Unfortunately, the game is seldom the thing

I’ve been quite lucky oh, these so many years, to have seen an awful lot of professional sports.

Basketball games, the odd hockey game, baseball games, football games, games of significance and games that have meant absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I have seen full houses and half-empty arenas and it’s always struck me that pro sports teams treat the fans in the seats like they are, well, mindless dopes with the attention span of fleas.

And the NBA is, by a country mile, the worst offender.

It’s never really about the game, is it? It’s about the “entertainment experience” and the peripheral stuff, the noise, the distractions, the noise, the timeout antics, the noise, the stuff that really has nothing to do with the actual competition on the floor, ice or ersatz grass.

Baseball does stuff with dancers on the dugouts and stuffed animals roaming the stands.

Football has the dancing girls and the marching bands.

Hockey has the in-game host, and the contests and, in some arenas, I’m told, packs of roving dancers/cheerleaders.

Basketball? All of that, and more.

I guess – although I’m not entirely sure – that the patrons who fork over such big bucks to actually go to games want to be entertained constantly although watching them during the “contests” doesn’t prove that to be true.

Mostly – and I look quite often – they are talking to each other or staring off into space, anxious for, you know, the game to come back.

You can’t put that genie back in the bottle, we are never going to go back to the time when the play carried the night but I do wish we could put a halt to the escalation of the antics.

Every timeout, or stoppage in play, or pitching change cries out for something to happen. And I think what irks me more than anything else is the “scripted” nature of most games.

You know, first timeout of the fourth quarter we’re going to do this. First pitching change we’re going to do this. First TV timeout of the second period we’re going to do this.

If teams are going to bombard fans with ancillary stuff, at least have some sense of timing, know what the mood in the building is like, what place the game is in when it’s time to turn up the volume.

A little immediate creativity would go a long way, I think, to making a night feel more spontaneous, and perhaps engage those fans in a more meaningful manner.

Will it happen? No way. It’s too hard. And, besides, no one’s really complaining. Sadly.

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You’re not going to believe what I saw when the Smelly Ford Focus made a coffee stop at the Angola rest area on the New York State Thruway while hightailing it back from Cleveland.

A guy talking on a pay phone!

Really.

I didn’t know they still had ‘em, let alone had ones that work and if I had to make a call on one today, I swear I wouldn’t know how much money to put in.

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Wonder what’s in store for the folks in the seats tonight?

Unsure, actually. No one’s really talking about intro videos or timeout shenanigans and I’m quite all right with that.

For sure, whatever ditty they use to do video to introduce the team will be foreign to me, I’ll expect some help, but other than that …

Here are three things I truly hope they don’t do:

The silly over-and-under game.

You know the one, they march some lucky fan to midcourt, put a playing card up on the ribbon boards around the arena and he or she has to guess whether the next one will be higher or lower.

Saps whatever energy there is right out of the building.

Baby races

Yeah, we really want to see scared kids crawling to pleading moms and dads. Fun? Wow!

SportsCentre highlights

I see enough pucks as it is, thank you very much.

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I think we can all agree James Johnson is one of the more intriguing Raptors – along with one of the more frustrating ones some nights.

He’s big and strong, willing to play a role as a defensive specialist and I know Dwane Casey is quite interested in his potential.

But what’s going to kill Johnson’s playing time – and he knows it – are his turnovers. Ghastly, some of them; and far too frequent. He had four the other night in Cleveland – that seems to be about the norm for him – I think two were for travelling, one was where he bounced a pass off Andrea’s head and I can’t remember the other.

To him, a solution is easy:

Slow the hell down, or at least that’s what he was saying yesterday at practice:

“It starts here in practice, getting more shots up five-on-five, moving the ball during five-on-five, making the right play and making the right pass. Got a long ways to go but it’s close.

“I worked hard during the summer but I hadn’t played a real five-on-five game until the first Boston pre-season games; a couple more games in and things will start slowing down for me.”

I guess that’s the same for every young player – and Johnson is just in his third season and has only been a starter for less than half a season – but he’s got to be better.

Small forward is a bit of a black hole for this team, everyone knows it; it’s a job waiting to be claimed and if Johnson can cut down on his mistakes, the job is his.

He is a very good defender and looks like he could be a pretty good rebounder but he can’t be coughing up the ball as often as he has been.

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Oh, you were wondering about what I would like to see in timeouts?

