What's wrong with duct tape?

via Jezebel.

Incompetent criminals tried to rip off Ricky Gervais

From The Daily Mail:

"Fraudsters transferred more than £200,000 from Ricky Gervais's bank account in a scam to buy gold bullion, the comedian revealed today. But the thieves were caught when they used a fake passport - complete with a photo of Gervais playing David Brent that had been cut from an Office DVD - to pick up the precious metal. The criminals used bank insiders to access the star's account details and ordered the bullion in his name. Gervais was only alerted to the attempted theft by bank staff, who asked for permission to involve police in the case. Once the gang were caught, the TV star was contacted by a police officer. Mr Gervais, 48, said: 'How did they think they were going to get away with it? 'The policeman said, "They normally get a passport from either a dead man or steal one and replace it with your details and your picture". 'The CID man started smirking, so I went, "What?" and he showed me this passport. 'I tell you what, we were laughing for ten minutes. 'All they did was cut out the picture on the first series of The Office DVD. So it's a picture of David Brent sitting at a desk with that little smug look on his face. 'Can you imagine who was in charge of getting the photo? '"Dave, you're doing so and so. Julie, you're on the inside. Bertie - can you get a picture? '"What are you going to HMV for?"' Gervais revealed details of the ruse - which took place several years ago - for the first time in his Law & Order podcast, which goes on sale tomorrow. The millionaire star, who got his money back, didn't appear in court to see the frausters jailed."

Reason number 592 that scientists need to read more science fiction

The Independent has this:

"Scientists say they've made a breakthrough in their pursuit of computers that "think" like a living thing's brain - an effort that tests the limits of technology. Even the world's most powerful supercomputers can't replicate basic aspects of the human mind. The machines can't imagine a wall painted a different colour, for instance, or picture a person's face and connect that to an emotion. If researchers can make computers operate more like a brain thinks - by reasoning and dealing with abstractions, among other things - they could unleash tremendous insights in such diverse fields as medicine and economics. And also enslave us all to use our livers as a power source. A computer with the power of a human brain is not yet near. So they want you to believe. But this week researchers from IBM are reporting that they've simulated a cat's cerebral cortex, the thinking part of the brain, using a massive supercomputer. The computer has 147,456 processors (most modern PCs have just one or two processors) and 144 terabytes of main memory - 100,000 times as much as your computer has. The scientists had previously simulated 40 per cent of a mouse's brain in 2006, a rat's full brain in 2007, and 1 per cent of a human's cerebral cortex this year, using progressively bigger supercomputers. The latest feat, being presented at a supercomputing conference in Portland, Oregon, doesn't mean the computer thinks like a cat, or that it is the progenitor of a race of robo-cats. So they want you to belive. The simulation, which runs 100 times slower than an actual cat's brain, is more about watching how thoughts are formed in the brain and how the roughly one billion neurons and 10 trillion synapses in a cat's brain work together."

If you want a science cat, this one makes more sense. And it's cuter than a robo-cat:

Giant hamster fail

Reason number 679 that scientists need to read more science fiction

"Scientists at Intel's research lab in Pittsburgh are working to find ways to read and harness human brain waves so they can be used to operate computers, television sets and cell phones. The brain waves would be harnessed with Intel-developed sensors implanted in people's brains . . . "We're trying to prove you can do interesting things with brain waves," said [Intel research scientist Dean] Pomerleau. "Eventually people may be willing to be more committed ... to brain implants. Imagine being able to surf the Web with the power of your thoughts." via io9.com.

One Couples Retreat poster is not like the other

  Can you spot the difference? Yes, that's right. The British version of the alleged comedy appears to have lost the black couple. Where did they go? Did they come to their senses and decide that standing around in water like that looks weird and goofy? No? According to The Mail on Sunday, "A spokesman for makers Universal Pictures confirmed the poster had been changed to ‘simplify’ it for the UK and international market outside America. The studio said it regretted causing offence and has abandoned plans to use the revised poster in other countries."

Really, Volvo? Really?

Need some time off work?

Here's an excellent instructional video on how to catch the flu. Don't worry about it being in French. Snot jokes need no words. (Thank you, John).

Cruella van Creeperson tortures bunny rabbit

Sometimes glee is not a good thing.

via Buzzfeed.

Jon Gosselin doing yoga? Just as unattractive as Jon Gosselin not doing yoga

For some weird reason Us online has a series of photos of Jon Gosselin practicing yoga. I can't imagine why. Oh, wait, here's an explanation: "The latest stop on his quest for inner peace was a yoga studio at a Los Angeles hotel Nov. 5. As exclusive photos show, the 32-year-old reality star - in shorts and a tattoo-revealing tank top - tried out basic poses, stretches and breathing and meditation exercises. Yoga may help the embattled star "find balance in his life," Michelle Demus, Programming Director at Manhattan's Pure Yoga, tells Us." Sorry. It still makes no sense.