The Grand Old Game? Not so much

Not sure if was the bikini-clad women – plants by the franchise, obviously – prancing around or the costumed dancers up on the stage or the body-painting going on for the almost the duration of the game or the swimming pool but I saw baseball like I’ve never seen baseball before last night and you can have it.

Yeah, we made a trek to the new Marlins Stadium – a refurbished Orange Bowl – for a night among the people on Monday and it was one of the weirdest experiences of my life.

We – a trio of grunts with time on our hands – to take in the game from The Clevelander, an off-shoot of the legendary South Beach bar, in left field; a good idea at time because it looked like fun and the original Clevelander is a classic place to hang out.

Bad idea.

Look, I’m all for having fun at the ball yard, it should be leisurely night or day out, a game unfolding at a certain pace and a far more relaxing time than you’ll have at any other sporting event.

But, and this hit me about the second inning a delightful 5-2 game decided on a dramatic three-run homer in the bottom of the eighth, if I want to watch a game in a bar, I’ll go to a bar.

It was surreal and if this is the way baseball stadiums are going, I’m going to spend an awful lot of time in front of a TV.

It’s a little, cement-floored enclave just beyond the left field fence with four rows of comfortable seats and a standing-room area that could be any bar in almost any city anywhere in the world.

There was a DJ spinning THE ENTIRE GAME and since you know how I feel about loud, incomprehensible music pounding during the playing of the game, you can imagine how I felt about that.

The women, and I said “plants” rather than “implants” but I probably could have used either word, were there to, um, spice up the night and since they seemed to attract almost everyone’s attention all night, I guess they did their job.

It was, frankly, a party more than it was a ball game, a night out to hang in a bar with the fact a professional baseball game was going on about 20 feet away seemed to be little more than an inconvenience.

It was, frankly, as far removed from baseball as you can imagine and I am old and a bit cranky and a bit of a traditionalist so if this is the new wave of the baseball stadium “experience” in order to attract fans, you can have it.

It was kind of cool to do one time but it would have been far better, in hindsight, to leave after an inning or so, find a seat in the stands and watch the game unfold in a traditional way.

Baseball is not a game to be viewed through the prism of some faux South Beach party bar; it is a game to sit and ponder, to try and predict strategy, to tell stories.

It is not, and never will be, a raucous event with bikinis and shooters and blaring music and swimming pools filled with young ladies who are only there as eye-candy.

The kids can have it; the grown-ups should know better than to think it’d be fun.

I do now.

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Damn.

You know me and The Band, right?

How much does it suck that word’s out that Levon Helm is, sadly, in the last stages of a fight with cancer?

Yeah, it sucks a lot.

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Guess we need to start the plea for the mail, right?

Let’s do it here.

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Oh yeah.

It was Ozzie Guillen’s return last night from a five-game suspension and outside of a shockingly large police presence around the stadium there was no outward sign of discontent.

Close as we got to a political statement was some leatherlung behind me screaming, “That’s your boy, Ozzie” when Chicago’s Starlin Castro made his first plate appearance.

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So, what of the HOTH?

Not a whole lot going on and maybe it’s just the people I get to listen to but there seems to be an overwhelming sense of “let’s get this season over with” out there among the people.

But not necessarily in a bad way.

Sure, there are those who are disappointed with the way things have turned out and are a bit mad about it but mostly it seems people want the games to end so the real work can begin.

Look, 22-40 is not good any way you slice it but – and this truly is an odd statement – it’s a “good” 22-40. We’ll touch on this a lot more next week when things end officially but most of the games has been competitive, there has been growth in a lot of tangible defensive ways and there is a bit of a foundation.

Now, it’s going to be a huge summer for Bryan and The Henchmen, no question about it, and this abomination of a condensed season (no practice time, too many games coming too quickly, too many odd scheduling quirks that kind of dictated results) has been a mishmash but, overall, it’s been better than some thought and there’s been more good than bad.

And, of course, they’ve stretched the final four out just to make it even stranger: Tonight, not ‘til Sunday, a back-to-back on Monday and then not until Thursday.

Weird.

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So, Super Son is traipsing off around Vienna and Salzburg (where apparently they don’t have the interwebs since we haven’t heard from him) and Super Dog’s going in the hospital today for (crazily expensive) knee surgeries tomorrow and I’m here and, yes, things are odd around Casa Doug.

This’ll be the first pet surgery rehab I’ve gone through and since Super Dog will be living with some knee issues and spends most of her life nestled a coach or a chair or a bed, I’m seeing a lot of lifting and placing in our lives over the next six weeks or so.

Guess that’s okay; it’s not like we’re going to be able to afford to leave the house or anything.

I’m thinking Super Son might want to investigate veterinary medicine as a career; seems a tad lucrative to me.

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Comments

[Canadian Paul]

Morning Doug. I know you're not much for tanking, but every season, teams at the bottom start shutting down players to get into a better drafting position. Cleveland has gone from fighting for 8th spot in the East to 4th worst team in the league. Golden State has purposely lost 19 games in March and April. Heck, even the Raptors have shut down Bargnani and Calderon, Alabi is starting to make appearances, etc.

I'm all for tanking if the season is down the drain, but it's still a shameful display. What can the league do to correct this travesty? How about giving lottery teams 5 extra balls for each win in the last 15-20 games of the season?

Blogger's note: Has to be something but I don't know what

[Mike D.]

Let me just say, before @Lorie beats me to it, that treating those poor bikini-clad women merely as objects to attract male fans is a sad comment on society. It could also be considered offensive that they are merely collectively described in your blog as "bikini-clad women" or "plants", as if they aren't separate individuals. Clearly, the only way to remedy this grievous wrong is for you to post some photos of them so we can get a better sense of their personalities, their hopes, their dreams......

[@Mike D turns off his computer before he can read any follow-up posts from the female Irregulars]

[sam]

The best thing a bout Baseball are the one on one battles that occur through out the game. Pitcher against batter or base runner - Spectacular fielding plays - soaking up the atmosphere with friends enjoying a cold drink and a hot dog. I love a good pitcher's battle. The excitment of a triple or stolen base. No where in the imagery of baseball will you find a swimming pools or a DJ playing the beats. There's something wrong withthe picture.

I've read a couple of places that Jose might be kept off the court unless the HOTH run out of healthy bodies. An audition for Ben and Gary perhaps, but not the way I'd like to see the season end. If Jose's eye is well enough for him to play, he should play....He is one of the many reason's I watch the games.. . .

[Diego]

My favorite basketball-watching "experience" was when Canada played France in some exhibition games a couple of summers ago. The game was sloppy, yes, but it was amazing to be at the ACC with a few thousand basketball fans and no sound system. You could "listen" to the game (e.g. the ball bouncing, the calls being made by coaches and players, etc). Fans got excited because of the action on the court and not because they were told to by screens or screams of those working at the ACC (or free tshirts). It was so much fun. And I'm 29, so I don't think it's an old-vs-young thing (perhaps a fan-vs-casual fan thing?). End o' story telling/rant. Thanks.

Blogger's note: That was a very good night

[Peter]

You got to see ALL that, and all we got was a lousy picture of a pool?

[Steve M]

Hi Doug, great blog once again. I have a quick question that requires a little expanding on your part. I was wondering what you meant by “He’s just good enough to get you fired.” This was in your blog a few days ago, pertaining to James Johnson and his progress this season. Apparently a source of yours shared that with you and I was wondering what he means by that? Is it a good thing or a bad thing?

Blogger's note: Not particulary good; a bit of a tease who plays well enough for you to trust a guy with an expanded role only to have him regress when you can least afford it

[Lorie]

@Mike D:
Of course! Just because a gal wears a bikini to a baseball game one shouldn't assume she's there only as a plant or eye-candy. Heck, lots of hardcore female ball fans do it. Girls: who among us hasn't sat in the steamy August sun on a Saturday afternoon at the ballpark pleased with her decision to slip on that itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny bikini under the t-shirt and shorts just in case the day got a tad warm and the lukewarm beer wasn't doing the trick???.....Hold it. Gotta stop. Obviously kidding. Bikinis inspire objectification. Brain scans reveal that when men are shown pictures of scantily clad women the region of the brain associated with tool use lights up. And that's cool. Vive la difference. But, in the right situation. Like the beach. Not foodstores, libraries or ballparks. And I'm sure those sweet young things have hopes and dreams and aspirations; but if Doug were to post pictures of them to help you 'get a better sense of them' chances are you'd just start thinking about your Estwing. :)

This is what I've been listening to this morning. There'll never be another like him.
http://youtu.be/pEf-YAaBalE

[Rob.V]

Raptors? I know there was some talk of Nash next season however how about we offer Tim Duncan or KG the same type of multi year deal starting at 10 million per season.
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All 3 are old, and on the back 9 of their careers however we already have a point guard so if you really wanted to take another step as a defensive ball club it couldn't hurt to have JV and your other young bigs (Ed Davis, Thomas Robinson(?) learning from a couple of the best over the past 15 years.
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Anyway it's just a thought, and why we are so desperate to end this season. When you think about the options out there this summer it's definitely an exciting time for the Raptors. This off season can help shape the program for the next 5 years.
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How about this. Duncan, Goran Dragic (with the MLE), and a legitimate NBA 3 (hmm, Kirilenko?) this off season. Add JV, another high pick (and hopefully stay healthy next season)... sounds good to me.
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The options are endless. Yes please!!!, lets get this season over with as quick as possible.

