Your new favourite show

Via io9.

Anderson Cooper's Halloween costume

He went as Phil Donahue. (Via Buzzfeed). Very nice.

But not as nice as Anderson's favourite creepy child bride. Courtney Stodden went as extra-slutty Courtney Stodden while her 51-year-old husband went as Courtney Stodden. Why do my eyes hurt? (Via radaronline).

 

Kim Kardashian files for divorce

I'm not one to laugh at the misfortunes of others (spoiler: I totally am), but his is just too funny. Also: it will teach you to never discount what the tabloids are saying. Here is Kim wearing the Sacred Divorce Vest of Ugly at some party this weekend. (Mike Coppola/Getty Images).

TMZ has this: "Kim Kardashian filed for divorce this morning, after 72 days of not-so-wedded bliss to Kris Humphries  ... TMZ has learned. We're told even though the marriage was short, she will not seek an annulment. It's a garden variety divorce, in which Kim cites "irreconcilable differences." The date of separation is listed as today, Oct. 31, 2011. According to the docs, Kim wants Kris to foot his own lawyers' fees and she'll pay hers.  And, she wants the court to reject any move by Kris to get spousal support. Kim has hired disso-queen Laura Wasser, who has repped the likes of Britney Spears, Maria Shriver, Angelina Jolie, Ryan Reynolds, and Robyn Gibson, Mel's almost ex-wife. As we first reported, the couple has a prenuptial agreement ... Kim made sure of that. Rumors of a split had been swirling for some time and the two were spotted out to dinner earlier this week ... looking less than pleased with one another. The couple was married on August 20 in a lavish ceremony in Montecito, CA. There are reports that the wedding cost as much as $10 mil, which means $138,888 for every day until today."

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! "Kim Kardashian will never, ever move to Minnesota ... everyone knows that ... except Kris Humphries. Sources close to the former couple tell TMZ ... one of the main points of contention in the marriage was where the couple would live after all of the wedding madness finally died down.  We're told Kris was passionate about eventually settling down in Minnesota, where he's from ... and believed Kim was on board with the plan. She wasn't. IN RELATED NEWS: KRIS IS NOT THE BRIGHTEST, SHARPEST BULB IN THE KNIFE BOX Sources tell us Kim - who's from L.A. - wants to stay near her family ... and she also feels that staying in town is the best thing for her career.  So why didn't this conversation come up before the $10 million wedding? We're told the two talked about their future ... but got caught up in the hooplah and figured they would simply figure it out after they tied the knot. Sources say it's not a nasty break-up ... but we're told the two have come to a realization that it's not a long-term fit."

BUT STOP! DON'T GO! THERE IS EVEN MORE! "Kris Humphries desperately tried to save his marriage to Kim Kardashian, because he's telling friends ... he doesn't believe in divorce. Kris, who's a religious guy, is telling friends he and Kim discussed the possibility of divorce, but he believed they could work their problems out. We're told Kris didn't know Kim was actually filing legal papers until this morning. And, Kris is telling friends ... the stories that he was cheating on Kim are B.S. We're told Kris is "bummed." LIKE, TOTALLY. JUST LIKE THAT TIME WHEN HE HAD A FLAT TIRE AND THAT OTHER TIME WHEN HE REALLY WANTED McDONALDS AND THEY WERE CLOSED.

STOP! DON'T GO! US HAS THIS: The reality star also confirmed the news to Ryan Seacrest. "Yes @kimkardashian is filing for divorce this morning," Seacrest tweeted. "I touched base with her, getting a statement in just a few minutes." "There were rumors up until the wedding and after the wedding," Seacrest added Monday during his radio show. "Looks like this is true and she is filing this morning (Oct. 31)."

This story is, or course, trending on Twitter.

Mmmmm ... the delicious sanctity of marriage. We will now count down to the inevitable sad, sad statement about how it just didn't work out but everyone will remain good and caring friends.

WAIT! HERE IT IS VIA PEOPLE: "I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision," she says in a statement to E!, which airs her reality shows. "I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don't work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each other the best."

Jason Merritt/Getty Images

John Carpenter presents Halloween videos

There are 10 scary-ish videos in the series at Funny or Die. I like this one:

Scary Girl with Chloe Moretz from Chloe Moretz

You're not supposed to see these great Doctor Who videos

They are a couple of years old and the first - starrring David Tennant, John Barrowman and Catherine Tate - is a tribute to Russell T. Davies and Julie Gardner who brought Who back. The second is a wrap video for season four. The videos were never meant to be seen by the likes of us, but someone leaked them. And thanks for that. Via The Mary Sue.

Best used-car salesman ever. Today

He almost convinced me. And I don't ever want to own a car.

Via The Daily What.

Worst judgement ever. Today

This is a letter sent to John Cleese regarding Fawlty Towers. Which is, of course, the funniest sitcom ever made. Via Buzzfeed.