Sing-alongs

Not with Jack and Matt necessarily but the in-house karaoke I see in other arenas and stadiums is cool.

I know we haven’t come up with a song but there has to be one, right?

If all else fails, if you can’t get these guys …

Remember these guys …

The Chicken

You cannot get enough of his/her/its hijinks. You can’t.

The Chicken, I’m told, spent some time on the DL in the summer after a rather serious tumble during a road trip to China (can you imagine the look on the Shanghai doctor’s face when a big red dinosaur with a bum leg came in?) but he/she/it is back in shape.

The June Taylor Dancers

Why not, right?

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First call for mail; there are weekend games and a road trip so I’m not sure what will get done when but I’m pretty sure some of you are just dying to say hi and get something off your chest, right?

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Don’t forget, it’s a 6 p.m. start time tonight (those of us with deadlines thank you) and that means about a 5:50 p.m. start to the IGBT.

Come one, come all.

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Comments

[Mike D.]

I'm curious: what prevails if there's a combination of your liked/disliked activities, such as (to choose a hypothetical example) a race between babies who are both being chased by the Chicken?

I agree that any activity involving the Chicken, the best mascot in sports, is great. Unless he/she/it is rubbing the head of a bald guy to amuse the adjacent fans.

Blogger's note: A race between babies while being chased by The Chicken as the June Taylor Dancers dance to Journey is something I'd endorse

[Martin]

You are absolutely right about the unnecessary “entertainment experience” at NBA games. It's like going to a night club and every few minutes a bit of an athletic contest breaks out. In the middle of the fourth quarter everyone is busy trying to get pictures with dancing girls instead of getting behind their team. Not to mention all the people that show up wearing the opposing team's colours because NBA is a star-centred league (which is what ironically leads to strikes and lockouts). NBA games are an awful, anti-sport experience.

[Lorie]

An Irregular Mini-Play List entititled "Variations on a Theme of Lifting and Raising Ever Higher and Higher" which I think is an appropriate theme for the Raptors!
First, a little Taio Cruz for the youngsters (as Ed Sullivan used to say):
http://youtu.be/FrK6N4db-ik
and your Celtic Women, too:
http://youtu.be/faKFcfytlxU
but this is the best: (with bonus intro by Del and Roy)
http://youtu.be/_-R9z__WzI4
Good music and good basketball - what more does one need?
Cheers!

[David Morton]

As one of those "balding" guys, the chicken tried to get me every night with a head wash. It became a contest to see if I could protect myself but he always got me some how. That said, it was always meant as fun and I did not object but I can sure see why it might be boring for others.

My biggest pet peeve is the loud, pounding music during the game. Give it a rest please.

Thanks for the Bon Jovi....not sure about Jack and Matt though!

[Ross Peterson]

Consider yourself lucky. I recall seeing the (then) New Orleans Jazz playing the Philadelphia 76'ers back in the late 70's, and there was no "entertainment" other than a bunch of guys in short shorts playing basketball. Sure, they had Dr. J and Pistol Pete, but watching a basketball game without t-shirt cannons and music throughout is almost as bad as watching baseball. Simply put, if people had to watch either one of these snorefests without a soundtrack, there would be a stampede for the exits - they both suck as pure spectator sports.

[Jeff S]

Doug, I am sure that your budget covers huge roaming fees, but mine does not. As well, I can keep in touch with my home office - it seems strange that so many people don't know that toll free numbers are free from pay phones. Great way to do some banking while on the road...

[LeeZ]

I have to admit, I have a soft spot for the Kissing Cam. Everyone absolutely goes bananas for that one, and it doesn't drain the energy out of the building like the other stunts you mention. As for James Johnson, he is a WONDERFUL help defender. Loves sneaking over from the weak side; that's where he gets the majority of his blocked shots. HOWEVER, he often loses track of his own man in his zeal to sneak a peek at potential help-giving situations. Saw it happen three or four times the other night. And Doug, this just slays me: you've got a guy here who is trying to make his mark in the NBA, and the only thing he really lacks is a decent jumper. My eyes bleed when he shoots. You'd think he'd dish out 50 grand or something during the off season to hire a personal shooting guru/coach to eliminate the one glaring weakness in his game, the one impediment to him becoming a well-rounded (and well-paid) player. But he's changed absolutely nothing in his jumper. Mechanics are still excruciatingly horrible. I just don't get it. Sigh.

