Me and my friend 8-ball dissect Thanksgiving football
Never mind live turkey, Mr. 8-ball, I think you should have brought some Wild Turkey for the holiday. After all, nothing spices up the old family-sit-around-and-remember-why-you-don’t-see-each-other-for-364-days-a-year afternoon than solid intoxicants.
Anyway, Tall Foreheads figure I need to keep you in line throughout the day so …
It’s a wonder the Lions agree to play this game every year — they’re 4-27 all-time on U.S. Thanksgiving. However, the last team they beat on turkey day was Green Bay. Eight years ago. Not quite the same thing. Packers (-6.5)
Are you high?
Yes, I know it’s early and, sure, the Packers are covering right now but if the sissy Lions had actually, you know, tried to score some points in those final two possessions rather than taking the air out of the ball and lying down … well, we might be having a different conversation.
But apparently not. Holy Bat-meldown, Batman. Never seen a team self-destruct quite like those Detroits did in the 27-15 loss.
I’m all about the Lions today, kid. After all, I actually attended a Lions Thanksgiving Day game as a fan – back in the old Silverdome days and I seem to recall they beat the Bills so I’ve got some history.
As an aside: Did you see the tackle after the catch Calvin Johnson made when his helmet came off? How many of you always wonder if there’s a head in it when that happens?
Yeah, I do.
Oh, and did you see the wee fracas near the end of the half?
Is there anything more stupid in all of sports than football players – with all that gladiator equipment – fighting? Really.
See you – and perchance rip you – after the game.
Now I'm off to watch me some Nickelback. They any good?
Guess all that Lion love was unrequited. Nice composure, nice antics, nice quarterbacking.
Seriously, did that Suh dude really stomp on the guy’s arm?
‘Cause he was, you know, blocked?
If you’ve got dopes like that pulling punk moves like that – as if there were no cameras that were going to catch it – you deserve to lose.
Yes, he most certainly did and the guy named “dirtiest player in the league” in one of those silly surveys lives up to the billing.
So I bow to 8-ball’s superior intelligence; the Packers are indeed all that and a bag of chips. Helps with the other team throws in a measure of self-destruction but, still …
And Aaron Rodgers is quite good, no?
Oh yeah, Nickleback is, um, underwhelming.
Guess there was no one from Detroit – not a band, a person, a bunch of kids from the neighbourhood – they could have hired, a point also raised by the one and only Jalen Rose.
Yeah, that’s Detroit. Musical wasteland. May as well find a so-so Canadian band.
Next up? I’ve got the Cowboys, big time, over the Dolphins.
Cowboys fans get a glimpse at Lord Stanley's chalice. PHOTO BY DAVE FESCHUK
And on to Game 2
Okay, okay, okay.
You are the smartest inanimate object I know – and that’s mainly because I saw Super Dog move once (she was going after a treat).
It’s not that we do believe in Miami’s three-game win streak. It’s that we don’t believe in Tony Romo in a showpiece game.
I sayeth (so far and it is only halftime)
This is a dog of a game. A pooch. A waste of a couple of hours so far. Matt Moore looks like, well, Matt Moore and Tony Romo gave up his Tony Orlando imitation just before the half, courtesy of, um, Matt Moore. And I believe I just saw our Dolphin-loving fan of a boss slam his video camera to the floor on his way out of the afternoon news meeting.
(Okay, that’s lie. You and I both know I go near the office only on the penalty of death because one time I was there a couple of weeks ago and I had no chair, no internet connection and some dude from entertainment was sitting at his desk sleeping and snoring like Otis from the Andy Griffith Show).
Romo, you say? Well, he’s doing his best Tebow, isn’t he? Just ugly enough to be effective.
But again we caution: There’s lots of time left and if the second half is as riveting as the first, I’m pretty sure I’ll nap and you should tell me what happened.
If this was the NCAA, this would be that LSU-Alabama Game Of The Century. And we know how that worked out, don’t we?
Enrique Iglesias? Oh, how I hate halftimes of big TV games.
Tony Tebow, er Tim Romo, ah, Tony Romo throws two interceptions in the first quarter and you’re looking like a genius.
Then he pulls out a win with a pretty good final drive and you get the win when the Dolphins cover.
How do you do this?
I hope you OD on tryptophan tonight and sleep through the weekend because you’re going to be insufferable if you have a good Sunday.
Forget that the Dolphins looked like the Dolphins at times (breath a sigh of relief Buffalonians, your Bills might not now finish last in the AFC East), the Cowboys played well when they had to and all of a sudden doesn’t the NFC East look a whole lot more interesting.
No Leon Lett memories, either.
But five lead changes, a pretty exciting second half and it kind of bailed out a long afternoon in front of the TV, didn’t it?
That’ll be it for me now, I know when I’m licked. I’ll watch Harbaugh-Harbaugh for a bit but 5 a.m. comes early and I know I’m going to have nightmares of you laughing at me.