Cleanse your GOOP with Gwyneth
If there's one thing that's we can always count on, it's that Gwyneth Paltrow cares deeply about our colons. That's why she (and some doctor who isn't important) have made the GOOP Cleanse by Clean available just for you. For the low, low price of $425 you get:
Nourish: Protein powder
Move: Fiber powder
Clear 1: Probiotic anti-microbial
Balance: Insulin regulator
Ease: Digestive enzyme
Encourage: Strong probiotic
Clear 2: Herbal anti-microbial
Relief: Liver support
As delicious as that all sounds ("Liver support" ... Mmmmm ...), I'm still not convinced it's for me. Convince me, Gwyneth.
"Next week, when it’s back to the grind with work and the daily school run, I’m starting off with Clean, my go-to cleanse from Dr. Alejandro Junger, with whom goop has partnered for the month of January. I’ve used Clean in the past with great results, losing a few pounds and kickstarting a healthier and more energetic New Year. This month, I’ll be doing it along with members of the goop team and we hope you will too. And, it goes without saying, but be sure to check with your doctor before getting started!
OK! You convinced me. I've bought the box of snake oil promise of a healthier life. What happens now?
Keep note of how you're doing before starting, during, and finally after 21 days. Keep a good record by writing down all your results.
How are you feeling today? Happy? Bummed out? Out of sorts? Etc...
What's your energy level like today? Feeling energetic? Sapped? Tired? Like you could run a marathon? Write it down
How is your skin? Is it bright and clean? A little dull? Dry? Do you have red patches? Write it down! Take a picture with no makeup on!
Weigh yourself. Measure your waist, thigh and around your upper arm and write it down.
You might even want to take a full length picture in the mirror – frontal and side.
Seriously? Who the bleeping frak has time to study themselves like that? Not to mention actually sitting down and taking notes? Do people do that in real life? "Dear diary: My skin is a bit dry today. Now I am horribly worried. On the upside, my upper arm is 2 milimetres skinnier than yesterday, so there is some cause for celebration. Except that I'm too tired to celebrate after ingesting nothing but "Liver support" for 19 days. Perhaps I will do something useful with my time once I'm done with this self-centered fun-fun game. But probably not."