Sad and soggy weekend left-overs

OFF THE RACK

STAR
Cover: What fantastic news. According to friends, sources, pals, insiders and tiny people living in Jennifer Aniston's walls, we can now reveal that someone thinks that perhaps and maybe and perchance, Jen and Justin eloped and got married. And IF they did, the wedding WOULD have been nice and it MIGHT have taken place on a beach. A beach in Fantasyland. Where everything is made of double-wonderful and we eat diamond lollipops served by flying puppies instead of telling the truth.
This week in other happy couples: Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez are deliriously thrilled with each other and their lives and careers. But they are not married. Which is a terrible tragedy. But now a friend (perhaps the same friend who knew everything about Jen's secret wedding) says "it's only a matter of time." Whew.

LIFE & STYLE
Cover: Demi has lost "close to 18 lbs." since Ashton got interested in hanging out with hot tub party girls. (Worst job in Hollywood: Official Celebrity Weigher. You have no idea how difficult it is to trick them into getting on the scales. The old, "Hey, why don't you step up on this random velvet-covered platform?" doesn't work as well as it used to). Demi is smaller than a size 0 and therefore a "size that doesn't exist." Commenting, philosophy expert Dr. Herman von Schnotzelheimer, says, "It's entirely impossible to be a size that doesn't exist and simultaneously actually exist. Or is it? No."
This week in Pygmalions: Stacy Keibler's style has improved since she became George Clooney's 100 per cent real and unfake girlfriend. She no longer wears inappropriate tube tops or speaks in public.

OK!
Cover: The very tall man who had the misfortune to land on Kim Kardashian's radar and was subsequently coerced into participating in an ostentatious public spectacle resembling a wedding has been naughty. And now he's afraid that Kim will leave him. That wouldn't be a bad idea. She'd get at least four or five episodes of TV show out of it.
This week in true love that's true: When did J.Lo and Bradley Cooper get together? Were they sneaking around behind Marc's cold, dead back? Did they sneak out to meet in secret while he was sleeping in his coffin? Sadly we don't find out.
This week in guess who's with child?: Not only is she fake-married, Jennifer is also Photoshop-pregnant. Happiest. Week. Ever. Ever.

 

POP GOES THE WEEK

One of the men charged in an alleged plot to kidnap Joss Stone pleads not guilty. The man and his accomplice were arrested near Joss' house with a samurai sword, a body bag, rope and aerial photos of the neighbourhood There's a perfectly good explanation. Haven't you ever heard of Urban Martial Arts Scavenger Rock Climbing Bring an Over-sized Container X-treme Hunt?
Rob Ford calls the cops on Marg Delahunty In his defence, he thought she was 1) A garbage collector. 2) A graffiti artist. 3) A bicyclist. 4) A zoo animal. 5) A TTC costumer. 6) a librarian 7) A well-fitting suit. 8) Margaret Atwood.
The Kardashians patent beer mugs and towels featuring their faces Simultaneously making getting drunk really unpleasant and cleaning up the vomit slightly more fun.
One of these things is not true 1) Community-service stricken Lindsay Lohan tries to bring cupcakes to her co-workers at the morgue but is told that's not allowed. 2) Bai Ling wants to fight Lindsay Lohan in a celebrity boxing match. 3) Lindsay Lohan is getting $1 million to pose nude for Playboy. 4) Lindsay Lohan's dad is arrested for domestic assault. Twice. 5) Lindsay Lohan's mom has to tone down her fake tan in order to look like a pumpkin for Halloween. 6) Lindsay Lohan fires her longtime financial manager. 7) After seeing Lindsay Lohan's teeth, Spencer Pratt offers to put her in touch with his dad who's a dentist.
X-Factor's Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid are reportedly ready to use "dirty tricks" and "mind games" to help their team members Simon is totally planning a barrage of "dog turds in burning paper bags, " while L.A. has already called several times to ask if Simon's refrigerator is running.
Charlie Sheen is reportedly "extremely disappointed" in how this season of Two and a Half Men has been unfolding "I had high hopes for Ashton, " he says, "but one lousy, paltry night of unprotected sex with a hot tub party girl/administrative assistant while your wife cries at home on your anniversary does not a successful sitcom make. Sheesh. I hate amateurs."
J.Lo says that she wasn't crying over the breakup with Marc Anthony (and his cold, dead hands) when she had an emotional breakdown during a concert Rather it was the sudden thought of one more season of trying to figure out what Steven Tyler is saying that got the better of her.
Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez adopt an adorable puppy and name it Baylor Which does not stand for Bieber Ate Your Love Of Radio.
Celebrity math Question: If one of John Lennon's molars is up for auction with a reserve price of $16,000 and Madonna's Gaultier bustier recently sold for $72,000, why were creepy 17-year-old child bride Courtney Stodden and her 51-year-old husband behaving lewdly in a pumpkin patch? Answer: Lil Wayne says he'll retire at 35.

What is wrong with this picture?

A) Everything. B) The fact that Hulk Hogan is wearing a fanny pack.

REUTERS/Rob O'Neal-Florida Keys News Bureau/Han

Another clip from Breaking Dawn

That Taylor Lautner. He's become a master of the pinched face.