Apart from that, how was your weekend?

... brought to you by David Beckham's new tattoo, posted on his Facebook page. It depicts him as some sort of dead Messiah and his three sons as fat angel babies. Or something. Which isn't weird or creepy at all.

Moving on. Hello again. It seems like just a few hours since we saw each other last. I drank too much coffee in order to stay away last night and, as a result (duh!) couldn't fall asleep. Last looked at the clock at 2am. I will not be entirely compos mentis today, I'm afraid. Here are some news - and if you didn't follow the blog last night and want to know about the Oscars, just scroll down. And speaking of dubious awards, The Last Airbender was the big winner-loser at the Razzies. Click here for more.

Mel Gibson could be charged "Sources connected with the Mel Gibson criminal investigation tell TMZ ... Gibson is about to be charged with domestic violence, but Oksana Grigorieva will not be charged with extortion. Multiple sources say the dye is not officially cast, but the powers that be think there's enough evidence to prosecute Mel, however not enough to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Oksana extorted him - notwithstanding that she demanded $15 million from him in return for keeping the tapes secret. All of our sources say ... the turning point for prosecutors was the fact that prior to Oksana going to the Sheriff's Department and accusing Gibson of domestic violence, Mel's family law attorneys filed a declaration in the family law case, in which Mel admits to slapping Oksana - he says because she was shaking baby Lucia wildly and feared Shaken Baby Syndrome. We're told the likely charge against Mel will be misdemeanor domestic violence - he will not be charged with a felony.  Misdemeanor domestic violence carries a maximum penalty of six months in jail. Sources say the extortion investigation has become a bone of contention between the D.A. and the L.A. County Sheriff's Department.  We're told Sheriff's investigators believe there is sufficient evidence - much of which has not been made public - to prosecute Oksana, but the D.A. doesn't agree. As for a timetable ... we're told the decision is expected in the next two weeks, and very possibly this week."

Not a great weekend at the box office Even with a 25.8 per cent drop from last week, Gnomeo & Juliet took first place with $14.2 million. Hall Pass only made $13.4 for second and Unknown made $12.4 for third. But the biggest flop was Nic Cage's Drive Angry 3D, which premiered in ninth place with $5.1 million. Box Office Mojo.

Like, OMG! "Twilight dance party! Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart threw their hands in the air like they didn't care all night long at a Friday/Saturday pre-Oscar bash at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood. The costars and real-life loves "were dancing the whole time," a fellow reveler tells UsMagazine.com. "They definitely kissed a few times." (Stewart wore a black dress for the bash.)" Us.

Here are yesterday's Stargazing pages from the paper: Download StargazingFeb27

 

 

Alert! Alert! Oscars live blog!

 
(Reuters/Mario Anzuoni)

11:40 Small children singing. Show only ten minutes too long. Goodnight. See you in eight hours.

11:36 That's it. Almost done. Time for Best Picture. That was a brilliant montage. And the winner is, no surprise, The King's Speech.

11:28 Time for Best Actor. Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees and hands it to, no surprise here, Colin Firth. He's going to cry ... He's going to cry ... No, he's not. (I still think James Franco - despite being a pretty terrible Oscar host - was the best actor of the year). (Kevin Winter/Getty Images).

11:17 Jeff Bridges awards the Best Actress trophy to Natalie Portman. She's going to cry ... She's going to cry ... No, she's not. Yes, she is. She's crying. But, holy crap, is she ever good at remembering names. 

11:03 Someone ought to tell Kathryn Bigelow that someone cut holes in her sweater dress. Anyawful, Tom Hooper wins the Best Director Award for The King's Speech. He thanks the "triangle of man love," which is Geoffrey Rush, Colin Firth and himself. Usually I'd pay to watch that kind of thing, but I'm not sure this particular combo would be all that pretty. 

10:57 Time for the sad segment with the dead people accompanied by Celine Dion. I would have liked to be able to show outrage over the ones that weren't included, but there's something wrong with my remote and I can't pause the show to make sure that the people I should be outraged about weren't actually included. Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure I didn't see Corey Haim. What the frak? (Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

10:47 Florence Welch sings the song from 127 Hours. That's nice. But more importantly: Gwyneth sings! Gwyneth sings! She took off the space dress, which is disappointing. But she does look like she's in a lot of pain. And the winner for Best Song is Randy Newman for "We Belong Together."

