Worst Valentine's Day presents ever

It may be too late for this year, but it's never too late to start planning for 2013 (the 2012 end of the world is no excuse for slacking). So, check out Instructables to learn how to make your own beef jerky underwear. because nothing says love like, "gnaw on my drawers."

"But," you say, "I'm a vegetarian." Well, how about some lovely 'heart-shaped" rocks from Etsy?

Via Regretsy.

Okay, fine. You're not into rocks or to giving rocks. Do I have the suggestion of a lifetime for you? (Spoiler: No, I really don't). How about some Twilight Wolf Pack Packing Tape? Your sweetie will be amazed and taken aback.

No? Okay, fine. Just go with a card then. (Via Vulture)

Game of Thrones Valentine's Day cards

If you're like me, you haven't bought any Valentine's Day presents, cards or flowers. And now you're feeling all kinds of panicky. Fear not. If your sweetie is Game Of Thrones fan (and, really, could you stand being with him/her if he/she wasn't?) he/she will be thrilled and excited to receive one of these cards by Chris Bishop. Via Collider.

Creepiest sounds ever. Today

Yes, it could be that the sounds stem from the ice moving. But it's much more likely that the Kraken is just about to be released from the Black Sea. Via The Daily What.

Giant, creepy queen may scare you

Here is a float being prepared for the upcoming carnival in Nice. I sure hope they give her a skirt. (REUTERS/Eric Gaillard).

 

Groundhog Day explained

I guess I was completely wrong earlier this morning when I tried to explains the whole rodent-see-its-shadow thing. So sorry. (Via The Daily What).

Time to buy your Valentine's Day cards

And there's no better place for romance and whimsy than The Oatmeal. Here are a couple of the less profane ones.

 

Oscar nominations

BEST MOVIE:

War Horse
Moneyball
The Artist
The Descendants
The Tree of Life
Midnight in Paris
The Help
Hugo
Extremely Loud, Incredibly Close

So, okay. Yay! for the awesome old dudes in the supporting actor category. And for Melissa McCarthy! And go Canada! But what happened to Tintin? And Drive? And Charlize Theron? And no love for Ryan Gosling, who, let's be honest, needs to be nominated just for being Ryan Gosling.

BEST ACTOR
Demian Bichir - A Better Life
George Clooney - The Descendants
Brad Pitt - Moneyball
Jean Dujardin - The Artist
Gary Oldman - Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

BEST ACTRESS
Rooney Mara - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Viola Davis - The Help
Meryl Streep - The Iron Lady
Michelle Williams - My Week With Marilyn
Glenn Close - Albert Nobbs

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Christopher Plummer - Beginners
Max von Sydow - Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Kenneth Branagh- My Week With Marilyn
Nick Nolte - Warrior
Jonah Hill - Moneyball

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Melissa McCarthy - Bridesmaids
Octavia Spencer - The Help
Berenice Bejo - The Artist
Jessica Chastain - The Help
Janet McTeer - Albert Nobbs

DIRECTOR
Michel Hazanavicius - The Artist
Alexander Payne - The Descendants
Martin Scorsese - Hugo
Woody Allen- Midnight in Paris
Terrence Malick - The Tree of Life

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
The Ides of March
The Descendants
Moneyball
Hugo
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Margin Call
The Artist
Bridesmaids
A Separation
Midnight in Paris

BEST FOREIGN
Belgium - Bullhead
Israel - Footnote
Poland - In Darkness
Canada - Monsieur Lazhar
Iran - A Separation

ANIMATED MOVIE
A Cat in Paris
Chico and Rita
Kung Fu Panda 2
Rango
Puss in Boots

MUSIC - SCORE
The Adventures of Tintin - John Williams
The Artist - Ludovic Bource
Hugo - Howard Shore
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy - Alberto Iglesias
War Horse - John Williams

MUSIC - SONG
“Man or Muppet” from “The Muppets” Music and Lyric by Bret McKenzie
“Real in Rio” from “Rio” Music by Sergio Mendes and Carlinhos Brown Lyric by Siedah Garrett

Report: Angelina buys Brad a waterfall for Christmas

Just one of the many, many ways their lives are not like ours. (For Christmas this year, for example, the sweetie and I shared the purchase of a new stove. I know. Exciting). Page Six has this:

"Angelina Jolie must have had a hard time putting a bow on her Christmas present for Brad Pitt. The "Land of Blood and Honey" director gifted her longtime partner with a waterfall in California, as well as its surrounding land. Sources say that the gift, given for the holidays as well as for Pitt's 48th birthday, was meant to invoke Frank Lloyd Wright's classic house, Fallingwater. Pitt and Jolie visited the 1935 home, built over a waterfall, in 2006. Pitt allegedly had been itching to see it ever since reading about it in an architectural history class in college. "Brad has always loved Fallingwater and his first trip there was unforgettable," a source told The Daily Mail. "Angelina wanted to get him something incredibly special and, because she knows how much he loves architecture, she thought this would be perfect." According to the source, the idea is for Pitt to design a home to sit on the property."

Oooh, this is a perfect excuse to remind you of the excellent Tumblr, Selleck Waterfall Sandwich. There is - BONUS-TIME! - even one of Fallingwater. Sometimes things just converge and come together. It's a beautiful time we live in:

The annual list of banned words

Lake Superior State University has been playing language police for 37 years now. Here is the new list of Words Banished from the Queen's English for Misuse, Overuse and General Uselessness.

*Amazing
*Baby Bump
*Shared Sacrifice
*Occupy
*Blowback
*Man Cave
*The New Normal
*Pet Parent
*Win The Future
*Trickeration
*Ginormous
*Thank You In Advance

Let's use them all one last time, shall we ... "Thank you in advance, asshat. You just go ahead and occupy your damned man cave while I deal with the ginormous baby bump and act as an amazing pet parent to your frakking dog. I guess this is the new normal since you decided to win the future with your no-good, stupid trickerations. What happened to shared sacrifice? Why don't you consider that carefully while waiting for the blowback?"

New Year's greeting from Teddy the Noisy Porcupine