Programming note

Tomorrow, which is Friday, I will be doing things other than blogging. I will be back on Monday and I hope you have a good, infection-free weekend. Remember that the Swine Flu lurks everywhere and that you must always be in possession of a supply of handsoap. Like the handsoap in the photo. Creepy little Hobbit hands. They're from etsy. (Thank you, Ariel).

Julie & Julia trailer

Because it's all about William Shatner

How Kirstie Alley got fat again

Afternoon delights

... brought to you by the stupidest snake in all of creation. (from Buzzfeed). UPDATE: Reader Peggy informs me that there's a word for the snake snacking on itself: "Ouroboros." Word of the day!

Paula Abdul fooled by Bruno? According to Page Six, "Paula Abdul is about to be ridiculed at a theater near you -- and she doesn't even know it. A source tells us Sacha Baron Cohen, playing a wildly gay Austrian TV reporter in "Bruno," conducted a wacky interview with the Idol judge. "Paula was totally fooled. She bought into his character and to this day isn't aware she was fooled," the insider said. Abdul's rep had no immediate comment." OMG! Please let this be true. She probably also thinks that Adam Glambert is going to marry her after he wins Idol. UPDATE: There's audio of Paula explaining the whole episode at perezhilton. She's pretty funny.

Beyonce imposter pranks museum People reports that, "The Albertina Museum in Austria got an exciting call on Tuesday: A manager for Beyonce Knowles said that the star was on her way over. "We have had Brad Pitt and Nicolas Cage visit here," says museum press officer Verena Dahlitz. "So this was not big news for us – to have celebrities visit." Thirty minutes later, a stretch limo arrived and a sunglass-wearing woman stepped out surrounded by five burly bodyguards. Museum officials were immediately skeptical. "She was too thin for Beyoncé," says Dahlitz. "I thought she had probably lost weight." Turs out it was those well-known pranksters from Vienna's Krona Hit Radio who were behind it all. Those guys crack me up.

Kirstie Alley wants to lose weight again She told Oprah that she's gained back everything she lost with Jenny Craig. "Today, Alley vows, "I'm going to lose 80 pounds ... I'm going to be in a bikini again." Her inspiration?"We look around. We see what we want," she says. "Don't you look around and see what you want to look like? I'm, like, 'Look, Michelle Obama's guns. I could have those arms,' " she says. "I don't know about the legs." Us.

Miss California continues being annoying and useless:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Cats for Jesus

(Thank you for sending me this, Mr. Whiskers).

Gwyneth does something useful

Thank you, Gwyneth for doing a Goop list of kid-friendly restaurants. I'm going to print it out and keep it with me always so that I will know which restaurants to avoid. I always find that I have a better chance of keeping my food down when I'm not confronted by toddlers sticking aparagus spears up their snotty noses.

How often do we long to take our kids somewhere where the food is as good for us as it is for them? I have experienced one too many gut bombs while my kids happily munch away on their themed pizza. I have almost lost it trying to make them sit still while I partake in something more grown-up. Below you will find a few real finds, restaurants that are good for them and delish for us. Bring the mini-pack of colored pencils and order a real drink. So that's how parents do it. They get drunk while watching their kids eat. It explains a lot. Here’s to togetherness. Yes, my favourite thing.

New York, Sweetiepie: I begin this letter with Sweetiepie, my new favorite find for grown-up/kid hybrid paradise. This place harkens back to the days of Rumplemeyer’s (an old, elegant, ice cream parlor/lunch spot on Central Park South). My kids were in heaven with the menu (tater tots, pancakes, the biggest ice cream sundae on the planet) and so was I (chopped salad, gravlax, beet risotto). They tie balloons to the kiddies’ chairs and have a full bar. Heaven. Or as some of us call it: Hell.

New York, Alice’s Tea Cup: Although I have never been here myself, my fellow mothers love the friendly atmosphere, delicious lunches and yummy cakes. So, really, you don't know. It could be total poop. Which rhymes with Goop, come to think of it.

