Sex, teeth and honeymoon pix make a rough week for Will and Kate

Odds and ends, fact and fables from the royals world this week:

1. Will and Kate are not amused

It must be a slow-news summer, or maybe a full moon. Just when the royals think they are riding a wave of good PR, along comes the media tide to sweep them against the rocks. Nothing truly mean, mind you, but enough to probably make them shrink into the shadows. Or maybe scream.

This is especially the case for Prince William and and Kate, who have had a pretty wacky week of press. Lets start with the latest ... Star magazine (no relation) says the couple are so busy they haven’t had sex in months. Which is a pretty good way to explain why the American tabs have been so wrong about the baby rumours to date, but has absolutely no basis in fact.

“More often than not, it’s a case of off to bed for the night on her own while her husband is working,” guessed an unnamed source.

Kate teethSomeone who is named is Nicholas Davies, a former tabloid vet who wrote an unauthorized bio book on Prince William. He know why Kate isn't pregnant: “My guess is that she doesn’t want to spoil that gorgeous figure.”

Yes, that must be it.

The 'georgeous' figure didn't look quite so appealing earlier this week, with the American magazine The New Republic photoshopped some rotten teeth into the Duchess of Cambridge's mouth -- a perfect metaphor for the once vibrant British ecomony becoming an ugly mess. The monarchists in the crowd were a little miffed ... like putting a frown on the Mona Lisa.

Then came the Aussie assault, as a magazine published pictures from William and Kate's honeymoon in the Seychelles last year. Of all things royal, this was supposed to be verboten territory, a truly private affair. The nosy Brit tabs even had a handshake deal with the Palace not to publish any photos from the couple's honeymoon should they surface.

Fifteen months later, they did, and the Down Unders are taking the heat for breaking the agreement. Will and Kate are suitably miffed.

Of course, the Aussies have broken royal embargoes before, and there's no real consequence beyond the royal cold shoulder. Interestingly, the Brit papers (and most legitimate press) did not republish the cover of the offending issue of Australia's Women's Day.

That decision is of little consequence in the world of the internet, where everything is find-able, but it shows an level of sensitivity between the royals and media that didn't exist when William's mother, Princess Diana, was around.

Last, maybe least, there's news that a second cousin of Kate's, Katrina Darling, will be featured in a Playboy magazine pictorial in September. The 21-year-old has been working at Barclays bank while trying to launch an exotic dancer career in London and play off her royal connection. Though related -- distantly -- she has never met Kate. And that's not likely to change.


Philip spike
The Duke of Edinburgh meets Ian "Spike" Betterton, Chair of The Friends of St. George's Park, in Worcester on Wednesday. (Getty Images)

You just knew this was going be a can't-miss photo-op -- Prince Philip meeting Ian Betterton, chairman of the Friends of St. George's Park community group in Worcester, England. The catch is that Betterton's nickname is, quite appropriately, "Spike."

Has to do his hair, or rather its arrangement on his head. After pleasantries were exchanged, Betterton was asked what was said between himself and the 91-year-old Philip. “He asked me if I support local hairdressers ... I told him I do it myself and that’s why it’s a bit wonky.”


Queen midlands
 Queen Elizabeth shows she still has drawing power, receiving flowers from members of the public in Victoria Square during her Diamond Jubilee visit to Birmingham on Thursday.   (Getty Images)

On the occasion of the Rolling Stones' 50th anniversary in show business, we note that the group is still 10 years shy of Queen Elizabeth's time in the limelight. Granted, they are in different lines of work, but it's still all about showbiz. It's worth noting that the Stones and royalty haven't always gotten along, the Stones being one of the great anti-establishment bands. That made Mick Jagger's knighthood in 2003 a curious twist. Bandmate Keith Richards criticized Jagger in his book for not turning down the title. And a new biography of Jagger by Christopher Andersen claims the Queen asked the Prince of Wales to present the knighthood because she didn't have "the stomach" to give him the honour. Ouch. Nevertheless, they are both survivors. Here's how they looked in 1962:

Rolling stones Queen 1962





EugeniePrincess Eugenie has joined the ranks of the university-educated royals with her graduation this week from Newcastle University. The youngest daughter of Prince Andrew earned a combined degreee in English and the history of art. That may help in having conversations with Kate (who also has art history degree), but it's not clear where it will lead in the job world.

"I'm a freshly finished student so my future plans are coming together as we speak," said the 22-year-old.

That's about as open-ended as it gets. Right now, she does charity work for the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital, and occasionally shows up for royal ceremonies.

Though she is a princess and sixth in line for the throne, she receives no public funding. Her sister Beatrice, 23, who graduated last year, is reportedly now ready for the full-time job plunge with a venture capital firm in London.

Eugenie, meanwhile, will weigh her options while residing at Dad's house, Royal Lodge in Windsor.

Prince Andrew and Beatrice were there for Eugenie's big day, but not mom Sarah, Duchess of York. She was reportedly in Thailand, recovering from a recent, undisclosed operation.

The number of current Royal Family members with university degrees continues to grow. Prince Charles earned his in 1970, followed by his brother Edward. Of the Queen's eight grandchildren, five have graduated with some kind of degree -- William, Peter and Zara Phillips, Eugenie and Beatrice -- and two have yet to get that far. Harry attended military college.



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booooooring people.

Being in the public eye, especially for the Royal Family, means that there is a tremendous effort to construct a professional identity - their "generosity", "caring about others" and "work for the poor". For this group of royals, they also seem to want a demarcation between their "professional lives" and their "personal lives" and release comments about it, asking for "respect from others". In this media culture, though, whatever boundaries they set up are the same ones that make for paparazzi news - that they are not who they say they are, that they are not perfect, that they are filthy rich, and that the 'personal' is considered 'public'. It's news because it is the irony that others seek - the irony that breaks down the very message that they spend so much time creating. In this day and age, it would seem that anything else might be a better use of time than this schtick.

I wonder if those were Keef's teeth photoshopped into Kate's mouth?

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