Best shopping ever. Today

I've often spent hours around Christmas, running around, trying to find the perfect ugly sweaters for friends and relatives. You know how it is. You need the ugly sweater to be really ugly. Not just mildly ugly. Well, I'm so happy to share the good news that The Ugly Sweater Store is open for business. Here are but a few of the ugly sweaters available.

Best t-shirt design ever. Today

Whew! Just like that. Christmas shopping is done right here. (via io9).

Which useless footwear is less useless?

The shoe containing Kate Perry at yesterday's MTV Europe Awards or the comfortable-looking bread shoes?

REUTERS PHOTO

Would you like to see Queen Victoria's underwear?

Of course you would and if you're in London you can now check it out at Kensington Palace's Royal Ceremonial Dress Collection. I don't know what ceremonies the 56-inch bloomers were used for and I don't want to know.

In other disturbing costume news, here's a photo of Smallville's Clark Kent in his inching-towards-Superman outfit. Neo just died a little bit inside.

AP Photo/Lefteris Pitarakis

You too can look Twilight-ish

Finally! I've always wanted to highlight my own radiance with "a sharp clear prismatic quality halved with a solid timeless black, symbolizing the never ending struggle between good and evil." And now I can. It's all thanks to Twilight Beauty, which is launching two lines of over- moderately-priced make-up:

Luna Twilight reflects the mood and spirit of the beloved book and film series with the highest caliber products and visually stunning packaging. Gold shining through the translucent black represents the light coming through the darkness, the power of Edward's love for Bella despite the obstacles that stand between them. Haunting trees wrap the componentry to recreate the forest backdrop of so many of the story's romantic moments. The line was created for everyone from the Twilight enthusiast to women looking to highlight their own radiance. Every aspect of Luna Twilight embodies the beauty of this truly timeless tale.
The Volturi represent the largest and most powerful reigning coven in the acclaimed novel's vampire world. Their unquestionable authority evokes such reverence that they have been marked the "royal family" amongst all vampires, remaining unopposed for centuries. The Volturi and their kind are creatures of supernatural beauty that transcend time. Being in their presence stirs up feelings of respect, fear, and awe. The crest of the powerful Volturi family is the centerpiece and logo of the brand, appearing on every item of the line. The line has a sharp clear prismatic quality halved with a solid timeless black, symbolizing the never ending struggle between good and evil, right and wrong, love and lust.

Dear Teva: This is not very funny and I will never buy your shoes

Things you didn't know you needed: The designer Snuggie

Now you can look like a fat zebra while not getting your ass off the couch. (Thank you, Susan).

Revolutionary leap forward in fashion

Wow! How can I not have known about this? I'm always searching for ways to make my already substantial backside look even fatter. Winkers is clearly the way to go. I particularly like the owl motif. It's sexy and thoughtful at the same time. Via dlisted.

Dress like Gwyneth

She and Goop may be on vacation but she's always close to my heart and was I ever excited when I read this at Elle UK (via Jezebel):

"Remember when we told you that Gwyneth Paltrow was collaborating with luxe French T-shirt label Zoetees? I so remember. It was the best day of my life. I was so thrilled I peed my pants, which was a bit embarrassing, as I was on the streetcar at the time. But it was so worth it! And for my fellow passengers who pointed and laughed: Gwyneth will smother you in brown rice and dropped names The collection finally hits stores this month and this morning we got a peek at the range. The capsule collection has been designed by Zoetees' Michele Corty with Gwyneth, to reflect all the elements of Gwyneth's personal style, ' from [her] laid back day time style to her elegant evening look', says Corty. Cue drapey T-shirt dresses to team with leggings and ankle boots for day and easy to wear jersey dresses for night; edgy studded vests and wear-with-everything blazers. I'm getting one of each!  All in a palette of grey, white and black, pictured here. There are also recycled cotton leggings, jumpsuits and cashmere knits to come when the collection launches next week. Of course there are. Made by Gwyneth's own loving hands from biodegradeable scratch. Prices start at £100 A bit much, perhaps, but is it really possible to put a price on gits from the patron saint of all that's good and right? I thought not. So stop whining about the cost and appreciate what she's sharing. and the collection goes on sale exclusively at matchesfashion.com on Monday 24th August. Get on the waiting list now. I'm on that list already. Are you?"

Angelina is not on Vanity Fair's Best Dressed list. Someone will pay!

Angelina Jolie has been dropped from the Best Dressed list, while her un-husband is on it. She was so sure that all that flying around and wearing shawls at refugee camps would guarantee her a life-time spot on the list. And that it looks like Kelly Ripa took her spot, has got to smart. Here are the winners. I have absolutely no idea who most of them are.

WOMEN: Princess Letizia of Asturias, Chiara Clemente, Penelope Cruz, Kathy Preston, Agnes Gund, Alicia Keys, Sheikha Mozah of Quatar, Kelly Ripa, Lizzie Tisch.
MEN: Tiki Barber, Arpad Busson, Daniel Craig, Matteo Marzotto, Barack Obama, Ogden Phipp II, Brad Pit, Rod Rogers, Alejandro Santo Domingo, Cy Twombly
ORIGINALS: Duchess of Alba (for about two seconds, this was the happiest day of Jessica Alba's life. Then she realized her mistake), Peter Beard, Nicky Haslam, Ike Ude, Bruce Weber.

There are more categories, but you're going to have to look them up yourselves. I don;'t have time to type them up. Short work weeks wreck havoc with my carefully worked-out schedule and I'm already way behind on my work. Damn you, Simcoe.