball tournament anywhere in the world this summer, that was it. No way they were losing and, as a few people have suggested, if they did somehow manage to be upset, they’d just declare the result null and void and play ‘til they won.

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Oh, we had all kinds of stuff left from the weekend since we went in a bit of a different direction yesterday including one saved file that’s called “food mail.”

Including …

Q: Well you did the top 5 cereals list, I think then you need to do a Top 5 chocolate bars list. Mine have changed over the years I eat one for awhile then switch but my top 5 are Eat-more, Big Turk, Crispy Crunch, Crunchie, Turtles and there are none I must admit I truly dislike.

Cheers

Doug B, Toronto

A: Oh, my man, I fear we’re going to have to agree to disagree on this one.

I’ve got, in no particular order,

Caramilk

I need to know that secret of how they get the caramel in the caramilk bar. (I know, I can find out on the interweb but I still like saying it).

Aero

Those little bubbles are cute.

Kit Kat

The bar, not the club. Besides, we’re a red and white country and the wrapper makes me feel patriotic.

Three Musketeers

Just the right level of goo-iness.

Mars Bar

Or, alternatively, Milky Way if I’m south of the 49th parallel.

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Speaking of the Olympics, you’ll notice that neither Turkey nor Germany have any chance of being there, right?

Not sure it’s a big surprise that Germany didn’t make the quarter-finals, I know Dirk’s really good and Kaman helps but that was a longshot entirely.

Turkey?

That they couldn’t even get out of the second round after finishing second in the world and with a roster chock full of NBAers was a big surprise to many. Goes to show you, I guess, the value of playing at home.

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Remember a week or so ago when we did cover tunes and we had a list that was pretty good?

Well, seems there was one a lot of you liked that I wasn’t sure I’d heard, either in its original or in the remake.

And since it was eight years ago today that Johnny Cash died …

Yes, that’s poignant.

This is fun.

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They wrapped up the first world three-on-three basketball championships over in Italy on Sunday – Canadian men were seventh and the women eighth – and by all accounts it was a rousing success.

Not sure how much any of you know about the game, it’s like Basketball On Speed, two five-minute halves and a 10-second shot clock, and it seems to be a darling of the Global Basketbal Bigwigs.

I imagine they’ll try to press the IOC to eventually get it into the Olympics, where it will be to hoops what beach volleyball is in that sport.

And while the results were good for the teams, Dyshawn Pierre of Whitby won the inaugural dunk contest that was part of the weekend.

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So, had a wee bit of a delay in getting the first Gridiron Monday thing up on the web, it seems, but if Cathal does something like this on Sundays and then I do something like this on Mondays, what do you think?

I don’t mind the branching to mock, comment, push limits but wonder if anyone really cares?

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