[Peter]

I (heart) the Chicken. Most entertaining thing to put on a jersey in team history!

[Matt]

Not only are pay phones still around, but they have payphones with letter keyboards to let you send a text message at a lower rate. First time I saw one was in Bloor station.

[Wallace]

Completely agree about the "entertainment experience". They really have no confidence that the game itself is enough to hold people's attention. And maybe they're right....if you've ever had to duck out of the way of some bozo lunging for a free $2 t-shirt shot out of a cannon, you know what I mean. Doug, we're in the minority; people love that stuff.

[Steven]

Why the 6:00 start tonight Doug?? Are they any more of these at home the rest of the season?

Blogger's note: Some Sundays; today's for the big tailgate extravaganza and because they still think it's the Christmas holidays

[Chris C]

Did anyone else watch the Heat play last night? Lebron looked unstoppable and Wade not far behind him. They played such an up tempo game for most of it that Boston couldnt even get back to set up any defence. That is going to be a scary match up for everyone. I cant see anyone in the NBA waking up and saying I cant wait to guard Lebron tonight. It would be the same feeling as writing a test that you havent studied for. And tell me, the heat draft a guy in the 28th spot who looks like he belongs right away. Contributing. The Knicks had a great looking draft pick till he got hurt on Chrismas day at the 17th spot. I hope we make a good pick next year regardless of what position it comes in, and use it to continue to rebuild; but I still have Hoffa + an overall lack of confidence in our scouting in the back of my mind.

[JHK]

Just wanted to mention the 'behind the draft' show that was aired on Raptors TV - and available online in raptors.com.
That was some awesome directing/producing and it is a must-watch for any irregulars.
Very well made.

[Larry Lukeeborg]

echo the loud music angst; the reason why i attend few games live.

[MB]

Hey Doug,

Good to be back after a long long break from NBA basketball. This is seriously the best blog post you've ever shared. The in-game entertainment has become progressively worse each year they have been at the ACC. I often wonder why they don't think about the way they assault the senses of the downtrodden season-seat holders (and beat grunts) who can call, with absolute certainty what song is coming next and which terrible contest is up at the next break. Even mixing it up so that there's three or four different "routines" would be a welcome change. See you at the end of the fourth quarter when they will play AC/DC's hells bells followed quickly after by Guns N Roses' Welcome to the Jungle. Yeesh.

[Rob.V]

Yeah, the in game shenanigans leave much to be desired. The corporate sponser (advertising) during time outs are the worst!!!
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Please, please!!... never direct me to the scoreboard to view another BMO credit card for as long as I live!!!
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Good to be back though.
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The chicken? He/she/it has been on the DL for a couple of seasons now hasnt it?. Sadly, father time appears to have caught up with the chicken as well.
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So dude, you still taking your fresh air breaks this season or has anything changed in that department. Not sure why I was thinking of this, just curious to know if this is on your new years resolution list?

Blogger's note: Jan. 1, I'm done

[capt kirk]

Eh Super Scribe, Great to see Raps b-ball back in the city. What are your thoughts on the tailgate party and will it be held for every home game? Hope the fans can see you there even though it is quite cold.Raptors Win.

Blogger's note: A one-off deal; and I'll have work to do

[Stu]

Doug you're being a bit ignorant. There are thousands of wives, girlfriends and guys that do not have a basketball IQ like you and enjoy the entertainment outside of the game itself. There are also thousands of kids who would probably rather watch the chicken than the game. Yeah, it can be annoying, but I guarantee attendance would go down without it. Its a selling feature.. you diehard ball fans may not like it, but the end goal is to sell tickets and thats what it does.

Blogger's note: Ignorant? For having an opinion? Um, okay.

[Car Wash in Toronto]

I like your blog about Unfortunately, the game is seldom the thing .i am so excited by read of your blog's content.and You are absolutely right about the unnecessary “entertainment experience” at NBA games. It's like going to a night club and every few minutes a bit of an athletic contest breaks out. In the middle of the fourth quarter everyone is busy trying to get pictures with dancing girls instead of getting behind their team.

Car Wash in Toronto

[Sahar Mohamed]

Hi Doug,
I really do agree with you, but unfortunately other sports such as competetive swimming do not have the same attention. By the way, are you going to cover the swimming Olympic trials competition which will be held in Montreal by the end of the month?