Jessica Simpson finally gives birth

It seems she's been pregnant for approximately ever, but as of today it's finally over and the tabloids can start speculating on when she'll get married. People says, "Jessica Simpson is a mom! The star and her fiancé Eric Johnson welcomed daughter Maxwell Drew Johnson on May 1, she announced on her website. "Eric and I are elated to announce the birth of our baby girl, Maxwell Drew Johnson," she wrote. "We are grateful for all the love, support and prayers we have received. This has been the greatest experience of our lives!!" The baby weighed in at 9 lbs. 13 oz. – and was 21¾ inches long. Simpson announced her pregnancy on Halloween, posting a picture of herself on Twitter dressed as a mummy and cradling her belly. "It's true – I'm going to be a mummy," she wrote."

Victoria Beckham forgets to put child in car, drives away

I don't know why everyone is so upset over this. It's not like she doesn't have three other children. Give her a break. When you eat nothing but mixed air and dried carrot seeds it sometimes impairs one's memory. The Daily Mail has this:

"In the playground, you often see mothers still in their rollers or with a cornflake hanging onto the corner of their mouth. But usually through the morning haze, they have remembered their child. However, busy mum Victoria Beckham accidentally drove off without 13-year-old son Brooklyn as she set off on the school run in Los Angeles. Having to juggle her fashion career, as well as four children - one of whom still needs feeding and carrying everywhere - proved too much for Victoria. The mother-of-four confessed: 'I jumped in my Range Rover, put the car seat in (for daughter Harper), put my iPod on and drove to school. And then I realised I’d left Brooklyn in the kitchen! I was driving along, talking away, and all of a sudden, I looked down at the seat, and I was like: "S**t! S**t! I’ve forgot something."' The singer-turned-designer confessed to Vanity Fair she felt like an 'idiot' and blamed the incident on being in a rush. She added: 'Harper was in the car, I was in the car, and we were on the way to school – but we did not have the child who needed to go to school. I got down the road, and literally had to turn and drive straight back.'"

Pic via The Chive.

Beyoncé says her pregnancy was totally real and not at all fake

You've heard the rumours. While Beyoncé was carrying the most special child in her very own womb, evil and mean and devious people who were full of jealosy and badness, suggested that all she was carrying was a nice, soft pillow or a specially made water balloon. I know. So sad what people will stoop to. I personally to stayed away from that trashy talk because I live in abject fear of getting sued I have standards (spoiler: I really don't). And now Beyoncé herself is finally putting those rumours to rest with the ever-selfless help of People Magazine.

"From the moment she stepped into the spotlight, Beyoncé has been at the center of her fair share of rumors. But even People’s 2012 Most Beautiful Woman was caught off guard when, while pregnant with her first child, whispers started swirling that she and husband Jay-Z had settled on a surrogate to carry their daughter. “That was crazy. It wasn’t hurtful, it was just crazy,” WELL-KNOWN FACT: SAYING SOMETHING IS CRAZY TWICE, MAKES IT TWICE AS TRUE the songstress, 30, tells People. “[I thought] ‘Where did they come up with this?’” But perhaps the person most affected by the surrogacy speculation was not the expectant mom herself, but rather her own mother, Tina Knowles. “I thought it was very unfair and very cruel that someone would think that someone would be that diabolical to keep up a charade like that for nine months,” she says. ”As a mother it was painful for me to hear the crazy rumors. And I even had people ask me, which was so ridiculous.” Alluding to an Australian interview in which it was later suggested that Beyoncé had been sporting a prosthetic bump, Knowles says, “It was a fabric that folded — does fabric not fold? Oh my gosh, so stupid.” Fortunately, the protective mom adds, her daughter’s global fan following offered plenty of support. “There was so much love and well wishes from all over the world — it made it easier to deal with the stupid rumors.” But the dust didn’t settle once the couple welcomed their baby girl. Amidst the joy of welcoming Blue Ivy on Jan. 7, the new parents were said to have upset the hospital with their high list of security demands — a rumor that Beyoncé clarifies is “so crazy” and “ridiculous. I MEAN EVERYBODY BRINGS THEIR OWN GOLD-PLATED BIRTHING THRONE, 12-PERSON PRIVATE MILITIA AND STATE-OF-THE-ART DECONTAMINATION TENT TO THE HOSPITAL.”