10:34 Inception wins for Visual Effects. Deservedly so. The award for Best Editing goes to The Social Network. I have no opinion on that.

10:28 Hi Billy Crystal, could you perhaps just stay and take over? If if you can't, how about ghost-Bob Hope? Oh, I'm sorry. Here is another idea. How about Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. stay and host the rest of the program? ( Kevin Winter/Getty Images).

10:22 Erm ... strange auto-tune singy thingy. That's the kind of segment that brings the young audience to the show. James Franco may fall asleep at any time. Here's Oprah to hand out the Oscar for Best Doc, which goes to Inside Job. The sweetie says to make sure to note that was his pick.

10:16 Jake Gyllenhaal and Amy Adams hand out the Oscar for Best Short Doc, looking incredibly uncomfortable while doing so. Strangers No More is the winner. It looks like it's about cute kids. And then Live Action Short. It goes to God Of Love. It looks like it's about cute.

10:06 The first of the nominated songs ("We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3) is performed by Randy Newman. The surround screen still scares me. Mandy Moore and Zachary Levy sing the Tangled song. Zack looks a bit orange in the face. The song is super-boring.

10:00 This hosting thing is not going to well for Anne and James is it? Well, perhaps a bit better for Anne than for James. And here is a brief look at the smartypantses who won the science awards. But, more importantly, a closer look at Cate Blanchett's warty dress. She hands the Oscar for Best Make-up to Rick Baker and Dave Elsey for The Wolfman. Too bad for Barney's Version. And Costume Design goes to Colleen Atwood for Alice in Wonderland. (Kevin Winter/Getty Images).

9:49: Best Sound Mixing goes to Inception. Best Sound Editing also goes to Inception.

9:43 The presidents of this (the Academy) and that (ABC) are congratulating each other on their new contract that goes through to 2020. Whatevs. Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman introduce a music segment played by a rolling orchestra. I totally recognize the songs. Best Original Score goes to Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for The Social Network. My coffee is ready.

9:32 Best Supporting Actor goes to Christian Bale. Whew. He'd have gotten really ornery if he'd lost. Instead he got all teary. Awww. I need a cup of coffee. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

9:27 Musical interlude: Anna Hathaway does a little Anti-Hugh Jackman Les Miserables. And James Franco wears drag. That was kinda useless. Russell Brand and Helen Mirren gives the award for Best Foreign Language film to Denmark. Woo-hoo. Go Susanne Bier.

9:18: Best Original Screenplay goes to The King's Speech. Which is silly because it should clearly have gone to Inception.

9:14: Best Adapted Screenplay goes to Sorkin for The Social Network. There'll be no stopping him now. And Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin should be forced to forever wear those white tuxedo jackets.

9:07 Justin Timberlake reveals that he is Banksy. I kinda suspected that. Best Animated Short goes to The Lost Thing. It takes the film makers a long time to get to the stage because they're seated in Siberia. One of them loves his wife. That's nice. The Best Animated Film Oscar goes to Toy Story 3. 

9:00 Kirk Douglas' ears are even more epic than Christopher Nolan's widow's peek. He hands out the Supporting Actress Oscar to Melissa Leo, who was an excellent choice. She seemed a bit more surprised than she could possibly be. Christian Bale apparently had to pee and couldn't be bothered to be there to be thanked by his co-star. AND AWESOME: Someone didn't have their finger on the delay botton and Melissa said the F-word. Somebody is going to be getting a talking-to. (Kevin Winter/Getty Images).

8:49 The Cinematography Oscar goes to Inception. I like that very much. Christopher Nolan's widow's peek is epic. I'm not sure if I like it.

8:45 Oh, no the Titanic is going to mow down Tom Hanks. That surround-screen scares me. And the Art Direction Oscar goes to Alice In Wonderland. My guess was wrong. The sweetie's guess was right.

8:41 I think Anne Hathaway has dry-mouth. Maybe it's the weight of her eye lashes. I think James Franco has dry-mouth too. Maybe it's the weight of the awkward banter.

8:37 Well, that opening thingy was so-so. All worth it though for the Black Swan segment and James Franco is a leotard.

8:22 Hugh Jackman again. This time inside the theatre. He should take off his jacket. And his shirt. And his undershirt. And the undershirt under the undershirt.

8:08 Finally, a picture of Gwyneth in her space dress with a bonus Nicole Kidman. (Frazer Harrison/Getty Images).

8:05 Natalie Postman didn't want to spend money on earrings, so she just grabbed a couple of tassels from the curtains at her hotel. Good thing they matched her dress. Oh. There is James Franco sitting all kinds of un-relaxed in some room answering cringy questions.

8:02 I was totally wrong. The show doesn't start until 8:30. But on the upside: half an hour more of red carpet. My dreams have come true. On ABC, Jennifer Hudson looks just as great as she did an hour and a half-ish ago.

7:50 Just ten minutes to go. So I'm going to take a tiny break and walk around a bit so I don't end up with that airplane leg-clot thing.

7:48 Heh-heh. This picture makes it look like Hilary Swank is nekkid. (REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni).

7:41 Christian Bale's beard rocks my world. Penelope Cruz is in red. Sandra Bullock is in red as well. Her hair looks better than it did at the Globes. Donald Trump is at the Oscars for some reason. Right. He's selling Celebrity Apprentice.

7:33 Reese Witherspoon looks perfect. Nicole Kidman's dress looks weird. Adam Shankman confirms that Tom Cruise is indeed doing Rock Of Ages. Matthew McConaughey's ladyfriend manages to look demure and shy even with her dress cut all they way down to her navel. Gwyneth is wearing her most favourite space dress.

7:26 Many, many birds voluntarily gave up their feathers to help make Hilary Swank's dress. It's the least they can do. Little poopers. Helen Mirren - again - looks 456,000 times better than people a third her age. Speaking of age, Ryan tells Celine Dion she doesn't age. Hugh Jackman is eating a cow a day to bulk up for Wolverine 2: The First One Wasn't Really Good Enough To Warrant A Sequel.

7:18 OMG! Helena Bonham Carter said "Toronto." Also: See what I mean about Cate Blanchett's dress having warts? (REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson)

7:13 Justin Timberlake is wearing Tom Ford. His suit is so tight he's not allowed to eat or breathe. He also brought his mom. Where is Jessica Biel? What's going on? Never mind. My sushi just arrived.

7:07 Mila Kunis is explaining (again) how she got her role via Skype. I'm going back to E!. Oh, wait. Here is that dress on Mark Ruffalo's wife Sunrise. (Jason Merritt/Getty Images).

7:02 Cate Blanchett is wearing something lavenderish with something yellow. Kelly Orbourne thinks it's the best thing since the last best thing. I think it looks like the dress has warts. Jeremy Renner is even shorter than Ryan Seacrest. Or maybe Ryan is standing on a box. Kevin Spacey follows Ryan on Twitter. Scarlett Johansson forgot to comb her hair. I'm going to check ot what's going on on the ABC red carpet show.

6:53 Ryan is working like a dog to confirm the Twilight big moment rumour. I wonder what it will be. Maybe real werewolves will eat the first two rows of spectators. Maybe everyone will sparkle. Maybe Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart will present something and be really awkward while doing it. BTW, The opening number will reportedly be "warm and funny." Too bad. I was hoping for "ice-cold and sad." Mark Ruffalo's wife Sunrise lost one half of her dress. Sorry, can't find a picture. You have to take my word for it.

6:44 Amy Adams is wearing a Cartier necklace that looks like something I once got from a street vendor. Big and green and clumsy. I'm sure it's super-shiny close up. Holy Jennifer Hudson in red!  And Anne Hathaway in red! On a side note: I'm hungry. My sweetie promised to fetch sushi. As of right now, no sushi has materialized. It's possible I may faint. (Frazer Harrison/Getty Images).

6:36 Mandy Moore is excited to sing tonight. And there is Russell Brand. He brought his mom. Russell is presenting with Helen Mirren. He kisssed Ryan but didn't say anything funny. Very disappointing. Also disappointing: The Prediction Poll is only available in the USA. How will I be able to participate? Michelle Williams looks like she hates nothing more than being on the red carpet.

6:27 Armie Hammer from The Social Network is handsome. His wife's hair is tall. No, thank you, E! I don't want to keep up with the Kardashians. Hailee Steinfeld is lovely and age-appropriately dressed - she apparently helped design the dress. Well done. (And, unrelated: I could see her as Katniss). Florence Welch is very excited. Mila Kunis' nips may or may not be showing through the lace. Just saying.

