I get email

And some of them are just extra-full of exciting offers. Like these:

"In today's world, sad to say, it is simply no longer good enough to just excel at what you do. What do you mean? I thought I was secure in my employment simply because of my excellent penmanship. Drat! Very often, in addition to professional abilities a university diploma will be a firm prerequisite for any positon you seek. Damn. Mom was right. I should have gone to school. Now my dreams of becoming head wombat keeper at the zoo are shattered. You can be very qualified I'm soooo qualified. To start crying right now, with years of practical experience and nonetheless be held back from even obtaining an interview for an appropriate position in your field due to the lack of a university diploma. Double-drat. Fortunately, you CAN get credit for your knowledge and experience by taking advantage of a Recognition of Prior Learning [RPL] I always thought that meant Rotten Potato Lemur. Guess I was wrong program offered by many universities today. RPL is a process that assesses the individual’s formal and non-formal level of knowledge, in order to determine the extent to which that individual has achieved the required learning and competency to complete a qualification. Can I get credit for my five years in the Swiss navy? And my stint as an imaginary astronaut? And that time when a neighbour's cat was missing and I helped find it? Call us right now and get the credit & recognition you deserve. I'm so calling! Call us right now for your customized diploma: Can mine say, "Doctor All-Mighty, holder of seven degrees from many really good schools and also runner-up in two hot-dog eating contests?" Inside U.SA.: 1-718-989-5740 Outside U.S.A.: +1-718-989-5740.  Just leave your NAME & TEL. PHONE # (with country-code) on the voicemail and one of our staff members will get back to you promptly!"

and this:

"Dear Sir and madam I actually prefer being addressed as Doctor All-Mighty, but we'll let it go this time.
Allow me to introduce ourselves: Hello to you and you and you. We are the Oil Painting Studio. We would like to offer our painting and giclee I don't know what that is, but it sounds delicious prints services to you. In our studio we have 30 highly skilled professional artists with over 12 years of experience collectively? That doesn't sound like very much creating paintings for our international clientele. We have worked creatively worldwide with a large number of commercial enterprises, professional artists and galleries in Europe and America. They all praise our professional high quality of production and artistic workmanship. Many of our clients use our works for their business and art displays... I'm mostly going to be using mine for titilation and debauchery. I hope that's okay with you. We safely and professionally pack and ship your paintings through FedEx or DHL. Please send us an email today describing what is your desired topic to be painted, and some indication of the approximate size. I would like five or six 10 X 10 centimetre paintings of elephants rescuing a marooned sailor in the style of Jackson Pollock and one agerage-sized painting of Jesus looking longingly at Elvis. In return we will send you a pricelist. The Shipping cost is based on your location and the size and dimensions of the painting or paintings required.
I hope that we will have a chance to cooperation and be good friends! Not so fast there, buster. I don't become friends until someone's painted at least nine extra-large paintings for my country house. So, just dial down the familiarity.
We are Looking forward to hearing from you.

Best Regards
The Oil Painting Studio"