Jason Merritt/Getty Images file photo

Never mind Octomom. Mexican woman is expecting nine babies

Thor protect us. Here's someone else who went a bit off the rails with the fertility treatments. TMZ has this:

"Adios OctoMom ... 'cause there's a lady in Mexico who's reportedly pregnant with NINE KIDS!!!! According to reports, NueveMom has been identified as Karla Vanessa Perez ... who's one month away from giving birth to 6 girls and 3 boys. Just like Nadya Suleman, NueveMom reportedly had fertility treatments leading up to the multiple pregnancy. NueveMom told Mexico's Notimex news agency, "It's very early to think of names for the babies ... first I hope that everything goes well." So far, it's unclear if Perez is married ... rich ... sane, etc."

Pic via Daily Kitten.

Katie Holmes pregnant again. Allegedly

Hmmmm ... the only reason I'm sorta inclined to believe this baby story is that last time Star Magazine told a big lie about Katie Holmes, they got sued for $50 million and had to print an apology on the cover.

Haven't read the story, yet, so I don't know what "What Tom's demanding from her" could possibly refer to. Does she have to pay a fee for his DNA?

Cover via Celebrity Chatta.

Trailer for What to Expect when You're Expecting

I'm going to refrain from giving my opinion on this. Mostly because I try to avoid banging my head into my desk in order to stop myself from scratching my eyes out.

Snooki's spawn gets a tabloid cover

If you're excited about Snooki, babies, extreme air-brushing, paid interviews and unbelievably ugly necklaces, this week's cover of Us is for you. I'm interested in none of those things. I REALLY want to know about Rob's secret texts to Katy, though. Damn you, Rob. Why do want to make your vampire wife cry?

"Time to fist-pump for a little guido or guidette-to-be! After weeks of rumors, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi confirms exclusively in the new Us Weekly that she is 15 weeks pregnant - and engaged to the father, beau of one and a half years Jionni LaValle. And the Jersey Shore star and LaValle, both 24, know just what detractors are thinking, they tell Us. "I have different priorities now," reformed party girl Snooki says. "I don't care what anybody else thinks. As long as I know I'm ready and he's ready." Adds LaValle: "We are not going to screw this up." The once pouf-haired star and LaValle discovered the news "right after New Year's," she said. Snooki's first thought? "'S--t, I've been drinking!' I was worried. It was New Year's Eve and we were in Vegas, so I did go crazy." she admits."

And while we're on the subject of womb contents, here is Jessica Simpson doing the nekkid thing on the cover of Elle. And, yes, she's having a girl. Please adjust your lives accordingly.

And then there's this:

Hilary Duff's Pregnancy Secrets from Hilary Duff

Meet the 'tree lobster'

Not to suggest that extinction would ever be a good thing, but when an insect is so big it gets nicknamed "tree lobster" it's perhaps not something one would want to keep around. Here is footage of the Lord Howe Island Stick Insect hatching. The insect was presumed extinct for almost a century and now it's back. All slimy and super-slimy. Via The Daily What.

Lord Howe Island Stick Insect hatching from Zoos Victoria on Vimeo.

Beyonce's baby pictures

Photos of the most special baby in the world have appeared on a tumblr called helloblueivycarter. She looks exactly like a baby.

And extra bonus points to her parents for not selling the photos to a tabloid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mariah Carey immediately countered with a new picture of her twins Monroe and Moroccan.

Robert Downey Jr. names new son Exton Elias

Firstly, People has this happy news: "It’s a boy for Robert Downey Jr.! Wife Susan delivered son Exton Elias Downey at 7:24 a.m. on Tuesday, Feb. 7 in Los Angeles, his rep confirms. “Everyone is healthy and they couldn’t be happier,” a friend of the couple says. Baby boy weighs in at 7 lbs., 5 oz., is 20 inches long and joins big brother Indio, 18, Downey’s son from his previous marriage."

Secondly, Exton (not Elton, not Exxon, not Sexton) appears to be a popular town name. There is one in Pennsylvania and several in the UK. Exton is also an Italian shoe brand. So. Your guess is as good as mine.

And now it's, of course, time for this: