Me and my friend 8-ball dissect Thanksgiving football

Oh boy.

Never mind live turkey, Mr. 8-ball, I think you should have brought some Wild Turkey for the holiday. After all, nothing spices up the old family-sit-around-and-remember-why-you-don’t-see-each-other-for-364-days-a-year afternoon than solid intoxicants.

Anyway, Tall Foreheads figure I need to keep you in line throughout the day so …

You sayeth:

It’s a wonder the Lions agree to play this game every year — they’re 4-27 all-time on U.S. Thanksgiving. However, the last team they beat on turkey day was Green Bay. Eight years ago. Not quite the same thing. Packers (-6.5)

I sayeth:

Are you high?

Yes, I know it’s early and, sure, the Packers are covering right now but if the sissy Lions had actually, you know, tried to score some points in those final two possessions rather than taking the air out of the ball and lying down … well, we might be having a different conversation.

But apparently not. Holy Bat-meldown, Batman. Never seen a team self-destruct quite like those Detroits did in the 27-15 loss.

I’m all about the Lions today, kid. After all, I actually attended a Lions Thanksgiving Day game as a fan – back in the old Silverdome days and I seem to recall they beat the Bills so I’ve got some history.

(Thanks, google, was 1994, Lions win)

As an aside: Did you see the tackle after the catch Calvin Johnson made when his helmet came off? How many of you always wonder if there’s a head in it when that happens?

Yeah, I do.

Oh, and did you see the wee fracas near the end of the half?

Is there anything more stupid in all of sports than football players – with all that gladiator equipment – fighting? Really.

See you – and perchance rip you – after the game.

Now I'm off to watch me some Nickelback. They any good?

Oops.

Guess all that Lion love was unrequited. Nice composure, nice antics, nice quarterbacking.

Seriously, did that Suh dude really stomp on the guy’s arm?

‘Cause he was, you know, blocked?

If you’ve got dopes like that pulling punk moves like that – as if there were no cameras that were going to catch it – you deserve to lose.

Yes, he most certainly did and the guy named “dirtiest player in the league” in one of those silly surveys lives up to the billing.

So I bow to 8-ball’s superior intelligence; the Packers are indeed all that and a bag of chips. Helps with the other team throws in a measure of self-destruction but, still …

And Aaron Rodgers is quite good, no?

Oh yeah, Nickleback is, um, underwhelming.

Guess there was no one from Detroit – not a band, a person, a bunch of kids from the neighbourhood – they could have hired, a point also raised by the one and only Jalen Rose.

Yeah, that’s Detroit. Musical wasteland. May as well find a so-so Canadian band.

Next up? I’ve got the Cowboys, big time, over the Dolphins.

 Cowboys fans get a glimpse at Lord Stanley's chalice. PHOTO BY DAVE FESCHUK

 

And on to Game 2

 

Okay, okay, okay.

You are the smartest inanimate object I know – and that’s mainly because I saw Super Dog move once (she was going after a treat).

You sayeth

It’s not that we do believe in Miami’s three-game win streak. It’s that we don’t believe in Tony Romo in a showpiece game.

Miami (+7)

I sayeth (so far and it is only halftime)

This is a dog of a game. A pooch. A waste of a couple of hours so far. Matt Moore looks like, well, Matt Moore and Tony Romo gave up his Tony Orlando imitation just before the half, courtesy of, um, Matt Moore. And I believe I just saw our Dolphin-loving fan of a boss slam his video camera to the floor on his way out of the afternoon news meeting.

(Okay, that’s lie. You and I both know I go near the office only on the penalty of death because one time I was there a couple of weeks ago and I had no chair, no internet connection and some dude from entertainment was sitting at his desk sleeping and snoring like Otis from the Andy Griffith Show).

Romo, you say? Well, he’s doing his best Tebow, isn’t he? Just ugly enough to be effective.

But again we caution: There’s lots of time left and if the second half is as riveting as the first, I’m pretty sure I’ll nap and you should tell me what happened.

If this was the NCAA, this would be that LSU-Alabama Game Of The Century. And we know how that worked out, don’t we?

Enrique Iglesias? Oh, how I hate halftimes of big TV games.

Arrgggghhh!!

Tony Tebow, er Tim Romo, ah, Tony Romo throws two interceptions in the first quarter and you’re looking like a genius.

Then he pulls out a win with a pretty good final drive and you get the win when the Dolphins cover.

How do you do this?

I hope you OD on tryptophan tonight and sleep through the weekend because you’re going to be insufferable if you have a good Sunday.

Forget that the Dolphins looked like the Dolphins at times (breath a sigh of relief Buffalonians, your Bills might not now finish last in the AFC East), the Cowboys played well when they had to and all of a sudden doesn’t the NFC East look a whole lot more interesting.

No Leon Lett memories, either.

But five lead changes, a pretty exciting second half and it kind of bailed out a long afternoon in front of the TV, didn’t it?