6:12 Kelly Osbourne and that other woman is discussing Natalie Portman's maternity gowns. Maybe she "will name the boy Oscar" if she wins one. Like, totally. Oh, there's a glimpse of Melissa Leo. Her gown looks like a post-modern doily/silverfoil creation with shoulder pads. (Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

6pm-ish: Alright. Let' have a look at Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet. I'm guessing there will be between 37 and 68 cringe-worthy questions. BTW, I did try watching bits of E!'s countdown show, which started at 2pm, but I had to give up when Audrina Patridge came in to present a swimsuit salute to the Oscars. Not before I learned that "neon colours are all the rage," though. Sorry I missed "Haute Kid-toure" and "Hair Battle." Anyterriblesegments, it's begun and Ryan says there's a rumour of a big Twilight moment tonight. Jennifer Lawrence (Winter's Bone) is the first interview. Something about skinning a squirrel.

 

 

 

Week in review

I'm out of here. But I'll be back Sunday night to watch the Oscars with you. I'll probably start with some red carpet misanthropy around 6pm. Meanwhile, here's what happened this week:

 

Charlie Sheen is showing up whether there's work or not

It's just going to be Charlie and the security guard on Monday morning, according to GMA:

"Embattled actor Charlie Sheen is 100 percent clean and plans to show up for work despite CBS's pulling the plug on this season's production of his hit comedy TV show because of his "statements, conduct and condition," Sheen told "Good Morning America" today via text messages. HBO denied reports today that Sheen is in talks for a big money series with the cable network. The "Two and a Half Men" star continued his rant today against show creator Chuck Lorre, whom he referred to as a "clown" and "loser" in the text messages. The source of the bitter feud is unclear but Lorre accused the actor earlier this week of having reckless sex and a drug problem."

Possible spoilers for Oscar show

Over at Deadline, Nikki Finke says she has a copy of the script for the telecast. There are a lot of details on the Deadline site, so head over there if you want to know more. (This is going to help me immensely in planning my live blogging. Do drop by Sunday night. I'll be drinking warm beer fine champagne and wearing those sweatpants with stains a lovely evening gown.)

"I've obtained the annotated schedule for Sunday night's 83rd Academy Awards show and it looks to be yet another snorefest from the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences airing on ABC and in 200 countries around the globe. Here will be the highlights or lowlights depending on your point of view when it comes to the overly long and usually boring Oscars telecast: Steven Spielberg will award Best Picture ... Hilary Swank and Kathryn Bigelow will hand out Best Director ... Hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway pop up almost every minute and make at least 5 wardrobe changes and open the show with one of those Billy Crystal-originated filmed bits putting themselves into scenes from all the 10 nominated movies ... Florence (of Florence And The Machine) will perform with A.R. Rahmin the 127 Hours song "If I Rise" ... Celine Dion will sing "Smile" during the In Memoriam segment ... A tribute to Lena Horne will be presented by Halle Berry ... So-called 'Scenic Transitions' to Hollywood's past will consist of virtual reality lookbacks - at the very first Oscars, the films Gone With The Wind and Lord Of The Rings, movie music from The Silent Era and Broadway Melody and THX, the first televised Academy Awards in black & white, and Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood ... A new writing team in place will join Bruce Vilanch and John Mack including Grammy Awards vet David Wilde and Judd Apatow-regular Jordan Rubin  ... Presenters won't have to read those lame jokes ... These are pretty much the only interesting moments awaiting the audience Sunday when the show airs starting at 5 PM and continues for what feels like an eternity."

Best fake movie trailer ever. Today

Via The Daily what.

Robert Pattinson: Hoarder

The Daily Record has an interview with The Hair in which he reveals that he belongs on one of my favourite show: Hoarders or Hoarders: That Other Show About Hoarders. He also talks about getting a dog and how horrible fame is, but whatever.

He said : "I'm a hoarder. I gave away all my furniture from Baton Rouge but with books and things, I have storage spaces all over the world. It's ridiculous. Clothes - I cannot give away clothes. I don't know why. I wear the same thing everyday and I just have piles and piles and piles of clothes and then every two years, I'll go to the storage space and kind of see what I can give away. I give away like three things, search through everything and then pack it all back up and put it in the storage space."

Banks fear nothing. Except vampires

Via Buzzfeed.

I wasn't going to buy Armani ...

... but after seeing this, I've changed my mind. I've always wanted to be able to go through life with a curtain magically flowing around me and it looks like Armani is the ticket to that particular version of Nirvana.

I'll take absolutely no scoops of that

Via The Daily What.