Gwyneth is too boring today

This is were I would usually regale you with exciting snippets from Gwyneth's Goop newsletter, but I'm afraid today's edition is just too awful. It deals with recipes for "no-dairy, no-meat, no-white flour" dishes in which her designated recipe provider she uses something called dulse, which is "an edible red algae that’s incredibly good for you." Thanks, but I think I'll pass.

Instead, let me share with you an intriguing business opportunity that was recently presented to me:

Dear Sir/Madam, Sorry. I answer to neither. Next time someone calls me Madam or Ma'am, I'm going to smack them. 

Request for Legal assistance Well, that's why I'm here. 
 
This is an official request for legal representation on behalf of Quanzhou Haitian Textile Co.Ltd. We are a textile company with principal business in garment manufacturing and trading. I totally have a pair of your slacks. They're wonderful. Great craftmanship. We are presently incapacitated due to international legal boundaries to exert pressure on our delinquent customers and we request for your services accordingly. So, basically, the pesky law does not allow for you to break the legs of people who owe you money. Frakking bureacracy. Nanny state. Standing between a man and his money. We got your contact information from the Online Lawyers Directory as a result of our search for a reliable firm or individual to provide legal services as requested. I think you may want to send a letter of complaint to the Online Lawyers Directory. I have long since left the legal profession. 
 
After a careful review of your profile as well as your qualification and experience, we are of the opinion that you are capable and qualified to provide the legal services as requested. Was it the photo of me with my favourite brass knuckles that gave it away? On behalf of Quanzhou Haitian Textile Co.Ltd, Please accept my sincerest appreciation in advance for your willingness to render your services as we look forward to your prompt response to our request. You just tell me were and when and I'll beat the snot out of anyone who hasn't paid. And anyone who persists in calling me ma'am.  
Thank you. Mr. Chang Chin Hon.