(Jesse B. and Peyton share a date in an airplane hangar on Bachelor Pad in an ABC photo by Rick Rowell.)
You think Bachelor Pad is about winning money? Ha! Monday night, finding love or a reasonable facsimile thereof was the key to staying in the game.
(At least until next Monday, when three of the seven women remaining will be sent home, almost evening up the sexes in the house and potentially tearing the couples asunder.)
Despite all the talk about the need to break up the couples in the mansion, the most powerful ones - Kovacs and Elizabeth, and Tenley and Kiptyn - were still standing after the rose ceremony.
So were secret couple Natalie and Dave and almost couple Jesse B. and Peyton, who got short-circuited after a date in which Jesse belched, put his finger up Peyton's nose and swilled champagne mixed with vodka. Hot? Not so much.
Two of the women without paramours were on the chopping block: Krisily and Gwen. For the women, it was between voting out Kovacs and Wes, and for a while it looked like the anti-couple forces would hold sway with a majority of the women agreeing that Kovacs should go. But then Krisily stopped using her head and let herself get sucked in by Dave, who assured her he wouldn't vote her off.
Still swooning over the previous week's kissing contest and thinking she had a shot at a little somethin'-somethin' with Dave, Krisily decided to help him out and switched her ballot from Kovacs to Wes.
But her fate was sealed when Kiptyn refused to join Kovacs and Dave in voting for Gwen. "Gwen hasn't done me wrong at all. Gwen's been her sweet self through this whole thing," Kiptyn protested.
"If you want Krisily gone, we'll vote for Krisily," said Kovacs after a last-ditch attempt to get Kiptyn to vote for Gwen went nowhere.
So Krisily was gone and so was Wes.
"I'm just angry," Krisily told the turncoats after the rose ceremony. "I was told one thing and voted a certain way because of it.... No one could be honest with me and I don't respect that, not a bit."
On the limo ride of shame, she fumed that, "I can't remember the last time someone looked in my face and lied. I do hold a grudge and I feel like what David did tonight was unacceptable."
Wes took his ousting in stride, telling the other guys, "I had a hell of time, thanks."
On his limo ride, he reflected on the unfulfilled quest to get rid of the couples and the fact others in the house wanted to party and hoot and holler.
(Earlier in the show, Wes mooned over the eliminated Gia, who he said could have been "the right person" for him. His anger with Dave for keeping Elizabeth instead of Gia led to some tense moments, with Dave calling Wes a jackass.)
"I bet you Krisily voted for me to go home because she thought David and Kovacs and Kiptyn had her back," Wes told the camera. A very good bet indeed.
This episode, the fourth, had more than the usual share of waterworks.
The challenge involved questionnaires that all the contestants had to fill out. Then, in a page borrowed from Survivor's book, they had to guess what the majority of the house answered to certain questions, with a point awarded for each right answer.
First question: Who do most of you believe is going to win? Answer: Kiptyn.
Next: Who is your biggest enemy? Answer: Krisily.
Then a nasty one: Who is the most shallow? Answer: Elizabeth.
Who is the dumbest? Gwen.
By then, Tenley had accumulated the requisite four points, winning the competition for the women. Elizabeth and Gwen stewed while the men played on.
Who do you secretly have a crush on? With more women than men answering, it was Dave.
Who will be a bridesmaid but never a bride? Answer: Natalie. Ouch.
Who's the biggest jerk? Wes.
And the final tiebreaker question, between Jesse B. and Jesse Kovacs: Who has the worst boob job? The answer was Elizabeth.
Even though Kovacs knew the answer was going to be Elizabeth, he wrote down Krisily, handing victory to Jesse B.
But the damage was done. Elizabeth retreated to a closet to cry. Natalie chose a shower to air her hurt.
Natalie confessed to Gwen that not getting married was her biggest fear. She was especially hurt that Dave, her secret lover, had written her name down, she told the camera. "It just is, like, hard to see someone that I like put my name up as someone who would never get married."
Natalie vowed not to be flirty anymore and to stop pushing guys away.
Elizabeth fared better a) because her guy didn't dis her boob job and b) he came to comfort her in the closet.
"You're not shallow," Kovacs told her. "Probably a lot of the girls here are jealous of you."
He told the camera Elizabeth's state was an eye opener for him. "I knew 100 per cent I truly care about this girl. I never want to see her in this situation." In fact, Kovacs said he didn't even care about winning the $250,000 anymore. Big words from someone who was cringing at his girlfriend's PDAs in past episodes for fear they would put a target on his back.
Next, it was date time for the winners of the challenge. And there was a surprise: group dates were out, one-on-one dates were in.
It was no surprise, however, that Tenley chose Kiptyn for her date and Jesse B. took Peyton on his.
For Tenley and Kiptyn there was a limo ride, a helicopter ride over the ocean, a ziplining excursion and champagne dinner on a secluded beach on Catalina Island, then a stay in a fantasy suite.
Freed of the constraints of the game, Kiptyn was happy to show his affection for Tenley, including a first kiss that Tenley described as sweet and romantic and perfect.
There were lots more kisses and Kiptyn accepted a rose from Tenley along with an intention to keep exploring their relationship.
"I haven't been with a man since Jake (Bachelor Jake Pavelka) broke my heart so I'm ready to open up my heart again," Tenley said just before the door to the fantasy suite bedroom closed.
It was back to the subterfuge of trying not to look like a couple when they returned to the house the next day, as if anyone was fooled.
For Jesse and Peyton, meanwhile, no pretending was necessary.
Their date started well enough, with a limo ride to an airfield, where they got to go up in a biplane, followed by dinner for two in an airplane hangar. They drank champagne and talked, and Peyton told the camera she was looking forward to some romance.
"He's a gorgeous guy. It's easy to have that instant attraction to him."
And then he burped really loudly, and reached over and stuck a finger in her nostril, and poured vodka into his champagne. "I hope you throw up tonight," Peyton told him. Luckily for her, Jesse had already given her the rose well before the date went off the rails.
And then the kiss of death: "I think maybe we should pass up the fantasy suite tonight," Peyton told Jesse. The date ended with a chaste hug and the two returned to the mansion.
So the couples are still in charge for now, but expect a shakeup next week with three women going home. You can watch Bachelor Pad Monday at 8 p.m. on Citytv and catch the recap here.
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