[Peter G]

I am in 100% agreement with your comments about the distractions that seem necessary to complement going to a sports contest. It seems in Miami, you have just experienced excess taken to a whole new level. I would much prefer to watch a Jays game on TV, counting the number of different ways Buck can pronounce "Encarnacion"; or watch a Raptors game with the sound turned off so I can just watch it, and not have to listen to it. Of course, living in Saint John, I really don't have much choice. However, we do have our Mill Rats of the NBL, just like Lorie has her London Lightning, cheerleaders and all.

[marc in panama]

Hola Doug,

Now that the Sheridan v. Vecsey libel case has been settled to "every one's mutual satisfaction" care to share any thoughts or feelings about this issue? I know that you have a lot of respect for Sheridan's work, but I don't think I've ever seen you comment one way or another about Vescey. Any comments about how ESPN treated Sheridan over the matter? Are lawsuits between writers of different media outlets common in the industry? Do you have libel/slander insurance?

If you want to use this as a mailbag question, please feel free, I know it's off topic for todays blog.

Ciao amigo,

marc in panama

Blogger's note: Mail or Friday morning's thing, thanks for pointing it out

[onemanweave]

Florida is a haven for the senior set. Those bikini clad women might be the last chance for elderly fans and reporters to see a shapely lass in that state of un-dress. It's a draw for paying customers and a perk for the fifth estate.

[Gil Groves]

Geez, sit somewhere else and let the kids have some fun. New ballparks that offer alternative game experiences - bars, pools, beaches and parks for kids and their parents (Petco San Diego) are a great addition to the game. You aren't old (I'm 52), just cranky. Like I said, pay for a field seat where the real fans are - the old guys who can afford the ticket.

Blogger's note: Next time I will; and you're wrong: They are a distraction to the "game." They may add to the "experience" but they add absolutely NOTHING to the "game" or the sport.

[doug]

remember when the sky dome first opened, a retractable roof that all looked at with awe, a Hard Rock Cafe that was well packed and rocking every night, sold out crowds...well flash forward to the present, retractable roof seen that done that, Hard Rock Cafe is covered up with ads and not sur eif it even opens at all anymore?/...and the crowd that is there is a baseball crowd not a place to be seen type of crowd...this will happen to the Marlins, their will be no DJ spinning tracks down the road, the pool will be empty or filled in or have a couple fans who have embibed to much doing something silly, and the

[doug]

dam I always send those early...my typing is horrendous, anyways the Marlins will be back to 5,000 a game and Loria will be long gone...it all levels out, they were down to 24,000 last night give it another year or 2...ok cheers...

[LeeZ]

@Mike D: DING DING DING!!!!!
And Levon? Unbearably sad. I mean, the guy's no spring chicken, no one lives forever, death is part of life, and all that, but it's just so sad to contemplate life without Levon. What a great guy, and such a joyous musician.

[El]

Love your blog, Doug.
I agree with Mike D in hoping Jose will play as he's one of the many reasons I watch the game - masterfully running the floor and involving his teammates. In an interview following his second injury, he said it was more serious than the first because of the resultant headaches. Maybe greater precaution is needed?

[LeeZ]

Very interesting article about Vancouver having a decent shot at getting a relocated franchise: http://mynorthwest.com/?nid=384&sid=661994&utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter
And, courtesy of @BlackAngus on Raptors Republic, a very interesting and thoughtful perspective on the matter:
I live in Vancouver, and actually worked for the Grizzlies for three years. The reason for the team "failing" in Vancouver has less to do with support from the community that with other issues. First the Canadian dollar was extremely week during the six years the Grizz were in town – in fact almost at 25 year lows during that stretch. From a business standpoint this made it very difficult to compete - revenue was in Canadian dollars, while most expenses were in US dollars. It is very difficult to attract new fans when ticket prices are high (to cover business operation expenses), and also difficult to attract and pay free agents.

Second, the lockout in 1998 basically destroyed any of the fan base that were on-the-fence fans. Attendance was 17,000 in the first year and dropped into the 13,000s after the lockout.

Third, Stu Jackson did an absolutely brutal job in running the team... the biggest mistake being the drafting of Steve Francis who had publicly stated (before the draft) that he did not want to play in Vancouver. I won't mention the $64 million dollars he gave to Big Country. During their six years in Vancouver the Grizzlies had the worst record in the NBA going 101 and 359.

Since the Grizzlies left the city things have changed - a much larger population in the City and within an easy commute of the arena; the Canadian dollar is more or less at par with the US dollar, Vancouver has gained some notoriety having hosting the Olympics (hopefully opening the eyes of Steve Francis and other US born players that the city is not that bad... maybe even a better place to live than Detroit or Milwaukee?), and I am pretty sure if Vancouver were to get a team, Stu Jackson would not be the GM.