That’ll be it for me now, I know when I’m licked. I’ll watch Harbaugh-Harbaugh for a bit but 5 a.m. comes early and I know I’m going to have nightmares of you laughing at me.

Wearing this:

 

 

 

Comments

[doug]

Nickleback is the present day Led Zeppelin (not that I am comparing the 2 bands) Led were killed by critics as are Nickleback now but i like them and that's all that matters to me....I agree totally with you, play to win, what the lions did at the end of the 1st half is conceding defeat...and in the dictionary defining blowhard should be Joe Buck, shut-up and just leave the analysis to Troy, I frankly don't give a rat's ass what you think...or do many...and you should do a IGBT on days like these....

[Lorie]

Nickelback!!! Did you see what the one and only Jalen Rose (who clearly knows a thing or two about a number of things and one of those things is Overrated Canadian Bands): "No offense to the halftime performer, but this clearly could be a local artist."! Mr. Rose has just gone up several notches in my estimation! Now to begin planning how to avoid another halftime show - The Grey Cup.

Blogger's note: Yeah, Detroit = musical wasteland.

[doug]

it's easy to blame Stafford, but Detroit hasn't tried to stretch the field at all this game, you have Calvin Johnson ...poorly coached game by Schwartz, playing Green Bay you have to try and maximize EVERY possession, ball control means squat against them....poor game planning and played into Green Bay's hands especially after losing Kevin Smith early....dog coaching game of the day thus far...and Kelly is wrong in the Dallas game, it is not how Romo goes so goes the Cowboys anymore, Murray has added a whole new dimension, they'll win by 14 or more in the next game...

[The J]

Q: Now I'm off to watch me some Nickelback. They any good?

A: No.

[doug]

I get a kick how people have bought into the wussification of the NFL and labelling Suh a "dirty player" yea it wasn't a move to be applauded but as I said to my buddy a couple weeks ago, how long would Lambert and Ham last in today's NFL or remember the old Cardinals when they were actually in St.Louis and their offensive line was lead by Conrad Dobler, how long would he last, or any of the old school players...it's football get over it...come on this league lead by Goodell is moving towards flag football status...and anyone that doesn't think there is a star system need not look any further then this game, Stafford no late hit calls, Rogers gets some key ones that weren't even border-line...star system lives and is well....but that loss lays on Schwartz's feet, why didn't they go to hurry up a lot earlier in the game...ball control against the Pack gets you what....nothing...

[Stevie Gerra]

I don't know why you would ever utter Led Zeppelin and Nickleback in the same sentence?
Superbowl Re-Match Packers v Steelers....Packers win it 42-28
A-Rodge MVP of the Decade!

[Bill]

Anyone who compares Nickelback to Zeppelin should just kill themselves now.

[doug]

from a critics perspective ...critics loved to dump on Led Zeppelin...that's all I was saying, and Nickleback is the band all love to hate except look it up Chad Kroeger is one of the biggest real estate holders in Vancouver do you think he cares??....Dallas needs to keep it simple stupid...go to Whitten and run Murray not rocket science and let Felix Jones become the next Wally Pipp

[doug]

do you guys read at all...I said I wasn't comparing the 2 bands, look back at what the critics said about Led Zeppelin...oh I forgot you obviously can't read...

here is what ALL critics felt about Led Zeppelin, check back on Rolling Stone wherever....

"I'd like to kick things off with that dinosaur classic, the most over-rated 'heavy metal' band of all time LED ZEPPELIN.

At least a full ONE-FOURTH of their output was either kitsch or filler (often both at the same time), as my humble list (below) demonstrates. Hippie dreck lyrics, hookless guitar 'riffs,' screeching vocals, acoustic meanderings, sorry folk imitations and brainless blues-rawk rip-offs - any of the below, if found on ANY other group's records, would exclude them from all serious consideration."

this me friends is all I was saying....cheers...

http://blogcritics.org/music/article/led-zep-top-over-rated/,,,,,,idiots...

[doug]

oh my bad I added the idiots part here is one of a million links that "described" Led Zeppelin, and Rush was seen in the same light by the way..

http://blogcritics.org/music/article/led-zep-top-over-rated/

[doug]

are you kidding me...Witten's 1st completion with a couple minutes left in 3rd quarter followed by a Murray play of 17 yards....not rocket science...Romo's gone to Robinson way to much and Rob Ryan's defense which I have watched all year , has the secondary playing far to soft all the time, he loves his front 7, the rest is his weakness...poor game plan by Dallas no stretching of the field whereas Miami has and recognized Dallas's weakness...not a dud of a game , one coach has been out-coached,,,Soprano is playing to win Garrett is coaching not to lose it may come back to haunt him...

[Me]

Great blog today doug - the commenter, not our Doug. Good job of monopolizing the comments!

[doug]

@ me nice name by the way..I never monopolized anything...comment and talk....it's pretty simple...you have a thought talk...what did i monopolize??, i love sports and have a passion for them especially my Cowboys...cheers...