The X Factor: Newark delivers

So here's the deal, I'm warming up to this X Factor thing.

It's like any competition show: you can have good judges, high production values, a pleasant host, but it's the talent that keeps you coming back week after week. And some of what I saw in the Newark auditions definitely got my interest up.

The most engaging person I've seen so far is Tora Woloshin. Everything about her was a breath of fresh air, from her two-tone hair, tattoos, flowy patterned dress and hot pink boots, to the fact she wants to build race cars, to her atypical song choice, the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back."

At only 21, she already knows how to command a stage and had the crowd up dancing. She just needs to be careful as she's moving around that she saves enough breath to sustain her notes, but there's no question the girl can sing.

"There's something about you the minute you walk out," Simon Cowell told her on Thursday's episode. "That's why this show is called The X Factor. It's more than just the voice, it's something else, and I think you could be special, I really do."

Of course, some of the auditioners were special in a bad way. For a while, it seemed like the poor viewers were being punished as one bad contestant after another took the stage.

I asked myself the same thing I do when I hear the caterwauling during Idol auditions: do these people genuinely have no idea what they sound like? It's one thing to stand there and bomb in front of a handful of judges, and maybe a few camera persons and producers, but in front of an auditorium of almost 5,000 people? That takes a special kind of delusion.

It's always the same story: their friends and family tell them they can sing. Psssst, that's because they're lying. Take Clarissa Cheatham, a.k.a. Cashmere, who said people scream her name when she sings karaoke, which had Simon almost doubled up with laughter. "When you said people scream afer karaoke, I don't think that was a compliment," Simon told Clarissa after she'd massacred Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby."

The judges were kinder to Andy Silikovitz. At first I thought this might be a Susan Boyle situation: unattractive person opens their mouth and out comes a great voice. It seemed especially apt when Andy told host Steve Jones, "I don't think I've ever kissed a girl before." I'm not sure if Andy has any cats, like Susan, but the 43-year-old showed up with his mother.

Alas, there was no greatness in his rendition of Mariah's "Hero"; in fact, Andy was completely tone deaf, but the judges let him carry on a little while and then let him down gently.

"Andy, I'm afraid it's four nos, but I think you're gonna find it much easier with the chicks after this," lied Simon. He even let Andy climb down from the stage so Paula could give him a hug.

As far as the rest of what we saw on this final audition show, here are the ones that particularly interested me. 

Cari Fletcher: This 17-year-old is stunning looks-wise and has a powerful voice, but Simon was right in noting she didn't do anything special with Heart's "Alone." She still got four yeses, with an extremely lucid-sounding Paula Abdul telling her, "You will get eaten alive if you don't come back with all the belief we have in you. You've got to come back, be relevant, pick songs that are gonna knock it out of the ball park." We'll find out soon enough if she listens or if she falters.

Brennin Hunt: This 26-year-old is lovely to look at and has a voice to match. He made the risky choice to sing an original song and made it work with his beautiful tone and commanding stage presence. "You've got a brilliant voice, you have, and you've got great charisma about you," Simon said. "I can understand why you haven't had a deal yet, because I don't think you've had the right advice, but I could work with you and I think I could make you into a great artist."

Paige Elizabeth Ogle: This 18-year-old did a killer verison of Lady Gaga's "You and I." I also liked her chutzpah. When L.A. Reid asked her whom in the music business she'd be willing to take out to take their place, she said Justin Bieber, who was one of L.A.'s acts when he was at Island Def Jam. 

Jazzlyn Little: It was hard to tell how Jazzlyn would do, particularly when you saw her hands shaking and heard her tell Simon that her one YouTube video had only about 500 hits. There was also a hint that maybe life is not always kind to this 16-year-old when she described singing as an escape from reality and a chance to be someone besides yourself. When she started to sing, she did indeed become a different person. The shy teen was replaced by a confident performer who prowled the stage and had the crowd eating out of her hand. And her voice on Mary J. Blige's "I'm Goin' Down" was among the most flawless I've heard in these auditions.  "Jazzlyn, I'd love to see what you're like when you've got confidence," Simon said. "That's why we've made this show, Jazzlyn, to find people like you. You, I believe, could be a world star."

"For the first time in my life, being on that stage and having everyone clap for me, I really did feel truly accepted," Jazzlyn said.

She was most impressed that Simon had clapped for her, which was just one of several reminders throughout the evening that no matter what we media types may say about Cowell, his word still carries a lot of weight with the talent.

It was also a night to be reminded of Nicole Scherzinger's shortcomings as a judge. The worst example was during the vote for Ausem, a duo made up of 16-year-old best friends Austin and Emily. I wasn't blown away by their verison of "Jar of Hearts," but Simon was on board and so was L.A., albeit more for Austin than Emily. Nicole took a ridiculously long time to give a yes or no answer, saying crap like "It's hard because I totally get you and I feel you ..." Simon walked away from the table in exasperation and even then Nicole hemmed and hawed a little longer. Eventually, the teens got four yeses.

Other teens who made the cut included 14-year-old heartthrob in the making Nick Dean, and another 14-year-old, rapper Brian Bradley. I'm with Simon, the kid is arrogant and obnoxious, but his rap, "Stop lookin' at my ma," had the crowd completely on board. It was refreshing when it was all over to see the cocky young Brian talk about going home and jumping up and down on his bed, like a regular kid.

We also saw one of the oldest competitors I can recall getting through, Leroy Bell, who's 59 but looks at least 20 years younger. 

Next week is boot camp and it looks tough. I'm not certain how many contestants in total made it through the auditions, but Steve tells us they'll be whittled down to 32 acts, before being divided into categories of boys, girls, groups and over-30s, with each subset mentored by one of the judges.

It starts Wednesday at 8 p.m. on CTV and you'll find the recap right here.

(The photo of Cari Fletcher is by Ray Mickshaw for Fox.)

A new job for Leah Miller

Nice to see that Leah Miller, host of the recently cancelled So You Think You Can Dance Canada, has landed on her feet.

E! announced Thursday that Leah will be the first dedicated host of the channel, which returned to Canada last November. Leah's job, according to the news release, will be to "deliver daily entertainment hits to viewers and keep them in the loop about all things Hollywood."

Leah started at MuchMusic in 2004, has been an eTalk correspondent and won a Gemini for hosting SYTYCDC.

 

The X Factor: Hope springs in Chicago and Seattle

If there was a theme on Wednesday's episode of The X Factor, I'd say it was surprises.

In fact, the show seemed to take fooling the viewer to a new level. Luckily, the tricks were mostly treats.

Seriously, did you see Josh Krajcik coming? Or Drew Ryniewicz? 

Not all the surprises were good ones, though. I'm still trying to figure out what Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid saw in shouty, off-key Tia Tolliver with her pneumatic lips and her inappropriate post-audition PDA with her fiance. They see potential greatness. I see boot camp roadkill. Too bad Nicole Scherzinger changed her vote and put her through.

There were also outcomes you could see from a mile away. Mother and daughter duo the Good Girls, heavy women in garish wigs and makeup and dark glasses with flat midwestern accents, were obviously put on TV for schadenfreude. As mom Sherry talked about wanting to be stars and daughter Darwin showed off the Mandarin she learned so she could sing in China, you just knew no good was going to come of the audition. "Was that serious?" Simon asked after they warbled a few lines of "What's Going On." Nicole took another kick for good measure, telling them, "I like my music with life and that felt kind of lifeless."

Here's how the other notable auditions went down as the show visited Chicago and Seattle:

Brock and Makenna: Say, didn't we already have a case of unrequited love among contestants on American Idol? These blond cuties are high school friends who've been singing together for four years and Brock just happens to be secretly in love with Makenna (well, it was a secret unti Wednesday). Their harmonies on "Colder Weather" by the Zac Brown Band won the judges over. Simon singled out Makenna for praise, but I liked Brock's voice better.

Skyelor Anderson: This 16-year-old from a small town in Mississippi, auditioning for his first time ever, wowed the judges and the crowd when the backing track cut out on "Must Be Doin' Somethin' Right" and he kept on singing. In fact, he sounded better without the backup. His voice needs work, but he's got potential.

J. Mark Inman: Don't take this the wrong way, but this 31-year-old graduate student in philosophy is a freak. He sang Radiohead's "Creep" with his own synthesizer-heavy, 1980s-style backing track and robotic dance moves, and he was babbling about algorithms and Pythagorean theorem on the way into his audition. Despite his thin, breathy singing voice he made it through to boot camp. "You are otherworldly. You are definitely in a different jurisdiction for sure. I think I visited there once or twice in my life," said Paula Abdul. That set off a whole segment about "Planet Paula" with clips of contestants talking about aliens and such, and citing Paula as inspiration. So is J. Mark supposed to be the Norman Gentle of X Factor? The thing is Norman could kinda sing. 

Josh Krajcik: Here's one of the surprises I was talking about. This burly 30-year-old mama's boy showed up complaining of smelling like burritos from his restaurant job while his mom raved about how "gifted and talented and cute and cool" he was. Granted, Josh was kind of cute and did have a twinkle in his eye. But then he said he was singing "At Last" and Simon said, "Really? Okay" and we settled in to wait for the disaster. And instead, we got this raspy, bluesy, Joe Cocker-type voice that had Simon smiling and the audience clapping and L.A. doing his weird little side-to-side head dance. "I always thought after all the auditions over the years that I wouldn't be surprised again and then you started singing and it blew me away," Simon said. What impressed me almost as much as Josh's voice was his focus. He was already thinking ahead to the next performance. "I have to focus and continue to show what it is I can do," said Josh. "Winning this competition, that will change my life."

Drew Ryniewicz: Tell the truth, when you saw 14-year-old Drew rolling around on her bed, squealing, "I love Justin Bieber, I love him," did you think she'd be able to sing? I didn't. Especially when she chose Bieber's "Baby" as her audition song. But not only did Drew have a great voice, she slowed and bent the melody to make it sound original. And she had the guts to do that in front of L.A., the man who signed Bieber to a record deal. "This is exactly what I wanted a 14-year-old to do on this competition, exactly what you did," Simon said. "It was soulful and it was believable and you are special," added L.A.

Peet Montzingo: This 21-year-old's claim to fame was being the 6-foot-1-inch son of dwarf parents (his word and probably not the politically correct term). At first I thought there was a chance he'd be able to sing, but he could not. However, he charmed the judges, telling them he didn't like to admit he was 21 because "I've kind of always wanted to be a teen heartthrob" and they let him down gently. "I'm not sure the singing measures up (but) I think you might be famous one day," L.A. told him.

4Shore: These four friends from Virginia Beach, Va., also took the chance of tackling a song that L.A. was connected with, Boyz II Men's "End of the Road." I didn't think every note was a gem, but the harmonies were good and that's what the judges focused on. 

Elaine Gibbs: This 53-year-old wedding singer didn't have quite the impact of Stacy Francis from last week, but she had sort of an Aretha thing going on and got four yeses.

Phillip Lomax: I hate to be shallow, but you can understand the judges putting this guy through just on his smile alone. The self-described hipster waiter did "Fly Me to the Moon" with an interesting tone and some unusual phrasing. Simon noted the strain in his voice when Phillip pushed it but found him interesting enough to put him through.

The final audition show is Thursday night. I'll be watching at 8 p.m. on CTV Two and recapping it here.

(The photos of Drew and Josh are by Ray Mickshaw for Fox.)

Survivor: South Pacific - The wages of sin (spoiler alert)

(Brandon Hantz, still fighting demons, in a CBS photo by Monty Brinton.) 

Let's see: Contempt for women? Check. Outbursts of self-righteous anger? Check. Lying and manipulating? Check. 

Yep, he's Russell Hantz's nephew all right.

Throw in a tendency to flagellate himself when his actions aren't god-like enough (not physically, he's not that hardcore of a Christian) and you've got what Coach calls "the epitome of a SNAFU."

The fun and games started on Wednesday's episode of Survivor when Brandon returned from tribal council, mad at himself for lying to try to torpedo Mikayla. "I came into this game wanting to not be like Uncle Russell," he lamented.

(By the way, anybody else wondering how Uncle Russell feels about that?)

After God "chastised" Brandon, he knew it was time to tell the truth to the whole tribe, so off came the T-shirt and out came the "Li'l Hantz" tattoo and an apology for lying about his identity.

It didn't buy him any points with Mikayla, though, who took Brandon for a walk in the woods to get to the bottom of his beef with her. Isn't it just like an uppity woman not to accept a guy's apology? Next thing you know, Brandon was chastising Mikayla for her "attitude" and calling her out in front of the rest of the tribe for verbally attacking him.

"I don't want no more of this from anybody," Brandon fumed. "Keep me out of this drama."

Geez, Brandon, that's kind of hard to do when you're the one causing the drama, don't ya think?

The dust-up left Albert shaking his head, Mikayla in tears, Sophie calling Brandon "a devious jerk" and Coach lamenting that Brandon was causing uneasiness within his alliance.

"It's a different kind of aggression than Russell had, but it's an aggression nonetheless," said Coach. "I hate to say it, but I do see a little Russell in him."

Brandon was also in tears for letting "my flesh get hold of me." If by that, he means the fleshy parts that form his lips, yeah, time to get those bad boys under control.

"I struggle every day. This is like a constant battle for me, good, evil, good, evil, good, evil, and I really want to do good.

"Lord, please don't let me sin anymore," he implored. As if.

Over on Ozzy's Savaii tribe, meanwhile, drama was pretty hard to come by. Papa Bear belly-aching about how he, Cochran and Dawn were low in the pecking order wasn't exactly news or all that interesting.

Ozzy, however, did something that could come back to bite him on the ass. He blabbed to his new bestie Keith that he has the immunity idol and Keith promptly blabbed to Whitney, making her promise she wouldn't tell Ozzy that she knows. This discussion took place as Whitney rocked Keith in the tribe's hammock. What was up with that?

Best to cut to the immunity challenge before Savaii's lack of drama bores us all to death.

But first, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that the first Redemption Island duel took place, between Semhar and Christine. Initially, I thought Semhar had come up with some wacky strategy to throw Chistine off balance when she started reciting poetry. Nope, she was just calming her nerves.

What's so calming about lines like "I would give birth to 10 of his children without using any drugs to ease the pain"? Beats me.

Anyhow, since the duel involved balancing wooden totems on top of ever-lengthening poles and not something that required brute strength, I thought Semhar might stand a chance of knocking off the Long Island toughie. 

Naw, Christine won, much to the chagrin of Coach, who was spectating.

Luckily, Semhar did not recite more poetry on her way out of the game, but she told host Jeff Probst that being sent to Redemption Island "brought back a lot of memories from my past. I felt like I've been abandoned so many times in my life. I just don't understand how people can be so cruel."

And this is why you have to love Jeff. He replied, "And yet, you sought out this game." 

Then Semhar talked about how she played the game "faithfully and as a good person," and I started to doze off.

Next.

The immunity challenge proved to be, well, more challenging than the duel. Tribe members had to race one at a time across a floating bridge, carrying a bodyboard attached to a rope attached to a winch. At the end of the bridge were five bags that had to be brought back to shore one at a time, with tribe members cranking the winch to pull their teammates over the water on the bodyboard. Once all bags were retrieved, two more tribe members standing atop a wall had to use grappling hooks to lift the bags, then unfurl the long banners inside each bag to from their tribe's flag. Got all that?

Besides immunity, the winners also got a reward of tea, coffee, milk, sugar, cookies and chocolate, and another clue to the hidden immunity idol secreted somewhere at camp.

Upolu took the lead when Savaii members kept choking up on the rope, preventing Ozzy from getting to the end of the floating bridge. They worked it out eventually, and fast work by Dawn and Ozzy allowed Savaii to tie things up. But Coach proved to be a whizz with the grappling hooks. And some excellent teamwork with puzzle-mate Edna and the rest of the tribe, who shouted directions from the beach, allowed Upolu to take back immunity.

At Savaii's camp, Papa Bear quickly became a targeet of the looming vote, seeing as how he totally sucked at the challenge. I actually wondered at one point if he'd have a coronary trying to work the winch.

Papa Bear knew he was on the chopping block, despite being told it was Cochran's turn to go, so he ran, literally ran in a "dead sprint," in Elyse's words, into the woods to hunt for the immunity idol.

Of course, he came up empty-handed, but rather than admit defeat he stuffed his briefs with some wood wrapped up in fabric and pretended he'd found the idol. As Cochran put it, "About five minutes later, Papa Bear comes waltzing into camp with this big smile on his face and an extra large bulge in his pants." Ewww.

The only real question was whether the gamble would fool the tribe into voting for Cochran instead. And the answer was no. Nobody voted for Cochran except Jim, who did it just in case Papa Bear really did have the idol.

Papa Bear didn't go without leaving a little collateral damage behind, though. 

He told Jim that he should be more worried being one of an alliance of five, than Papa Bear, Cochran or Dawn should be in their group of three.

That seemed to give Jim something to think about, so much so that it looks like he considers teaming up with Cochran on next week's show.

The promos tell us Cochran is "the new mastermind" on Savaii. And it looks like more fun and games with Brandon as he accuses Albert, Mikayla and Sophie of being in cahoots. Plus, there'll be another Redemption Island duel between Papa Bear and Christine. My money's on Christine.

You know I'll be watching Wednesday at 8 p.m. on Global and recapping it right here. 

Let's chat. What do you think of Brandon's shenanigans? Will Christine get her wish and be this season's Matt? You can comment here, tweet me @realityeo or visit my Facebook page.

Battle of the Blades: Stars on ice

(David Pelletier and Tessa Bonhomme on Battle of the Blades in a CBC/Insight Productions photo.)

Battle of the Blades saved the best for last during its first week of performances.

A star was born, a hero wrenched our hearts and a couple of contenders made their mark on Monday night, when four more couples took to the ice on what would normally be an elimination night.

Tessa Bonhomme's debut had to be the most anticipated of this season.

As the first female hockey player on the reality show, she must have been under enormous pressure to prove herself, I would think.

But being an Olympian and all, I guess she thrives under pressure. It certainly looked that way Monday when she skated a triumphant routine with fellow Olympian David Pelletier that brought the highest marks so far.

And that was just one of the highlights of the night.

We also got our first look at Kim Navarro, formerly Wade Belak's partner, and Russ Courtnall, the Season 2 alumnus who took his place after Wade's sudden death.

This appears to be a deeply personal undertaking for Russ. He wiped away tears as he talked about the suicide of his own father when he was a boy. Wade's death was an apparent suicide, although his parents are disputing that conclusion.

"You know, the pain never goes away," said Russ. "As a child, you lose somebody so important to you. As you grow up, you miss not only that person but the times where you really need them. I think of his kids, I just think of his family and I know that pain and agony they're going through."

Russ and Kim brought the crowd to their feet and a lot of people to tears skating to Nickelback's "Hero," which Russ said meant even more to him than last year since Wade's "kids and myself have lost our heroes." 

The skate was clean, almost lyrical and tender at the beginning, with a couple of lifts, a death spiral and Russ spinning Kim by her hands, suspended in air.

Head judge Sandra Bezic fought tears as she told Russ "two weeks ago, when you stepped in, in a moment you lifted our spirits....

"You are an inspiration, you are a role model, as a son, as a father and as a friend and, on behalf of all Canadians, from the bottom of my heart, thank you."

Guest judge Darcy Tucker lightened the mood a little, saying Russ had been one of his heroes when he grew up in Alberta, not only for his hockey playing but for his hair.

"I just wish everybody in this arena and Canada, Russ, knew you like we knew you," said Jeremy Roenick, and he said he was proud of both Russ and Kim for what they're doing for Wade's family.

