Nicolas Cage needs to try harder

... because a tiny dust-up in a bar is not going to earn him a spot on Charlie's all-star team (Gary Busey: catcher, Mel Gibson: designated hitter, Tom Cruise: short stop, Britney Spears: way-outfielder, Christian Bale: too angry to play today, Christina Aguilera: refreshment manager, Lindsay Lohan: equipment procurer, Robert Downey Jr., retired hall-of-famer). Radaronline has this charming anecdote:

"Oscar winning actor Nicolas Cage had to be escorted back to his New Orleans hotel after an alleged bust-up at a swanky ‘Big Easy’ restaurant, RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned. Police were called to Stella on Chartres Street at 10.45pm on Friday night after a window was broken at the venue. Don't these bleeps know that Nic hate windows? Should they not have removed all windows before his arrival? Cage – who was in town to celebrate Mardi Gras – was then taken back to his nearby hotel for his “own safety,” the New Orleans Police Department told RadarOnline.com. “We can confirm that we did respond to an incident at that location on Friday night at around 10.45pm and that Mr Cage needed some assistance to go back to his hotel,” His usual walking assistant was having a rare night off, so it was the least the police could do. Officer Juan Barnes told RadarOnline.com. “A window was found to be broken at the restaurant but the owners decided it was an internal matter and that they would handle it. There was no formal complaint or charge written-up.” The cops couldn’t confirm if Cage had been drinking or not and management at Stella had no comment to make about the incident. Because we all know what happens to people who make comments about Nicolas Cage. No, we don't know what happens. Which is even worse. The Ghost Rider actor was caught on video swearing and acting aggressively outside a club in Bucharest, Romania, in December. The actor was caught on tape yelling: "Get in that car  and walk away," the Honeymoon In Vegas star is yelling in the video. "I'll f*****g die because of honor. I'll f*****g die right now! 'Don't touch me you little b****!" "See my eyes," Cage said. "Respect them as you'd respect me!" It’s the latest incident involving the actor who is reportedly facing financial ruin as he owes more than $6 million in unpaid taxes. His new movie Drive Angry 3D bombed at the box-office taking in a disappointing $5.1 million in ticket sales coming in 9th place on its opening weekend last month."