Anne Rice quits Christianity

Lestat approves. Because, presumably, that means she'll stop writing those boring-ass books about Jesus.  Towleroad has this:

"Anne Rice announced on Facebook that she's quitting Christianity as a matter of conscience.
Wrote the author:
"For those who care, and I understand if you don't: Today I quit being a Christian. I'm out. I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being 'Christian' or to being part of Christianity. It's simply impossible for me to 'belong' to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For ten years, I've tried. I've failed. I'm an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else."
She followed that up with another message:
"As I said below, I quit being a Christian. I'm out. In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen."

But wait! Is Anne Rice aware of this?:

While you were sleeping

Oksana takes out loan to fight Mel "Sources close to Oksana Grigorieva say she's going broke trying to battle Mel Gibson - and, in fact, TMZ has learned Oksana's already had to take out a loan to pay her high-powered legal team. Multiple sources tell us that Oksana took out a loan just to make partial payment to her attorneys ... and she's also maxed out credit cards to fund what's become a legal World War with Gibson, who's hired three law firms. Legally speaking, it shapes up like David vs. Goliath. People connected to Oksana claim Gibson cut off almost all support payments back in May when the mediation talks ended - and Oksana turned her back on a $15 million agreement. Currently, we're told, Mel's only paying child support to the tune of $5,000 per month. If Oksana's getting limited financial support from Mel - and we know she isn't working - then here's the obvious question: where's she getting money to live day to day? We're told Oksana's seeking retroactive support payments from Gibson."

File that under "Duh" Yup, she's a lesbian. Sara Gilbert quietly came out of the closet during a Wednesday press conference at the Television Critics Association in Los Angeles, according to Entertainment Weekly. Now 35, the former Roseanne actress and executive producer/co-host of upcoming talk show The Talk has two children with TV producer Allison Adler, but has declined to discuss her private life in the past. During the panel, EW reports that Gilbert was asked if she was comfortable being "out" on The Talk. "This is a whole new world for me," she said. "I'm not an expert on this, or I don't analyze these things," she explained later. "I'm just sort of living my life." She added: "I don't think [being out] will be a problem...I don't ever really think of things as being out or in...I just think I am who I am, and when topics come up that are appropriate, I'll talk about them and share when it seems right." A couple since 2002, Gilbert and Adler have son Levi, 5, and daughter Sawyer, who turns 3 in August. (Adler gave birth to Levi, while Gilbert gave birth to Sawyer.) Gilbert told reporters why she's decided to become more open now. "I've been acting my whole life, and I've never really discussed my personal life. This is a talk show...So obviously I'm going to be discussing my life more." Us.

J.J. Abrams to produce steampunk robot movie "J.J. Abrams and his Bad Robot banner are tackling the tale of a robot set in the Victorian Age. Paramount has picked up rights to “Boilerplate: History’s Mechanical Marvel,” a graphic novel-picture book hybrid by Paul Guinan and Anina Bennett, the creators of comic book series “Heartbreakers,” for an adaptation to be produced by Abrams and his banner "Boilerplate" purports to tell the story of the world’s first robot, who, in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, fought alongside Teddy Roosevelt and Lawrence of Arabia, journeyed to the South Pole and was involved in the silent movie business before disappearing on the battlefields of World War I. The book tells Boilerplate’s story by inserting the character into pictures drawn in the style of the age. THR.

What's The Situation at DWTS? "The apocalypse is nigh - TMZ has learned The Situation is desperately trying to expand his empire ... entering into secret negotiations to appear on the next season of "Dancing with the Stars." Nothing's official yet - but according to sources close to the reality star, the deadline for negotiations is Monday ... so we should have a definite answer by then.bThe Sitch's manager, Mike Petolino, begs to differ, telling TMZ, "There are no plans for DWTS at this moment."

We should probably all read this book

I get email

And some of them are just extra-full of exciting offers. Like these:

"In today's world, sad to say, it is simply no longer good enough to just excel at what you do. What do you mean? I thought I was secure in my employment simply because of my excellent penmanship. Drat! Very often, in addition to professional abilities a university diploma will be a firm prerequisite for any positon you seek. Damn. Mom was right. I should have gone to school. Now my dreams of becoming head wombat keeper at the zoo are shattered. You can be very qualified I'm soooo qualified. To start crying right now, with years of practical experience and nonetheless be held back from even obtaining an interview for an appropriate position in your field due to the lack of a university diploma. Double-drat. Fortunately, you CAN get credit for your knowledge and experience by taking advantage of a Recognition of Prior Learning [RPL] I always thought that meant Rotten Potato Lemur. Guess I was wrong program offered by many universities today. RPL is a process that assesses the individual’s formal and non-formal level of knowledge, in order to determine the extent to which that individual has achieved the required learning and competency to complete a qualification. Can I get credit for my five years in the Swiss navy? And my stint as an imaginary astronaut? And that time when a neighbour's cat was missing and I helped find it? Call us right now and get the credit & recognition you deserve. I'm so calling! Call us right now for your customized diploma: Can mine say, "Doctor All-Mighty, holder of seven degrees from many really good schools and also runner-up in two hot-dog eating contests?" Inside U.SA.: 1-718-989-5740 Outside U.S.A.: +1-718-989-5740.  Just leave your NAME & TEL. PHONE # (with country-code) on the voicemail and one of our staff members will get back to you promptly!"

and this:

"Dear Sir and madam I actually prefer being addressed as Doctor All-Mighty, but we'll let it go this time.
Allow me to introduce ourselves: Hello to you and you and you. We are the Oil Painting Studio. We would like to offer our painting and giclee I don't know what that is, but it sounds delicious prints services to you. In our studio we have 30 highly skilled professional artists with over 12 years of experience collectively? That doesn't sound like very much creating paintings for our international clientele. We have worked creatively worldwide with a large number of commercial enterprises, professional artists and galleries in Europe and America. They all praise our professional high quality of production and artistic workmanship. Many of our clients use our works for their business and art displays... I'm mostly going to be using mine for titilation and debauchery. I hope that's okay with you. We safely and professionally pack and ship your paintings through FedEx or DHL. Please send us an email today describing what is your desired topic to be painted, and some indication of the approximate size. I would like five or six 10 X 10 centimetre paintings of elephants rescuing a marooned sailor in the style of Jackson Pollock and one agerage-sized painting of Jesus looking longingly at Elvis. In return we will send you a pricelist. The Shipping cost is based on your location and the size and dimensions of the painting or paintings required.
I hope that we will have a chance to cooperation and be good friends! Not so fast there, buster. I don't become friends until someone's painted at least nine extra-large paintings for my country house. So, just dial down the familiarity.
We are Looking forward to hearing from you.

Best Regards
The Oil Painting Studio"

Between Two Ferns with Steve Carell

You know the deal. There be profanity.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Steve Carell from Between Two Ferns

Vampires Suck trailer

See. This is why I can't go on vacation. I miss important cinematic information like this, and, in turn, deprive you of enjoying it too. Thank you, Victoria, for setting this right. Also: The shovel in the face is fantastic.

Worst movie ever. Today

Clarification: This is not a parody.

Gwyneth answers some really boring questions

Imagine my excitement when I received my GOOP news letter and found out that:

"This week we begin to answer a fraction of the many excellent questions posed by you, our lovely readers. We have decided to start with some of the most frequently asked ones and we will continue in the fall and beyond (some questions require their own newsletter!) Thank you for sharing your curiosities!

Love, gp

P.S. Goop is going on vacation! See you in September."

Finally, I thought, we're going to learn all the important information about Gwyneth that we've always wanted to know. Such as, "what does it feel like to be the best at everything?" and, "does superiority feel more like a burden or a blessing?" and "when you grow your own yoga-inspired, body-cleance-specific bulgur, should you use sparkling water or still?" Sadly, none of these questions are answered. Just things like,

“I want to book a really amazing restaurant for my fiancé and I as we consider ourselves 'foodies' and love visiting restaurants on our travels. Do you have recommendations for restaurants that have a degustation or tasting menu in the West Hollywood & Beverly Hills, area?” and
“Next year is a big birthday for me so I'm gathering up friends and  family and heading to Provence.
It's such a vast region and I need our home base to be in an area that  offers:
a charming town with at least a few restaurants, shops
close to vineyards for the wine lovers
less than an hour's drive to the sea for the beach combers
NOT crazy touristy (we are tourists but hope for a slightly more organic experience)”

I know, right. Sort of makes you feel like punching someone in the face. Not crazy punchy. A slightly more organic punch experience, of course.

Best music video ever. Today

I'm just going to repeat what they're saying a Buzzfeed: "This guy is like the Indian Michael Jackson, Erik Estrada, James Bond, David Lee Roth, Jean-Claude Van Damme and John Travolta." I obviously have no way of knowing if the subtitles are anywhere near correct, but I'm all for a song about gangsters, erm, taking care of religious fanatics, so I hope they are.

Yogi Bear trailer

It's too early to even contemplate saying mean things about children's movies, so I'll be quiet.