Unreliable report: It was all Kris Humpries' fault

Kris Jenner obviously has some incriminating pictures of every employee at Us Weekly. That's the only possible explanation for this story:

"Kim Kardashian has been raked over the coals in the court of public opinion ever since she filed for divorce from Kris Humphries Oct. 31. But the real villain in the 72-day marriage, pals tell the new Us Weekly, was out-of-work NBA star Humphries, 26. LAZY, EVIL LAY-ABOUT. After lavishly tying the knot Aug. 20, Kardashian's hubby soaked up the perks PERK-GRUBBING DOUCHE SATCHEL of being married to one of the most successful reality stars ever - staying out late at clubs in NYC and L.A., and demanding free bottle service FREE-LOADING DRUNKARD and more wherever he went. Even worse? He could be downright cruel to Kardashian, 31. "He belittled her in front of people," one insider tells Us. "He'd call her stupid. It was truly sickening." NAUSEATING, SOUL-SUCKING BULLY GOAT The source adds that Humphries resented his wife's fame and fortune. JEALOUS, PETTY ENVY-PEDDLER "He tried to control Kim by bringing her down...He would say truly terrible things. One time, he said she had no talent and her fame wouldn't last." MEAN-SPIRITED, TRUTH-TELLING ORACLE MAN. He even took exception to her world-famous posterior, calling her "fat ass," the source says. And when Kardashian (who rarely drinks and tends to go to bed early) asked her man to skip the nights out in favor of quality time, "He would tell her she was acting like too much of a wife and 'get over it,'" another insider says."