Sad fat cat

Via The Daily Mail.

Image of Jesus appears on The Bachelor

Never mind your french toast, your Walmart receipts or your frying pan. This lady saw Jesus on The Bachelor. I've only seen creepy kisses and drunken declarations of devotion on that show, so I obviously haven't been looking hard enough.

What's in my mouth? Gauze?

Earlier we had a happy, happy video of a young man getting some awesome drugs at a hospital. This here is a bit more subdued but way funnier. Via The Daily What.

Best. Drugs. Ever

The upside of having your arm re-broken so it can get set properly ...

Via Buzzfeed.

Worst thing ever. Today

There is not enough drugs in the world to begin to deal with this. Via The Daily What.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone walk into a hospital

No, this is not a photo from a movie about two fun-loving, yet rightous, retired guns-for-hire who injure themselves in a massive car pile-up on the way to rescue the woman they both loved 35 years ago. According to Arnold's Whosay, what happened is this:

After all the action, stunts & physical abuse shooting The Expendables 2 and The Last Stand, it was time for a little tune up on my shoulder. Look who was coincidentally waiting in line behind me for his shoulder surgery. Now we're ready for another round of great times and action when we shoot The Tomb. #greattobeback

Details from Demi Moore 911 call

Smoking something "simillar to incense?" I know that it's been a while since I've been near illicit drugs I've never been near illicit drugs, but is that a thing?

People has this: "Demi Moore was having convulsions and "burning up" at her Los Angeles home after she smoked an unknown substance, according to a 911 call tape released Friday. "She smoked something. It's not marijuana, but it's similar to it. It's similar to incense," said a female caller. "She seems to be having convulsions of some sort." The caller adds, "She's semi-conscious, barely. She's convulsing. She's shaking, convulsing, burning up." Moore, 49, was rushed to a local hospital shortly after the call on Monday night."

You can listen to the audio at TMZ. Also from TMZ, this account of Demi's Red Bull addiction. I've had exactly two mouthfuls of Red Bull in my life. It tastes like chalky grime. How can you live on that? "Demi Moore was obsessively drinking Red Bull in weeks preceding her 911 emergency, but we've learned her addiction to Red Bull is a decade old. Moore - a recovering addict - had cases and cases of Red Bull delivered to her home as early as 2002. Sources connected with Red Bull North America tell us ... Demi was so dependent on the energy drink, the company used her to market the product. Sources from the Red Bull company tell us ... the delivery schedule was frequent enough to ensure Demi was never without Red Bull. The Sun published a story today reporting ... in the months before Demi was hospitalized ... she was using Red Bull in place of food. Our sources say ... two weeks before Demi was hospitalized, she went to a Hollywood party and consumed a massive amount of Red Bull ... but never touched alcohol."

 

Demi Moore updates

So, what's going on with Demi Moore and her various afflictions? According to all kinds of unreliable reports, this is what's happening:

Replaced by Mary Louise Parker "The show must go on without Demi Moore in Lovelace - and Mary Louise Parker is waiting in the wings. Amidst an emotional and medical crisis, Moore, 49, canceled plans to play feminist legend Gloria Steinem in the porn biopic earlier this week. Now, a source confirms exclusively to Us Weekly that Weeds actress Parker, 47, will step in for the small role. Currently shooting in Los Angeles, Lovelace stars Amanda Seyfried as 70s porn superstar Linda Lovelace; Seyfried herself stepped into the talked-about lead part after Lindsay Lohan was forced to drop out thanks to her legal woes."

Adderall is delicious and a great nutritional supplement. Radaronline has this: "Demi Moore will be seeking treatment for anorexia and her substance abuse addictions, and RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned that Adderall is the prescription drugs that she uses. “Demi has been taking Adderall and drinking energy drinks and starving herself and those are some of the serious causes that led her to collapse on Monday night,” a source close to the actress said. As RadarOnline.com previously reported, Demi had an epileptic seizure before being rushed to the hospital and she is currently seeking treatment for anorexia. “The pills and starvation destroyed Demi and this has been a problem for about a year,” the source said about her tragic situation. “She’s constantly jacked up on Adderall and combining that with not eating accounts for her loopy behavior and anorexic body frame.  She literally refuses to eat any food.” 2010 was a tough year for Demi, with her husband Ashton Kutcher cheating on her with a woman half her age, and this has taken a toll on the Charlie’s Angels star, causing her to seek help for her problems. Her publicist said that Demi was getting help “to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health,” and the source said there are many reasons why Demi is having so many problems. “She’s depressed over her career and coupled with the stress and heartbreak over the split, all of this emotional turmoil in totality has taken a serious physical toll on her body.” When asked for comment, Demi’s rep told RadarOnline.com: “No information beyond our statement.”

