So, what's up with Ashton and Demi this morning?

In an exciting deviation from the usual "hot party-girl in hot tub" narrative, OK! has this fascinating tale of a completely sane an not-in-the-least unhinged individual who doesn't have a bone to pick with Madonna and who doesn't ramble on about unrelated matters:

"With so much attention on Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher and whether or not she’s going to file for divorce, a new story has emerged which is questioning if they are really married in the first place. One report indicates that a lawsuit was filed earlier this year and alleges that their marriage isn’t legal! On March 29, Marc Aisen filed a lawsuit suing Ashton, Madonna and other Kabbalah members for racketeering and conspiracy to engage in a pattern of racketeering activity, as exclusively reported by RadarOnline. The lawsuit states: “Mr. Kutcher made a media circus out of his Kabbalah wedding to actress and hardcore Kabbalah cult member, Demi Moore, who is a longtime friend of the defendant Ms. Ciccone. As the ‘First Couple’ of organized Kabbalah, the ‘wedding’ presided over by defendant and alleged fraudster, Yehuda Berg — which I am pointing out again was not a private family affair, as all parties used it as a publicity stunt and invited media attention — was not a legal union, nor is the marriage according to California law.” The statement continued, “Nor is the myth that there is such a thing as a traditional Kabbalah wedding as I can’t seem to find evidence in any book that such a ceremony was ever performed in history. It was a way to put a glamorous face on the weird witches which is antisocial in their every manifestation.” Marc does not follow the Kabbalah practice but he began investigating after he supposedly designed a talisman necklace for the Material Girl that was valued at $500. “There was one caveat to my generosity which was that I stipulated that Ms. Ciccone was to model the necklace in public and give me credit for designing it,” he added. Marc said Madonna was photographed wearing the necklace but did not give him credit for it, thus spawning his research on the Kabbalah Center. The lawsuit states, “What I found, I did not like. I learned the Kabbalah Centre is actually a militant and fanatical cult behind which is a racketeering conspiracy.”