Grammar-policing the undead

If you love grammar, dislike Twilight and have some time on your hands, you could do worse than check out Reasoning With Vampires. It's a blog deliciously dedicated to decimating the writing skills of Stephenie Meyer. The author of the site writes:

I’ve been asked why I’m spending so much time mulling over something I hate so much. Here are a few reasons for Reasoning:
•It’s cathartic to rant.
•I see Stephenie Meyer’s novels like the activity page in Highlights magazine where you have to find what’s wrong with the picture.
•It’s like a creative writing exercise designed to revisit the fundamentals of good storytelling.
•It’s funny.
•It’s too easy for Twilunatics to dismiss claims that Stephenie Meyer is a bad writer, because “you’re just jealous/dense/unromantic/uncool.” When I write that Stephenie Meyer is a bad writer, it’s not merely an opinion. I can prove it over, and over, and over, and over…
•You seem to like it. <3

Here are some examples.

 
 
 
 

Best history lessons ever. Today

There's an absolutely fantastic Youtube channel called Historyteachers. It has a ton of videos like these. (Via Buzzfeed). "Ooh, fleas on rats"

Taiwanese animation explains the Wikileaks

I think they've really outdone themselves this time. I also think that Gaddafi & The Naughty Nurse needs to become a full-length feature movie.

While you were sleeping

... brought to you by my imaginary husband Johnny Depp on the cover of Vanity Fair. The older he gets the more drool-worthy he becomes. It's a freakish miracle of nature. And if anyone suggests he may be riding the old Botox train I shall become vex and start sulking.

Britney remains under administration "Britney Spears will ring in the new year under her long-standing conservatorship .... sources tell TMZ. We're told there are no plans to end the conservatorship, which was created in February 2008. And, it's not bad news for Britney. We're told she's "content" with the current arrangement and is no longer antsy to end it. Britney is actually under two conservatorships -- one to care for her, and another to take care of her business affairs.  As for the latter, it will probably remain in place for a long time, because Britney Spears, Inc. has never run more smoothly. As for the personal conservatorship ... we're told no one involved - Britney included - wants to end it."

Madonna opens a gym in Mexico City, blames Frida Kahlo "Madonna launched her new brand of "Hard Candy Fitness" gyms in Mexico City on Monday, opening a huge, 2,787-square-meter compound where Mexico's rich and the beautiful can go through dance classes and fitness routines inspired by the singer's routines. So why choose a sprawling metropolis of some 20 million people, struggling with crime, pollution and endless traffic jams to kick off an international sports venture that may eventually include gyms in Russia, Brazil and Argentina? "I have a history with Mexico," Madonna, wearing a black and white-striped dress with boots, told Reuters. "I have a connection that I have always felt anyways because of my love and interest in Frida Kahlo," she added, referring to one of Mexico's best-known 20th century painters ... Inside the new gym, Madonna taught a short dance lesson to a handful of lucky gym members handpicked by her staff to join her on the dance floor for a few minutes."

From the Department of Retro-Awesome: Marc Singer joins V "TV Guide reports original "V" star Marc Singer will be appearing on ABC's new version in the second season's 10th episode, which is the season finale. In NBC's original show, Singer played Mike Donovan. He'll play a new character named Lars Tremont, "a member of a super top secret organization comprised of high-ranking military and government leaders from around the globe, who have long suspected that the Visitors — despite what they tell us — are very much not here in peace." As previously reported, the original show's Jane Badler will make her debut on ABC's version during the January 4 season premiere." Coming Soon.

Gosh, and I was just going to get myself one of those for Christmas "The Kardashian family has officially pulled the plug on the new "Kardashian Kard" - a prepaid debit card backed by MasterCard - over allegations that it's riddled with hidden, possibly illegal fees. The family fired off a "Notice of Termination" to the companies behind the Kard moments ago - stating they're sick of the "negative spotlight" since the Attorney General of Connecticut opened an investigation to determine if the Kard violates consumer protection laws. The A.G. was concerned over several fees associated with the Kard -- which reportedly costs $9.95 to own ... plus 12 monthly fees of $7.95. It also costs $1.50 every time the owner wants to add money to the Kard. In the letter, obtained by TMZ, Kardashian lawyers write, "The Kardashians have worked extremely long and hard to create a positive public persona that appeals to everyone, particularly young adults." The lawyers claim the investigation "threatens everything for which [The Kardashians] have worked" - so the family has decided to "terminate the agreement ... effective immediately." TMZ.

