A very special episode x 50

Don't smoke, drink, do drugs, shoplift, drive drunk, assault, diet, be homeless, get the clap, take candy from strangers, set fires, be a deadbeat dad, make fun of those who are different, get sick, bootleg, gamble, get pregnant, kidnap people, beat your kids, talk to icky men online, call Tom Hanks an alcoholic, have '80s hair, be illiterate, join a creepy cult, own a gun, bully small blond boys, take steroids, be a bigot, die, live in a refrigerator and/or join the KKK (no, not the Kim Kardashian Kartel, the other one).

As enlightening and helpful as that was, I think we can all agree that the "Beer Bad" Buffy episode was snubbed.

Roller skating is the answer to everything

I never knew that. It's a wonder I'm not an incarcerated, drug-using tagger, what with not roller skating and all.

Via Neatorama.

 

Useful advice

It's like I've told you over and over again: A purple translator in your hair no excellent in shake egg if there in other place than here for you and your clean.

I don't know how I can make it any clearer. But let me leave you with this: dictionary friend man hang to quiet in case no payment on horse head.

Via Arbroath.

Who needs GPS?

This girl can tell you exactly how to get where you're going.

Don't miss The Zombie Whisperer

WARNING: Some bleeped swearing.

Thank you for your input, Heidi Fleiss

Renowned career advisor and Fortune 500 Human Resources Manager of the Year, Heidi Fleiss, believes that Lindsay Lohan could have a wonderful and rewarding future in prostitution.

Via ONTD: "Former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss says if Lindsay Lohan ever wants a career change, she's got a great idea: high-priced call girl. Lindsay Lohan's acting career is probably down the drain, but that doesn't mean she should give up on making big bucks anymore. Former Hollywood madam and Celebrity Rehab star Heidi Fleiss says there is still one industry where Lohan's notoriety for her bad-girl ways would be an asset: prostitution. Fleiss, who used to manage a roster of hookers catering to Hollywood's elite - including Charlie Sheen - told HLN's Showbiz Tonight that she could have raked in a fortune if Lohan had been one of her girls. "She's hot she would have made a great hooker," Fleiss said during the Wednesday night interview. "I could have made millions off her." AH, THE ONES THAT GOT AWAY. While the troubled Lohan - who is still on morgue duty after violating her probation - has not yet resorted to prostitution as far as we know NICE,  she did just shoot a spread for Playboy worth close to $1 million. WHICH IS TOTALLY THE SAME. TOTALLY  "She's beautiful and I think it's brilliant," Fleiss said of Lohan's decision to take it all off for the mag. "Maybe she needs this money to get on the right track." This isn't the first time Fleiss has spoken about Lohan. Back in January, the former madam said people who were comparing her old client Charlie Sheen with the troubled starlet were way off the mark, because while Sheen was just playing around, Lohan is a real addict. "There is no comparison with Lindsay Lohan because she is not functional and is an addict with a sickness - I should know because I've been to rehab several times too," Fleiss said. "It's not as if we see Charlie smoking a crack pipe or anything, the guy just loves to party, and people just don't seem to want to accept that. ALSO, HE IS A GUY AND LINDSAY IS A GIRL AND MEN ARE ALLOWED TO PARTY WHILE GIRLS NEED TO JUST STAY SOBER AND SELL THEIR LADY PARTS FOR MONEY."

Worst judgement ever. Today

This is a letter sent to John Cleese regarding Fawlty Towers. Which is, of course, the funniest sitcom ever made. Via Buzzfeed.

Most useful chart ever. Today

Via Fake Science via Buzzfeed.

Steve Martin's Oscar hosting advice to Eddie Murphy

 

Via Deadline.

 

You probably shouldn't summon Captain Planet

Remember when I said in the last post that the Wonder Twins were the worst superheroes ever? That was before I knew about Captain Planet. WARNING: Bad language. (Unless you're totally into swearing like I am).

Don Cheadle is Captain Planet from Don Cheadle