Afternoon delights

... brought to you by Bruno on the cover of GQ.

Alec Baldwin says he considered suicide ... and not because he's been watching his brothers on I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. No, it was after the whole message-to-his-daughter debacle a few years back. According to People, "Describing his thoughts of killing himself as "very serious," Baldwin, 51, says, "I spoke to a lot of professionals, who helped me … If I committed suicide, [Kim Basinger's side] would have considered that a victory. Destroying me was their avowed goal." His self-destructive state of mind was such, recalls Baldwin, that he also offered to quit 30 Rock and actually went ahead and – briefly – dropped his agent, who also represented Basinger."

Al Roker vs. Speidi, round 2 Us has this: "Al Roker doesn't regret recently grilling Spencer and Heidi Pratt over their outrageous behavior on NBC's I'm a Celebrity... reality show. "Was that an attack? I don't think so," he said on Tuesday's Today show. "I believe I asked what a lot of people wanted to know." On the NBC morning show Monday, Roker asked Heidi if she was proud of the way they acted on TV. As she danced around the question, Roker cut her off and sternly asked, "No [the question is], are you proud of this?" Roker also took Spencer to task, telling him that people think he acts like a "jerk."  Heidi said she cried after the interview and Spencer said it was a good thing he is "saved by Jesus" or he would have "ripped" Roker's head off. Roker laughed off Spencer's remarks, telling co-host Meredith Vieira, "If he had tried to come across, I would've dumped him like a bag of dirt." As for Heidi's claim that Roker likes being "rude to women", Roker said, "Come on, I've interviewed hundreds of women on this program and never had a complaint."

Afternoon delights

... brought to you by this uncomfortable-making picture of Bruce Willis and his wife from W Magazine.

Mel's mistress debuts boring song Oksana Grigorieva has a brand-new song called "Say My Name" and you can listen to it at People. I got about half-way through before starting to nod off. Oksana, however, is all kinds of excited: "It is the first and one of the simplest songs on the album, but also one of the most intimate," says Grigorieva, whose baby with Gibson, 53, is due in late fall. "It is naked, intimate, raw emotion, little more than piano and voice as if it is a cry from the soul."

Madonna "ecstatic" ... and it has nothing to do with her 22-year-old boyfriend. No, she's happy because she's finally getting her hands on another Malawian orphan. "I am extremely grateful for the Supreme Court's ruling on my application to adopt Mercy James," Madonna told Usmagazine.com through her spokeswoman, Liz Rosenberg. "I am ecstatic. My family and I look forward to sharing our lives with her."

Afternoon delights

Brought to you by Avril throwing the first pitch last night. She's obviously bad luck and should never, ever be invited back.

Patrick Swayze's show has been cancelled (So sad. This is turning out to be a sad day). Variety reports that, "It looks as though A&E drama The Beast will not be coming back for a second season. Sources indicate the Patrick Swayze starrer about a rogue FBI cop in Chicago has been canceled after 13 episodes, with the final installment having aired on April 23. A&E told Daily Variety that no decision has been made. Ratings were soft for the Sony-produced series that got off to a rough start when Swayze was diagnosed with cancer."

Lindsay is chasing Samantha all over London At least according to Metro UK. "Looks like Lindsay Lohan just doesn't know how to take a hint after she ended up blubbering in tears after chasing her ex Samantha Ronson all over London on Wednesday night. Just months after Ronson ditched her, Lilo has jetted over to London this week to follow her ex around and last night Sam just couldn't escape."

Whitney Houston's new album gets a release date Can you stand it? On Sept. 1 we'll finally get to her what all that crack did to her voice. More. Hmmm... wonder if that was just announced to take away from ex Bobby Brown's announcement that he's a new dad. His girlfriend gave birth to a boy, Cassius, about a week ago. More.

DAVID COOPER/TORONTO STAR PHOTO

Afternoon delights

No really? I don't believe it. Wow! Unpopular Idol judge Kara DioGuardi takes it upon herself to inform the world about Adam Lambert's preference in love biscuits. According to ABC, she told The View, "I don't think that Adam Lambert was ever in [the closet]. I think he was always openly out." When Walters asked again if the new Idol judge thinks Lambert "was always openly out," because that wasn't necessarily the public perception (In Barbara Walters' head if nowhere else), DioGuardi countered, "I think he was. I mean from what I've seen ... I do. I never thought he wasn't." Which, of course, prompts me to wonder what exactly she's seen and why she isn't sharing. Meanwhile, in related news, Adam responds to Clay Aiken's diss. Clay blogged about hating Adam's singing and then he blogged an apology and then he went back to obscurity. Adam told Access Hollywood, “I don’t know Clay. I’m glad he’s getting headlines now though, because he wasn’t before. If he wants to ride my coattails about it, good for him.” Burn.

Candy Spelling "clarifies" comment about Tori "killing" her dad If you scroll down you'll see the story about Candy Spelling saying Tori "killed" Aaron Spelling. Now Candy is taking to the Huffington Post to explain that wasn't exactly what she meant: "I didn't intend to create headlines. I was asked a question about my daughter not speaking with my family, and I answered truthfully. My husband was very ill, and he had stopped eating and taking liquids. He called Tori on a daily basis, and never stopped asking if Tori had returned his call. We had to say no every day." She didn't intend to create headlines? What did she intend to create? Oysters? Alien ponies? Uranium?

Tintin gets a date It's far off in the future, though, and the movie will premiere in Europe and Asia and pretty much everywhere else first. Variety reports that, "Steven Spielberg's "The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn" will hit U.S. theaters in December 2011 -- long after bowing internationally.Paramount Pictures and Sony Pictures Entertainment unveiled plans to release the motion capture pic Stateside on Dec. 23, 2011. But in an unusual move, film will launch internationally in late October and early November 2011 ... The two studios also revealed that they will release "Tintin" in 3-D, a move that had been mulled for several months. Insiders said the dailies convinced them that 3-D would offer the best rendition."

Afternoon delights

... brought to you by 16 pounds of unwrapped jaguar. (TOBIAS SCHWARZ/REUTERS)

Shut up, Jessica Biel Justin's girlfriend continues complaining about her life to Allure. Earlier this week we heard what a burden it is to be as beautiful as she is and now there's this: “It’s wonderful to do what I do, but everything that goes with it? It’s bizarre. The invasion of privacy is very tough. I am followed all day, every day. Going to the dentist, the cleaners. I guess I could look like bleep going to the dentist, but only if I didn’t care what I saw in the papers.” Here's an idea, Jessica. Go be a nanny. Or an unemployed auto worker. Or an underpaid nurse. No one will give a bleep if you look like bleep.

Nas not nice According to TMZ, "Nas, one of the biggest and richest rappers around, does not want to pay his estranged, pregnant wife, Kelis, a penny in spousal support. Kelis filed for divorce April 30. She's weeks from giving birth and unable to work, but no matter to Nas -- he's filed his response to the divorce, asking the judge to deny her the spousal support she's seeking. For bad measure, he also wants her to pay her own lawyer's fees. Nas and Kelis both want joint custody of their unborn child." That's lovely.

Smallville gets icky time slot According to Digital Spy, Smallville will give up its Thursday 8pm time slot to new show Vampire Diaries and "move to a less desirable 8pm slot on Fridays for its ninth - and most likely final - season." You know, I've been watching Smallville for some time now and I've always defended it, but I have to say that this past season was brutal. The season finale seemed to have been not written as much as tweeted in by pre-schoolers. It's time to put this show out of its sad misery.

Spawn Chad Lowe and and his girlfriend have a brand-new baby named Mabel. If you must know more.

Afternoon delights

... brought to you by Megan Fox looking hot on the cover of Esquire. I don't understand what happened to the back of her coat though. Someone went a little too Photoshop-crazy, didn't they?

Edward Morton turns the stink-eye to the sainted mother According to Page Six, "Andrew Morton, the British biographer of Princess Di, Monica Lewinsky and Tom Cruise,  has picked his next target -- Angelina Jolie. The book will be published by St. Martin's Press next winter."

About time Apparently there's a release for the pushed-and-pushed-some-more depression-fest that is The Road. The Viggo Mortensen post-apocalyptic downer is set to open Oct. 16.  I'm sure the studio has spent the time wisely; you know, livened things up a bit, put in some song and dance numbers, a cute story about a puppy and a happy ending. More.

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard get married According to People, "The longtime couple, who have a daughter together, tied the knot in a romantic wedding in Italy.  "We are happy to confirm that Maggie and Peter were married on Saturday, May 2," the actress's rep said in a statement."

Christian Bale tries an old catch phrase on for size:

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Afternoon delights

... brought to you by the stupidest snake in all of creation. (from Buzzfeed). UPDATE: Reader Peggy informs me that there's a word for the snake snacking on itself: "Ouroboros." Word of the day!

Paula Abdul fooled by Bruno? According to Page Six, "Paula Abdul is about to be ridiculed at a theater near you -- and she doesn't even know it. A source tells us Sacha Baron Cohen, playing a wildly gay Austrian TV reporter in "Bruno," conducted a wacky interview with the Idol judge. "Paula was totally fooled. She bought into his character and to this day isn't aware she was fooled," the insider said. Abdul's rep had no immediate comment." OMG! Please let this be true. She probably also thinks that Adam Glambert is going to marry her after he wins Idol. UPDATE: There's audio of Paula explaining the whole episode at perezhilton. She's pretty funny.

Beyonce imposter pranks museum People reports that, "The Albertina Museum in Austria got an exciting call on Tuesday: A manager for Beyonce Knowles said that the star was on her way over. "We have had Brad Pitt and Nicolas Cage visit here," says museum press officer Verena Dahlitz. "So this was not big news for us – to have celebrities visit." Thirty minutes later, a stretch limo arrived and a sunglass-wearing woman stepped out surrounded by five burly bodyguards. Museum officials were immediately skeptical. "She was too thin for Beyoncé," says Dahlitz. "I thought she had probably lost weight." Turs out it was those well-known pranksters from Vienna's Krona Hit Radio who were behind it all. Those guys crack me up.

Kirstie Alley wants to lose weight again She told Oprah that she's gained back everything she lost with Jenny Craig. "Today, Alley vows, "I'm going to lose 80 pounds ... I'm going to be in a bikini again." Her inspiration?"We look around. We see what we want," she says. "Don't you look around and see what you want to look like? I'm, like, 'Look, Michelle Obama's guns. I could have those arms,' " she says. "I don't know about the legs." Us.

Miss California continues being annoying and useless:

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Afternoon delights

There's some sort of slump going on here. Nothing is happening and I apologize for what is going to be the lamest round-up ever.

You know what? I was just about to write something regarding Kim Kardassian's new hair colour, which appears to be a hot topic of conversation, but then I thought better of it. Because really, who gives a wig? Instead, here's a quite fantastic Twilight spoof. I'll get back to you when something happens.

Afternoon delights

Hugh Jackman choses charities to share $100,000 A while back Wolverine announced, on Twitter, that he'd donate $100,000 to someone's favourite charity, if that someone could make a good case in 140 words or less. He just tweeted,"Thank you for all of your passionate responses. I have chosen www.charitywater.com and www.operationofhope.org. Keep your generous spirit flowing!" And just so we don't get all maudlin, here's a photo of him looking like a tool at Disneyland. (AP Photo/Disneyland, Paul Hiffmeyer)

Lindsay and Samantha are talking again Oh, goody. I was worried it was over for real this time, but, according to Us, Lindsay, "stopped by ex Samantha Ronson's Hollywood Hills home Thursday afternoon.It's the same mansion where Lohan, 22, used to live with Ronson, 30, -- before the DJ had the locks changed following their breakup and Chateau Marmont blowout fight. Photographers described Lohan as appearing "calm...[but] happy." They spent about six hours together. That same afternoon, Ronson changed her relationship status on Facebook to "It's complicated."

Courtney speaks ill of Pamela Page Six for some reason asked Courtney Love about Pamela Anderson. Sweet Courtney said, "Pam Anderson doesn't even have a credit card. And she lives in Paradise Cove -- which is in Malibu, but it's a trailer park in Malibu." I forget whether there's some sort of feud going on there and I'm too lazy to check, but I have to think there is. Otherwise it's just too random.

Afternoon delights

... brought to you by Faith Hill dressed up to look like Brigitte Bardot

Most ludicrous casting ever. Well, maybe not. But close "Angelina Jolie has signed on to play medical examiner Dr. Kay Scarpetta in Patricia Cornwell's bestselling book series. Although the film, which still doesn't have a screenwriter or director, will not be based on a specific Cornwell mystery title, it could be the first in a suspense thriller franchise. The series includes 16 novels about Scarpetta, the hard-charging coroner who solves crimes -- and loves opera."  Us.

No charges against Indian child actor's father According to People, the whole daddy-wants-to-sell-me thing didn't actually happen. "No evidence suggests Rafiq Qureshi tried to sell his young daughter, Sumdog Millionaire actress Rubina Ali, police in Mumbai announced Wednesday. "So far there is no evidence of any offense, hence there is no registration of complaint and no arrest," Nisar Tamboli, a senior police officer, informed Reuters. Qureshi, 36, told PEOPLE that a British newspaper story that he was prepared to place his 9-year-old up for adoption for $300,000 was a "lie made up by foreign journalists playing games with me."

Poor, lonely Tim Gunn The Project Runway guy, (willingly) tells OK! that he hasn't "been on a date in 26 years."