Eliza Dushku gets a pilot This sounds really old-fashioned. But, then again, so did Castle, and that kinda works. From Deadline: "Dollhouse star Eliza Dushku is returning to series television as the female lead in Mike Robe's TNT drama pilot Bird Dog ... Bird Dog is a mystery fashioned around an unlikely partnership of two cops who happen to be father and daughter. It centers on Gail McGrath (Dushku), who followed in her father's footsteps in becoming a police officer but had little else in common with him. She left the big city she had grown up in to move to a small Pacific Northwestern town where she was patrolling the streets until her dad, a NYC cop, showed up on her front doorstep to join her as her new partner. Now this father-daughter team, call sign "Bird Dog," is being put to the test -- not only in solving crimes, but with each other. Robe wrote the script and is directing the pilot. Warner Horizon is producing. Buffy the Vampire Slayer alumna Dushku, repped by UTA and the Collective, recently guest starred in a highly-rated episode of The Big Bang Theory."

Tom Hanks joins Kathryn Bigelow project "Tom Hanks is the first official cast member to join Triple Frontier, producer Charles Roven confirmed to ComingSoon.net this morning in an exclusive interview. "Tom Hanks is starring in the film," Roven said, "and we're still looking to cast the other roles. We're hoping to start shooting the movie sometime in mid-March." The film, the follow-up from The Hurt Locker director and writer Kathryn Bigelow and Mark Boal, is an ensemble picture set in the notorious border zone between Paraguay, Argentina and Brazil where the Igazu and Parana rivers converge - making "la triple frontera" difficult to monitor and a haven for organized crime. Recent rumors had also suggested that Triple Frontier would be retitled to Sleeping Dogs. Though Roven did not speak specifically to the title change, he referred to the project by the former title."

Brad Pitt's got a brand-new pair of leather-pants

He wore them to the Paris premiere of Megamind.

Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

Saddest mug shot ever

This is Willie Nelson after his arrest in Texas for marijuana possession. He looks like he needs a nap, a shower, a cupcake and a hug.

Hudspeth Country Sheriff's Department/Getty Images

Dramatic price jump for 12 Days of Christmas stuff

It's a sad commentary on our times, but according to something called PNC, which I believe is a wealth management firm of some sort, it's going to be very, very expensive buying all that crap in that stupid song.

PITTSBURGH, Nov. 29, 2010 – Despite a sluggish economy and low inflation, the 2010 PNC Christmas Price Index® surged 9.2 percent in the whimsical economic analysis by PNC Wealth Management based on the gifts in the holiday classic, "The Twelve Days of Christmas." According to the 27th annual survey, the price tag for the PNC CPI is $23,439 in 2010, $1,974 more than last year. This is the second highest jump ever and largest percentage increase since 2003 when the index rose 16 percent. That comes on the heels of a modest 1.8 percent increase a year ago. "This year's jump in the PNC CPI can be attributed to rising gold commodity prices, represented by the Five Gold Rings which went up by 30 percent, in addition to higher costs for wages and benefits impacting some entertainers," said James Dunigan, managing executive of investments for PNC Wealth Management. Although these trends affect both indexes, the PNC CPI's surge is in marked contrast to the government's CPI, which grew a mere 1.1 percent, illustrating the difference in size of the two baskets of goods and services. Among the 12 gifts in the PNC CPI, only four items (Pear Tree, Four Calling Birds, Six Geese a–Laying and the Eight Maids-a-Milking) were the same price from last year. The 11 Pipers Piping ($2,356) and 12 Drummers Drumming ($2,552) saw modest increases, both up 3.1 percent, however these higher costs give greater weight to the index. Lords-a-Leaping jumped 8 percent to $4,766 but the biggest dollar increase this year was for the Nine Ladies Dancing, up $820, a 15 percent boost. None of these performers received a wage increase last year, and were playing catch-up in 2010.

Beware of rabid otters

But otters are so cute, you're saying. Goes to show what you know. As with most cute things the cuteness of otters is but a ruse to lure you into a false sense of security while they plan where to bite you and make you scream like a five-year-old.

Tron clip

Dear Santa: Please make it December 17 already. Via io9.

This is why famous people shouldn't use email

Or speak on the phone. Or text. Or be caught on video using sign language. They also shouldn't send telegrams and they should definitely never Skype. Because when they do, the proof of their craziness and their hatred of grammar will, sooner or later, be made public on TMZ. Granted, Oksana Grigorieva is only famous because she's an accomplished attractor of famous men, but still. This is really fantastically awful: