Charlie Sheen is making $7 million off his live shows

Here's a wonderful story to cheer you up during your dreary day in your dreary job as you prepare for a dreary weekend with your dreary family. From TMZ:

"Charlie Sheen will make $7 million dollars on his "Charlie Sheen LIVE: My Violent Torpedo of Truth" tour ... TMZ has learned. Sources connected with the concert tour tell us ... the deal is for Charlie to perform on 21 dates. He'll get 85% of the profits, with Live Nation getting the remaining 15%.  Charlie's cut is projected to average between $250,000 - $275,000 for each show. And there's more ... Charlie will get additional $$$ for after-parties and merchandising with 200,000 pieces of merchandise already shipped out for the show. In all, we're told Charlie will pull in $7 million in a month. The show will last 1 hour and 15 minutes.  It's essentially Charlie doing comedy in a chair, so the overhead is minimal. And since the shows are selling out off of Charlie's Twitter, there are no advertising costs."

And, BTW, if you want to contribute to Charlie's take, his tour of whatever rolls into Massey Hall April 14.

Charlie Sheen ... Blah blah ... Whatevs

The king of Krazyland officially lost his job due to "moral turpitude" yesterday. I love that phrase. Moral turpitude. It's like turpentine, only worse-smelling. People has the story. (BTW, question for everyone who are ordering Charlie t-shirts: How are those shirts still going to be funny in six weeks when they finally arrive?)

"In page after page of damning language, the producers of Two of and Half Men justify firing Charlie Sheen by painting the actor as a self-destructive, sick addict who's deteriorating mentally and physically while scorning those who have tried to help him. In an unusually personal appeal, an attorney for Warner Bros. Television tells the actor's lawyer in a letter that those close to the star should "focus your energies on what no one so far has been able to do: get your client the sustained, rigorous and effective treatment he so urgently needs. "It is clear that [Sheen] has no intention of agreeing to the intensive evaluation and treatment that his condition requires," says the letter. "It is also clear he does not believe he has a problem and that he will continue to conduct himself in a destructive manner." The letter was first obtained by TMZ and its authenticity was verified to People by sources close to the show. The 11-page letter from Warner Bros. Television counsel John Spiegel to Sheen's lawyer Marty Singer is accompanied by 10 pages of links from People.com and other media outlets reporting on Sheen's recent statements and behavior. Warner Bros. Television produces Two and a Half Men, which is broadcast on CBS. "At the outset," begins Spiegel, "let us state the obvious: Your client has been engaged in dangerously self-destructive behavior and appears to be very ill." The letter goes on to describe what producers characterize as one attempt after another to help Sheen, 45, by visiting his home, reaching out to his family, giving him time off and even making a private plane available to take him to rehab after his most recent highly publicized partying ended with the actor in the hospital. "Regrettably, Mr. Sheen failed to continue with his rehabilitation program," says the letter. "The result has been a series of well-chronicled and increasingly erratic outbursts that have culminated with Mr. Sheen's public tirades of the last few weeks." Along the way, Sheen noticeably has lost weight, missed rehearsals, flubbed his lines and made "inflammatory comments" – mostly directed at the show's co-creator Chuck Lorre – that were "poisoning key working relationships." The star's behavior, characterized in the legal jargon of "felony offenses involving moral turpitude," combined with his missed work, physical change and other alleged transgressions, forced Warner Bros. Television to fire Sheen, the letter says. Sheen's lawyer Singer responded by calling the termination an "absurd and ridiculous" retaliation against Sheen for daring to criticize Lorre, a powerful figure at CBS. "We feel this is nothing more than Lorre flexing his muscles," says Singer, "and we intend to respond accordingly."

But fear not. Charlie has a plan From Deadline: 'Charlie Sheen seems to following closely Conan O'Brien's playbook. After joining Twitter shortly after CBS pulled the plug on his show Two and a Half Men the way Conan did after he exited NBC's The Tonight Show, Sheen may also be considering going on tour like the red-haired comedian. According to Radaronline, the reason Sheen was at the headquartersof live-event company Live Nation today was not just to be photographed perched on its roof brandishing a machete and drinking "tiger blood" but to discuss doing a live show. That is one way to sell those 50,000 Winning T-Shirts he had reportedly ordered."

But wait. There's more TMZ: "Charlie Sheen's people claim ... if Warner Bros. replaces Charlie Sheen and keeps producing "Two and a Half Men" - Charlie keeps drawing a paycheck. Sources connected with Charlie tell us ... Charlie has what they call a "Michael J. Fox" clause in his contract.  When Fox was doing "Spin City," his contract provided that he would keep getting paid as long as the show was in production, even if he left the show.  Ironically, when Charlie took over for Michael, Michael kept drawing his salary. Sources say when Charlie signed on for "Two and a Half Men" ... the original contract provided an identical clause, so Charlie's people believe Warner Bros. is on the hook if they keep producing the show. Here's the rub.  Warner Bros. claims they fired Charlie for cause, nullifying the contract. These are the battles that keep lawyers employed."

I see what you did there, evil scientists

You disguised your robot as a fluffy seal pup in a sinister effort to lull us into a false sense of security. While you practice your evil laugh in an undisclosed location you want us all to be charmed by your creation so that when 10,000 fluffy seal robots come marching down the street, we won't notice that they're throwing hand grenades rather than basketballs. Clever. Once the robot apocalypse is over, I sincerely hope you'll be enjoying the taste of dirt, rocks, charred bones and stale hubris.

Via The Daily What.

One of Charlie's sister wives speak

But what does former porn star Bree Olsen think of what's going on? People is on the case:

"Say what you will about Charlie Sheen's unconventional home life with his two girlfriends, but his "Goddesses," as he calls them, wouldn't have it any other way. "I've always felt that a man should be able to be with as many women as he likes. It's a tradition in my family, going back to olden times and stuff," says Rachel Oberlin, 24, one of Sheen's two live-in girlfriends. "I've never had the opportunity to share that with any man before because, honestly, I don't think I've ever been with a man who was even deserving of that. Or could buy me cars and cute outfits." "Charlie," she continues, "is a great man and he can provide the lifestyle to accommodate a relationship such as what the three of us have. He has totally taken me aback by what a wonderful person he is, how open and honest he is." But do Oberlin and Sheen's other girlfriend, Natalie Kenly, 24, ever find themselves vying for the star's affection? Nope, insists Oberlin. "[Henly] is totally chill and I'm totally chill and we're two completely different people," she says. "We connect with Charlie in different ways I'm very good at getting money for having big breasts and Henly is really good at getting money for opening beer bottles with her teeth, so there's nothing really there to compete for. We're all pieces of a puzzle that fit together." Although Sheen, 45, is entangled in a custody battle with his estranged wife Brooke Mueller over their nearly 2-year-old twin boys, Max and Bob, the Goddesses have had no qualms about helping Sheen take care of the kids. "I adore them," says Oberlin, a former porn star whose screen name was Bree Olsen. "I'm just a really loving, passionate, compassionate person. My heart just goes out to children. I was playing with the boys [on Monday], and I was holding little Bob and I just didn't want to let him go. It was so cute." Not little Bob, mind you. "It." The situation. The tableau, as it where. As for Sheen, he sees little wrong with The Goddesses playing a role in the lives of the twins. "If I feel totally comfortable and there's nothing but love and support and compassion and all things good, then I see nothing wrong," says Sheen of his unique domestic arrangement. "Who has a better vote at the end of the day than their father? I know! I know! I can answer this one! Child Protective Services!"

Proud parents are very proud

According to the National Enquirer, "Whitney Houston's teenage daughter is hopelessly addicted to cocaine and alcohol, sources say - and family and firends fear that if she doesn't get help soon, she'll die."

 

Scan via Jezebel.

So, like, what's up with Charlie Sheen this morning?

Just a quick round-up. Won't hurt a bit. Just relax and let it happen.

Ex demands goddess drug tests "Brooke Mueller is instructing her lawyers to formally request that Charlie Sheen's "goddesses" submit to drug tests when he is given access to their children again, a source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com exclusively. "Brooke doesn't want the girlfriends around her sons," the source said. "One is a porn star, and the other is a marijuana magazine cover model. Brooke is seeking to control who is around the boys when Charlie has custodial time with them." Sheen lives with retired porn star Bree Olson and Natalie Kenly, dubbing them "the goddesses" and giving America a glimpse into his life with them during various interviews. Mueller taking aim at the women Sheen calls his "family" is sure to escalate their fierce battle. RadarOnline.com was with Sheen Tuesday night at his Mulholland Estates mansion as he complied with a court order to hand twin boys Max and Bob to Brooke. Los Angeles police were on the scene in "stand by" capacity. admitted to having a relapse recently and has been sober for a week while working on her recovery, a source close to the situation told RadarOnline.com exclusively. Sheen and Mueller's war went supernova this week as she obtained a temporary restraining order against the actor, accused him of threatening to behead her, sending an anti-Semitic text message and questioned his sanity. Sheen fired back and told RadarOnline.com that Mueller was back on drugs and supplied photos he said proved it."

25 Hours and 17 minutes to a million "It's a known fact that the Guinness World Records logs milestones for every esoteric achievement known to man. So with Charlie Sheen "high" on the drug he calls "Charlie Sheen," it was not inconceivable that he would "score" the coveted honor for the "Fastest Time to Reach 1 Million Followers" on Twitter ever." Inventor Spot.

Don't bleep with the warlocks "A coven of real-life warlocks are BOILING at Charlie Sheen -- claiming the actor's constant use of the W-word is disrespectful to the entire male-witch community ... TMZ has learned. After Sheen declared himself a "Vatican assassin warlock" during a radio interview last week ... an actual, practicing warlock from Salem's Coven of the Raven Moon in Salem, Massachusetts told us he's "fuming" over the statement because it's a "blatant offense against our ways."The warlock - named Christian Day - tells us he plans to take action against the actor ... not legal action - but magical action. Day explains, "I am going to magically bind Mr. Sheen, not to harm him, but to simply prevent him from using this word in such a negative manner in the future." Day continues, "If Mr. Sheen is open to it, our coven would be willing to perform a cleansing on both him, his home, and his career." So far, no word if Charlie will accept the offer."

And here, from Laughing Squid, the Pyramid of Greatness:

 

 

So, like, what's up with Charlie Sheen this morning?

If you thought last week was the week of Charlie Sheen over-exposure, welcome to this week where he's going to be on all kinds of TV shows. Of course, it's a bit more difficult to be super-crazy on TV than it is on uncensored talk radio, but I'm sure he'll find a way. Like here for example. (Best quote: "I have tiger blood and Adonis DNA").

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Finally! Someone tells the truth about Watson

Are you watching the Jeopardy man versus machine thing? It manages to be both incredibly boring and incredibly creepy at the same time.

Billy Ray Cyrus regrets Hannah Montana

It sounds like Billy Ray is taking a page from the Michael Lohan playbook and getting all weepy over his daughter's choices now that she's 18 and no longer under his and Disney's control.

The NY Post has this: "Country crooner Billy Ray Cyrus blames Disney's "Hannah Montana" for his daughter Miley Cyrus' issues, angrily saying "the damn show destroyed my family." And the residuals aren't as great as I was promised. Blaming publicists and Miley's handlers, Billy Ray gives an anguished interview in GQ's March issue, where he adds he wishes "Hannah Montana" never happened. "I hate to say it, but yes, I do. I'd take it back in a second," said Billy Ray, who is divorcing Miley's mother, Tish. Reflecting on Miley's controversial moments - including seductive photos on the Internet, pole-dancing at the Teen Choice Awards, and posing for Vanity Fair draped in a sheet which, surprisingly, didn't pay a cent - Cyrus says he should have been more strict, and accuses her handlers for going too far to promote her, and then using him as the fall guy. Little known fact: Being the fall guy doesn't pay very well. He tells GQ, "Every time the train went off the track . . . her people, or as they say in today's news, her handlers, every time they'd put [the blame on] me . . . I took it because I'm her daddy . . . OK, nail me to the cross. Which hurts and isn't very lucrative. I'm scared for her. She's got a lot of people around her that's putting her in a great deal of danger. I want to get her sheltered from the storm." Talking about Miley's 18th birthday party at LA bar Trousdale, he says, "You know why I didn't go? Because they were having it in a bar. And it was a cash bar. I mean, who has a cash bar, right? It was wrong. It was for 21 years old and up . . . all them people, they all wanted me to fly out and not first-class, let me tell you so that then when all the bad press came they could say, 'Daddy endorsed this stuff.' I started realizing I'm being used." Imagine that? Who would use another person for personal gain? Terrible Then photos surfaced of Miley smoking the legal herb salvia from a bong. Billy Ray, who gave the interview to GQ's Chris Heath five days after the photos emerged, says he hadn't spoken to Miley since, but confronted one of her handlers: "They told me it was none of my business." But he admits, "I should have said, 'Enough is enough - it's getting dangerous and somebody's going to get hurt' . . . Honestly, I didn't know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere." Cyrus described his communication with Miley as "good enough to know it could be a lot better." Her rep didn't get back to us."

Halle Berry custody update

This is quickly becoming the craziest, most interesting story of the week (well, you know, discounting Snowmageddon, the sled dog massacre, Australia's cyclone, Charlie Sheen's underpants area and that thing that's going on in Egypt).

(He said) from People: "Gabriel Aubry is responding for the first time to Halle Berry's claims that their 2½-year-old daughter Nahla may be unsafe in his care. "While Gabriel is disappointed in Halle’s decision to falsely malign him publicly and for her own purposes, he refuses to be pulled into her dispute over a canceled film production," a rep for the model, 34, said Tuesday in a statement to Access Hollywood. "Gabriel also refuses to air their issues in the press as he believes this may ultimately harm their daughter," So he's going to go ahead and do just that the statement continues. "The fact is that Gabriel is a caring father who shares custody of Nahla." On Monday, Berry’s rep issued a statement to People, stating that the Oscar winner, 44, had dropped out of her New Year's Eve film to focus on “custody issues” related to Nahla. "Halle has serious concerns for her daughter's well-being while in the care of her father for any extended period of time and is prepared to take all necessary steps to protect her," the actress's statement said."

(Someone who wants to be Halle's friend said) from TMZ: "A woman who dated Gabriel Aubry just before Halle Berry hooked up with him tells TMZ ... she warned Halle ... Gabriel was a money-grubbing dog who had a thing for very young women. Page Bogart - an investment banker -  tells TMZ, "Gabriel's entire motivation has always been money," adding, "I tried to warn Halle early on but I guess she didn't want to believe it." Page, who dated Gabriel five years ago, says he raged at her - accusing her of leaking unflattering information about him to the media  - and she gave us one of his voicemails to make her point. Page says she saw Halle at a Miami Beach golf club and told her all about Gabriel, to no avail. Page says she knows when Gabriel started dating Halle, "He had a few ... on the side," but Halle wouldn't hear about it."

(A bunch of people said) from People: "After splitting last April, Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry seemed determined to remain peaceful co-parents of their daughter Nahla, who will turn 3 in March. But tensions rose quickly, and now Nahla's parents are gearing up for a custody battle that's already turning nasty, with ugly accusations flying. "Once they broke up he became verbally threatening to Halle," Aubry's former friend and business partner Stephane Bibeau tells PEOPLE in this week's cover story. "He is a vindictive guy." And, obviously, so are you. Odd how that partnership didn't work out Bibeau and other sources close to Berry, 44, claim that Aubry, 35, has used a racial slur against her. "That's just unacceptable," a source close to the actress says. "The fact is that Gabriel is a caring father who shares custody of Nahla," according to a statement released by Aubry's rep Tuesday. Friends of the French-Canadian model – who filed court papers on Dec. 30, seeking formal recognition as Nahla's father and joint legal and physical custody – expressed support for him. "I never saw someone more dedicated to their child," a friend of Aubry's says. Adds a source close to Aubry: "From the beginning, Halle kind of had the upper hand because she was essentially supporting all of them for the most part. Maybe something he should have thought about before the whole baby thing Gabriel never liked how that felt. Their split was tough because they're both so involved in raising Nahla, and neither ever wanted to give that up."

(Exciting unnamed source said) from Radaronline: "The custody battle between Halle Berry and her baby daddy Gabriel Aubry is turning nasty with Aubry hiring lawyers in both California and Canada in a bid to win custody of their two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, Nahla, RadarOnline.com is reporting exclusively. Halle, 44, released a statement Monday claiming that she has "serious concerns for her daughter's well-being while in the care of her father for any extended period of time and is prepared to take all necessary steps to protect her." Gabriel, 35, is ready to fight and will seek sole custody of Nahla, a source close to the situation told RadarOnline.com exclusively. The source says that Candadian-born Gabriel has already consulted attorneys in both California and Canada, as Nahla has dual citizenship, and will actively be pursuing sole custody - something that was never his intention. "Halle has gone too far this time," the source tells RadarOnline.com. "Attacking Gabriel and accusing him of being an unfit father is totally below the belt and completely without merit. He's going to give as good as he gets. There's no way he is going to allow Halle to take his daughter away from him." Some of the weapons Gabriel is prepared to use in the battle include voicemails and emails from Halle – messages that do not show her in a flattering way. The messages show a mean and controlling side of Berry, according to the source, and there’s no way she would want the made public. Dear Easter Bunny, Baby Jesus and Wiarton Willie, let those tapes and emails be released. Thank you."