Programming note

I'm taking a trip to the old country and shall not be joining you for the next two weeks. I know this is difficult news for you, so I got you a cake.

See you Monday April 9.

Don't. Send. Messages. Into. Space

It will lead to Battleship. And no one knows what Battleship will lead to.

Have some dinosaurs

Mad Men: the interactive game

Gwyneth vs. Kate Moss: best fake story ever

Well, maybe it's true. I have no way of knowing, seeing as I wasn't at Sir Philip Green's birthday party. (I went last year and accidentally used the salad for to scratch my ass. Which properly explains why I didn't get an invite this year). But it doesn't matter if it's true. It's awesome if it's fake. It's awesome if this indeed did happen. Win-win.

The UK Sun has this: "Kate Moss lives her life like she's still at school – ruling her gang of mates with a fag in her hand. But every now and then someone steps up and challenges her super-cool authority, like good old Gwyneth Paltrow. The Hollywood actress put Kate in her place in spectacular fashion at Sir Philip Green's 60th birthday party in Mexico during a bit of verbal sparring on the beach. And the put-down was straight out of a comedian's top drawer. A source said: "Gwyneth had gone for a jog on the beach before the big birthday bash. Kate was out for a walk, eating crisps, when Gwyneth ran past. "Kate said, 'Oi, what you out jogging for?' Gwyneth fired back, 'So I don't look like you when I get old'. Kate was speechless for a second then spat back and threw some crisps at her. She said, 'Why don't you eat some f****** carbs!' "The spat was the talk of the dinner. Everyone was having a giggle about it."

I think Captain Picard is the only one who can properly express what we're all feeling right now.

(Sorry, but I don't know where the gif is from).

UPDATE: Yes, it's indeed fake. Or is it? Anyone can say that anything is fake. The Daily Mail has this: "Gwyneth's spokesperson told the Mail Online: 'There was no such fight. This is a fabrication.'

Cosmopolis teaser

Looking good, Mr. Cronenberg ... Mr. Pattinson ... Mr. Dinosaur. What?

Robot really wants to cut off your ears

... because that way you can't hear your neighbours scream as they're taken away to the battery farms and you will be completely unprepared when the driver robots come to pick you up. It's a good plan. Via io9.

Also: If you want to relax in the midst of your move to a shed in the middle of a forest completely off the grid and you like to read terrifying articles about how a new data centre in the U.S. is nothing at all like Skynet, you should click on over to Big Think. Gah. (Thank you, Patrick).

You look like you need a good cry

No? Then don't watch this.

Katy Perry;'s video for 'Part of Me'

1) I can't say for 100 per cent sure, but I would imagine they allow bras in the military, so I don't quite know why she has to wrap herself up like a mummy. 2) I feel a sudden urge to watch Private Benjamin.

While you were sleeping

... brought to you by Kevin Smith who was promoting his new book in New York Yesterday. (Mike Coppola/Getty Images).

No Whitney sex tapes, Ray J says "Ray J is adamant ... he is NOT secretly harboring a stash of sexually explicit photos and video, depicting him and Whitney Houston in the throes of passion - because no such stash exists. There have been reports ... Ray is sitting on a hoard of sex tapes and XXX photos - holding them over the Houston family as ransom - because he knows they're worth a pretty penny. But Ray J's rep tells TMZ, "The despicable tabloid report released today claiming the existence of a sex tape between Ray J and Whitney Houston is not true ... There is no sex tape." Sources extremely close to Ray J tell us the singer insists he NEVER took sexually explicit pics of Whitney ... or recorded ANY of their intimate encounters."

Damn Deadline: "It’s a case of bad news/good news for Battlestar Galactica fans who have been flocking to the Web to watch an unauthorized trailer for the long-in-the-works offshoot Battlestar Galactica: Blood & Chrome over the past 36 hours. After lengthy deliberations, Syfy has decided not to go forward with the project, about the young years of William Adama, as a regular TV series. Blood & Chrome, initially envisioned as a Web series, was greenlighted as a two-hour TV pilot in October 2010. Because of intensive post-production, including special effects, the pilot was not delivered to Syfy until last November. As of January, Syfy president original programming Mark Stern was quoted as saying that he the network brass were “trying to figure out the economics right now” and that he hoped those would be figured out. Now, the network has passed on the project as a regular series but is looking to do it as a digital one, while airing the already produced pilot on the network as a movie."

The Situation explains the whole rehab thing People: "After rumors circulated online that Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino had entered rehab, the Jersey Shore star Tweeted, "Don't believe everything you hear or read." Now he's gone a bit further to better explain his situation. "I have voluntarily taken steps to get control of a prescription medication problem I had due to exhaustion," Sorrentino, 29, wrote on his website. "I have spent the past several weeks getting treatment for this problem and recuperating from my work and appearance schedule. I appreciate my fans support and love you guys." On Tuesday, his rep clarified that he was not in a rehab facility, but rather, was "at an undisclosed location for for much-needed rest and recuperation after his extensive production and appearance schedule."

... or perhaps not "The Situation is in rehab not just for prescription drugs, but also for alcohol, TMZ has learned, and this turn of events could pose big problems for next season's "Jersey Shore." Sources involved in the situation (sorry) tell us ... the Situation went through detox at a facility before he checked into Cirque Lodge in Utah, and the detox involved alcohol. Our sources also say The Sitch is "very open" with other patients at Cirque about his drinking.  He discusses how his club appearances escalated his alcohol use. Now here's the problem for "Jersey Shore."  The Situation and alcohol have been tied at the hip for 5 seasons.  If the show allows The Situation to fall off the wagon to make the show better in season 6, they will look like crass enablers.  If they don't let him drink, there's a good chance they will lose viewers."

30 Rock goes live again Deadline: "After doing a live episode in October 2010, NBC’s 30 Rock will do it again next month. Co-star Alec Baldwin revealed the plan in an interview with Extra. “So watch Thursday night, April 26,” he told the entertainment newsmagazine. The 2010 live episode, done in part because 30 Rock was behind schedule in its production, was well received and earned two Emmy nominations, including one for director Beth McCarthy-Miller."

Spawn "Supernatural star Jared Padalecki and wife Genevieve Cortese have named their newborn son Thomas Colton, the actor's rep confirms to Us Weekly. Born Monday, he is the first child for the couple, who wed in Sun Valley, Idaho on February 27, 2010. Padalecki, 29, had previously told Us they would be taking their time before naming their little one. "We don't want to put it out there, like try and turn him into something before we meet the kid," the actor said in January. "We want to get a feel for who this kid is before we name him."

Charlie Sheen is happy Kathy Bates is playing his ghost "If casting Kathy Bates as Charlie Harper's ghost on "Two and a Half Men" was supposed to be an insult, it failed miserably - because Charlie Sheen is telling friends ... he's "honored" Bates will be playing his old character. In case you didn't know - Charlie Harper is scheduled to make a cameo on "Men" on April 30th, and exec producer Chuck Lorre thought it would be funny to cast Kathy Bates instead of Charlie Sheen. But the jab backfired ... because sources close to Charlie tell TMZ, the Warlock LOVES Kathy. We're told Charlie thinks she's an incredibly funny, talented actress - and is "honored" the two now share a connection. According to sources, Charlie can't wait to see Kathy's portrayal - and will definitely be watching the upcoming episode."