What is going on here?

A) Harry Connick Jr. desperately tries signalling for help. B) Renee Zellweger attempts smiling and it's just not working out for her. C) Rachael Ray is the fourth horseman of the Apocalypse. D) All of the above.

Renee and Harry are promoting an alleged comedy called New in Town. The trailer is posted below. Now you don't need to see the movie. You're welcome.

DAVID M. RUSSELL/AP PHOTO

Afternoon delights

It's totally London's fault Kelly Osbourne is in rehab "It's a very party atmosphere there," a source tells People. "[Kelly] just tends to get back into that rut when she's there since her friends are there, and she's just more comfortable there. The old party habits come back."

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is pregnant again I don't watch The View becuase my therapist tells me I need to be less angry, but, for anyone who's intested, the irritating conservative blonde woman is knocked up with her third child. Us.

Evilest clown ever If you hate evil clowns, do not under any circumstances visit Spitzle. (Thank you anonymous person who sent me this. You know what I like.)

It's a hoax! It's not a hoax!

  Entertainment Weekly yesterday reported that Joaquin Phoenix's newly embarked-upon rap career is a hoax and that he had told someone that, 'It's a put-on. I'm going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey [Affleck] is going to film it."

That's not at all true, says his spokes-entity, according to Us: "The transition from one career to another is never seamless. It should come as no surprise to anyone that Joaquin came from a musical family, in addition to winning a Golden Globe for his portrayal of Johnny Cash. He intends on exploring his musical interests despite speculative, negative or positive reactions."

I think we need to take a moment and look at Joaquin before he lost the hotness. Feel free to ignore that irritating woman he's singing with.

Cyndi Lauper mashes up some songs

What is Angelina doing?

A) Removing a fleck of blatant superiority. B) Making sure everybody sees her rocking ring. C) Looking weird and not at all like herself. Sort of as if she's trying to not vomit up a flock of toads. D) Pointing out to Mr. Muscles in the background exactly where to aim if Brad ever does something he's not supposed to.

TORU HANAI/REUTERS

New Watchmen poster

Just five weeks to go until the March 6 premiere. I've been rereading the comic and I still, after seeing several trailers, don't quite understand how it's going to work. Anyignorant, I'm giddy like a, erm, giddy person and I'm liking this poster.

And, if you'd like to hear My Chemical Romance doing Bob Dylan's "Desolation Row" for the soundtrack, click here.

While you were sleeping

Not a lot has happened overnight - except that we now know Mickey Rourke will NOT be wrestling for real - so I'd like to, instead, draw your attention to this wonderful story of hope and renewal from OK! Magazine. It's pure poetry, is what it is.

When Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes exited the Ivy restaurant in L.A. on Jan. 21, the smiles on their faces as they glanced at each other said it all: "We're in love!" But when Tom gently placed his hand over his beautiful wife's belly and she clasped his hand and held it there, the message was even louder and clearer — the couple have another baby on the way! OR, YOU KNOW, MAYBE SHE HAD INDIGESTION AND HE'S WAS JUST BEING SYMPATHETIC.

"It was identical to how Tom used to stand with Katie when she was pregnant with Suri," an eyewitness tells OK!. "And the way they looked at each other! You could see the love in their eyes and there was a feeling that they were sharing something very special at that moment." MAYBE THEY WERE SHARING A LAUGH AT THE EXPENSE OF IDIOT EYEWITNESSES.

Although Katie's rep tells OK! she's not expecting, everyone who knows the pair believes that if she's not already pregnant, she will be soon. OH, I SEE. THE STORY IS ENTIRELY MADE UP, BASED ONLY ON THE REPORTS OF THE "EYEWITNESS" AFFECTIONATELY KNOWN ON THE STREET AS "LYING BERNIE."

"Tom would love to have another baby!" a friend of the actor tells OK!. "There's nothing that gives him more pleasure than his role as a father." NOW THAT IT APPEARS WORLD DOMINATION MAY NOT BE WITHIN HIS GRASP AFTER ALL.

And, according to a Valkyrie set insider, the couple would be ecstatic if their second baby turned out to be another girl! "Suri has been such a joy for Tom," the insider says. "As far as he's concerned, he'd be happy to have another girl. Katie feels the same." IT'S GOOD TO KNOW, THAT SHOULD THEY HAVE ANOTHER GIRL, SHE'S NOT GOING TO BE PUT OUT TO THE WOLVES.

Kelly Clarkson's new video

Quick! Watch it before it's taken down.

You're so old that ...

... you can’t expect us to believe you don’t want to make my wildest dreams come true and sign up for Dancing with the Stars. Tom Selleck turns 64 today. Other birthdays include actor John Forsythe (91), actor-singer Noel Harrison (75), actress Katharine Ross (69), singer Bettye LaVette (63), actor Marc Singer (61), actress Ann Jillian (59), Tommy Ramone of The Ramones (57), Louie Perez of Los Lobos (56), talk show host Oprah Winfrey (55), singer Irlene Mandrell (53), actress Diane Delano (52), actress Judy Norton Taylor (51), Johnny Spampinato of NRBQ (50), David Baynton-Power of James (48), Eddie Jackson of Queensryche (48), actor Nicholas Turturro (47), Roddy Frame of Aztec Camera (45), director-actor Ed Burns (41), actress Heather Graham (39), actor Sharif Atkins (34), actress Sara Gilbert (34), actor Andrew Keegan (30) and guitarist Jonny Lang (28).

Stupidest, most insincere conversation ever. For today