[Penny]

Hi Doug
Can you shed some light on why Jose is not playing? Has he not recovered from the eye injury? I'm with @sam, I look forward to the games (especially during tax season) and Jose is one of the big reasons why. I'm sure Ben Uzoh is not part of the Raptor's long-term plans, so why all the playing time?

Blogger's note: Stitches still in; he could play but why risk further injury

[Peter]

@ Lorie. Your comment was awesome!

[Peter]

Ok, I'm young, (relatively speaking, compared to our favourite Grunt) But I'm still a baseball purist. I like watching Baseball in the same way that Doug does. But just to stir the pot, aren't our favourite June Taylor dancers a bit of a "distraction to the game" as well. Sure, it's on a different level than bikini clad women schmoozing, but still? Or is that the difference? That the June Taylor's don't schmooze during game time? (Although they will gladly pose for a picture with a young gentleman, or even a small child, before the game)

Blogger's note: Sure, it detracts from the game, during stoppages; not constantly while they play

[Nick M]

Speaking of baseball, I love what Pena did in the 8th inning(?) last night. To combat the shift he laid a bunt down the third base line. I always wondered why other players never used this to their advantage...
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@Peter G - I can't tell if you like Buck or not. I'm a fan who also enjoys his pronunciation of 'Encarnacion'. Well, that, and the way he says '2 balls and a strike'!
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Now that I look at that last line it seems as though there is an alterior meaning. No alterior meaning, just like how he says it!

[Steven]

There's a good article at espn.com where a former coach and former players admit that their teams were either built to lose or guys were held out of part or entire games just to ensure a loss. Apparently Golden State only gets their first round pick if they finish in the bottom 7and their change in winning percentage since March is so obvious to protect the pick that this alone should not only change the lottery system but also prevent trades for protected picks. Most years there are about 3 teams closing it down but this year there must be 8. Minnesota has gone from vying for a playoff spot to being caught by the Raptors. It's becoming an obvious farce. Lastly, can you feel the buzz for the Panthers in South Florida? Must be lots of Panther flags in car windows. :)

[Aaron]

Who are you to be the expert on the prism in which baseball should be viewed? There are almost 37,000 seats in that ballpark, and you chose to buy seats (not cheap seats, by the way) that make up only 250 of those 37,000 seats. Is it so wrong that some people may want to view baseball through that prism? Is it so wrong for the Marlins to give people choices on how they want to experience a baseball game? So, you buy seats in the Clevelander "bar" area, and then complain that it is too much like a "bar." What did you expect? Clearly you have been to the real Clevelander before, as you described it as a "classic place to hang out." Spoiler alert: the Clevelander bar at Marlins Park is designed to be just like the real Clevelander in South Beach: a classic place to hang out. Why would you buy tickets in a specially designed bar area if your only concern was the baseball game? I am also a baseball purist who loves to attend games solely to watch the baseball game unfold in front of me, and I go to 20-25 MLB games per year. I have also been with and been seated around plenty of people who just attend for the experience, and care more about how much mustard the cuban sandwich being sold in left field has on it then the game going on in front of them. Some people would like to view baseball through the prism of bikini-clad women, Brazilian samba dancers (that's the 'costume' you were referring to), body paintings, fresh dips in a pool, and cold drinks served by barely dressed bartenders. You want a casual night at the ballpark? Fine, buy a seat in one of the other 36,750 seats and watch baseball through your prism, let the 250 people at the bar enjoy themselves.

Blogger's note: New here? I'm the prism of all things. SIlly you (I'm joking; it was my opinion and, frankly, I don't care a whit whether it's yours or not)

[Kevin Murray]

HI Doug,
I remember Exhibition Stadium as being both a great and lousy place to watch a game because it was the game we focused on. Those experiences (pre-big screen and too much piped in music) helped me develop an appreciation of the game. Throw in Tom Cheek's descriptions and every game was a worthwhile event.

[doug]

ok really this is getting ridiculous...first a week or so ago the Spurs go to Utah and leave Duncan,Ginobli and Parker at home to rest, and teams are shutting down players for the year, bad teams such as the Cavs (Irving) Raps (Barg's), then you have a player in Howard who gets a "sore back" right after Van Gundy tells everyone about Howard wanting him fired, and now Howard is saying he won't play for the rest of the year, as he doesn't want to play SVG...now tonight the Heat are sitting Wade and Bosh to rest them...what the heck's going on, teams tanking, teams resting players for the playoffs, I have a idea last 10 games of the season tickets should be half price....does anyone in this league care about the fans???....this season is becoming a joke and fast....and the biggest joke was last year when Stern had the officials give players techs "for disrespecting the game"....come on please, this would be a good SNL skit if it wasn't all true....why as a fan even bother, really....ok cheers....