Brought to you by the letter ewwww

The National Enquirer has this charming story of sweet love and age-inappropriate PDAs.

"Getting more action in restaurants than many do in bedrooms, SEAN PENN and SCARLETT JOHANSSON are Hollywood’s Hottest Couple after kicking off a sizzling May-December romance that began when ScarJo, 26, was photographed putting her best foot forward – and into Sean’s 50-year-old lap – during a sexy LA lunch...then my spies spotted them canoodling relentlessly over dinner at swanky Madeo! Even though two pals were with them, the steamy duo groped, smooched and stroked – but when the meal ended, Sean suddenly wanted to change tables for dessert. Why? Said My SpyWitness: “They were at the best table in the house, but it’s smack in the center, and Sean was annoyed by lookey-loo diners sneaking peeks. There wasn’t an empty table to be had – but Sean sent a hostess to tell three girls in a corner booth that if they’d switch tables, he’d pay for dinner.” Giggling, the girls agreed! They trooped to Sean’s table as his party scrunched into the booth, which was a tight fit – but it didn’t cramp the lovers’ style. “Sean and Scarlett kissed and petted like their pals weren’t even there,” said my source. “When the evening ended and the lovebirds exited, a waiter handed the three girls a check holder – but there was no bill inside; just a note from Sean that read: ‘Thank you!’”

AP Photo/Markus Schreiber