Los Angeles, Hugo’s: Hugo’s is an L.A. staple. A perfect combo of organic, healthy food, an expansive kids’ menu and a relaxed atmosphere makes it the ideal family outing. They always bring crayons and paper to the table too. That's great. The kids prefer those to the organic, healthy food. Everybody wins.

Santa Monica, Giorgio Baldi: Giorgio’s is one of Los Angeles’ best restaurants. I swoon over the polenta, the tuna carpaccio and the fresh handmade ravioli, not to mention the Dover sole and langoustine pasta. It is owned and run by an Italian family, so children are always on the scene. Bring your own crayons. To stick in your ears.

Chicago, The Athenian Room: The Athenian Room is fantastic, super kid-friendly, and casual. It attracts a nice family crowd and has the most outrageous Greek food – spanakopita, Greek salads, tzatziki and the best cheeseburger in town. Yes, that sounds crazy outrageous. I wish I could experience outrageous food like that.

Chicago, Uncommon Ground: Situated near Wrigley Field, Uncommon Ground serves mostly organic and local fare. Their other location on West Devon Avenue has a rooftop organic garden where kids can take classes on urban agriculture. If I had a nickel for every time I've head a child plead with their parents to please let them learn about urban agriculture...

Next week we get insider beauty tips for both men and women alike from the pros. Here is one: Always have a make-up artist on call. Easy. I don't understand why everyone doesn't do it.  
 

Twitter in real life

Watch Real Life Twitter and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

Kelly McGillis says she's looking for a good woman

To pretty much no one's surprise, Kelly McGillis, in a video interview with Girl Rock on shewired.com comes out and says that her next love bisquit will be a woman.

"In no uncertain terms McGillis responded that what she is looking for is "definitely a woman." McGillis, a long-rumored lesbian who starred on The L Word as a closeted Army Colonel trying a Don't Ask Don't Tell case added that she is "done with the man thing." She said she is "done with that, and needs to move on in life, and that's another part of being true to yourself." It has been a challenge personally for her, she added. McGillis said that realizing her sexuality has been an ongoing process for her since she was 12 years old, but through her life faced getting over being convinced that God was punishing her for being gay. Corday told McGillis that it's much easier to become spiritual now and people realize that "God is okay with you being gay." McGillis added that "life is a freaking journey, and it's about growing and changing, and coming to terms with who and what you are, and loving who and what you are."

While you were sleeping

Chris Brown's lawyer wants Rihanna assualt case thrown out "Mark Geragos indicated at court Wednesday that he intends to file a motion to dismiss the case because of police leaks in the investigation, apparently a reference to Rihanna's injury photo that surfaced on the Internet, among other details. "If Geragos makes an issue of leaked evidence, it's unlikely the judge will dismiss the case," says L.A. criminal defense attorney Jeffery Rubenstein, who's not involved in the case. "It's not police conduct at issue here, it's Chris Brown's." People.

Dude with hat leaves Idol I wasn't watching the results show. I was kinda looking at that horror of a ballgame and reading a review copy of Guillermo Del Toro and Chuck Hogan's The Strain. Creepy, creepy. Both the game and the book. AnynothingtodowithIdol, Matt Giraud was voted off, but the big news was that the only person with any kind of star power, Adam Glambert, was in the bottom three. If he goes there will be no reason to watch the show any more. People.

Poor, sad Jennifer is NOT adopting This week's cover of Star exclaims that Jennifer Aniston is adopting a baby boy (who is not John Mayer). Not so, says competitor Us: "Looks like Jennifer Aniston isn't following in ex Brad Pitt's footsteps. Tabloid Star reports that Pitt, 45, is giving Aniston, 40, advice about adopting a baby boy. It also says the actress - currently in NYC filming The Baster - will spend $250,000 on a nursery. "They are completely wrong," a source tells Usmagazine.com." I love how they say "Tabloid Star" as if Us was anything but.

Redmond O'Neal pleads not guilty The messed-up son of Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal yesterday pleaded not guilty to "a felony charge of drug possession stemming from an April 5 incident when he allegedly brought heroin into a jail parking lot." More here. There's also a video. It's really boring.