They forgot the Hobbit-sized seatbelts

I am in London for the second coming of The Lord of the Rings, which finally opens here on Tuesday night. There are several intriguing angles to watching this show ramp up for another chance to grab the gold ring of megamusical glory.

The creative team (i.e. Producer Kevin Wallace and Director Matthew Warchus) have been giving interviews to the major London papers where they insist Toronto wasn't a failure and that the show played to appreciative audiences that were averaging 90%.

Then why did they close it? I quote from The Daily Telegraph: "They decided to end the Toronto run early and ship the revolve back to the UK before the Hudson River froze over, in time for a summer opening in London."

Of course, they never bothered to mention that if the show had been the really big hit they wanted it to be, they would've just kept it running and used the profits to build another set in London. Still, "the Hudson River froze over" is a great new excuse. Much better than the dog eating your homework. But what's really exciting are the new marketing strategies being employed to sell the show. Like this one, which Virgin Atlantic proudly announced last week:

"To celebrate the launch of the new The Lord of the Rings stage show in London, Virgin Atlantic is introducing exclusive Lord of the Rings amenity kits for all Economy passengers travelling into the UK. The new kit is a useful travel wallet with an exclusive special Lord of the Rings bag tag, and includes customized ‘Precious Sleep’ eyeshades, a quote from Gandalf on the socks and a limited edition gold pen, in addition to newly designed Virgin Atlantic toothbrush and toothpaste."

Now come on, which do you want most? The "Precious Sleep" eyeshades or the socks with a quote from Gandalf on them.  What quote from Gandalf would you put on socks, for crying out loud? "One ringworm to rule them all"?

I don't see how Air Canada missed out on that one. If you ask me, that's why the show failed in Toronto. No Lord of the Rings bag-tags.

-Richard Ouzounian

Stratford Speculation

One of the most fascinating parts about hanging around Swan City during opening week, is that you get hear the buzz concerning what's being planned for Stratford's next season.

Rumours are harder to come by these days, since the new Cimolino regime is proving a lot more tight-lipped than the old Monette one, but here's a few things being whispered behind programs at intermissions:

The Festival Theatre next season will present nothing but Shakespeare and two of the plays most frequently mentioned are Hamlet and Henry V.

The musicals will move to the Avon Theatre and the most likely choices are Cabaret and The Music Man. The chatterati say that Eric McCormack may finally return to the Festival as Harold Hill in The Music Man.  It's a part he played on Broadway in 2001.  McCormack began his career at Stratford, but left in 1989 and hasn't been back since he became a mega-star during his years on Will and Grace.

Canadian Eric McCormack, (Will on Will and Grace) may be reprising his role in The Music Man.

Adrian Noble, the former Artistic Director of the Royal Shakespeare Company will be one of the guest directors next season.

Christopher Plummer will definitely be returning, but all lips are sealed concerning his vehicle, although some gossipy sources insist it's going to be a play by Bernard Shaw - maybe Heartbreak House or Caesar and Cleopatra.

-Richard Ouzounian

Seeing red

At last night's premiere of Evil Dead: The Musical, one overly tanned lady held up the start of the second act by demanding the ushers find her a protective poncho even though they assured her she wasn't in the "Splatter Zone" where blood splashes into the audience.

VINCE TALOTTA/TORONTO STAR

Ryan Ward in Evil Dead. Insert maniacal laughter here.

She explained at great length how expensive her white cashmere sweater was and where she had bought it. (Holt's, if you hadn't guessed.)

Well, she got her poncho and of course no blood splashed anywhere near her.

Then, as she stood up at the end of the show, she bumped into her table and spilled a glass of red wine all over her precious sweater.

Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.

-Richard Ouzounian

Oh, those Candarian Demons!

So the dead just don't rise again; they sing and make it onto the charts.

The original cast recording of the N.Y. production of Evil Dead: The Musical was officially released last week and according to Billboard, it went right to #4 on the list of Top-Selling Cast Albums.

The only albums ranking higher than this Canadian-created collection of mock-schlock horror tunes are Wicked, Jersey Boys and Mamma Mia!

Not bad company....

And it's a nice "welcome home" present for George Reinblatt, Frank Cipolla, Christopher Bond and Melissa Morris who all had a hand in writing the score, since the Toronto version opens Tuesday night at the Diesel Playhouse.

Evil Dead:The Musical went to #4 on Billboard's chart of top-selling cast albums in its first week on store shelves.

So hurry up, dudes. It's not to late to get your own recording and learn the words to hits like "All the Men in My Life Keep Getting Killed by Candarian Demons", "Look Who's Evil Now?" and - my personal favorite - "What the F--k Was That?"

-Richard Ouzounian

Cirque du Monde

CIRQUE DU SOLEIL

A scene from Cirque's latest touring show, Kooza, which arrives in Toronto Aug. 9.

Is there no stopping Cirque du Soleil in their ongoing conquest of the globe?

Earlier this week, they confirmed the opening date (November 6, 2007) for their new Christmas show, Wintuk, at Manhattan's Madison Square Garden.

Then today, they announced they would be an opening a new permanent theatre and show at The Palm Jumeirah hotel in Dubai in 2010.

Let's see, they've also got a new spectacle planned for the Las Vegas Sands Hotel opening in Macao in the spring of 2008, another show starting at the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas in the summer of 2008 as well as a major new production for Tokyo Disney at the same time. Then there's one involving the music of Elvis Presley that's set to hit Europe later that same year.

Oh yeah, and their latest touring show, Kooza, debuts in Montreal on Thursday night, before opening here on Aug. 9.

I'll be in Montreal on Thursday for the gala event. Watch Friday's Star for my report.

So much Cirque, so little time.

- Richard Ouzounian

Reese's Piece

The perky cast of the stage musical Legally Blonde.

The musical of Legally Blonde opened last night on Broadway and I'd like to say "I told you so," but I never really got to do it the first time in print.

Let me explain. I saw the show early last February during its San Francisco tryout. The code of critical ethics (yes, we have ethics!) states that you don't review a show out-of-town, unless you're from the town in question. So I didn't write anything about the show at the time.

But, off the record, I let it be known that - although perkier than a drum-majorette on dexedrine - Legally Blonde, the musical lacked several things: a decent score, some honest emotion and Reese Witherspoon. The young woman who plays the part on stage, Laura Bell Bundy, is kind of like the Stepford Wives version of Elle Woods: everything's there except for the light behind the eyes.

I hoped that the creators of the show would see the (to me) obvious problems and fix them in the 10 weeks before they opened on Broadway: slow down the pace, add a little heart, toss in a catchy tune or two and humanize Ms. Bundy.

Judging from this morning's reviews, none of this seems to have happened.

The N.Y. Times said the show "approximates the experience of eating a jumbo box of Gummi Bears in one sitting."  The N.Y. Post christened it "Legally Bland", the Daily News blamed  "the amorphous, synthetic and maniacally empty-headed music" for its failure and the Associated Press summed it up as "only fitfully entertaining".

It did have its defenders, like Variety which insisted that "It may not be bulging with subtext or boast a score for the ages, but this pinksapoppin funhouse delivers exactly what it promises."

But most of the reviews zeroed in on the same things I noticed 10 weeks ago in San Francisco: no heart, no tunes, no Reese.

It will probably have a nice enough run on Broadway and I'm pretty sure we'll be seeing it up here in Toronto, where the girlpower audiences have proved their clout with the sellout audiences for both runs of Wicked (a much better show, IMHO), but I still think it's safe to say that Legally Blonde will ultimately remain known as the Reese Witherspoon movie, not the Laura Bell Bundy musical.

- Richard Ouzounian