Soon we can enjoy the 9-1-1 call. That's so exciting. What? Kill joy officials are censored parts of it? LA Times: "L.A. officials plan to release an edited recording of a 911 call made from Demi Moore's home Monday after removing any personal information about her medical condition and medications. The Los Angeles City Attorney's office has recommended to the Los Angeles Fire Department that certain portions be deleted to comply with federal medical privacy laws. "We've reviewed the 911 tape and we have made recomendations," said Frank Mateljan, spokesman for the city attorney. Paramedics rushed to Moore's home near Benedict Canyon on Monday night. They treated her and took her to a hospital, according to sources."

But what does Ashton think? He's apparently all kinds of concerned, which is very helpful. People: "His active Twitter page has gone silent about Demi Moore and he's been partying in Brazil, but a source insists that Ashton Kutcher's actions – and inactions – are not what they may seem. "Ashton is deeply concerned for Demi," says the source, noting Kutcher was in Brazil to work on an ad campaign when he heard about Moore's hospitalization. "He still cares about her and wants the best for her. But their marriage is ending and they are both moving on with their lives." Kutcher, 33, and Moore, 49, announced in November that they were divorcing after six years of marriage, and friends of the actress have since worried about her signs of mounting stress and declining health. During Moore's recent crisis, Kutcher was in the South American country to shoot a catalog for the Brazilian fashion brand Colcci. He also attended a show at Sao Paulo Fashion Week and stepped out with Brazilian celebrities. The Two and a Half Men star has continued to update his Twitter page, but has mentioned nothing about Moore. Instead, on Monday – the night paramedics responded to a 911 call at Moore's home after she suffered an apparent seizure – he Tweeted a picture of himself "surfing the streets of Sao Paulo" in the rain. The source says that Kutcher is now on his way back to Los Angeles and will be back at work on the set on Monday."

Things could always be worse

You could, for example, accidentally shoot a nail into your own brain and not notice it. This from the Chicago Tribune: "Gail Glaenzer often teased her accident-prone fiance, Dante Autullo, about their long engagement, joking that she wanted to marry before he hurt himself too badly. "I told him, I want to get married while your face is pretty for wedding pictures," she said. Neither Glaenzer nor Autullo thought anything of it when Autullo hit himself in the head with his nail gun while working in his Orland Park garage Tuesday and texted Glaenzer a quip with a picture of what he thought was a minor scratch on his head. Thursday morning, Autullo awoke at Advocate Christ Medical Center after surgery to remove a 3½-inch nail he accidentally shot into his brain some 36 hours earlier. "He got real close to his face," Glaenzer said Friday, finally able to joke about the situation. Autullo was awake and talking after the operation that removed the nail and replaced a contaminated piece of his skull with a patch of mesh and plate of titanium. Autullo is expected to leave the hospital this weekend with no lingering aftereffects. Damage to his brain tissue was minimal, and the father of four has showed no signs of loss of function, vision or memory, said Dr. Leslie Schaffer. The point of the nail entered cleanly without sending fragments of bone into the delicate tissue of the brain. The flat head of the nail kept it from penetrating too deeply and held it in place securely, just as if it had been driven into a two-by-four, Schaffer said. During a two-hour operation, he drilled two holes on opposite sides of the nail head and lifted out a small piece of bone with the nail stuck in it. The portion of the brain the nail struck, on the upper right side in the back of Autullo's head, controls some motor functions, but because he has so far showed no side effects, he probably won't, Schaffer said. "He might forget to take out the garbage or walk the dog, but who doesn't?" Schaffer joked."

AP Photo/Christ Medical Center & Hope Children's Hospital & AP Photo/M. Spencer Green

Time to dance

I know you've already given up on your New Year's resolutions, but if you still think you're going to lose weight, this video will help you get a great and varied workout. Also, is it my imagination, or do the girls have sholder pads in their t-shirts? From Everything is Terrible.