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In Touch claims the Brangelina got married - presumably in Namibia where we know they spent Christmas. I thought they were supposed to get married in India. Or not supposed to get married at all. Of course, I can't be sure what the story says because all we have is the cover. But let's not have that take away from the enjoyment. Let's just make it up:
As the sun reached the horizon and the palm trees stilled, a radiant Angelina and a tear-choked Brad finally fullfilled their promise to their children and said "I do."
With only a select few friends and relatives as witnesses, the globe-trotting do-gooders made honest movie stars of each other on a beach too gorgeous for words. Except the words "I do."
Angelina wore a white dress woven from silk, butterfly wings, unicorn mane and the hair of angels.
The couple's six children sang a special song, accompanied only by the sounds of the nearby jungle and the excited shrieks of frolicking sea creatures.
I was worried that Charlie Sheen had become all reformed and stuff. Fortunately, according to radaronline, that is not the case.
"Charlie Sheen is partying hard once again and missed THREE family Christmas events as he lived the high life, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively. One year after being arrested on domestic violence charges in Aspen, Colorado, the Two and a Half Men star was nowhere to be found at family events where he was expected. Tell me your secret, Charlie. How did you do it? "He skipped going to his brother Emilio's, didn't show up at Denise Richards' house and also skipped seeing his daughter Cassandra," the avoidance trifecta. Good job a source close to the family told RadarOnline.com. So where has Charlie been? "He's back partying again," a source told us. "Although it's tough to say he's back partying because he never really quit!" Sheen had a disastrous night partying with porn star Capri Anderson in New York, but that hasn't slowed him. Anderson filed a criminal complaint claiming Sheen held her against her will and Sheen filed a lawsuit against her for extortion. "He did a lot of cocaine that night," a source close to that situation told RadarOnline.com, and Sheen hasn't stopped. "He likes hookers and he likes coke and he's got enough money for both," the source said. While the star blew off the family events for Christmas he wasn't suffering from holiday depression. I should think not. "He's been having a great time partying like crazy for the past several weeks," the source said."
Two observations:
1) Perhaps this overly enthusiastic youngster should pour some of all that enthusiasm into tidying up the box of assorted horrors to the left.
2) If you're going to cut yourself with a knife to declare your love for a haircut, you need to be sure you can deal with the pain and the adrenaline drop-off all the way to the end. Otherwise it just looks sloppy.
... brought to you by an ambitious to-do-when-I-get-a-record-deal list allegedly written by Amy Winehouse when she was 17. I used to write hopeful, optimistic lists like that. Now my lists usually go like this: 1) Fight off existential morning nausea. 2) Get through day. 3) Try not to get into a fist fight on the subway. 4) Don't be too hard on yourself if you do get into a fist fight on the subway. 5) Go to bed. (Amy's list via Dlisted).
Enough already with the holiday engagements "Reese Witherspoon is ready to make it official with boyfriend Jim Toth: The couple are engaged, People confirms. The Oscar-winning actress, 34, and Toth, 40, began quietly dating last January and quickly grew serious about each other. In October, a source close to Toth, an agent at Creative Artists Agency in Los Angeles, told People he was smitten with Witherspoon. "Jim knows Reese is the one for him," the source said. "It's what he's been waiting for. [Getting engaged] is a natural step for them." Witherspoon was equally thrilled with the relationship, a source close to the actress told PEOPLE at the time. "Reese quickly realized that Jim was someone that she felt safe with and could count on," the source said."
Splitsville "Time for Rihanna to pen a new break-up ballad: After almost a year together, she and Matt Kemp have called it quits, an insider close to the singer tells UsMagazine.com. "It happened over the last few weeks," explains the source. "She basically was just over it." A rep for Rihanna (she's currently vacationing with family in her native Barbados) could not be reached for comment. Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Kemp, 26, helped Rihanna, 22, move on from Chris Brown, who infamously assaulted her in February 2009. The duo were first spotted frolicking together in Cabo San Lucas last January, and slowly opened up about their romance in the spring. But the "Only Girl" singer has been "so busy," the insider says. "He just can't keep up with her crazy travel schedule." "Matt's sick of always following after her like a puppy dog all over the world. He wants something more normal," the source adds."
Thor gets married (Sif if going to be so upset) "Thor star Chris Hemsworth and his longtime girlfriend, Spanish actress Elsa Pataky, are now husband and wife, People has learned. Hemsworth, 27, who portrays the Marvel Comics character in the upcoming films, Thor (costarring Natalie Portman) and The Avengers, grew up in Australia. He and Pataky, 34 – best known stateside for her role alongside Samuel L. Jackson in the 2006 film Snakes on a Plane – were married over the holiday. Hemsworth's rep confirms the marriage but no further details are available."
Malene’s interests and hobbies include Schadenfreude, sci-fi and fantasy (good and bad alike), hilarious hair pieces, age-inappropriate celebrity crushes, messed-up starlets, waiting for the next Star Trek movie, hating Björk, creative profanity, disobedient robots, fake celebrity relationships, post-apocalyptic dread, singing super-villains, baseball, David Beckham (but only when he keeps his mouth shut), vampires and knitting tiny sweaters for her seven cats. That’s not true. Maybe.
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