They ended up with the highest score up till that point in the competition: 16.7 (5.6 from Sandra and Darcy, 5.5 from Jeremy).

Russ and Kim definitely have the sentimental vote sewn up. The next pair, Elena Berezhnaya and Curtis Leschyshyn, showed the makings of contenders.

Curtis is a Stanley Cup winner with the Colorado Avalanche. Elena is a Russian figure skating legend who suffered a potentially career-ending injury when her head was sliced by her partner's blade in 1996. She went on to skate again, eventually winning Olympic silver and gold, the latter shared with Canadians David Pelletier and Jamie Sale at the 2002 Games.

Curtis and Elena had a very smooth skate and Curtis looks to be one of the strongest men on the ice: when he lifted Elena he held her up there for a while. The routine wasn't as heavy on tricks as some of the others, but the skating was solid.

Sandra pointed out that Curtis did a difficult "three-turn, side-step, back-turn crossover, one of the hardest things for a hockey player to pick up." 

"The two of you are the purists in this competition and you will break technical boundaries as we progress through the weeks," she added.

Jeremy said Curtis was the most comfortable on figure skates of any of the players he'd yet seen.

He and Elena scored 16.4: 5.5 from Darcy and Jeremy, and 5.4 from Sandra.

Next up was a couple who could give Cale Hulse and Violetta Afanasieva a run in the beauty sweepstakes: brunettes Marcy Hinzmann-Harris and Todd Simpson.

Marcy is a U.S. pairs silver and bronze medallist turned adagio skater. Todd is a former Calgary Flames captain.

Todd wasn't the most graceful of the men, but he was energetic and charismatic, and seemed to have no trouble flipping Marcy around or holding her over his head.

"Todd, I have no idea why they didn't cast you in Blades of Glory, because you are the original Chazz Michael Michaels," Sandra said. "Todd and Marcy, you explode off the screen, you are filled with charm."

Darcy and Jeremy both recalled hockey encounters with Todd. Noting that Todd had been the cause of some of his game suspensions, Darcy said he wanted to keep him on Blades as long as possible: "I know you'll toepick before the end of this thing. I'm gonna laugh my rear end off."

JR said it was "nice to see your teeth smiling, having fun, instead of gritting your teeth, trying to knock mine out all the time."

Todd and Marcy scored 16.5 (5.5 all around).

Finally, it was the moment I think most of us have been waiting for: Tessa Bonhomme and David Pelletier's turn to skate.

It turns out Olympic gold medallist Tessa is not only competitive as heck, she's funny, too. 

"I thought they were going to get me somebody good, they got me David instead," she quipped about her partner and fellow gold medallist. She's also come up with her own names for figure skating moves, including the "kickeroo," "the Stanley Cup lift" and the "neck hold crotch grab."

She came out swinging on Monday, though, both exchanging faux blows with David as part of the routine (to "Hit Me With Your Best Shot") and pulling off the challenging tricks, including a death spiral, an overhead lift, being swung around by her ankle and wrist, and lifted and spun horizontally at David's waist.

The routine was a big hit with both the audience and the judges, with a standing ovation and the competition's highest score, 17.0 (5.7 from Darcy and Sandra, and 5.6 from JR).

"These boys in this competition ought to be very, very nervous right now, because you came out like a bulldog and you were just absolutely on it, the smile, the presence, absolutely fantastic," said Jeremy.

"That performance was unbelievable. Holy smokes, it was phenomenal," enthused Darcy.

"I expected you to be good, but I did not expect that level of performance and comfort already out there," said Sandra. "And folks, the forward inside death spiral, David did not do that, you did, Tessa. That's something women take years to learn. You're just like a rock."

I don't know about you, but I think we've got ourselves a really interesting competition this season.

All eight pairs skate again next Sunday (at 8 p.m. on CBC) and then next Monday, one pair will be eliminated in a skate-off after viewer votes and judges scores from this week and next week are tallied.

I plan to be at the show in person Sunday, which means I should have some video to share on Sunday night.

(The photo of Russ Courtnall and Kim Navarro is courtesy of CBC and Insight Productions.)

Dancing With the Stars: Ciao baby (spoiler alert)

Note to Bruno, apparently people like ewoks.

Chaz Bono, whom the excitable Italian judge compared to the cuddly Star Wars critter on Monday, escaped elimination a second week in a row, despite having the lowest score on Monday and having to do time in the spotlights of doom on Tuesday.

He wasn't bottom two, though. That distinction belonged to David Arquette and Kym Johnson, and Elisabetta Canalis and Val Chmerkovskiy.

It shouldn't be a surprise that George Clooney ex Elisabetta went home. The dashing Val could make her dance better, but he couldn't make her likable. 

Meanwhile, next week might be a good time for David to dial back on the eccentricity after this little wakeup call.

I'm only sorry it wasn't Nancy Grace in jeopardy, but I guess the legal barracuda has some fans out there. On the upside, we get to see the adorable Tristan MacManus for at least one more week.

Tuesday's episode was a typical results show grab bag: an encore jive by Ricki Lake and Derek Hough, picked by "Mr. Scrunchy Face," a.k.a. Len Goodman; musical performances by Demi Lovato and The Script; a rather underwhelming attempt to recreate a Busby Berkeley production number in the Macy's Stars of Dance segment; a fun opening routine from all of the male pros ("They're available for bachelorette parties," quipped Tom after they surrounded an obviously pleased Carrie Ann Inaba); an attempt at comedy with the celebs showing viewers around the rehearsal "crib"; and plenty of backstage snippets and inane Brooke Burke filler interviews.

Among the things we learned:

=David had a hard time not looking at Kym's boobs on Monday (well, who wouldn't?).

=Superstitious Carson Kressley was freaked out by the three 6's in his score.

=Derek can't add (8 + 7 + 8 = 21? Sure).

=Rob Kardashian has figured out that going out every night when you have to get up in the morning and rehearse isn't such a hot idea. (Hey, it's called Dancing With the Stars, not Dancing With the Brainiacs.)

=Giving birth in her bathtub gave Ricki the drive she needs to compete on DWTS (as Tom said afterward, "All right, so we'll be keeping bathtubs off the set").

=Chaz said he's feeling better when Brooke asked him how he'll make it through up to 12 more dances with his bad knee and ankle (be forewarned, Chaz, she's going to ask you that sort of thing over and over again if you stick around; just ask Jennifer Grey).

So now there are 10. Any surprises for you in the results? Sorry to at least see Val go? Did you think Chaz was a goner? Comments are always welcome here, @realityeo on Twitter or on my Facebook page.

I'll be watching and recapping next Monday at 8 on CTV.

(The photo of Elisabetta and Val is by Adam Taylor for ABC.)

Dancing With the Stars: Jump, jive and wail

There's nothing like the frenetic pace of the jive or quickstep to shake things up in the ballroom.

The Season 13 competitors were feeling the heat on Monday's Dancing With the Stars, which was mostly evident in the rehearsal footage.

Elisabetta was cross; Nancy had a little mental breakdown (not to mention a wardrobe malfunction); Chaz had a physical one; Rob was feeling fat (nice to know it doesn't happen just to women); Chynna was swearing (with apologies to Jesus). And when all was said and done, almost everybody improved in the ballroom with just a couple of exceptions.

Here's how it all played out for me, with couples listed from my most to least favourite:

J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff: I don't blame Brooke Burke for asking J.R. after his jive whether he's ever had dance experience. It's hard to believe he's never done this before. He was in synch with Karina every step of the way, but he wasn't just going through the motions. J.R.'s got the precision and lines of a dancer. Too bad that Carrie Ann Inaba and Len Goodman decided to be a couple of poops and dock his marks. Carrie Ann first growled then groused, "It was great, it was fantastic, but there was a lift." Yeah, a very well-done one with J.R. flipping Karina sideways over his arm. Len's problem was that there was more Lindy hop than jive in the routine. At least Bruno Tonioli called it "the most satisfying overall perfomance of the night.... You're born to dance," he told J.R. As J.R. somewhat defiantly noted afterwards, "The judges gave their opinions, but the crowd loved it and we loved it." Precisely, which is why J.R. won't be going anywhere on Tuesday night. Score: Carrie Ann, 7; Len, 7; Bruno, 8; total, 22 out of 30 

Ricki Lake and Derek Hough: She may have 16 years and some pounds on the slim-hipped Mr. Hough, but Ricki was one hot commodity out there. She was sexy, sassy and hit the stage with an infectious energy that didn't flag throughout her jive. And as Bruno pointed out, she correctly did the pesky kicks and flicks that kept tripping up her competitors. She certainly brought more vitality to the performance than some of her younger counterparts. Carrie Ann called it the best jive of the night. Len was more measured in his praise since he didn't like a couple of steps in the routine (he didn't say which ones, but I was thinking that Ricki leaning back on Derek only to have him thrust her back up with his pelvis then be pulled up in turn by his belt buckle probably isn't a traditional jive step). Len did say she'd improved since last week. Duh. Score: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 7; Bruno, 8; total, 23

Hope Solo and Maks Chmerkovskiy: I didn't expect to like this jive as well as I did, since Maks looked nothing like sex on a stick in those goofy shorts and head band (shudder). But Hope is as cute as a button and had good energy, even though her kicks needed work and her shoulders sometimes crept up towards her ears. The routine brought an Ali G-style "Booyakasha!" from Len, though he found Hope had lost her timing in places. Bruno gave her a lecture: "I know your feet and you've got thighs that could crack a walnut, but all that power is not enough. You have to now be precise and accurate. You lost it so many times, yes you did." He also told Hope, who's been juggling dance rehearsals with soccer games, that she has to put in the time to perfect the routines. Score: Carrie Ann, 6; Len, 7; Bruno, 6; total, 19

Kristin Cavallari and Mark Ballas: I find Kristin a little bland and Marilyn Monroe imitations are usually a non-starter with me, but I give her credit for improving both her technique and her performance level with this quickstep. She didn't completely hit the mark as far as her "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" shtick, but she was trying. And Bruno was correct: she did lose her frame at times by leaning forward, but the overall effort wasn't as grim as Len made it out to be. Carrie Ann praised Kristin's "great transformation." Score: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 7; Bruno, 7; total, 22

Chynna Phillips and Tony Dovolani: Chynna let down the over-40 contingent a little by pulling punches in her jive. Certainly, she was feeling the pressure of learning the fast-moving dance. We saw her chastising herself in the third person and swearing in rehearsal. "Sorry Jesus, I have to curse," she said to Tony's amusement. The end result shows that Chynna's still one of the more technically accomplished dancers in the competition, but this routine called for her to get down and dirty, and she didn't do that in a convincing way. Carrie asked if she was injured (she isn't), adding, "I kind of felt like you played it a little safe." Len described the routine as "good, but it wasn't great really." And Bruno said Chynna needs to release her inner sexy siren. "Once you go full bore you're gonna be extraordinary." Score: Carrie Ann, Len and and Bruno, all 7; total, 21

Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke: Despite my lack of enthusiasm for Kardashians in the ballroom, I think Rob might have been the most improved dancer on Monday. That doesn't mean he's good, but Carrie Ann fanned the flames of sibling rivalry by telling Rob he's better than sister Kim, who got bounced in Week 3 of Dancing With the Stars Season 7. Rob, meanwhile, endeared himself to me slightly by bemoaning his man boobs and stomach fat in rehearsal. Yet he was smiling, animated and mostly on top of the music in his jive. Too bad he sometimes just stood there waiting for the next step to come. All the judges were full of praise for Rob's improvement and the crowd gave him a standing ovation. "You have the dancing gene, honey, and it is coming out," Carrie Ann told him. Score: Carrie Ann, Len and Bruno, all 7; total, 21

David Arquette and Kym Johnson: David put so much heart into this routine and seemed to have so much fun doing it, you were almost able to overlook the sloppy technique; almost but not quite. Then again, Kym is so gorgeous, David kind of needed that gold pimp suit and white hat just to get us to notice him. I doubt he has the technical ability to stay in this for the long haul, but I also doubt he'll go home this week. Carrie Ann and Len both liked David's enthusiasm if not his lack of control. "You were like a runaway train. The problem is you were on the border of derailment all the way through," Bruno told him. "But the good thing is that you're starting to find your persona and youre performing with confidence, so next week you'll get the technique right." Score: Carrie Ann, Len and Bruno, all 6; total, 18

Elisabetta Canalis and Val Chmerkovskiy: Based on the rehearsal footage, things looked grim for Elisabetta's quickstep. Val accused her of not wanting to learn, while Elisabetta complained he was treating her like she was in kindergarten and also like a word that ABC bleeped out. But when it was performance time, Elisabetta seemed to have the steps down, even though she's still lacking in musicality. The other thing is that she's so charisma-challenged it's hard to care whether she does well. Len (a.k.a. Mr Scrunchy Face, according to host Tom Bergeron) was in the minority whe he told Elisabetta the routine was "not great, but it was better than last week." Bruno spouted some nonsense about Elisabetta having the ability to "to get some lines as good as any Lamborghini" and Carrie Ann said she'd nailed the steps. Score: Carrie Ann, Len and Bruno, all 7; total, 21

Carson Kressley and Anna Trebunskaya: Okay, I get it, Carson is funny, now how about some dancing? I have to give him credit for working hard to master the quickstep -- Len said he did more practising than anybody else last week -- but the end result was uninspiring. Carson's steps lacked precision and finesse, his frame was collapsible, he danced with his mouth open and the "Pee Wee Herman goes to the prom" scenario, as Bruno called it, wasn't particularly funny. "If I held my knife and fork like you held Anna I'd starve to death," Len said. "The trouble is that the worst dancers on this show are the most fun to watch and that's the problem. I want to see you come back." Bruno, in his best quip of the night, said, "I got Silent Scream all the way through," referring to the famous Edvard Munch painting The Scream and Carson's open mouth. Score: Carrie Ann, Len and Bruno, all 6; total, 18

Chaz Bono and Lacey Schwimmer: Chaz got off to a promising start last week, but his knees had other plans for him this week. "I'm afraid I'm literally gonna pass out or blow my knees out," he told Lacey in rehearsal. Drugs meant Chaz was able to perform, but Lacey had to take out the so-called "flashier stuff" and slow the pace to what in quickstep terms was a crawl. Despite that, Chaz still has a lot of charisma. And frankly, I'd rather watch him dance badly than Nancy Grace dance well. Bruno said the routine was "like watching a little ewok dance with Princess Leia. It's cute and it's lovely: the problem is the quickstep has to be fast." Carrie Ann added that "your charm takes you so far, it can't cover the fact you didn't dance so quickly." Still, all that being said, Chaz got nothing lower than a 5, which I found a little surprising. And by the way, where is Cher? If Courteney Cox can show up every Monday to cheer on her estranged husband, why isn't Cher there to boost her son? Score: Carrie Ann, 6; Len, 5; Bruno, 6; total, 17

Nancy Grace and Tristan MacManus: If my rankings were based solely on technique, Nancy would be a little higher up the food chain, but I just don't like her. She put poor, patient Tristan through the ringer, refusing at one point in rehearsal to practise the steps or even to speak, turning her face to the wall. Apologies and hugs were exchanged, Tristan's cheek was stroked, and eventually Nancy turned in a reasonable facsimile of the quickstep. It wasn't bad, it wasn't great. It ended with the buxom legalist apparently slipping partway out of her dress. As Tom helped her adjust, the camera panned to an unsmiling section of the audience that was not applauding, so I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't like Nancy. The judges were mostly full of praise, with Len awarding his highest marks of the night since Nancy and Tristan did a "proper" quickstep, i.e. didn't break hold partway through. Bruno praised her for being "vivacious, alive and confident." Carrie Ann never really finished her comments since she and Len got into an argument about the merits of quicksteps with "razzamatazz" that had Bruno hiding under the table and Tom chiding, "Kids, we're doing a show, just relax." Score: Carrie Ann, 6; Len, 8; Bruno, 7; total, 21

So Ricki's at the top of the leader board, Chaz is at the bottom and there's a big pileup in the middle. We find out Tuesday which dancer goes home, CTV at 9 p.m. I'll be watching and blogging. And I'll also catch up on Battle of the Blades Tuesday night. 

(The photo of J.R. and Karina is by Craig Sjodin for ABC.)

The Amazing Race: So it begins (spoiler alert)

(Snowboarders Tommy, left, and Andy head to Taipei in a CBS photo by Robert Voets.)

Hello readers, as you know, I do not watch The Amazing Race, but my correspondent Astrid Lange does and has provided me with the post below. Enjoy:

Confucius says, "Slow and steady does not win The Amazing Race."

During the opening introductions of the 19th season of TAR, my friend Robb predicted that the team of grandparents Bill and Cathi would be the first team eliminated. Why? Older teams traditionally do not fare well on the Race, due to tough physical demands. But I had (somewhat) high hopes for this team. They appeared to be fit and seemed to communicate with each other.

Besides, within the first 15 minutes of the episode, it was almost a foregone conclusion that Vegas showgirls Kaylani and Lisa would be the first to go home. Not only were they last in the very first challenge, thereby incurring a Hazard penalty of an additional challenge later in the leg, but while stopping at a gas station for directions to the Los Angeles airport, Kaylani somehow dropped her passport on the ground. They returned to the gas station only to discover it wasn't there, nor had anyone turned it in.

A lost passport usually equals elimination (remember Zev and Justin from Season 15?). But these ladies had luck on their side because it turns out two guys found the passport at the gas station, figured out TAR was  on since they had helped snowboarders Andy and Tommy earlier with directions, tweeted about the passport, were told by a follower to take it to the airport, drove there and, lo and behold, found Kaylani before her flight left.

Really? How perfect was that? Too perfect perhaps? Internet rumours already abound about producers somehow rigging this situation in favour of the showgirls.

Now that all teams had the proper documentation to fly to their first stop, Taipei, Taiwan, the Race was underway.

But first, I cannot believe that Survivor winners Ethan and Jenna really thought that the other racers wouldn't recognize them. Their "secret" lasted about 10 seconds before the other teams, chatting at the airport, deduced that both were million dollar winners on Survivor. Did they really think they could pull the wool over reality show contestants' eyes?

Once in Taiwan, teams had to find a clue located somewhere up high in a crowded intersection. Most teams had some difficulty figuring out they had to be looking for the clue, written in Chinese, on a billboard. But none were more confused than Bill and Cathi, who wandered aimlessly through the streets at a molasses-like pace trying to figure out where to go next.

By the time the grandparents finally figured it out -- four hours later! -- all teams had moved on to the next challenge, which had one team member listening to a Confucius proverb on a payphone and then repeating it word for word to a monk. It took most teams a few tries to get the proverb correct and it was pretty amusing to watch the teams stumble over their words. And what was with the reggae music playing during the snowboarders' attempts to recite the phrase? Wait. Amazing Race, are you implying these snowboarders might be (gasp) high?

But it was one of the twins, Liz or Marie (who can tell? they're twins!) who consistently messed up one or two words of the saying. Even though the twins took forever to finish this task, they still finished ahead of Bill and Cathi. Funnily enough, it only took Cathi one try to repeat the proverb. What, now they realize it's a race?

The next challenge had teams participating in a dragon boat race, with one team member paddling and the other member banging a drum in the boat. Best line of the episode? While drumming in the dragon boat, Cindy Chiang (racing with her fiance Ernie) remarked, "I feel so Asian right now."

She may have felt stereotypically Asian, but it was Cindy, with Ernie, who arrived first at the Pit Stop and collected the Express Pass, which will allow them to skip a task at any time during the Race.

And despite having to perform an extra challenge of bungee jumping inside a mall (which looked incredibly unsafe!), the showgirls Kaylani and Lisa still finished ahead of twins Liz and Marie, and grandparents Bill and Cathi.

So my friend Robb was right, or was he? Sure, Bill and Cathi arrived last, but then Phil announced that this leg was a non-elimination leg. However, he added, there will be a double elimination on the next leg. The grandparents may have survived this round, and Cathi may have "positive ideas" about the next leg, but unless they pick up the pace they're likely to be gone next week.

By the way, congratulations to the Race for once again winning the Emmy for Best Reality Competition Series last Sunday. Obviously, Top Chef's win last year was just a blip in an otherwise perfect streak.

Battle of the Blades: They're off and skating

Wade Belak will always be a part of the story of Season 3 of Battle of the Blades, but the thing about death is that life always finds a way to carry on and the same is true of this competition.

Genial hosts Ron MacLean and Kurt Browning both acknowledged Wade in this first performance show of the season. Kurt said his loss has extended an "umbrella of togetherness" over this cast like nothing seen in the previous two years, but he also noted, "The competition will endure."

Indeed, the four pairs who skated on Sunday left us in no doubt of that.

It's too early to tell if there's a Val Bure or Patrice Brisebois among this crew, but we're already seeing some challenging moves from the hockey players.

Monday night, we get to watch the remaining four pairs skate, including Tessa Bonhomme, the show's first female hockey player, with Olympic gold medalist David Pelletier, and returning competitor Russ Courtnall, who's taken on the daunting task of skating with Wade's former partner, Kim Navarro.

Ron explained that no one will be eliminated this week since the fans said they wanted "more time" with the skaters, but votes cast this week will count toward next week's results.

Here's how the performances went on Sunday.

Brad May and Anabelle Langlois: You might remember Anabelle. She's the tough little cookie who had a couple of close calls while skating with Georges Laraque last season. We learned something more personal about this former Canadian pairs champion and Olympian. Growing up, she said, she took responsibility for her three younger siblings because her father was fighting an unspecified disease. She also had to go to work at 16 to pay her own way into competitive skating. We've already met Brad, a.k.a. May Day, a likeable former Buffalo Sabre known for his 1993 series-deciding semifinals goal against the Boston Bruins. 

I thought Brad and Anabelle tackled some pretty complex stuff for the first routine of the season, including a split jump from her, an overhead lift, some flips and a dangerous-looking move in which Brad spun Anabelle around holding just one ankle and one wrist. He also jumped right off his skates a few times and everyone should note that he did not fall (unlike in that rehearsal footage we saw last week). On the negative side, Brad still looks a little uncertain at times when he's skating alone and his on-ice connection with Anabelle hasn't completely gelled yet.

Head judge Sandra Bezic praised Brad for his mix of physicality and charisma, the difficulty of the routine and his quick-footedness. "May Day, May Day, May Day! That was fantastic," said resident judge and former NHLer Jeremy Roenick. "You were one of the most passionate guys that I ever played with and it's nice that you bring that passion here, but I think you met your match because Anabelle is much tougher than you after going with Georges last year."

Score: Guest judge Darcy Tucker, 5.4; Sandra, 5.4; Jeremy, 5.4, for a total of 16.2

Cale Hulse and Violetta Afanasieva: These two may have the prize for prettiest couple locked up. Violetta is an extreme ice skating world champion, known for daring routines that combine skating and acrobatics. "I don't think the stuff I do is crazy," Violetta said, "but performing in front of quite a few million people every week, that was quite an experience." It was one she was happy to repeat, saying she jumped up and down when approached to return to Blades. Cale, a former NHL tough guy who played for the Calgary Flames among other teams, is now a stay-at-home dad. 

Cale had one of the cleanest skates of all the players and looked the strongest in his overhead lift. He also did one of those moves (wish I could think of the name) where he spun Violetta around holding just her ankle and wrist. I wasn't crazy about the beginning, where he flipped Violetta over his shoulder and under his legs while down on one knee.

"I think you're on the wrong show, Cale. I think Canada's Next Top Model is next month," quipped JR, but he said Cale skated like he played: graceful. "It had a Hollywood feel for me, two good-looking people out there dancing," said Darcy. Sandra praised the challenging choreography but said Cale should work toward "embodying a character" in his routines.

Score: Darcy, 5.5; Sandra, 5.6; Jeremy, 5.5; total, 16.6

Boyd Devereaux and Tanith Belbin: I like Tanith. She seems sassy. This dual citizen won the U.S. its first Olympic silver medal in ice dancing in 2006. She also has a brother who survived surgery for multiple brain tumours not long after. Boyd is a former Maple Leaf who won a Stanley Cup with Detroit in 2002. 

Boyd was described as one of the smoothest skaters in the NHL so I expected a little more from this routine technically. There was a pretty nifty flip at the beginning, but Boyd looked like he had a little trouble with the lift and didn't keep Tanith up there very long.

Sandra said he has incredible potential but will have to learn to handle intricate choreography, and work on speed, presentation and unity. Darcy was more impressed. "You don't have to worry about this guy's speed ... he can fly," he said. "You have great feet, Boyd, I want to see you use your feet just like you did when you played hockey," said Jeremy.

Score: Darcy, 5.6; Sandra, 5.3; Jeremy, 5.3; total, 16.2

Bryan Berard and Marie-France Dubreuil: You may remember Marie-France from Season 1 when she skated with Stephane Richer. She took Season 2 off to have a daughter. It would be tough for anybody to forget Bryan, given the 2000 eye injury that almost ended his career when he played for the Leafs. The fact he lost most of the vision in his right eye has given him heightened senses of touch and hearing, which Marie-France says he uses in his skating.

With his size, his shaggy hair and his tattoo sleeves, Bryan's never going to be the most graceful skater on the ice, but he and Marie-France have the best connection so far. The routine looked less flashy than the others until the end, when they threw in a series of lifts and Bryan flipped Marie-France around his neck (JR called that the toughest move of the night), but her elegance and the fact they were really skating together made it stand out. 

"I thought I had the tattoo, bad boy, soft-hearted guy downpat, but you rocked it tonight, B," joked Darcy. "As a couple, you looked great tonight. You really work well together." Added Sandra, "Some of our guys already look like figure skaters. Bryan, you are never gonna look like a figure skater and that's what I love about you: you are raw and you're rugged."

Score: Darcy, 5.5; Sandra, 5.5; Jeremy, 5.5; total, 16.5

There's more to come Monday, including two of the most intriguing couples of the season: Tessa and David, and Russ and Kim.

You can tune in at 8 p.m. on CBC and catch the recap here. Don't forget, you can follow me on Twitter or visit my Facebook page.

(The photo of Bryan Berard and Marie-France Dubreuil is courtesy of CBC.)

The X Factor: Miami and Dallas put out

(Dexter Haygood on The X Factor in a Fox photo by Ray Mickshaw.)

Thank goodness everyone kept their pants on during Night 2 of The X Factor auditions, at least as far as I can tell.

After what's been a long week at the office and an especially late start to my blogging on Thursday, I hit the wrong button and wiped the show off my PVR. Oops. I was able to catch up with all but 45 minutes of it via the magic of time-shifting, but forgive me for the gaps.

I've been thinking about The X Factor today, especially after reading what other bloggers had to say about the debut (most of it wasn't complimentary). Honestly, I found Thursday's show more of a slog than Wednesday's. 

I used to love hearing Simon Cowell put delusional singers in their place on Idol. Often I felt like he was saying what I was thinking, or what I would have said if I was a filthy rich music executive whose reputation rested on his caustic wit. But I'm getting a disconnect from Simon. He's putting through singers that, in some cases, strike me as quite ordinary. And even when he insults someone, it feels forced and kind of mean.

I'm not getting much satisfaction from his interaction with Paula Abdul, either. They seem more like an old, self-satisfied married couple than the sparring partners of Idol days.

And I have made my mind up about Nicole Scherzinger. She's extremely annoying. Her affectations are like nails on a chalk board: the way she kept forcing her mouth into a perfectly round "o" when somebody strange was onstage, or the way she started saying "y'all" during the Dallas auditions. You know, I didn't mind her so much on Dancing With the Stars, but maybe that's because she didn't have to talk much.

I am now officially in the bring back Cheryl Cole camp.

I'm still enjoying L.A. Reid, though. He seems to bring more gravitas to the panel than Simon does. You can tell the dude is deadly serious about music.

As for the show itself, it almost seems like it's being weighed down by its own pretensions. As pretty much every review has mentioned (including my blog post Thursday), we've seen all this before: the huge crowds of auditioners, the waiting room bravado and nerves, the cheering or jeering spectators, the freaks, the back stories, the surprise talents, the sympathetic host, the anxious families.

Perhaps, Simon thought his presence would be enough to paper over the similarities, but he's been away from our TV screens an awfully long time. And singing competitions have been popping up like dandelions in the meantime.  

Anyway, enough pontificating. I'm going to take a very quick look at the singers that I saw, starting about 45 minutes in.

We had very brief glimpses of the girl group 2squar'd, teacher Kendra Williams and music instructor Brendan O'Hara. I liked the little bit I heard of Brendan's voice and he sure is easy on the eyes, but what was with Nicole flirting?

I thought college student Jeremiah Pagan had a nice voice, but his approach was kind of Broadway. Simon said he only got three yeses and L.A. was one of them, I'm guessing Simon was the holdout.

There's no question that 18-year-old Melanie Amaro is gifted. She has a huge voice, a nice vibrato and enormous control. Is her singing different enough from all the other divas out there? I'm not sure. The judges were ecstatic. Nicole cried and said that "people like you inspire me." Paula said the performance wasn't "like anything I've ever heard in any audition that I've ever been in" and Simon pronounced, "I was asked by a lot of people why I was bringing this show to America. It was because I hoped we were going to find someone like you."

(Actually, I suspect he wanted to become even more rich and famous than he already is, but I digress.)

Moving on to Dallas, we were thrown a couple of curves, one I saw coming and one I didn't.

It would have been shocking if Jonny Rogers, with his helmet of Justin Bieber-like hair and his pink shirt and tie, was good. The fact he had choreography to go with his song was a giveaway, plus it was an original number. The only person who's pulled that off so far was Chris Rene. But did Simon really have to tell the 17-year-old he looked like Barbie's boyfriend and that his performance was like a bunch of Justin Bieber dolls from China that went wrong in production? I don't even understand what that's supposed to mean.

On the other hand, I thought Dylan Lawson was going to surprise us. After hearing his story about how he'd sold his pickup truck to get to the audition, I thought he was going to come out with a big country voice that would belie his T-shirt, jeans and sideways baseball cap. He even charmed the crowd by telling Simon the first thing he'd buy if he won the $5 million was another truck. Then the 18-year-old screamed, swore and jumped around like he was possessed, finally lying face-down on the stage and tossing the microphone away. "He sold his truck to do that? Wow, that was insane," said L.A.

The performer with the most claim on our goodwill was Dexter Haygood, a 49-year-old who's been singing since 1981 and recently lost his house to foreclosure. The problem was that Dexter wanted to be James Brown. His version of James Brown's "Sex Machine" was a decent imitation, but it was just that, an imitation. Simon stopped the performance and gave him a second chance to sing 15 seconds of something a cappella. Dexter chose "It's a Man's, Man's, Man's World," another James Brown song, true, but delivered with more conviction. The audience went wild and the judges said yes, although they indicated they were following the will of the crowd. It was a bit heart-rending to see Dexter sobbing in host Steve Jones's arms, especially since I have my doubts he'll get anywhere near the $5 million recording contract.

Caitlin Koch, 21, is gorgeous and has the added appeal of being a rugby player, but I was not blown away by her slowed-down verson of "Stop! In the Name of Love." I thought her voice sounded thin, but she got four enthusiastic yeses. I'm wondering if Paula and Nicole were getting hungry by then, since Nicole bestowed "a big old fat juicy delicious yes" and Paula followed up "with mustard, lettuce and pickles on top yes."

Finally, we had 27-year-old Xander Alexander, probably the most tightly wound contestant we've seen. He said he wanted to be "the next Donald Trump meets Martha Stewart without the jail time meets Britney Spears meets Beyonce without the ugly husband," which doesn't make the least bit of sense. He also dissed Bruno Mars, saying he'd been compared to the singer because of his black and Filipino heritage, but "my hair's not nappy and I'm not chubby." Meow.

It was more of the same when Xander took the stage, wearing what looked like blue-green silly string wrapped around his torso. He had a smartass answer for every question. "Have you ever performed in public before?" asked Simon. "Have you ever worn a shirt that isn't grey?" retorted Xander. 

And then things really got silly when Xander, infuriated that Simon kept calling him Alexander, his real name, challenged the judge to step outside.

Suddenly tongue-tied when Simon ordered him to "shut it" and sing, Xander began a halting version of Edwin McCain's "I'll Be," which Simon stopped just a few lines in. Paula asked him if he had another song and Xander pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and was apologizing for his nervousness, and then my TV screen switched to The Mentalist.

After a quick peek at some other recaps, it appears Xander didn't make it through. He got shut down by no votes from Paula and L.A.

So how did Round 2 strike you? Will you keep watching? 

I'll check it out next Wednesday at 8 p.m. on CTV and post the recap here.

(The photo of Xander Alexander is by Ray Mickshaw for Fox.)